A/N: So. This movie (which I saw in a totally legal way, just sayin') ate my brain. Because Charles and Erik are freaking married. Srsly. And you do not LEAVE your husband when he gets shot, Erik you moron! Nor do you leave your brother, Raven! (I love their siblingness.) And I went on deviant art, and I think there was a comic about a food fight or something that inspired this, but I have no idea what it was called, or how I found it. Soooo…yeah. I would post a link if I had one.

Disclaimer: Oh, believe me, if I owned the X-Men franchise…the things we would see. Moar shirtless Logan, Married!Charles&Erik, Pyro and Iceman as a couple, Rogue having a bitchfight with Jean over Logan and winning, Moar Storm…these things may or may not end up being written by me. So yeah, my no owny.

Dinner with mutants was always interesting. There were food preferences-Alex absolutely detested mushrooms, Sean believed that vegetables would kill him, Hank got meat juice in his fur and was subsequently mocked by both Alex and Sean, and Raven would never stand for her beast to be teased.

Thus did Charles Xavier find himself ducking under a table to avoid a large glob of mashed potatoes splattering on his face.

And there were Sean's peas under here!

"Sean, Alex, stop throwing food!" He popped above the table. Sean had grabbed Hank's bloody steak and was waving around, pillow fight style. "Sean, get your hands off Hank's dinner!"

No response. Charles winced and rapidly wheeled backwards. It didn't stop a handful of peas hitting his cardigan.

"Raven, stop retaliating! And for God's sake improve your aim!" She barely glanced at him. Charles rubbed his forehead as a biscuit whizzed past. It was times like this where it was difficult to like teenagers. "Hank, don't-"

There was a roar, and Hank, his blue fur mottled with food stains, leapt across the table in an attempt to tackle Alex. Sean, luckily, saw it coming and pushed the blonde under the table. That only resulted in the ginger being clipped by a paw and crying out in pain, while Alex emerged on the other side of the table to grab Raven and shove her head into the gravy bowl.

"Alex, stop that no Raven don't do that karate thing to his leg…" Charles winced. Alex was now sprawled on the floor, and Beast had snagged the entire bowl of salad and was about to dump it on his head. Sean was whimpering and clutching his elbow. "Children!"

Nothing.

Erik, I need your help, I simply cannot handle these kids on my own! Charles projected. At least none of them were aiming at him. Being in a wheelchair greatly inhibited the ability to dodge.

"Aha! Now taste the wrath of Havock!" Crap. Alex, now greasy with dressing, had slithered away from Beast and clutched the butter. And Raven was about two seconds away from a kamikaze leap onto his back with the remnants of her tomato.

"What's going on here?" Total silence fell over the dining room. Raven froze, poised to leap. Alex gulped, and gripped the butter so tight it slipped from him and fell onto the floor. Hank seemed to become two sizes smaller. Sean's eyes grew wide with terror.

Erik's gaze slowly slid over the claw marks on the table, the food stains on the walls, carpet, and ceiling, and finally onto Charles. And the peas stuck to his arm.

"Have you been upsetting your mother?" Slowly, silverware rose around Erik. Knives, forks, spoons, all pointed at the trembling young mutants. Erik glared over them, daring one to speak up.

"Well…" Raven's voice came out as a squeak. "Alex and Sean were being immature, and…"

"And you deemed it appropriate to respond with a food fight." Erik's glower became darker. The eyes of the teenagers grew bigger. "I see."

This, Charles, is why we should transfer them all to one of your family's houses in Italy and visit only on weekends. Charles sighed.

Yes, but that's no way to run a school. Besides, he'd had a childhood like that. It wasn't much fun. Sean is hurt.

"Alex, you will go upstairs and cleanse yourself. As soon as you're presentable, I want you down here, with a mop and a bucket of suds, cleaning. The same goes for you, Raven. Hank, hose yourself off then get ready to help them. If there is even a hint of one of you not pitching in, the consequences shall be dire. Do I make myself clear?" Erik's tone was velvety, and possibly the scariest thing anyone there had ever heard.

"Yessir." They recited in unison.

"Sean, come with me to the infirmary. You'll be doing the dishes after I put something on that bruise." Sean sniffled and hurried to Charles's side. Charles sighed. "And no one is getting dessert tonight."

"What! But Dad made chocolate mousse!" Alex burst out. Erik eyeballed him. Alex went pale. "Nevermind."

"Charles and I will consume that, alone, without your help. When you have finished clearing up your ridiculous mess, everyone is to go their rooms and stay there." Raven raised a shaking hand.

"But we haven't actually eaten dinner."

"Well that's your own fault, isn't it? After all, Charles hasn't gotten to eat his dinner, I don't see why you're to be allowed yours. Now march." The hall emptied. Erik folded his arms and scowled as Charles shushed Sean and wheeled him off to the infirmary.

Some hours later

Knockknock. "Alex, open the door."

The door cracked open, and Alex squinted out. Then he opened it properly, flushing.

"Oh, hey Mom. Um, sorry about the whole fight and almost wreaking your table. I'm really, really, really sorry." Charles smiled in a tired sort of way.

"Of course we'd never send you back to jail, Alex. You know that." Alex shifted apologetically.

"I'm still sorry."

"I know." Charles lifted a covered plate and held it out. "Here's your dinner. I expect for all of it to be eaten, including the mushrooms. They're good for you."

"Yes Mom." Alex mumbled. Charles wheeled off to the next mutants room.

Some minutes later

"You're too nice to those kids." Erik grumbled. He shifted position to that his arm was more comfortably draped around Charles's shoulders. Charles sighed and settled against his shoulder.

"I couldn't just let them go hungry, and Alex felt terrible about it." Erik grunted. He doubtless felt it was justified. "It was only a little foodfight."

"Hmpf. Sean got hurt in that little fight."

"Yes, and Hank will be following him around apologizing for the next week, until Sean does something to anger him, at which point he'll go back to plotting how to kill him." Charles turned a page of his book. "They're sorry."

"They should understand consequences."

"They spent five hours scrubbing a room. They understand consequences perfectly well. Now shush, I'm almost at the part where Bilbo meets Smog." Erik grunted but shut up and went back to reading his book about medieval torture.

"Charles?" They both looked open. Raven was in the doorway of the library, looking little. Charles put his book down, and Erik decided that he would pay no attention to either of them.

"Yes?"

If Raven was a few years younger, she would've been toeing the rug. "Are you mad at me?"

"No, just a bit disappointed." Raven looked down and tightened her grip on her nightgown. Charles sighed. "Sean got hurt in that little altercation, and Beast ended up with even more stuck in his fur than before."

"I'm sorry." Raven shifted. "I didn't mean for it to get that far."

"You hurled a plate of biscuits at Alex's head, how did you not expect that to escalate?" Raven's face turned a darker shade of blue.

"Sorry."

"Come here." Charles moved so he was closer to Erik and lifted up the blanket they were sharing. "You can still have your bedtime story."

Raven's face lit up.

You're too lenient. Charles restrained the urge to roll his eyes as Raven wiggled into position at his side.

She likes her bedtime story, it's an important family tradition. Charles flipped back to the first chapter. "Is The Hobbit okay?"

"Mmmhmm." Charles began to read, and pretended to not notice that Erik had abandoned the torture book and was listening.

Around half an hour later

"She's asleep." muttered Charles. Erik blinked.

"Wait, are you stopping? But why are the dwarves there?"

"I'll read more of it tomorrow night."

"But…" Erik glowered at the book. "I'm really starting to like Gandalf."

"I'm sure you and his character have a deep connection." Charles yawned. "Pick up Raven for me?"

Erik got up and picked up the blue mutant. She was still asleep. With a flick of his hand, he moved Charles into the wheelchair. Charles had started carrying metal around in his pants just so that Erik could move him that way. It was a hell of a lot easier than dragging his legs around himself.

"I'll take her up to her room. Are the others sleeping?" Charles sent out a wave. Alex was sprawled on his bed dreaming about driving a tractor. Sean had fallen asleep with his feet on his pillow. Hank was fighting a losing battle to keep reading a paper about biochemistry, and he'd be gone in ten minutes.

"Yes. Don't forget to tuck her in!"

"I know Charles."

A mere fivish minutes later

"Erik at least let me get out of the chair first! Honestly, you're as impatient as the kids!"

A/N: I think this shall become a random series. Review please?