The Substitute Teacher

Chapter 17

xXx

After refusing to come down for dinner, or even having something to eat in his room, Ichigo kept sitting miserably on his bed, twirling an over-used paper tissue in his hands. He stared at the small crumpled up ball and then began to unfold it, the soft material all soggy from his tears. He wouldn't have done it with a tissue he'd blown his nose into because that would be just disgusting. But this, this was okay. It was the most he could do at the moment, as his mind was blank.

He felt like his brain had just shut down, after getting overloaded with emotions and memories, images of his sensei, his Renji...

Ichigo kept looking at his tissue. He liked the feel of the cold dampness against his fingers. The tissue was so fragile... Only one harder push with the tip of his finger, and it tore up. He guessed his heart was like that at the moment - all soggy and torn into shreds. He snorted humorlessly.

During those several hours after he'd broken up with Renji, he'd already forgotten about the fact that the tears kept running down his cheeks. It already felt normal; the wet, sticky feeling on his face, flowing down to his jaw and tickling his neck, or getting onto his lips. He wasn't even able to taste the salt in them anymore – he got so accustomed to it.

His nose was completely clogged up and it burned from the constant wiping. His eyes burned. His head was pulsing with pain. Every time he moved his eyes, he felt it in his forehead like everything was going to explode... Or implode. He couldn't decide.

Thankfully, the sobbing had stopped and he could breathe freely at least through his mouth, because he had already been on the verge of vomiting several times.

Taking a fresh tissue, he blew his nose and lied down on his bed, turning his back to the window; the street lights were making his headache worse. Not that this helped either, but it was at least something.

He blinked slowly, feeling like he was doped up with heavy medication. The day before, at this time, he had Renji. And now, that was gone.

The thought made him take a shivering breath, new hot tears soaking the pillow. There was nothing else he wanted more than to call Renji, run to his place and to just forget about everything. It hurt so much, knowing that there was no chance he could do it. But he had to keep Renji safe; he'd never forgive himself if the man he loved so much ended up in prison because of their relationship.

He just hoped Renji would forgive him one day.

xXx

When Ichigo next opened his eyes, it was already a new day. For a moment, his mind was blessedly blank. He then realized his head was still aching and everything came back. Forcing his tears back, Ichigo sat up and squeezed his eyes shut.

He was tired and hungry and probably dehydrated from all the crying. Thank God it was still weekend, so he won't have to face anyone but his dad and sisters, and he could deal with them. His dad knew when to shut up, Karin never butted in, and Yuzu was always supportive without asking too many questions.

So, he put on his sweatpants and a t-shirt, and dragged himself downstairs where his family was already having breakfast.

"You okay son?" Isshin stared at him with a worried expression.

"Eh."

"What happened yesterday? Should I be worried? Will the police come knocking at our door?"

Ichigo had to smile at that. "No. I just... I just..." He didn't know how to say it. Not even closely. He landed on the chair next to his dad's.

"Love troubles?"

Dammit. "...Yeah."

Isshin gave a heavy sigh, while the girls just looked at each other, took their plates and scrammed upstairs.

"Let's hear it then. While you think your dad's so cool and handsome, I got rejected and hurt many times just so you know."

Ichigo rolled his eyes. "I don't think you're cool or handsome. And what should I tell you?"

"You really hurt my feelings," Isshin smirked. "Now seriously. What happened? Did she dump you? Did you catch her with someone else?"

"I... no..." Ichigo hesitated.

"Did you two have a fight? You know girls can get weird sometimes... And they say nasty things out of spite."

Ichigo kept looking at his dad, feeling something rising up within him.

"Is she the only girl you've been with?"

Something broke inside of Ichigo.

"It's not a girl, okay!" He suddenly yelled, finally making Isshin go quiet. "It's not... A girl."

"Er..." Isshin looked genuinely confused and Ichigo could imagine the wheels turning in his father's head. "So not a girl... Haha, a woman then?"

"Dad..."

"Yeah, yeah, I'm just joking... So..." Isshin scratched the back of his head.

"So..."

"Yeah..."

Ichigo squirmed uncomfortably, wondering if he should have just kept quiet. After what seemed like an eternity, Isshin cleared his throat and gave an encouraging smile.

"You know you can talk to me Ichigo."

Ichigo took a deep breath, gathering courage at the same time. "It's just... I don't have much to say. It lasted for a while and now it's over." Saying it aloud almost caused him to tear up, right there in front of his father. The grimace he made didn't pass unnoticed.

"Ichigo..." Isshin sighed. "Look. It may sound harsh but teenage relationships are sometimes like that... I know you're hurting but believe me, it'll pass and several years from now, you'll probably laugh how much you thought it was important. I guess this wasn't the right... hm, guy... for you."

"It was me who ended it."

"Why are you moping around then?"

"Cause I did it for his good. Dad, it's complicated. I really don't wanna talk about details. I just did it so he wouldn't have problems because of us. Because of me. But he doesn't know that, so now he probably thinks I'm the biggest asshole in the whole World."

"So selfless..." Isshin shook his head, looking at Ichigo in wonder. "But are you sure it's a good decision?"

"It's the only way."

"Wow," Isshin huffed. "He must have some weird parents..."

Wincing a bit as his dad clearly thought it was one of his classmates, Ichigo just shrugged.

"Do you need some time away from school and him? I can write you a doctor's note," Isshin winked.

"No, thanks. I'll manage somehow."

Ichigo mentally praised his dad for being so cool and understanding.

"Okay. If you change your mind, tell me."

"I will. Um, dad? I just... Are you disappointed in me?"

Isshin was always so loud and crazy, a manly man with soft spots for his twin daughters, always encouraging Ichigo to go do men's stuff and hunt girls... Ichigo needed to hear it directly, so he wouldn't doubt it in times of insecurity.

"Disappointed?" Isshin asked. He reached over to Ichigo, ruffled his hair and left his hand on the back of his son's neck. "Now listen to me. You're my kid. My first born son, my pride and joy. I always knew you'd turn out just fine, and knowing what kind of person you are... I'll never, ever be disappointed in you."

Ichigo stared, feeling strangely relieved.

"Okay?" Isshin patted him on the cheek.

"Yeah," the boy croaked.

"Good. Now eat your breakfast."

"Itadakimasu," Ichigo murmured and began to pick through his meal.

It still hurt. It hurt beyond belief. In a situation like this, he would run to Renji and tell him the great news... Now he was alone.

But then again, he had his dad on his side and it made things a bit better.

xXx

To be continued...