Title: Where No Man Should Ever Go
Author: Britani Gael
Series: Star Trek TOS
Genre: Humor
Rating: PG
*None of the characters in this story belong to me. They belong to whoever owns Star Trek (I really should find out who). The completly pointless story line came with help from Random Key.*
"Follow that ship!" ordered Captian Kirk.
"Captian, that is illogical," said Spock.
"They have something we need," said Captian Kirk dramatically.
"And what is that, Captian?"
"I was given direct orders from Star Fleet to keep it to myself. Meet me in my chambers."
Dr. McCoy was already waiting. "Jim! Somethings wrong with the crew members! They're dropping like flies!"
Captian Kirk waved it off. "They are unimportant."
"What?"
"He is right," answered Spock. "They are called 'extras'. We take them on away missions and they die. They are never seen before, or again."
Dr. McCoy shrugged. "Oh well then."
"The Klingon ship has something of infinite importance," said Captian Kirk dramatically again.
"And what is that Jim?" asked Dr. McCoy.
"It is a (dum dum dum) battleship in a box."
Dr. McCoy and Spock both gasped and put their hands to their faces. "Not a (dum dum dum)battleship in a box, Captain!"
"It is true." His intercom beeped. "What is it, Uhurra?"
"Star Fleet has given us instructions not to follow the Klingon ship, sir."
Kirk thought for a moment. "Well, we're going anyway!"
"Yay!" said Dr. McCoy and Spock.
"But Captain, why do we need a (dum dum dum) battleship in a box?" asked Spock.
"Because it's there, damnit! To the bridge!"
Once they were there, Kirk said, "Sulu, pick a number between one and ten."
"Six, sir?"
"Warp six!"
"Yes, sir."
And they sped off.
Scotty contacted the bridge. "Captian, we can't keep this speed up much longer!"
"Why the hell not?" demanded Captain Kirk. "Make it so we can! Change the laws of physics! You have five minutes. I'm timing you!"
"Captain, the Klingon ship is hailing us!"
"Well, put them through!"
"Why do you follow us?" shouted the Klingon.
"We must have the (dum dum dum) battleship in a box!"
"You shall never have the (dum du-"
"But, sir, we do not have-"
"Do not interupt me!" yelled the Klingon captain. He slugged the officer.
The officer gave him a pouty voice and started to cry.
"Ah, it's all right," said the captain as he drew his officer in for a hug.
"Aw," said Spock.
"We must destroy the ship!" shouted Captain Kirk. "Sulu, lock on phasers. No! Torpedos!"
"Yes, sir!"
"Chekov, lower sheilds to sixty percent!"
"Vut vy, sir?"
"Becuase it's going to happen anyway and I'm saving a step!"
The Enterprise fired, and the Klingon ship exploded, then started to fall.
"It is not logical for a ship to fall down in space where there is no grav-"
"Shut up Spcok!" said Captain Kirk. "Our mission is accomplished!"
"But wait!" said Dr. McCoy. "We can't be finished until we insult Spock!"
"I just did!" said Captain Kirk. "Let us go and wreck havoc somewhere else. Nothing can stop us!"
"Goooooooo Enterprise!" shouted the crew.
* * *
Author: Britani Gael
Series: Star Trek TOS
Genre: Humor
Rating: PG
*None of the characters in this story belong to me. They belong to whoever owns Star Trek (I really should find out who). The completly pointless story line came with help from Random Key.*
"Follow that ship!" ordered Captian Kirk.
"Captian, that is illogical," said Spock.
"They have something we need," said Captian Kirk dramatically.
"And what is that, Captian?"
"I was given direct orders from Star Fleet to keep it to myself. Meet me in my chambers."
Dr. McCoy was already waiting. "Jim! Somethings wrong with the crew members! They're dropping like flies!"
Captian Kirk waved it off. "They are unimportant."
"What?"
"He is right," answered Spock. "They are called 'extras'. We take them on away missions and they die. They are never seen before, or again."
Dr. McCoy shrugged. "Oh well then."
"The Klingon ship has something of infinite importance," said Captian Kirk dramatically again.
"And what is that Jim?" asked Dr. McCoy.
"It is a (dum dum dum) battleship in a box."
Dr. McCoy and Spock both gasped and put their hands to their faces. "Not a (dum dum dum)battleship in a box, Captain!"
"It is true." His intercom beeped. "What is it, Uhurra?"
"Star Fleet has given us instructions not to follow the Klingon ship, sir."
Kirk thought for a moment. "Well, we're going anyway!"
"Yay!" said Dr. McCoy and Spock.
"But Captain, why do we need a (dum dum dum) battleship in a box?" asked Spock.
"Because it's there, damnit! To the bridge!"
Once they were there, Kirk said, "Sulu, pick a number between one and ten."
"Six, sir?"
"Warp six!"
"Yes, sir."
And they sped off.
Scotty contacted the bridge. "Captian, we can't keep this speed up much longer!"
"Why the hell not?" demanded Captain Kirk. "Make it so we can! Change the laws of physics! You have five minutes. I'm timing you!"
"Captain, the Klingon ship is hailing us!"
"Well, put them through!"
"Why do you follow us?" shouted the Klingon.
"We must have the (dum dum dum) battleship in a box!"
"You shall never have the (dum du-"
"But, sir, we do not have-"
"Do not interupt me!" yelled the Klingon captain. He slugged the officer.
The officer gave him a pouty voice and started to cry.
"Ah, it's all right," said the captain as he drew his officer in for a hug.
"Aw," said Spock.
"We must destroy the ship!" shouted Captain Kirk. "Sulu, lock on phasers. No! Torpedos!"
"Yes, sir!"
"Chekov, lower sheilds to sixty percent!"
"Vut vy, sir?"
"Becuase it's going to happen anyway and I'm saving a step!"
The Enterprise fired, and the Klingon ship exploded, then started to fall.
"It is not logical for a ship to fall down in space where there is no grav-"
"Shut up Spcok!" said Captain Kirk. "Our mission is accomplished!"
"But wait!" said Dr. McCoy. "We can't be finished until we insult Spock!"
"I just did!" said Captain Kirk. "Let us go and wreck havoc somewhere else. Nothing can stop us!"
"Goooooooo Enterprise!" shouted the crew.
* * *