A/N: This is just a short story that was inspired by something my brother said on Facebook last week (thanks for the cool idea, bro!). Jim tries to get Spock to talk like a pirate.

Oh, and during the course of this fic I refer to Spock's 'fringe'. If you aren't familiar with the term, the 'fringe' is the portion of hair that falls on the forehead, which North Americans refer to as 'bangs'.

DISCLAIMER: I don't own anything, least of all Star Trek. But if I did, I would so have a series with Captain Jack Sparrow commanding the USS Black Pearl.

"You'll never be able to do it." laughed Dr McCoy. "There's no way he'll fall for it!"

"Ah, ye of little faith." replied Jim. "Bones, it's tradition. Everyone on the Bridge must say or do at least one piratey thing on Intergalactic Talk Like A Pirate Day. We shouldn't exclude Spock from the fun just because he 'wouldn't see the logic in it', should we?"

Bones threw his head back with laughter. "You're on! I'll bet you a bottle of my finest Bourbon, that I absolutely did not smuggle on board at that last Starbase we visited, that you can't get that pointy-eared hobgoblin to talk like a pirate". Jim smirked at his old friend. "I am James T. Kirk: boy wonder, all-round genius; the youngest captain in Starfleet and the only guy who ever beat the Kobayashi Maru! Just you watch me."

Bones chuckled as he replaced his food tray and left for Sickbay. "You'll never manage it!" he said over his shoulder as he left the mess hall.

Spock arrived promptly on the Bridge precisely 5.2 minutes before the beginning of Alpha Shift and was surprised to see that the Captain had, for once, arrived before him.

"Greetings, Mr. Spock!" smiled the Captain. "I trust you slept well?"

"My sleep cycle was adequate, Captain. Your demeanour this morning would seem to indicate that yours was similarly satisfactory." replied the Vulcan.

"Yeah, I had a great night's sleep, thanks for asking. Actually, I'm glad you're here. We've received a puzzling message on subspace and we're having trouble figuring out what it means. It seems to consist of three random words that don't seem to bear any relation to each other. Could you take a look at it and let me know what you think?"

"I would be pleased to, Sir" replied Spock.

"Great! I'll patch it through to your Science station so you can take a look."

The message popped up on Spock's screen. The Captain was correct: it appeared to be three words chosen at random and he could see no logical reason why they should be connected together in this manner.

"So Mr. Spock, what do you make of that message?" prompted Jim.

"Most illogical." declared Spock. "I can see no logical reason why the words 'Army Heart Tease' should be combined in this manner. Perhaps it is a military person advertising their romantic proclivities."

Jim suddenly burst out laughing. To Spock's astonishment, Jim punched his fist into the air and yelled "YES!" at the top of his voice. The entire Bridge crew spun round in their seats to stare at their captain.

"Captain, as I have so far failed to offer a definitive explanation for the contents of this message, I am surprised at the level of your exuberance in response to my statement." said Spock, both eyebrows disappearing under his fringe.

By this stage, Jim was slapping the armrest of his Captain's chair with tears of mirth streaming down his cheeks. After a moment to compose himself, Jim wiped the tears away from the corner of his eyes and took a deep breath.

"Spock, can you tell me what day it is today on Earth?" asked Jim.

"Of course, Sir. I believe it is Monday." replied the puzzled Vulcan.

Jim started laughing again. "No, no… I mean, what event is celebrated every year on this date?"

"I believe several events are commemorated on 19 September, as it was reckoned by the old calendar. On this date, George Washington's farewell address was published in Old America; New Zealand became the first Terran nation to grant women the right to vote and run for office; the Continuation War between Finland and the Soviet Union came to an end; and Ambassador Solkar laid the first flagstone of the Vulcan embassy in San Francisco."

"Yes, Spock, but what to WE tend to celebrate every year on this date, here on the Bridge?"

"Ah yes, I believe you are referring to the illogical human tradition of Intergalactic Talk Like A Pirate Day." answered Spock.

"EXACTLY!" exclaimed Jim, jumping from his seat in delight. "Spock, could you please read that message again for the benefit of the whole class?"

Spock looked down at the message on his screen, trying to determine its significance. "Army Heart Tease" he intoned.

This time, the entire bridge burst out laughing, and cheered Spock with a hearty round of 'Arrrrrrr!s'

The Captain slid back into his chair, holding his abdomen as a fit of laughter shook him once more.

"Kirk to Sickbay."

"McCoy here."

"Bones! You owe me that bottle of Bourbon."