Tony spit his seltzer back into his glass.

"You want me to get your crazy little brother into bed?"

"Nay!" Thor denied with proper vehemence. "Just reveal his interest!"

"Ah. You do realize he would probably try to behead me, right?"

"That's why you must tread with caution." Sif reminded the unconvinced billionaire.

"We would be a holler away." Thor attempted to assure him.

"He's got a pretty nice ass, and he knows how to do his haird, I'll give you that." Tony started, causing Thor to look disturbed. "But, as is often the case, hot and crazy go together like peanut butter and jelly."

"I do not understand what that means." Thor frowned, only knowing he felt vaguely upset by all of his friend's statements about his little brother, especially the statement about his back side.

"He means," Steve intervened, "Although he wishes he could help you with this, it's just neither safe nore wise."

"We need this for our quest, Sir Stark." Sif pushed.

Tony leveled his unmoved gaze at her. "Would you honestly say you'd do it if the situation were reversed?"

Sif stared defiantly back, eyes narrowing, chin tilted skyward. "If my only obstacle was this fear of danger you possess, nothing could stop me."

Steve tried in vain to tell Tony not to openly discourage them using only his eyes.

"Please, Anthony, I shall be horribly dishonored and ashamed if I fail at my duties to my family. Please assist us." Thor's blue eyes widened in hope.

Tony rolled his eyes and sighed in resignation. "I'll give it a shot."

Tony held the icepack firmly against his forehead and avoided Agent Coulson's eyes. The rest of the Avengers looked at him expectantly while Coulson stood there, hands on his hips, making his best 'well, I'm waiting' paternal disapproval face.

"In my defense, Thor asked me to do it."

"I most certainly did not ask you to grope my kin!" Thor stood with indignation, which Tony felt people had been doing an awful lot in his tower lately.

"Thor, take a seat." Coulson ordered without turning around.

"Soo, you think he'll file a sexual harassment charge?" Clint snickered from where he was lounging.

"Not funny. Do you know how many times that's almost happened to him?" Pepper scolded him as she entered the room.

"Hey," Peter cut in, "If he didn't want to get teased he probably shouldn't have paused during a fight to slap a super villain on the ass."

"I'm still waiting for a real explanation." Coulson reminded Tony, who was still just slouching in his chair, hand pressed to his head.

"Thor wanted to know which team his brother plays for." Tony shrugged and tried to act as if he though that was a proper explanation.

"Dude, just ask him." Peter rolled his eyes.

"Why is that something we even need to know about him?" Janet asked, appearing very tired.

"How do you ever get laid Tony, if that's your game plan for gauging interest?" Clint scoffed.

Coulson answered his phone.

"Did that even ring?" Peter whispered to Steve.

"Where? Mhm..." Coulson nodded. "They'll be right there." He slipped the phone back onto his belt and re focused on the team. "Doom's making a scene downtown. Civilians aren't in immediate danger yet, but you know it'll probably take a turn soon."

When they arrived on the scene, there was immediately more confusion as so what exactly they should be doing. Doom wasn't really doing much harm, being more noisy and blocking traffic than anything else. He stepped down from his large metallic monstrosity when he spotted their arrival.

"Stark!" Doom bellowed in his best villainous baritone.

"Doom?" Tony called back. "What are you up to?"

"Getting your attention." The Doctor crossed his arms across his broad chest menacingly.

"Well, you've got it now." Steve imitated the gesture.

"Not yours!" Doom snapped. "Yours." He spun to only face the newly landed Iron Man. "Keep your hands off of what is mine!"

"I...We just got here, and only because you lured us." Spider Man tried to remind the villain.

"Hush, child! Adults are speaking." Doom hissed. "I put up with much from you vermin, but this is a step too far. If you wish to harass a Norse God, do so to you own, not mine."

"What?" Tony was very confused.

"Do not play dumb with me, you lascivious scoundre-"

"Victor!" A voice interrupted loudly, followed by a small wisp of green smoke and the appearance of a very disgruntled Loki. "What on Midgard do you think you're doing?" He placed his long hands on his hips.

"Settling this matter with Stark. Didn't you get my note?"

"I received it. Last time I checked though, we had dinner plans. Instead I find you shouting at the Avengers for no sensible reason." Loki said in explanation, folded his thing lips in displeasure, green eyes wide with exasperation.

"No reason? I was watching the news, only to see him," He flung an armored finger out to point venomously at Iron Man, "lewdly grab you. Should I let such an insult pass?"

The Avenger's jaws had become quite slack, standing in the middle of the road.

"Victor Von Doom," Loki intoned and drew himself up to his full height, "I am not your lady. Some mortal's slight against my honor does not impune yours."

"They should know better than to touch what is mine!"

"Yours? I belong to you now, do I?" Loki scoffed, chin high, white teeth bared.

"Yes, Loki, you are my ally, you share my mansion, you share my bed, you are my partner in all my grand sweeping plans: You are mine!" Doom responded with impatience.

"No more than you are mine!" Loki sneered.

"I never said otherwise."

The response seemed to give the God of Mischief pause.

"Fine." Loki said more quietly, face becoming impassive. "But leave the Man of Iron be. his puny human hands should not have strayed so," He shot Tony a pointed look, "But I am not ," the look was redirected towards Doom, "some poor ravished maiden whose honor needs reclaiming by you. He has already been punished." Loki smiled at his final words.

Tony felt his head throb from the earlier injury.

"Fine." Victor relented. "But nothing like this shall transpire again, Stark."

"He knows, believe me." Loki replied, looking exceedingly pleased with himself. "Now, come, you've made quite a scene."

"Wait!" Thor yelled and outstretched a hand. "Brother, you share his bed?"

Loki spared a small sneer out of the corner of his eye for his brother, grabbed Doom 'round the arm, and simply was no longer there.

"What the fuck?" Clint was the first to speak; bow filled hands hanging slack by his sides.

"I guess we've got your answer, big guy." Tony said, turning to the stunned Thor.

"Aye." Thor returned to his oft used confused frown and directed it at the empty street. "Indeed we do."