Equestria: The Adventures of Sniper and Heavy

Chapter 5: The BLU Conspiracy

Note from the Medic: Ugh, you are such a lazy writer! Do you realize ze readers have been waiting for you, dummkopf?

"A long time ago, when I was a little child, I used to love playing with the slingshot. I shot birds, koala bears, kangaroos…all those creatures. I must admit, I'm quite the shooter. I had a brother though I can't seem to remember his name. He too was a slingshot expert like me. In fact, we're known as the Slingshot Brothers in Sydney. Well, we parted ways after graduating from high school. My brother disappeared and I trained to become a sniper in the military. When I signed up for sniper school, I noticed several mysterious figures looking at me, sizing me up. Anyway, I trained to become a top sniper. I've been on several tours of duty to different parts of the world and I bagged more kills than the average Sniper Joe. One shot, one kill. After completing my tour of duty in Vietnam, I returned to Australia only to be greeted by my commanding officer telling me that I've been reassigned for "military evaluation". After that…I can't remember what happened. The next thing I knew, I found myself fighting deathmatches with a team that looks exactly like us except with a different color scheme. So much for a backstory, hmm? As for how I got here, let me put it this way…I WAS TELEPORTED HERE!"

Princess Celestia was caught off guard by Sniper's sudden bellow of anger. He was mad but not to the point that it made him look like a crazed gunman. Sniper knew nothing about any Nightmare Moon or cult or pony stuff and yet this "princess" of an alicorn accused him of something he did not commit. How could he not be mad?

She still seem unconvinced though so Sniper continued with his story and described how the BLU Spy messed up Engineer's experimental mass telerporter.

"And that's how I arrive in your…world…realm, whatever you call it. I didn't want to believe it but I pinched myself several times already. Nothing's working," Sniper remarked with his arms crossed defiantly.

The human was defiant but Celestia could tell he told the truth, at least regarding how he got here.

"You mentioned that you have another friend with you. Where is he?" Celestia asked.

"Well, "Your Highness", I have no idea," Sniper said with a shrug.

"Is he dangerous?"

"As long as he's not threatened, he's as docile as a dove."

Princess Celestia nodded her head slowly. She had the guards release Sniper from his shackles. They did so reluctantly and once the shackles fell, Sniper rubbed his sore ankles for a bit to ease the discomfort caused by the iron shackles.

"I'm glad you understand, princess, that I'm no threat. Say, if you're so powerful, why don't you send me back to my dimension? Maybe that way, you can save us from a lot of trouble," said Sniper.

"Teleporting a creature to other dimensions is near impossible…even for me. There're a lot of risks as well as uncertainties," Princess Celestia replied.

"So…I'm not going anywhere then?"

"I'm afraid not."

Sniper was hoping that he could be sent home. Apparently, fate has decided to mock him once more. Not that he looked forward to dying again in gladiator games; it's just that he can't stand the ponies. Too much love and no bite, except for the guards of course. Even so, the guards were rather easy to take down compared to a mall security guard.

"Well then," Sniper said after a few seconds of silence, "I'll be…on my way…since I'm no harm to you and all. I'll show myself out."

"Not so fast, human. I still can't have you going around causing trouble," said the princess.

"What trouble have I caused? The guard I attacked? That bloody wanka had it coming. No, princess, it's the other way round. Your ponies are causing ME trouble, especially that pink one called…um…what's her name again? Pinkie Cake? No..wait…Punky Buns? Kinky Pie?"

"You mean Pinkie Pie?"

"Yes, her!"

"As far as I'm concerned, Mr. Happy Smiles, Pinkie Pie isn't a troublemaker though I must admit she is overly enthusiastic about making friends. I take it that you don't like parties?"

"After working as a lone wolf for many years, parties mean nothing to me. For me, I have standards and parties aren't my thing."

It was odd to actually meet somepony, or rather, someone, who doesn't enjoy a good party, especially if it was hosted by Ponyville's resident party planner. Perhaps there is more to this human than meets the eye and Celestia was intrigued.

"Alright, I'll let you go but if my guards ever catch you causing trouble, I'll have you back here for questioning. You're free to go," said Princess Celestia.

"About bloody time too," Sniper muttered.

Sniper was instructed to go to the jailor to retrieve his belongings. He approached the jailor's desk and was greeted by a rather stocky stallion. He didn't seem bothered by the fact that Sniper was a human, as if he had seen humans before.

"I've got word from the princess. She says you're allowed to go," the jailor said.

"Oh really, I didn't know," Sniper said sarcastically.

"Yeah, I didn't either," the jailor replied in an equally sarcastic manner. "Your things are all in the evidence box behind my desk. I've unlocked it so just grab your stuff. Don't lemme catch you nicking things that aren't yours."

"I'll be nicking your sorry ass when I get my hands on my weapons," Sniper muttered.

Thankfully, his equipments were still in good condition though he noticed signs of them being tampered with. The scope on his sniper rifle has been removed and the magazine of his submachine gun was also removed. They weren't smart enough to fire the weapon though. Even if they knew, their hooves wouldn't fit into the trigger guard anyway. Sniper slapped the ammo clip into the weapon's receiver and pulled the cocking pin.

With all equipment retrieved, Sniper walked out of the dungeon and into the streets of Canterlot. Aside from the occasional glances by ponies, not many took notice of him. They seemed like a classy bunch, a bunch of snobs as Sniper would call them. All he wanted now is to get out of there and disappear into the wilderness.

As he went about looking for an exit, Sniper did not notice there was a pony stalking him.

Heavy wanted to be alone for a while. He wanted to explore his surroundings while Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash taught Princess Luna the modern way of speaking. He went to the chicken coop to watch the chickens run around. A few of them approached him and Heavy found a bag of chicken feed next to the coop. He scattered the fed onto the ground and watched the chickens peck away at it. Even the meadowlark from Fluttershy's cottage came and rested on Heavy's shoulder, singing a song for him.

"This is like in Russia," Heavy said to himself. "In Aunt Olga's farm."

He was accepted by the creatures and none of them ran away when he came near them. The chickens, birds and squirrels even fed out of his gigantic hand. Funnily enough, the creatures here seemed braver and easily tamed compared to the ones back in his dimension. It was a good thing because that meant Heavy could enjoy their company and them in his. Never has Heavy seen such harmony before, not even his team mates could provide something like this.

Yes, this place was definitely a place that Heavy wanted to stay in for good. It's ten times better than shedding blood and crushing the puny men from BLU team over and over again. A time to relax –

CRASH!

Heavy looked towards the direction of the crashing noise. It sounded as if someone ran through a stack of crates and it sounded like it came from the forest. Heavy went to investigate the source of the noise and did his best to tiptoe as quietly as possible. He had left Sasha in Fluttershy's cottage but he still got his shotgun as backup. As Heavy edged closer towards the entry into the forest, he heard whispers coming from inside the forest. They weren't loud but Heavy was close enough to eavesdrop on the conversation. Even a bird perched on his shoulders eavesdropped along.

"You foal, those were important stuff for the resurrection ceremony! You break one of those crates again and Midnight Sun's gonna have your head!"

"Sorry, boss, I'll be careful."

The one doing the scolding was definitely an educated one while the other sounded like a numbskull. Whatever this resurrection ceremony was, it didn't sound good at all. As much as Heavy felt like intervening, he decided that it is better to leave things be…for now. He turned to the bird perched on his shoulder and placed a finger near his lips. The meadowlark understood what he meant and did a zipping gesture across its beak.

Heavy kept his shotgun and snuck back to the cottage. He stepped on a few twigs on the way but every time he expected something to burst out from the forest, nothing came at him.

"I think I smell trouble," Heavy said to the meadowlark, which the bird agreed by chirping.

Upon returning to the cottage, the princess had already left. Heavy wanted to talk to her but there was always another time. He went into the cottage and saw Fluttershy talking with Rainbow Dash.

"Oh, hello, Mr. Bear. Princess Luna wanted to talk to you but she had other duties to perform," Fluttershy said softly.

"Seems like she's interested in the whole "human" thing," Dash added. "Guess you're more popular than you look, eh," she said while elbowing Heavy.

It was nice and all but Heavy felt worried for Fluttershy. If there was evil in the forest, Heavy wanted to protect Fluttershy. There was no way he'd allow something bad to befall her.

"Um…what's with the look?" Dash asked when he noticed his furrowed eyebrows and serious expression.

Heavy was quiet for a few seconds before saying, "Nothing."

Dash knew it was far from nothing but she didn't attempt to interrogate him. Heavy might get annoyed and who knows what he would do when he's annoyed. Dash knew Heavy's strength and she knew better than to get in his way even though she didn't like admitting it.

"Um…whatever you say, Mr. Bear," Fluttershy said. "Want to have lunch? I'm making sandwich today."

"Sandvich? Good idea!" Heavy exclaimed happily with a wide grin. After Sasha, the sandvich was Heavy's favorite.

Of course, Heavy knew nothing about what ingredients ponies put in their sandwiches.

"ATTACK!" Soldier yelled and charged at BLU Team with his Equalizer.

Nothing could stop a half-crazed man like him. He smacked BLU Demoman in the head and gouged his good eye out with the sharp end of Equalizer. BLU Pyro tried to intervene but Soldier quickly turned around, grabbed BLU Pyro's shoulders roughly and headbutted his face. From afar, Engineer and Scout looked on, their eyes locked on to his every move.

"Looks like Major Malfunction got some new moves," Scout remarked. "I dunno what got into him that made him like that," he added while tapping his own shoulder with his bat.

"Whatever the case, sonny, it ain't a bad thing. We could use a victory," Engineer said.

Ever since the teams moved to 2Fort, RED Team was getting an equal number of victories and defeats. They were faring better than what happened at Dustbowl ever since Sniper and Heavy went missing. Engineer was still working around the clock to repair the teleporter so they could go get the two but moving maps meant moving heavy loads of equipments. It wasn't easy unpacking the machines but he managed it. Engineer found a good place to hide them from BLU Spy and from prying BLU eyes. While there was progress, it wasn't good enough to satisfy the Texan. It was progressing too slowly.

"Huddah hu!" Pyro called out to Demoman after snatching the enemy intelligence from their base.

"Good work, laddie! Quick, make a run for it!" Demoman exclaimed when he saw BLU Heavy and BLU Soldier enter the room.

The Scottish demolitions expert lobbed a few grenades at them and while the BLU Soldier dodged his shots, BLU Heavy was blown up by a grenade. Demoman was out of grenades so he made a quick escape before BLU Soldier could recover from the attack.

Demoman was a few meters behind Pyro. Usually, the briefcase would leave a trail of papers behind because it was so full that papers would stick out of it. They never knew what the papers were about but given the fact that they were made to capture it for the sake of the game, Demoman suspected that the papers contained nothing more than squiggles and doodles just for show. He saw no trails of paper this time though. The briefcase seemed rather light too, which was quite unusual. Pyro was halfway across the bridge when a loud shot rang out. Blood spurted from the back of Pyro's head and he fell onto the ground dead. Demoman gritted his teeth and stopped near the BLU base entrance.

"I got it, I got it!" Scout exclaimed and ran to pick up the briefcase before the BLU Sniper could land a shot on him.

Soldier was at the RED base battlements and he fired two rockets towards the enemy Sniper. Both rockets missed but it gave Scout a chance to run before BLU Sniper could set his sights on him again. The match was a quick one and it ended after Scout dropped the intelligence in their base.

"What, zat's it? Huh, zat was short," Medic said.

"Who cares," said Scout. "We won!"

Soldier approached the briefcase and took a long look at it. He rubbed his chin slowly and hummed thoughtfully before turning around to look at his companions.

"This briefcase is wrong!" he said.

"Wha – how can it be wrong?" Scout asked. "That briefcase is blue!" he said and pointed at it.

"Use your head, boy. Intelligence briefcase usually have papers sticking out of them. This one has none at all!"

"Looks like Soldier ain't all brawn after all," Engineer quipped. "He's right, though. This briefcase ain't your usual briefcase. Look at it," he held it in his hand and lifted it up and down like a dumbbell. "It's too light and," he shook the briefcase which emitted a metallic sound, "there's something in there that ain't papers."

"So what're you saying, overalls?" Scout asked while keeping away his bat.

"I'm saying that something ain't right. If ya'll noticed BLU, they're fighting like bulls and they really don't want us near their intelligence. Well, it's always the case but somehow, they're all camping in their base a lot more than usual," Engineer answered.

Engineer had a point though. BLU Team had been camping rather frequently in recent matches but nobody knew why. It didn't occur to them that the intelligence held particular importance since most of them were just props in usual matches. Something was definitely up.

"What say we crack open the briefcase and see what they're guarding so intently?" Soldier cracked his knuckles and tried to pry the briefcase open with his Equalizer.

"Now wait just a minute, ye can't open it like that. I'm taking it to my lab so I can open it in a proper manner. Don't wanna damage anything important," Engineer said and snatched the briefcase away from Soldier.

Nobody objected to that so they allowed him to take it but Pyro eyed Engineer suspiciously. The secret lab was located somewhere outside of 2Fort accessible via an entrance in the wooden wall at the courtyard. It had movable planks so that it could cover up the hole. The lab was nothing more than a medium-sized hut with a zinc roof but it had electrical wires connected to it to power the machines in it. Engineer approached the hut and opened the door. After closing the door, 'Engineer' was engulfed in a puff of smoke. When the smoke cleared, BLU Spy chuckled softly and took a long drag of his cigarette.

"All in the days work…pardner," he taunted Engineer who was hogtied, gagged and laying on the hay strewn floor. "Your friends certainly gave us quite a scare but as usual," BLU Spy approached Engineer and traced his knife across Engineer's face slowly, "we always win."

Engineer wanted to headbutt BLU Spy but he retreated even before Engineer could make his move.

"I'm afraid the plans we have for BLU's future will be the death of RED when it happens. As much as I enjoy our trivial rivalry, I think it's time to end it all…and we," BLU Spy patted the briefcase, "have external help."

BLU Spy reached for a copy of the mass teleporter blueprints on the table and took it.

"I'll be taking these," he said.

He gave a menacing laugh before disappearing into thin air. The door swing open and closed shut with a loud bang. Engineer cursed himself for letting his guard down during battle but the deed has been done. Fortunately, Engineer had backup blueprints but with BLU Team gaining knowledge of his mass teleporter technology, that meant that Engineer had to work two times faster before BLU's Engineer could replicate his technology.

Engineer tried to loosen his bonds but they were so tightly bound that it was nearly impossible for him to move. As luck would have it, Pyro burst into the shed with his Back Scratcher. His eyes immediately locked onto Engineer and he quickly untied him.

"Thanks, partner, but I'm afraid you missed that shape-shifting varmin," Engineer said to Pyro. "He got away with a copy of the teleporter blueprints and the intelligence briefcase."

"Mmph! Huddah huh mppf!" Pyro said.

"You'll get your chance to kill that varmin in the next match, boy. Right now, he's made things harder for me. If that BLU clone of mine builds the teleporter first, we can lose a lot of battles," Engineer muttered.

In the mean time, Spy was in BLU's base disguised as the BLU Scout. The real BLU Scout was out cold and Spy had hidden him in the sewers. Disguising wasn't hard for him but he had to maintain Scout's personality. As much as he loathed acting like an uneducated youngster, it was imperative that he acted as such as to maintain his disguise.

"I can't believe you lost the briefcase!" BLU Soldier ranted. "What is wrong with you maggots? I gave you a simple order to protect the briefcase and you let Smokey Joe and Cyclops get the better of you!"

Spy's curiosity was piqued. Both teams never showed the slightest amount of interest in a simple captured briefcase. RED Team certainly didn't go mad over a captured briefcase and BLU Team was the same too…until recently. Whatever was in the briefcase must be rather important to them but why would they put something that is important to them in that briefcase when they knew it would be a target? Questions ran through Spy's mind and he needed answers.

"Ahem, gentlemen," a familiar voice came from the ramp.

Everyone stopped what they were doing and turned their heads to look at BLU Spy. He paused to throw aside his spent cigarette and tossed the briefcase at BLU Sniper. He caught it and looked at it before looking back at BLU Spy.

"You imbeciles should be more careful with that. Our new employer won't be pleased if she loses it. It is IMPORTANT that the REDs do not find out about its content," BLU Spy said to the rest of his team.

"Just what exactly is in there anyway?" Spy (disguised as Scout) asked.

"Something that can change our fortunes," BLU Spy said flatly. He approached Spy and looked at him in a dangerous manner before adding the word, "Forever."

BLU Sniper placed the briefcase on the desk and BLU Spy opened it. Spy thought it was some sort of super weapon that would allow BLU Team to cheat but what he saw was not what he expected. Inside the briefcase were a dark blue – black gem and a blue-colored helmet.

"So…we're getting new hats again?" BLU Soldier asked.

"I don't know but I can assure you, my simpleton friend, that these two are important. At least that's what our new employer said to me," BLU Spy said coolly.

Spy wondered who this new employer was…

Sniper thought he knew where he was going but after leaving Canterlot, he found himself back in Ponyville again. Pinkie Pie had half the town go on a search for him. Sniper admired her persistence but he was equally persistent too. He would avoid the ponies whether Pinkie liked it or not. After all, he got everything he needed to survive the forest and being an outdoorsman, it was no problem for him.

Sniper wandered deep into the forest with an empty stomach. It has been a while since he had a good meal and Sniper saw some good food walking about. He spied a few pheasants feeding under a tree and they looked juicy. Sniper smiled – something he rarely did.

"Now that's some good eating," he said to himself and equipped his sniper rifle. "I may have missed my deer meal yesterday but today, there's no escaping."

He raised his rifle and took aim at the fattest pheasant. He aimed for the head and waited for the charge bar to fill. He was patient and the patient hunter gets the prey. The charge bar filled and emitted a soft beep. Sniper pulled the trigger. The kill was a success and the pheasant lay on the ground in a pool of its own blood. The loud bang from the rifle scared the rest away along with creatures near the area. It didn't matter to Sniper. He got his meal and that was all that matters.

Sniper walked up to the dead pheasant and grabbed it by the tail.

"Don't worry, your death won't be in vain because soon, you'll be swimming in my stomach," Sniper said hungrily.

He wondered if this pheasant tasted like the real thing. There was only one way to find out. Sniper stripped the pheasant of its feathers and used his kukri to cut it up into smaller pieces. He found a long and sharp stick which he used to skewer the meat and roasted it over a campfire. While he waited for the meat to cook, Sniper took the liberty to make a hunting bow. The Everfree Forest had everything he needed to make a bow and a couple of arrows which he used some sharpened stones for arrowheads.

The outcome was a very crude bow and crude arrows but when Sniper tested them, it worked well enough for hunting big and small game despite being less inaccurate than Huntsman. With the pheasant meat ready, Sniper took a big bite out of it and chewed it slowly.

"Could use some spices," Sniper said with a nod. It tasted like the real thing, which was good because that meant Sniper could hunt for food knowing they're safe to eat.

"Do my eyes deceive me? Is that really a human I see?" Sniper heard someone said in a rhyme.

Sniper looked around quickly. He swore he heard someone spoke and it sounded like it came from behind him. Sniper put down his food and grabbed his bow. If it was an ambush, Sniper wanted to end it before it could end him. He walked towards a bush and pushed it aside. There, he found a zebra looking at him with awe and surprise.

"Do tell me my dear, how is it that humans are here?" the zebra asked

"What the? First, talking show ponies, now, a talking zebra? This world's weirder than Spy's wardrobe," Sniper said. "Who are you?"

A/N: I'm so, so sorry for not updating for a long time. Ran into a metaphorical brick wall but thank you for reviewing and liking this fic, they keep me going. I can't promise I'll update regularly but I can assure you this fic isn't dead. The show must go on! Forgive me if I made some mistakes.