Sooo….Hi…This is my first fanfic on this site and I hope I'm doing this right. *hesitantly rubs back of head* But I digress. Anyhoo! This is my (hopefully funny) story about rules for living with those 'Bots we all know and love. Seeing as how I got this idea from the multiple others doing it, if you recognize something that's even remotely close to yours, it probably is and for that, I'm sorry. All credit for that part goes to you. My brain tends to throw things up at me at random and some of your ideas might be mixed in there somewhere. But I'm rambling! ON WITH THE FIC! *phwew*

Disclaimer:

Me: I OWN IT ALL! FANGIRL DENIAL! MWAHAHAHAHA!

Ironhide: *stomps in* What did we tell you about doing that squishy! *shoots at me with potato cannon*

Me: Ow! Hey-! Ouch! Ironhide! Agh! Knock it off! *runs off massaging bruised head*

Ironhide: *grumbles* StoleTheSpider does not own any of the Transformers.

Me: Or anything else for that matter! *sobs*

1. Don't eat sugar around any of the 'Bots.

(They will take it.)

(I had one cookie.)

(Ratchet saw me eating it and nearly had a spark attack.)

(He channeled Ironhide right away for backup.)

(They both came running at me. Ratchet even went so far as to knock the cookie out of my hand with his trusty wrench.)

(It must have taken a lot of free time and skill to knock ONE COOKIE out of my hand without even hitting me.)

(Afts.)

2. Don't introduce either set of twins to paintball.

(As fun as it seemed in the long run, paint and Autobots are not a good combination.)

(Turns out that paint is insanely hard to remove from an alt mode.)

(Who woulda thought.)

(And another thing, the twins tend to get a little trigger happy.)

(I had to clean more than one alt form that day.)

3. Pirates of the Caribbean is banned from base.

-'Parley?'

(Saying that to a Decepticon doesn't get you anything but a few confused looks.)

(Saying it to Megatron will just get you a bloodthirsty smile…)

(And a couple more of his weapons pointed your way.)

-'Nobody move! I dropped me brain…'

(This line makes Ratchet freak out a bit.)

(He did medical scans on me for the next hour and a half while keeping me tied down in the Med Bay.)

(Not fun at all.)

-'My peanut.'

(The 'Bots don't understand the meaning of cravings.)

(When hit by a sudden craving, don't growl at the surrounding 'Bots for food.)

(This tends to freak them out a bit.)

-'I got a Jar of Dirt! And guess what's inside it?'

(I recorded that song and played it over the intercom system.)

(For Two. Days. Straight.)

(I swear even Optimus' immense patience wore out.)

(Ratchet looked about ready to take a wrench to either me or the system.)

(Bumblebee surprised me by humming the song after Ironhide finally succeeded in turning it off.)

(By shooting the system with both of his cannons.)

(Spoilsport.)

4. Books are to be read, not to be used as weapons.

(Even though some of them seem to be made for it.)

(Take 'War and Peace' for example, or 'Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows'.)

(Those pointy edges can be quite damaging to a 'Bots optics or a humans eyeballs.)

(Ironhide would know.)

(Bu that's what he gets for shutting off the 'Jar of Dirt' song.)

5. Whipped cream is strictly for eating.

(As a prank, I snuck up on Ironhide while he was in recharge.)

(I made rabid dog foam on his faceplates with whipped cream.)

(He didn't notice it until he asked what everyone was snickering about.)

(When he turned on me, cannons drawn, it dawned on me that the rabid foam was a good choice.)

(Very fitting.)

And that's Rules 1-5! Should I go on? Should I stop? Is this horrible and torture for your poor eyeballs to read? Please let me know by dropping me a review! And while your at it, feel free to tell me if I did even the smallest spelling/grammar mistake. I tend to make them a lot…T^T