Disclaimer: I own nothing, but the DVDs.

Author's Note: Having some trouble with my muses lately so I'm hoping that this jump starts them a bit, for better or worse. I grabbed three random words from a word generator and forced myself to come up with a random one-shot of at least 1,000 words. Words are in the title of the chapter. Probably going to do a couple of these (unrelated) whenever I'm stuck on writing anything else. Hope you enjoy!

Pattern, Burning, Headline

Hotch got out of his car and immediately smelled smoke. He glanced around the quiet neighborhood of colonial houses only to see a wisp of smoke coming from his own backyard. Hotch raced to the front door, only for it to be flung open by his seven-year-old son moments before reaching the knob.

"Daddy, she's gone crazy!" Jack exclaimed, half-amused.

"Are you okay? Where's the fire?" Hotch scanned him for any visible injuries.

Jack rolled his eyes. "I'm fine. She's burning stuff in the back."

"Okay. Stay here and don't go into the backyard."

Jack sighed, but flopped himself down on the couch, turning on the television. Hotch made his way through the kitchen, eyes sharply scanning, to the backyard. He found a small fire going in the fire pit and could see just a sliver of pink floral sheets in the center.

"Everything okay, sweetheart?" Hotch asked, cautiously approaching the fire.

"No!" JJ responded, furiously. "How many time have I told you that I want those stupid sheets out of this house? I hate that stupid floral pattern!"

"But your mother-"

JJ rounded on him. "I don't care that my mother bought those sheets as a wedding present! They're ugly and uncomfortable and... Oh, my God, what am I doing?"

"Jayje-"

"No! I am freaking out of a set of bedsheets, that my mother gave me because she thought I could use a feminine touch living in a house full of boys." JJ covered her face with her hands. "I scared Jack. I terrified you. I'm stressing myself out. What is wrong with me?"

Hotch captured her hands with his own, pulling them to his lips for a quick kiss. "There is nothing wrong with you. You didn't terrify me and Jack thinks this whole thing is funny. He's inside watching television. This is just-"

"I swear if you say this is my hormones talking I will toss you into the fire with the sheets."

"I can see the headline now: 'Pregnant Woman Tosses Husband in Fire Over Pink Sheets.'"

JJ chuckled despite her best effort. "I'm so tired of these hormones. I'm tired of being fat. I'm tired of being bloated. I'm tired of being unattractive. I'm-"

Hotch cut her off with a searing kiss. "You have never been more beautiful than you are right now. Don't give me that look. It's true. And if our oldest son wasn't in the living room right now, I would ravish you all over this just to prove that to you."

JJ smiled with a blush.

"Speaking of our sons," Hotch continued, "where's Henry?"

"Will took him for the afternoon. He'll be home by dinner. Speaking of which, what are you doing home so early?"

Hotch shrugged almost sheepishly. "I missed my wife. The BAU just isn't the same when you're not there. I know you wanted some time off before the baby comes, but this month is killing me."

"And just whose fault is my current predicament?" she asked him, playfully, putting her arms around his neck. She stroked the hair on the back of his neck with her thumbs just to feel him shiver.

"If I recall correctly and I'm pretty sure I do," Hotch placed his hands on either side of her swollen stomach, feeling the baby kick, "you were the one prancing around my hotel room in nothing but my white dress shirt."

"I do not prance. And it's not my fault we were away on a case during our one year anniversary. It's also not my fault that you look incredibly hot going after that detective, muscles straining, eyes all intense."

"Mhm." Hotch leaned down and languidly kissed her. "You like it when I lose my temper on the deserving, don't you? If I recall, that's what caused you to jump me in the first place."

"The stories you tell!" JJ hit him on the shoulder before looking at him sideways. "You certainly weren't complaining that night. You jumped me right back."

"Best decision I ever made. Do you know how long I had been in love with you before that night?"

"I love you."

"I love you." Hotch leaned down and took her mouth once again, suckling her lips until they were trembling. "What do you say you and I-"

"Daddy!" Jack shouted, sticking his head out the backdoor. "Henry's home and we're hungry!"

"Go and get these boys some dinner?" JJ finished for him, a gleam in her eye.

"Yeah," he sighed.

"It's okay, sweetheart," JJ reassured him, taking his hand to lead him back into the house. "We can be alone in just a mere eighteen years."

"Ha," Hotch huffed. "What makes you think I plan stop impregnating you at one?"

"Guess you better stock up on white dress shirts."

"Already have one in your go bag."

JJ squeezed his hand as they entered the kitchen, noting Jack had disappeared into the house. "My husband's so smart. No wonder I married him."

"And here, I thought it was my ability to tear a grown man verbally into two." His head was in the freezer pulling out chicken.

"And look hot while doing it."

"Hi, Hotch," Henry said, walking into the kitchen with Jack. He gave Hotch a big hug. "Hi, Mama."

"Did you have fun with your dad?" Hotch asked him.

"Yep. We went to the park. When Sarah's born, can Jackie and I take her to the park?"

Jack looked up from the table, excitedly. "Can we?"

"When she's a little older and as long as one of us goes with you," JJ told them.

"Hey, Mama?" Henry asked. He was hanging off of Hotch's leg as Hotch puttered around the kitchen. "Do you know where the pink sheet is? I was using that for a tent."

JJ cringed. "I, uh, I'll get you another sheet to use, okay? One that looks more like a tent."

"Okay," he sighed.

She looked at Hotch who was silently in hysterics. "Not a word unless you want that headline to come true."

END