After math: A My So-Called Life Story

Lying in bed, Brian stared up at his ceiling. It was late, but he couldn't sleep. His encounter with Angela ran over and over in his mind. The way she had looked at him after she realized he was the author of her letter…it was different. She had looked at him in a way she had never looked at him before. He didn't really know why he was analyzing, like five minutes of his life so intensely. He couldn't help it. Something had happened in those five minutes. He wasn't sure what, but something had happened.

He wasn't surprised that Angela had gotten into Jordan's car. They were a couple. They had gotten back together. He was all she had ever really wanted…anyway. Right? He should feel good because he played a role in that. That…whatever that was. It still hurt, to see her wisped away in the middle of their discussion…if that's what it was…a discussion. Maybe it was more like a confession. He was used to feeling like that though, especially when it came to her. Brian sighed and shook his head.

(Brian's POV)* How much of my life must I waste thinking and wondering and obsessing over Angela Chase? It's absurd! She's…like…off loving someone else and I'm in my room alone. It's just the natural order of the world.

He rolled over, shutting his eyes tightly, trying to make himself fall asleep. Then he heard a small tap echo through the silence of his room. Then he heard it again. Opening his eyes, Brian saw a figure outside his bedroom window.

"Oh my god." Brian whispered. Getting up and opening the window, he already knew whom it was outside. "What are you doing here?" he asked harshly.

"Brian, can we talk?"

"I mean, aren't you…like…out with Catalano or something?"

"I need to talk to you."

"No! Go home! Do you know what time it is?"

"May I please come in…Brian?"

"I'm not even dressed." Brian stood without a shirt, goose bumps covering his skin. He wasn't sure if it was from the cold or the mere presence of the girl.

"I've seen you like that before."

"Like…ten years ago!"

"Brian…please…can I come in?" Angela repeated softly.

Brian finally nodded. He tried to help her through the window, but it didn't really help. He was too awkward. Instead he quickly put on a t-shirt and sat on the foot of his bed, slightly slouching. Watching Angela walk around his room, her eyes wandering over everything, he felt very nervous for some reason. What was she doing here?

"Are your parents asleep?"

"Well…yea…everyone is, like, asleep at this hour."

"Except you."

"What makes you think I wasn't asleep? Like…it's that late." Brian tried to say loudly while maintaining a whisper.

"Were you asleep?"

"No." Brian quickly admitted.

Both Brian and Angela paused, looking at each other…but Brian could only look at Angela so long before he had to turn away.

"So…uhm…did Catalano take you to Big Guy Burger for a special dinner…or something?"

"Brian…don't start." Angela rolled her eyes and sat down on the bed beside him. An awkward moment of silence filled the room. All Brain could feel was the part of Angela's arm that was now touching his, everything else went numb…or just away.

(Brian's POV*) She probably doesn't even realize our arms are touching. I mean…that's how pathetic I am. I notice things like that and make them significant moments. She doesn't seem to be moving her arm away. Is that, like a sign or something? No, she probably doesn't even notice…I think.

"Brian." "Angela" They both stated at the same time.

"What did you want to…uh…talk about because it's getting pretty late and I'm getting tired."

"Brian…have you ever…you know…I don't know." Angela tried to grasp for words, "I mean, everyone sees certain people certain ways and it's hard to suddenly see someone differently…especially after seeing them that way for so long. It's almost breathtaking when it does happen…like, a surprise…a surprise that is hard to understand, sometimes. That is if it can happen."

"What are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about the letter…Brian."

"Do we have to bring this up again?"

"It's all I've thought about."

"Really? Like…about the letter? I mean, is that what you mean?"

"Brian…" Angela stopped and looked directly at the boy.

(Brian POV*) The way she was looking at me at that moment was almost…was like all the dreams I have ever had about Angela Chase. She looked like she was trying to figure something out…like a math equation or a geometry problem. It was almost hard to fathom that it was actually happening…something was happening...like, this great aftermath. Angela was never very good at geometry.

"That letter made me see you differently…is what I guess…I'm trying to say." She admitted sheepishly.

"How…how so? I mean…it did?"

"I've known you for so long. I mean, a really long time…and it seems that lately we only argue."

"Right…yea." Brian nodded, staring down at his hands.

"But, I guess that's because we have known each other for so long…" Angela sighed, "but we haven't…really…not really. This is just so wierd, Brian...you know?"

"I know."

There was another long silence. This time it wasn't awkward.

"I wanted to stay." Angela whispered.

"You wanted to stay?"

"With you…earlier this evening."

Brian and Angela looked at each other, silently understanding each other; the way they had most always in the past without even realizing it.

(Brian's POV*) I couldn't help staring at her lips. It's, like impossible not to. It's this habit…I suppose, before…well…kissing. The funny thing is I have never been kissed before…but somehow I know this. I guess it's not that funny. Is she looking at my lips?

Brian looked into Angela's eyes and saw what he thought was reassurance or acceptance or both. He understood. Timidly he began to lean over to her and she leaned into him. Gently, their lips touched and locked…almost afraid to move. Then, for the first time, Brian took initiative and kissed her. It wasn't a fancy kiss or a deep kiss. It was an honest kiss. A few seconds later, Brian pulled back, the blush across his face hidden in the darkness of his room.

"I'm sorry…like if that was bad…or anything."

"It wasn't." she whispered.

Brian smiled sheepishly, biting his lower lip, his gaze glued to his lap. "Angela?"

"I better go." She smiled.

"Uh…right…" Brian stood up awkwardly, unsure quite what to do next. Brian watched as she got up and crawled back through his window. "Angela? Thanks." He finally spit out.

"For what?"

"You know." he smiled awkwardly.

"I'll see you tomorrow Krakow."