This could be it. The big battle. Morgause, Morgana, Mordred, and various other magical people that had names beginning with Mor- were standing in their battle positions, ready to crush Arthur and his knights (and his warlock).

As for Arthur and his knights (and his warlock), they were ready to win once and for all.

The sky was cloudy and the air was oppressive and silent; though the ground was green and the sky blue, everything had a faint tint of red. It was battle weather and a battle atmosphere.

But it would have been too much to ask for Gwaine not to ruin it. But in his defense, this time it might have been an accident. He wasn't even drunk.

For as soon as Morgause stepped forward in her armor, minus her helmet for some reason, and lifted her sword in defiance, he began to wave and cried, "Mother!"

Two armies stared at him.

Morgause didn't wave back.

"Mother! It's me! How are you?"

"Gwaine," whispered Merlin, sidling up to him. "That's not your mother."

"Of course it is."

"No, you told me your mother is dead. She's not even old enough to be your mother… I don't think."

"I thought she was dead too," said Gwaine. "But there she is, so obviously she's not."

Merlin looked at Morgana with a sigh. "Could you two tell him?"

"She has no children," said Morgana, and then rolled her eyes. "Though it's a wonder, the way she carried on with Cenred," she added in a low tone.

"I thought she was my mother," piped up Mordred, who no one had noticed until this point due to him being so close to the ground. "Isn't she my mother?"

"I think I'm your mother," said Morgana, her brow wrinkling.

Arthur laughed. "I think I would know if you had any kids, Morgana. And you aren't old enough. You would have had to have him when you were about eight, I think."

"So Mother," continued Gwaine, "how are my brothers? Agravaine and the rest. You know, there was a chap I met named Agravaine… Arthur's uncle, he was, which is weird because it's not a common name…"

"What are you talking about?" said Arthur. "Agravaine is the brother of Ygraine, my mother. That's the only Agravaine around."

"Look," Merlin cut in uneasily, "We've all determined, I think, that no one is anyone's mother around here. So let's just go back to trying to kill each other. Morgause, put your weapon back up, and we'll just…"

Then Mordred spotted Arthur.

"Father!"

Morgana turned pink. "What did you just call him?" She looked at Arthur. "You're his father?"

"I don't think so…"

And in the ensuing kerfuffle, which included many cries of dismay and disgust, as well as exclamations of disbelief and one disembodied "I KNEW IT!",Lancelot turned to Merlin and said quite calmly:

"Did you know your father was the Devil?"

"…What?"

And later Merlin would say that Lancelot quite deserved that black eye, because every man must defend his mother.

Well… except Gwaine, apparently.

A/N: I'm alerting you all to the fact that I used the word kerfuffle. And that my title is punny. That is all. Hope you enjoyed!