Title: "Staring at the Sun"

Author: Lila

Rating: PG-13/Light R

Character/Pairing: Tyler, Tyler/Caroline

Spoiler: "The Birthday"

Length: one-shot

Summary: Tyler perfects the art of self-control

Disclaimer: Not mine, just borrowing them for a few paragraphs.

Author's Note: I thought I was done with fanfic, but it came back begging for me to write. So here it is: Tyler, Caroline, and how they spent their summer. Title courtesy of Tv on the Radio. Enjoy.

Summer begins.

It's three days after Elena dies and comes back to life when he opens his front door to find Caroline standing on his porch wearing a black bikini and her sad face.

He knows that face, hates that face, because it's a face that means talking about Matt and her pain and watching the kind of movies that make his soul die a little with each passing minute.

She smiles brightly when she sees him, the way she smiled before she killed someone and he killed someone, the way she smiled when she was still alive. "Hi!" she says in a voice that's just as bright and pushes into the house. "Pretty day, huh?"

She slides past him, dropping articles of clothing as she moves: her shorts in the foyer, her tank top in the kitchen. He doesn't say anything, doesn't care that his mouth is hanging open, because all he can see is pale, bare skin and a black bikini revealing more than it hides.

He blinks, to make sure it's all real, because he might be a werewolf and she might be a vampire, but last he checked, Mystic Falls doesn't contain a time warp.

"Caroline?" he manages to say, still watching as she steps onto the back deck.

She turns, the sunlight from the open door catching in her hair, and that smile is blinding. "We could have died," she says and she's still smiling but her lips are trembling in a way he doesn't like. "You're my friend and I need this, okay?" Her smile dims a bit and he sucks in a breath because he'd go through a transformation every week of his life if it meant keeping that look off her face. "Let's drink some beer and sit by the pool and be normal for once."

"Okay," he says and breathes out in relief when her smile brightens again. "I'll get the beer."

She's sprawled in a chair when he steps onto the deck with a six-pack in one hand and a bag of chips in the other, and he blinks again to make sure there's really a beautiful girl in a black bikini lying out on his deck.

She takes a beer and hands him one and proposes a toast. "To being normal," she says and raises her bottle.

"To being normal," he agrees and follows her lead, clinks with her and smiles as she settles into her chair, a pair of enormous sunglasses covering half her face.

His body temperature hovers at 105 degrees but he doesn't protest, just lays back in the sunlight beside his vampire (non)girlfriend.

He glances at Caroline, takes in the slack, relaxed lines of her face. He's never been able to say no to her.

There will never be anything normal about them; doesn't mean he won't try.

School's over and Caroline insists he have a party at the Lockwood swim hole. He remembers the last party, trying to feel up Amy Bradley while surrounded by his uncle's chains. He represses the shudder, but nixes the party.

"C'mon, Tyler," Caroline whines, bats her eyelashes and everything, but even without the dramatics he knows he'll cave. Saying no…never to her.

"Okay," he says. "I'll provide the beer, but you have to take care of everything else."

Her eyes light up and she throws her arms around his neck and squeals in his ear so loudly he worries he might go deaf, but he doesn't push her away.

He tightens his arms around her and breathes her in.

She smells like sun and summer. He could get used to it.

There's kegs and Katy Perry and half the senior class and it feels a bit like he's fallen a year into the past.

He remembers the party last year, when he and Matt were still friends and he thought Elena just had really bad taste in men. He didn't know then but still…he looks around and Elena is there looking like someone just killed her cat. He smiled more last summer. They all did.

"Yo, Tyler," a voice calls and he turns to see Kyle Greenwood standing in the lake, Sophie March perched on his shoulders. "Game on!"

He doesn't want to play. He should probably tell a bad joke to make Elena feel better or reach out to Matt about why they still aren't friends, but Caroline grabs his hand, her fingers cool against his heated ones, and tugs him towards the water.

"You're on!" she laughs and there's a smile on her face, but he can see the pleading in her eyes: I need this, I want this, we need to be normal.

She lets him toss her over one shoulder as he runs to the water and her laughter is the best thing he's heard all year. She climbs onto his shoulders and he hooks his fingers around her calves and he's thankful the water is waist deep because his body is having an embarrassing reaction to the way her thighs are clamped around his head.

Her bikini is blue this time and the straps are on the thicker side, but her thighs are smooth and soft and he has to actually remind himself not to turn his head and bury his face between them.

Her fingers tighten in his hair and she sometimes forgets how strong she is so it hurts but he doesn't mind. Her skin is all around him and her laughter is filling him and he needs the distraction.

It's going to be a long summer.

Fourth of July rolls around and there's a barbeque at the town pool and Caroline presides over the entire affair wearing a ridiculous red bikini with all kinds of crazy blue and white fireworks all over it.

She should look totally cheesy and would look totally cheesy if not for how good her skin looks against all that red. He wonders if he can untie the knots at her hips with just his teeth.

She nods at something her mom says and stands up, stretches her arms over her head in a way that makes her breasts stand out from her chest, and he hears rather than feel the bottle in his hand shatter into bits between his fingers.

"Are you okay man?" Jeremy asks but he just shakes his head and dives neatly into the pool.

The water is blessedly cool. He hopes it will be enough.

It's not enough and he takes Sophie to the movies during the third week of July.

They're barely in their seats and Shia LeBeouf hasn't even blown anything up yet when she climbs into his lap and kisses him.

She's doing all the right things with her mouth so he kisses her back and slides his hands through her hair.

Her fingers are creeping down his chest and towards the zipper on his shorts and he pulls tighter, harder. Sophie is warm and willing and she isn't insisting that they're just friends. He can't help it.

"Ouch," she yells, actually yells, and the annoyed whispers of other theatergoers are drowned out by the roaring noise in his ears. He remembers Sarah, the easy way he tossed her aside and ended her life, how much damage one flick of his wrist could inflict.

Sophie isn't Caroline. She'll break like everyone else.

He drops his hands to her shoulders and whispers an "I'm sorry" against her mouth.

She's Sophie March so she matches his lame apology with a dopey grin and sinks to her knees.

Her hands are on his zipper and slipping inside his shorts and he leans back in his seat and closes his eyes.

He doesn't touch her again.

They follow up the movie date in a theater with a movie date in Sophie's living room a week later. Her parents are gone and no one has touched the popcorn or paid much attention to what's on the television, and she's grinding on top of him while he keeps reminding himself not to press too hard or he might accidentally plunge a fist through her spine.

It's a pain in the ass. Sophie is hot, all blonde hair and big boobs and a tendency to take her clothes off without being asked, but he remembers Sarah. It sometimes feels like every time he closes his eyes he can see her lifeless ones staring back at him.

Sophie doesn't notice and only works harder, slides her tongue over his stomach in a way that makes him groan. It's been a long time and he spends most of his free time with Caroline and her never ending wardrobe of bikinis. He deserves this.

He reaches for the hem of her tank top and pulls it over her head and her bare breasts are soft against his chest. He groans again and cups one in his hand, slides his thumb over her nipple.

It's her turn to moan and she does, right in his ear, blonde hair tickling his cheek, and it feels good but sounds all wrong.

Last week he bought Caroline a chocolate shake at the Grille and even though she no longer needs to eat, the only way he can describe the look on her face would be orgasmic. He remembers the way she moaned when she took the first sip and how his jeans suddenly felt tight.

Sophie drags his other hand down her stomach and under her skirt but he can't get Caroline out of his head, the way her skin would flush and her hands would shake and her voice would break when she said his name…

His old self wants to kick his new self's ass, but he still pushes Sophie away and mumbles a half-hearted apology.

He knows what he wants, the only thing he wants, even if he can't have it.

They've perfected the routine, but there are three full moons over the course of the summer.

Every time he wakes up in her arms.

It rains the first two weeks of August and he misses the sun but he's thankful he doesn't have to be around Caroline in bikinis any longer.

On the last sunny day he laid on the deck and she wore a purple bikini that seemed to glow against the paleness of her skin. It had hooked between her breasts with a tiny bow and there had been nothing he wanted to do more than to dig his fingers under each triangle of fabric and pull.

She's wearing an old t-shirt and sweatpants today but they're his clothes and he tries not to think about it. Every inch of skin is covered but she smells like him and looks tiny and vulnerable in clothes too big for her. Most of the time she's stronger than him; he likes the roles reversing, even just on the surface.

She's lying with her head on his shoulder and she's crying, tears soaking into the cotton of his t-shirt while James Franco dies onscreen. He's wearing armor and keeps talking in a terrible British accent and the movie is completely awful but he likes the way it makes Caroline behave.

There's usually a careful distance between them but today she's curled up against him so close that he can feel her hipbone digging into his side. It's doing bad things to his body parts hidden by the blanket, but he ignores it because he doesn't know how much longer it will go on.

"I mean, this movie!" she wails. "Why can't they just be together?"

He stills the hand rubbing circles across her back and for half a second he's tempted to grab her shoulders and make her look at him, really look at him, and look harder at the words coming out of her mouth.

It's a movie and James Franco loves his blonde girl. Nothing should be keeping them apart.

Caroline realizes her mistake and she pulls away, sits up and brushes the tears from her eyes. "I guess not every movie can have a happy ending right?"

Tyler's blonde girl forces an awkward smile and turns to the business of ejecting the dvd.

He falls back on the coach with his hands covering his eyes.

He hates when the movies are just like real life.

It keeps raining and Caroline insists the weather is bad for Elena's already bad mood and throws a dinner party at the Gilbert house.

He mostly hangs out with Jeremy and tries to ignore the way Damon's eyes follow Elena every time she moves across the room.

He knows he does it himself, even though Caroline isn't wearing a bikini, but he can't help watching her gather up the dishes and follow Elena into the kitchen.

Damon's eyes slide back to the living room quickly, so quickly that Tyler thinks he might have missed it had he not been doing the same thing himself.

"Does it get easier?" he asks later, when the girls are whispering about something in the corner and Jeremy is on the phone with Bonnie and Alaric is opening another bottle of scotch.

"What?" Damon asks and pretends he's watching the evening news and not his brother's girlfriend.

"Not having what you want most?"

He expects denial or some nasty retort, but Damon only looks sad and annoyed before smiling one of those smiles that means he's feeling anything but amused. "No," he says, soft and menacing, and Tyler remembers why he sometimes wishes Damon hadn't survived his bite. "Time doesn't heal all wounds. It just rips them open."

Jeremy has joined the girls and Caroline laughs at something Elena says and it twists up inside Tyler, slides through him and lodges in his heart.

He forces himself to look away from her. It shouldn't hurt this much.

His mother corners him one morning before his run.

"About you and Caroline…" she starts but he cuts her off in mid-sentence with the words Caroline's trained him to say.

"We're just friends," he promises but the frown on his mother's face tells him that she doesn't believe him.

He doesn't blame her. He doesn't believe it himself.

Matt won't talk to him.

He tries at the barbeque and the swim hole and even at the Grille until Matt threatens to have him removed so he can do his job and pay his mom's mortgage.

That makes Tyler feel really guilty so he mostly just hangs out by the pool table when he's not with Caroline and misses his friend.

"We're not together," he tells Matt one day while he's pouring his coffee.

Matt's jaw tightens and he sets down the pot, sees through him the way he always has. "But you want her, right?"

He walks away when Tyler can't deny the truth.

He might not be with Caroline but that doesn't make it any less a lie.

He decides he can't take it anymore.

When Jeremy Gilbert is openly laughing at him, it's time to get a life.

"Hey, Sophie," he says when Caroline is in the bathroom. "What are you doing tonight?"

Caroline looks beautiful. It's the first thought that crosses his mind when he shows up at Elena's party. He has a girl with him wearing a dress that's missing a back and so tight he's wondering how she can still breathe, and all he can think about is how good Caroline looks with her hair falling all curly around her face.

It takes her a second to make eye contact and he remembers their earlier conversation. He told Caroline that he's horny. He actually used the word horny and the only redeeming part about it was how wide her eyes got and how flustered she sounded when she admitted the same thing.

He stares at her in that black dress and feels her eyes on him as he walks through the door with his hand on Sophie's bare back. Her eyes are heated and blue and they'd probably feel like they were burning holes through him if his skin wasn't already on fire.

He hated that Caroline, the jealous, insecure one he knew for the first sixteen years of his life, and he's tempted to drop Sophie and tell Caroline the truth, but he's been down that road before and he knows how it ends.

He watches her fingers tighten around a bottle of Jack Daniels and ignores the way she's staring him down hard enough to hurt.

She set the rules. He only plays by them.

She changes the rules mid-party and he's angry, even a little furious.

He's played the friends game all summer but enough is enough. If she won't give in, then he deserves to move on. She can't have it both ways.

There's some of the old Caroline lurking inside though and the selfish, spoiled girl he used to know makes a reappearance.

"What is your problem? You're pissed that I brought someone?" he asks even though he knows exactly what is going on. Knowing is half the battle, but he needs to hear her say it. He needs her to hear herself say it.

"Why would I be pissed?" she asks and launches into an offense that's really a defense. "You brought a date. You're dating. That's awesome."

She sounds like she thinks it's anything but awesome but he hides the smile and keeps going. It's been half a year since he let himself say this much. He can't stop now. "Okay, should I not be dating?

"Hey, you're horny all the time. Right? You're a guy who has needs."

"Because if I shouldn't be dating, all you gotta to do is say something. If you don't say something, then I'm gonna keep dating." He watches her mind work as she puts it all together, weighs the pros and cons before drawing back into her corner.

"What would I say?" she asks and he loses his patience. He doesn't want to lose her but he's starting to think he can't be her friend anymore either.

"Don't do that, Caroline. I've already been there once with you and you said no. You shut me down. I'm not going back there again unless you make it crystal clear to me – "

She's kissing him. She's pushing him against a wall and kissing him. He can feel her breasts against his chest and her hands on his face and her skin is cool where his is warm but her mouth is hot and it's opening under his.

He presses his hands to her cheeks and pulls her closer, slants his mouth over hers until he remembers that he still has to breathe.

"Let's get out of here," he whispers and expects the moment to be over but she surprises him in ways she hasn't all summer.

"Uh huh," she manages to say and doesn't protest when he slips his fingers between hers and drags her to the door.

It's not a werewolf thing that makes sex with Caroline amazing.

He thinks it is, when she's tugging at the buttons on his shirt and he's pulling her dress over her head and she's literally throwing him on the bed.

He could be angry but he mostly finds it sexy as hell, the strength inside her, how she comes to him from exactly the same place. He flips her in turn and sinks into the cradle of her thighs, all that soft, smooth skin pressing coolly against his bare skin.

He tells himself it's a perk of being a supernatural when he slides inside her without protection, cups her cheeks in his hands and stares into clouded blue eyes. He's never been with a girl like this before, but there's no risk and he's never felt so close to someone.

He tells himself it's because he can feel her, literally feel her tightening around him, and it's the kind of good that makes him think he might actually blackout when he comes.

He knows though, even though he doesn't want to admit it to himself, doesn't want to make this too much when it's already everything: it's Caroline that makes sex with Caroline amazing and he wonders after this if he'll ever be able to go back to anything else.

She makes the decision for him the way she always does.

Summer ends.

He wakes up alone.

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