THIS IS IT! My gosh you guys it's been a fun ride! I can't wait to get started on a new fic :D

This chapter is dialogue heavy, which I hate but it was the only way to get it flowing xD It still feels too short... but eh, it's done now!

THANK YOU so much to all those who have said such kind things about this fic, I'm so glad people have enjoyed it!

Last Rites Chapter 6

The days started to meld together as Sebastian returned to his daily duties as a brother in the Chantry, feeling like the biggest fraud in Thedas. He was grieving, but he could not tell anyone why, but if anyone noticed his sudden withdrawal they did not question it. Even Elthina avoided asking him directly what was wrong, knowing that whatever emotions he was feeling for whatever reasons, were too raw to talk about yet. The ritual of sleep, work, eat if he remembered, were the best comfort he could find now. He was plagued by dreams of blond hair and brown eyes and woke several times in a night, bathed in a cold sweat.

After a week… or was it two? Hawke finally returned to Kirkwall, full of tales from his adventure to an Orlesian estate and absolutely clueless of what had happened in his absence. Sebastian knew he would have to be the one to break the news to the others, the Templars gave no thought to friends or family of the apostates they brought in or disposed of.

It was the first time he had left the Chantry since the Gallows; he wore only a tunic and trousers, his armour untouched since the last mission he had been on with Hawke. He caught Elthina's eye as he walked towards the doors leading out to High Town. He merely shook his head sadly at her. She would not understand. How could she? The night was cold but Sebastian could barely feel it as he walked, wishing the gnawing in the pit of his stomach would desist.

The Hanged Man was exactly as he always found it, noisy and dirty and full of fools. He spotted the group at their usual table in the corner.

"Sebastian!" Isabela's eyes twinkled as she spotted him, "We HAVE missed you, we have lots of exciting stories from our trip to the country!"

"Where is Hawke?" He asked abruptly, earning a sulky pout from Isabela and a few raised eyebrows from the others.

"He's not here tonight Choir Boy," Varric shrugged "Said he was feeling tired and was going to wait for Anders at his estate." Fenris made a noise at that, and Sebastian couldn't help but narrow his eyes slightly. It seemed the only person to notice the sudden increase in tension was Merrill, and she moved towards Aveline.

"I can't understand why Hawke would settle for an abomination of all things. There is no accounting for taste." Fenris spat.

"He is not an abomination."

"Excuse me?"

"Anders." Sebastian's voice was quiet and steady, but very unsettling. "Is not an abomination."

Fenris couldn't help but sneer, his dislike of Anders was no secret after all. "Sure. Because possessed mages aren't abominations if it's Anders. Nice to know your stance has also changed, clearly you've done some bonding while the rest of us have been awa-"

Sebastian didn't know what had come over him as he grabbed Fenris by the collar of his armour, blinded by a sudden rage at the elf's disregard. He slammed the warrior up against a wall, spilling drinks.

"Sebastian!" Aveline was already up and pulling them apart, Fenris' eyes were flashing with anger but he heeded the strong grip of the woman in between them and stayed back. The red haired woman turned to Sebastian, who was still glaring at the elf. "What in the Maker's name has got into you?"

"None of you have a sodding clue what's gone on here while you've all been away at some Orlesian mansion!" Sebastian was unable to keep the waver out of his voice. They were all staring at him now; even other patrons had turned to watch the drama.

"What are you talking about?" Varric frowned, "Has something happened to Blondie?"

Suddenly the room was spinning and Sebastian felt sick, the gnawing finally giving way to full blown nausea. "He… he was arrested 2 weeks ago." Merrill gasped and Isabela swore, but he was staring at the floor now, trying not to fall over. "They- They didn't wait. They executed him… He's gone." He felt Aveline holding onto his arm and he felt a rush of gratitude for her steadying him.

Now he could hear Merrill starting to cry and Isabela swearing under her breath some more, Fenris looked confused and Varric seemed to be, for the first time, out of words.

"I have to go." Sebastian whispered, pulling his arm away from Aveline and making his way to the door as fast as possible, ignoring the woman calling after him.

The rank air of Low Town did nothing to ease the nausea, and Sebastian dry-heaved in the alleyway next to the tavern before starting the long jog to High Town. He HAD to see Hawke, to tell him what happened; especially now the others knew.

By the time he reached the Amell estate he felt almost delirious, choking back the emotions that threatened to spill over the surface from two long weeks of suppression. He knocked on the door, leaning heavily against it. He expected Bodahn to answer, but Hawke was suddenly stood in front of him, a thinly veiled look of disappointment turning quickly to concern on the other man's face, he'd obviously been expecting Anders.

"Sebastian… Are you alright?"

"Anders is dead." He couldn't find any other way to say it, it hurt too much and now the dam was broken and the hot tears spilled over his cheeks. He felt himself being pulled into the warmth of the estate, the door shut behind him.

"What in the Void are you talking about?" Hawke shook Sebastian roughly by the shoulders as panic began to grip him.

"Templars…" Sebastian managed, "They took him Hawke… He's gone." The rough hands let him go suddenly, and he sank onto the bench next to the door.

Hawke stood facing away from him, his hand covering his face. "Why wasn't he here? Why… Why didn't he stay here like we agreed?"

Sebastian didn't know if this was a rhetorical question or not, so answered "He didn't want to stay here without you. He felt like he was intruding." He'd never realized how selfless Anders was, always being overly polite when it came to things like that. So many "what-ifs" were plaguing the archers mind.

"That fool… That bloody fool…" Hawke's voice broke as his own tears came, "I had it all planned… Everything was going to be okay… Why did he… I loved him!"

Sebastian's head snapped up at that and he stared at Hawke. "You what?"

"I loved him Sebastian. I was waiting for him today to tell him, tell him how I felt…I can't believe… FUCK!" The warrior punched the wall next to him, as Sebastian sat dumbfounded.

"You loved him all this time and you didn't say anything?" The bright blue of Sebastian's eyes was flashing with something that Hawke couldn't quite work out through his own emotions.

"Fuck I didn't know what I felt… After that night we spent together I guess I loved him yeah, I just never said anything. Didn't know how."

"Is that why you left him here when you went to Chateau Haine?" The other man whispered.

Hawke stared at Sebastian, "Are you… Are you saying this is MY fault?" The warrior's dark brows suddenly knotted together. "Wait… Why do YOU care so much? You didn't even like Anders!"

"Do not assume to know how I feel about anyone Hawke." Sebastian retorted, "All I know is that I was there when you were not. I comforted that man in his final hours while you were off sipping wine with nobles!" In an instant Sebastian found himself held by the front of his shirt, inches away from a snarling Hawke.

"So what Sebastian? You saying that Anders suddenly loved you and not me? After all these years? Don't be a fool. He always loved me." He hissed, as the other man stared back unrelenting, his blue eyes intense. Hawke continued his tirade, his words laced with venomous rage. "So why didn't you save him? You could have prevented this. You're blaming me, but you were the one who saw him last. You did nothing. You let him die."

The defiance in Sebastian's eyes finally died, and his arms dropped. "Would my death have helped anything Hawke?" He asked quietly "As I left him in that cell all I wanted to do was break him out of there, however I could. But there was nothing I could do. The Gallows is not made for daring escapes, just misery and death."

"You were with him there? In the Gallows?" Hawke gasped, his grip loosening slightly.

"I was asked to give him his last rites…" Sebastian almost revealed more about the encounter, but he realized he didn't want to share it. Not with Hawke, not with anyone. What had happened in that cell was his and his alone, now that Anders was no longer here to share it with. He suddenly had an overwhelming desire to be alone. He had done what he had come to do.

Sebastian pushed Hawke off him, straightening his shirt as he did so. "Anders loved you Hawke. I am not deluded." His right hand moved instinctively down the leather band around his left wrist, a motion that Hawke noticed. His eyes grew wide as he recognized the band and he slunk back, his shoulders slumped with a sudden exhaustion.

"He is gone Hawke. And we're both left only with our regrets. I have nothing else to say now; I will leave you with your grief."

Hawke didn't say anything as Sebastian left his house, but once the door was closed behind him Sebastian heard the guttural scream of sorrow from a broken man.

"Only our regrets…" He twirled the leather band around his wrist, before putting his hands in his pockets and starting the walk back to the Chantry.

He would leave for Starkhaven in the morning.

-End-