A fucking intervention? Are you kidding me? Ang is across the room leaning on a bookshelf, smirking at me as if to say 'I told you so'. I look to my right, to Brittany, hoping to send her a gaze that will make her call this whole thing off. She doesn't though, just shoots me back a sympathetic little pout and squeezes my hand. Fine, then. I'll get them out of my hair myself.
"Guys, I don't need this. I'm fine. Whatever you think is going on here, you're wrong," I tell them.
"Santana, you look like you got hit by a truck. You're covered in bruises and cuts. Puck told us what's been going on, and it's not okay," Mr. Schue says.
"It's not like I'm on drugs! I'm not doing anything illegal," I argue.
"That's not the issue, Santana. You're being self destructive, and we're afraid you're losing sight of yourself," he continues.
"So in other words, you all think I'm insane," I shrug.
"Santana, we're not saying that. But you don't sleep unless somebody knocks you out, you hardly eat…" Puck interjects.
"Yeah, and San…who were you saying you were arguing with before out in the car?" Quinn asks.
"I told you Quinn, it was Ang! She was feeding me the same psycho babble bullshit you all are right now. I don't need it!" I holler.
"Um…"
"Santana, Ang your older sister? She died remember?" Miss. Pilsbury questions me. I still see Ang, in the far corner of the room, reading one of Miss. Pilsbury's motivational posters.
"If she's dead, then why is she here?" I shout, pointing over toward her. Everybody looks for a moment then looks back at me. Coach Sue scratches her head. Brittany squeezes my hand tighter. Miss Pilsbury scribbles something down on a pad. I swear I hear her whisper 'hallucinations' and 'worse than we thought'.
"No! No, she's right there! She's right over there by the poster! Ang, tell them!" I yell.
"Good job making them think you're not crazy," she mocks.
"I'm not crazy! I'm not, and you know it! Tell them!" I shout and she just shakes her head at me.
"Brittany, Brittany, you see her right? Right there? You see her right baby?" I plead, looking as deep into Brittany's eyes as I can. She bites her bottom lip and looks to the corner one more time before catching my gaze again.
"I want to, San…I really do…" she mumbles. I fall to my knees at this in front of Brittany, holding onto her hips, glaring into her eyes with my tear filled ones.
"Please baby, you know me. Tell them I'm not crazy. You know me Brit! You know I'm not crazy! Please tell them baby. Please," I beg.
"Sanny…I…let's just listen to what Miss Pilsbury has to say, alright?" is all she says, pulling me back into my chair. I hear Ang laugh a little in the corner and look up at her.
"Even your girlfriend thinks you're nuts. I told you," she mocks, flipping through one of Miss Pilsbury's pamphlets.
"Shut up Ang! Just leave me alone!" I yell, and Brittany wraps both arms around me, trying to calm me down.
"Santana, last night when you were with my mom I went to see Mr. Schue before I brought you back that food. And all of us ended up talking last night and set this up," Puck explains.
"And it's pretty clear to all of us that you need help. We aren't judging you. We want you to get better," Quinn adds.
"So Sue called in a favor, and when we talked to your parents they signed off. We got you in at Pine Hollow. It's the best…mental…care facility in the whole state. There's a two year waiting list typically, but luckily with Sue's connections we got you a room on 24 hours notice," Mr. Schue explains.
"What? No! You can't make me go there! Brittany, you can't let them try to do this!" I whine.
"Santana, I'm sorry. But since you're causing harm to yourself and you are a minor, you have to go because your parents signed off on it," Miss Pilsbury tells me and I feel myself starting to hyperventilate.
"So my parents signed papers to send me to the nut bin even though they didn't know where I was last night?" I question. Honestly I'm not surprised. They probably thought they were adoption papers and they'd finally be getting rid of me. My room's probably a wine cellar already.
"Santana, don't think negatively about this. It's not a bad place. It's a place you can go rest, get some perspective. They have very skilled doctors there who will figure out what you need. You'll have a room, a bed, 3 hot meals a day…it's going to be so good for you," Miss Pilsbury tries to justify as she passes brochures for this funny farm around to everyone.
"Don't beat around the bush! You're all fucking having me committed! I'm not crazy!" I cry.
"Alright, Lopez, listen up cause this is all I'm gonna say and then we're going to get your bags and getting on the road. Everyone in this room is here because they were scared if they didn't do something we'd be standing over your body in a casket one day soon. This isn't a hate crime, or us shunning you, this is something you need and instead of being so damn stubborn you need to grab it with both hands and get everything you can out of it. Schuester, Bambi and I are paying cash, our own personal money for you to go to this facility. Quinn has agreed to come every week and teach your lessons so you can still graduate this year. And Puck and Brittany are on care package detail, they're going to make sure you have everything you need to be as comfortable as possible. So go get your stuff, I'll drive you and Brittany to your house to pack your clothes and then we have to hit the road. They're expecting you at lunchtime and it's a 3 and a half hour drive," Sue rambles. I know she's trying tough love with me but it doesn't help. I feel lost, scared and so damn rejected. The people I thought always had my back in this world are sending me to the loony bin. They all say they'll visit but I know they won't. Nobody wants me anymore.
The ride to my house in the back of Sue's car is awkward and I wish I was anywhere else. Ang of course weaseled her way in and I'm between her and Brittany in the backseat.
"You gonna follow me everywhere now?" I groan and she just grins.
"What Sanny?" Brittany replies, thinking I was talking to her.
"I was talking to Ang," I tell her.
"You think Ang is in here too?" Brittany asked.
"Um, she's right next to me, following me everywhere! And this is all your fault too, Ang. You're making everybody think I'm crazy. Why can't you just go away?" I whimper, sitting back in the seat and closing my eyes.
"If you'd shut up nobody would think you're crazy! But you just keep on arguing with me," she hisses, crossing her arms.
"Cause you're being an ass! Now I'm getting thrown in the loony bin and it's all your fault!" I whine. Brittany tries to comfort me by putting her hand on my knee but it doesn't help much. It still feels like she's throwing me away.
When we finally get to my house, I'm not surprised that my dad is nowhere to be found and my mom is still sleeping on the couch.
"Be quiet. If mom sees you she'll wig out," I tell Ang as we walk up the stairs toward my room. Brittany follows us with a few duffle bags she brought from home and she starts packing my clothes. I'm too busy looking at all my things, pictures of Brit and I at Cedar Point and at the beach, of Quinn and I as little kids at Chuck-E-Cheese, of Puck and I riding our bikes around the block.
"Sanny, you want to take your pictures?" Brit asks, holding the bag close to me so I can throw them in. I ponder for a moment before putting them back down where I found them.
"No," I reply.
"Sanny, don't hate us. We're doing this because we love you and you're sick," Brittany whimpers, picking up the pictures and putting them in anyway.
"Why do you love me? You all made it clear you think I'm just a nutcase. And soon none of you will even come back to visit. Once the doctors tell you I'm crazy and it's real…everyone will just forget me there and I'll die there alone," I reply, sitting on my bed.
"Sanny, that'll never happen. We love you. I love you, so much. This isn't easy for me either, but I promise I'll visit as much as they let me," Brittany promises.
"I did it for you, Brit. I just wanted to be brave. I just wanted to be someone you could believe in…I let you down that night, and I'm sorry," I whimper.
"Sanny are you kidding? You didn't let me down. Something bad happened, it happened to both of us. Do you forget who took the beating that night? I know in my heart if he would have swung at me you would've taken him out. You're my hero, San. I can't believe you'd doubt that," Brittany replies.
"I'm not a hero. I'm a nutcase," I mutter and grabbing a bag, I head back downstairs with Brittany and Ang in tow.
XxXxXxXxXxX
It's several hours later that we pull up to the creepiest looking building I've ever seen. It's gated in, of course, and even though the property is nicely landscaped, it's still eerie in a way that tells me the inside is not as serene.
We pull up to the front doors where a woman in a long white lab coat is waiting. She's pretty good looking and honestly looks too young to be a doctor.
"Woah, she's hot," Ang announces.
"Shut up. Wait, you're not gay," I point out and she just laughs.
"I am when I'm you, duh. Watch. Hey girl, how you doin?" she looks over at Brittany, reaching over to touch her leg.
"Hey! Don't hit on my girlfriend," I snap.
"Well one of us should," she shrugs. Sue stops the car and her and Brittany step out to gather my things from the trunk.
"Let's do this," Ang says and I sigh, stepping out of the car so very unwillingly.
"Hi, you must be Santana," the doctor lady approaches me.
"Yeah," I grumble, shaking her hand.
"I'm Doctor West. Is this your family?" she asks as Brittany and Sue gather next to me. I sigh, already annoyed, wondering how many people I'll have to introduce myself to.
"My girlfriend Brittany, yes I'm gay, so let's just get that out and save you tons of paperwork huh? My teacher Ms. Sylvester. And my sister, Angela," I introduce them all to her.
"Brittany, nice to meet you, and Sue I believe we've already spoken. And um…Angela?" she questions, looking at me and not right next to me where Angela's standing.
"Hallucinations," Sue whispers and I fight the urge to hit her. Why does everyone keep saying that?
"Oh, you didn't mention that on the phone. Well, why doesn't everybody come with me? I'll give you the tour, show you your room, and once you're settled Brittany and Sue can get back on the road and you and I can talk in private," she suggests and we all follow her to the entrance.
The lights inside the building are ridiculously bright, and it smells like floor cleaner in every room we go to. We walk through a common area, where there's a TV and some board games with some cheap looking faux leather furniture. She takes us up and down a few corridors where the rooms are, and at the end of each one is a room with blacked out windows and a door labeled 'Isolation'.
Downstairs is a small dining hall, it smells like canned peas and dirty wash rags. There's a few people in there eating, but she tells us I can eat in my room if I feel more comfortable.
My room is small, and while it's built for two people, she tells us the other side of the room is unoccupied at this time. There's no bathroom, because all showers have to be supervised for patients on this floor. I guess that means they already think I'm crazy too.
She tells me to think of things that will help me feel at home and we can address them when we talk later. She says I can have friends send packages or bring me treats from home, but they will be searched by her and the nursing staff before I'm allowed to have them, to make sure there's no drugs or weapons. I can't have a cell phone, but I can have cigarettes and candy if someone brings them to me.
Brittany seems glad about the "privileges" they're giving me, but I can't help but feel as though it's prison. People are only allowed to visit me on certain days, and that can't even happen until I'm here for a while and they diagnose me. When Dr. West says "diagnose", I feel like some kind of outcast with an infectious, incurable disease.
Brittany helps me unpack my clothes while Ang helps herself to my bed and Sue talks to Dr. West.
"Brit, I don't want to be here. Please don't leave me here," I beg as she folds some of my shirts to put away.
"Sanny, this is good for you. They're going to help you," she tries to assure me, but it doesn't help. I feel like a dog being left on the side of a highway that nobody wants anymore.
"Brit, please! I love you. I was doing it for you! Don't leave me here, I'm scared! Please Brit!" I plead, this time unable to control my tears. I drop down to my knees and wrap myself around one of Brittany's legs.
"San it'll be okay. I'll come visit you as soon as you're ready for visitors. Right now you just have to be brave. Just remember how much I love you," Brittany replies, trying to pull me off her leg.
"No! Britty please I'll be a good girlfriend! I'll be a good girlfriend I swear!" I cry, holding on for dear life.
"You are a good girlfriend. You always take care of me. I'm doing this for you, Sanny. I love you," she manages to pry herself free and walks toward the door.
"Brit…please don't go…don't leave me here. I'm not crazy…I'm not crazy," I sob, huddled on the floor.
"Come on, Brittany we have to go. This is what she needs," I hear Sue say, as if she could tell Brittany was getting close to changing her mind.
"Bye Sanny. I'll see you in a few weeks, okay? I love you," I can hear tears in Brittany's voice now too. She shuffles back over to me and leans down, turning me over so she can see my face.
"Be brave," she whispers and leans down, kissing my lips. She pulls away a few seconds later, wiping my tears away with her thumb and stands back up.
"Don't go, Brit…" I whimper, watching as she goes to leave. It's the lowest I've ever felt in my life, laying on the cold laminate floor of this stupid mental hospital, watching the love of my life walk out, thinking that this place is better for me than home with her. She just wipes away a few of her own tears and shoots me a little wave before walking out and closing the door behind her. I force myself up and rush to the window, which is blockaded by rusty metal bars, and stare until I see them back outside with Dr. West, heading toward the car. Brittany's got her face buried in her hands, crying, and Sue's got an arm around her trying to comfort her. Dr. West tells them a bunch of things that I can't hear and Brittany takes one last look at the building before she steps in the car. She sees me right away, staring out, my fists clutching the metal bars to the point of turning my knuckles white, and looks at me like she sees a puppy at the pound who will get put to sleep tomorrow.
That's exactly how I feel.
Please be kind. I know this is dark and sad right now. Brittana is still endgame, by the way so don't even worry about that. Keep in mind this story is about violence, severe emotional trauma and mental illness, so if that's not up your alley I just advise that you not read this story. Of course I appreciate all of you who have continued with reading the story and given your kind reviews. I have never been more motivated with this story, so thank you =)