The Eagle Incident

The early bird may catch the worm, but Cub always catches the bird first. Unfortunately, Eagle learns the hard way. Companion piece to An Unexpected Return.

Disclaimer: I'm not Anthony Horowitz. Hell, I barely have time to be pygmymeese.

Note: A big thanks to So1said for her expertise editing! Any mistakes (or general bad writing) is strictly my fault (and you should tell me if there are mistakes or general bad writing... hint hint). (Like that parenthetical aside- was there any grammar in that sentence?)

IMPORTANT NOTE: Andrew is Eagle and Jason Chase is Snake. (Otherwise, you might get confused.)

He really should have known better. Eagle, despite being an everlasting seven-year-old, did have an instinct for survival. Most people only needed was an hour or so with Cub before realising that pissing him off was one of the stupidest ideas possible. Apparently, four years of friendship with Cub had taught Eagle nothing.

"Uncle Eagle, you promised!" Kathryn whined on the other end of the phone. "You said you'd take me out for ice cream if I got first place in my gymnastics competition. Uncle Cub already bought me the marshmallow gun he promised me."

Chuckling, Eagle slid open the door to his small balcony, a mug of tea cupped in his hands. Red light peeked out from behind the silhouettes of tall buildings. The sunset was hiding in an industrial maze beyond his flat, a fact with which Eagle was always a little disappointed. Dusk was his favourite time of day.

"Alright, alright, you'll get your ice cream, squirt. I did promise. Now give the phone back to your dad, so I can figure out when to plan our super-spectacular ice cream-dessert-sugar-rush extravaganza, okay? Night, Katy."

Eagle leaned against the railing and sipped his tea, waiting for the sound of shuffling to recede. Distantly, he heard Katy hand the phone to her dad. There was brief burst of static before Snake's familiar voice came onto the line. "Please don't tell me you promised her marshmallows for your present."

"Relax! I'm just taking her out for a night on the town." There was a brief, horrified silence. Eagle rolled his eyes. "Ice cream, Jason. I'm taking her out for ice cream."

The scowl on Snake's face was evident in his voice. "Excuse me for getting horrifying premonitions of my baby girl clubbing in downtown London," he grumbled. "I can barely handle her turning ten this year. She'll be in her double digits, Andrew. When did that happen? It was only yesterday she was a little bundle-"

"Yeah, yeah," Eagle interrupted, "we get the picture, Jason. You sentimental old codger."

"You're the one who's older than me," Snake replied pointedly.

"Ah, but I've got my youthful disposition to fall back on."

"Speaking of which, when were you planning this ice cream party?"

"I dunno, maybe later this week?" Eagle said, absently tapping the rim of his cup to his bottom lip. "Is there any day you need to get her out of your hair? I can do this Sunday afternoon and any time after six the rest of this week. Though tomorrow is completely out."

"Er… let me think. Katy's got practice on Wednesday, Sadie'll be home Friday, the in-laws are visiting this weekend. Which leaves Thursday. Does that work for you?"

"Yeah, that should work. When do you want me to pick her up?"

"Six thirty, seven?" Snake suggested.

"Seven, then. What's going on on Thursday?"

"Sadie's going to some dinner thing for work and Alex and I have a business meeting at The Bank."

Eagle perked up. "Oooh, business. That sounds covert."

"You're not finding out what he's doing, Andrew," Snake chastised.

"Doesn't mean I'll stop trying," Eagle responded as he slipped back into his flat.

"When Alex kills you, don't come crying to me."

"I'll try and remember that."

Whistling a jaunty little tune, Eagle knocked on the door to Snake's house.

"Anyone there?" he called. "I don't think leaving your friends stranded on your porch is very nice, you know."

The door creaked open to reveal Snake's disapproving face. "Teach Kathryn those bad manners and I will throw you in the Thames," he said, moving aside to let Eagle in. "I mean it."

Eagle ignored the (probably) empty threat. "Is Alex here yet?"

"He's-"

"-in the kitchen!" A voice called from the end of the hallway.

The two rolled their eyes. They had gotten used to Cub's near omniscience a while ago.

"-in the kitchen, getting his files sorted before we head out." Snake noticed the gleam in Eagle's eyes. "Don't even try it, Andrew. His work's classified for a reason."

"I can't help it!" Eagle complained. "He's just too secretive. Sometimes I think he deliberately leaves all those folders lying around so that he can taunt us about how much more he knows than us."

Snake shook his head at Eagle's whining. "Wait here. I'll go make sure Katy's getting ready," he said, jogging up the stairs. Eagle was left with the array of pictures hanging along the hall. He knew the pictures well, and recognised many of them. K-Unit was scattered throughout the frames, mingling with Jason and Sadie's other family and friends. His eyes were drawn to his favourite picture.

It was from four or five years ago. Snake had insisted on a happy, unit picture and instead, took the most awkward yet strangely accurate picture of all time. To the left, a scowling Wolf attempted to walk out of the picture. Eagle had firmly latched his hand to Wolf's arm, and looked to be loudly objecting his leaving. Cub stood on the right, arms crossed tight against his chest, likely because Eagle was also leaning on his shoulder with little regard to personal space or any bubbles that protected it. The entire picture was slightly crooked; Snake's attention must have been on getting Wolf to stay in the picture as well.

Footsteps echoed down the hall. "Andrew!" Eagle jumped and turned away from the picture.

The young man strolling towards him now was nothing like that old, remote Cub. Physically, he was still short and wiry, lean muscles hidden beneath a loose, untucked dress shirt. Brown eyes peaked out from beneath a fringe of dirty-blonde hair as did a newer, faint grey line that slid down the side of his forehead. The lines on his face had sharpened as the baby fat left, but beyond that, he didn't look very different. The change was mostly in his demeanour.

It had taken Cub a long time to reconcile with his past, but after he had, he flaunted his abilities. Eagle, for example, never did get the story behind that scar on his forehead. New Cub took sport in dodging explanations of any sort. Meanwhile, anyone was considered lucky if they lasted an hour of conversation with Cub without getting the answer, "Classified." He was James Bond 2.0, just with a lot less womanizing. (If Snake ever realised that there was womanizing, though, there would be hell to pay.) Wolf took the change in stride. Eagle teased and harassed Cub whenever he could. Snake, however, finally got his chance to play doting big brother, and it soon made perfect sense to find Cub at the Chase residence even when he and Snake weren't working together.

Smiling, Eagle waved a hello to Cub. "I swear, Alex, I only ever see you in this house. Just move in already and get Snake to adopt you."

Amusement flickered across Cub's face. "Nah, Alex Chase doesn't quite have the same ring as Alex Rider."

"Sad, but true," Eagle lamented, clapping a hand on Cub's shoulder.

"Listen, I've got a few files to find in my car-"

"-I don't understand how you find anything in that mess. Didn't the SAS manage to beat some organisation skills into you?"

"More likely beat them out of me," Cub retorted. "Anyway, I'll be right back." With a wave of his hand and a jingle of his keys, Cub was gone. The door was almost closed when he stuck his head back through the crack. "Also," he called back, "there's some lemonade in the fridge if you want some."

Eagle waited for the front door to click shut before rushing to the kitchen.

Okay, first things first, Eagle thought as he grabbed a glass and poured himself some lemonade. Cover story established. Now for the prize… Eagle turned to the centre table.

Folders were scattered everywhere, some stacked in clumsy files, others overflowing the table to commandeer the chairs and floor. Papers, most bearing the 'Classified' stamp, peeked out from between the mess of manila. One packet lay tantalisingly open in front of a skewed chair; Cub had obviously been sitting there.

With a chink that rung in the silence of the kitchen, Eagle set down his glass and paused.

Eagle had always been a curious soul. It was why he couldn't stand Cub lording it over him about his Stack of Official Folders. He could only handle so much temptation before giving in. However, he did understand the word 'classified.' It wasn't possible to work in the military (or be friends with so many MI6 agents) without having a healthy respect for secrets. Eagle shifted his weight.

But, god. What harm could one peek do? It wasn't like he was going to sell the information he read. And if Cub felt comfortable enough to leave his top secret, government-protected, classified papers out when he wasn't there, then he was practically inviting Eagle to look at them.

At least, that was what Eagle thought as he walked up to the open packet, carefully placed his hands on two spaces clear of any folders or papers, and began to read.

…implementation of such as outlined in point 3-a, iv. Thus, the effects of such a procedure would, overall, negatively impact the ability of the SAS to function in times of duress should the minimum number of necessary applicants fail to reach an appropriate ratio to those of MI6's Counter-Terrorism department. Furthermore, by taking into account the reliability of single agents specialising in the medical field, the necessity of the supposed "breakthrough" is called into question and raises the concern of inter-departmental co-operation versus-

Someone coughed.

Freezing up, Eagle lifted his eyes from the report in front of him. He didn't dare turn around. His hands clenched on the table, skin squeaking as they slid across the glass in fits and starts.

"Find anything interesting in there?" Alex asked.

Eagle sucked in a deep breath. "Well, um, f-funny story- er, ac-actually, you see, uh…" he started, finally turning around to face the younger man. He immediately wished he hadn't.

Alex slouched in front of him, body language and face suggesting nothing unusual at all. His hands were stuffed into his pockets and his head was tilted lazily up and to the side, eyes looking down at Eagle despite the fact he was the shorter man. The smile gracing his lips did not match the ice in his eyes.

"No, Eagle, I don't see. At least, I don't see anything except an old friend reading papers he really shouldn't be reading. Of course, if he didn't know better, I might let the whole thing slide. But here's the thing." Alex beckoned him closer. "I think he knew exactly what he was getting into," Alex stage whispered.

Eagle drifted towards his abandoned glass of lemonade. He took a sip, stalling. This is bad. Why the hell did I do that? From the corner of his eye, Alex stood, arms crossed now, waiting for some sort of response. Here goes nothing. "As I was saying-"

"Uncle Eagle!" Kathryn barrelled into his legs before he picked her up and swung her around in a circle.

Perfect timing, Eagle cheered. Alex turned to the table to compose his face. "You ready for some ice cream, Katy-Cat?" he said, pushing the mishap out of his mind.

"Yeah, let's go!" She pulled on his shirt and pulled him energetically towards the door.

Snake ruffled her head as he passed them in the way to sit at the table. "Don't be too much trouble for Uncle Eagle, okay sweetie?"

"Alright, daddy," Katy promised.

"And vice versa, Andrew," Snake said, voice dry.

"Me? Trouble?"

Alex was the one to respond. "You. Trouble. Just remember you get what you deserve, Andrew."

And with that, Eagle was dragged out of the kitchen, and thankfully, away from Alex.

It had been about a month since Eagle last saw Cub. K-Unit presumed he was off jet-setting on a "diplomatic errand" in some exotic location. (Never missions anymore; that would be tempting fate.) It didn't matter one way or another to Eagle, as long as Cub was nowhere near him to exact his revenge.

To make things even better, Eagle was back at an SAS training camp- and not for a refresher course. As a demolitions expert in a mobility troop, Eagle was extremely well versed in anything electronics- or engineering-related, and his expertise coupled with his enthusiasm for his subject made him a natural speaker. As such, Eagle was often called back to various bases across the UK to lecture both new recruits and old hands in between deployments.

While lecturing the newbies was less interesting than watching paint dry (paint was at least colourful), this time Eagle embraced the assignment with open arms. Bramley Camp was surely safe. Cub hadn't trained with the SAS in years and the fact that this camp did not allow any funny business whatsoever (poker games exempt) meant that there wouldn't be any back-up for Cub if he wanted revenge here. Eagle only wished that it wasn't one of those rare, scorching hot days that made him hate his uniform. The oppressive humidity did little to help either.

On that happy note, Eagle entered the small building – more like a large, glorified shack – and took to the raised stage at the front of the room. A scattering of eager and bored faces looked up at him through the dim lighting. There was a draft in the hall; it only stirred the heat and refused to alleviate it. He turned to find the source of the wind and spotted a second, rickety door hidden in the shadows of the back wall in addition to the main front entrance. There weren't any windows. Mud was caked into the thin wooden walls and the metal folding chairs squeaked with the movement of every shifting trainee.

He skimmed over his notes once more and checked the equipment he'd be working with before walking to the podium to introduce himself.

"Welcome to your demolitions for dummies lecture." The audience chuckled. "I'm Eagle. Questions will be answered at the end."

About fifteen minutes into the lecture, the door opened and filled the room with the cloudy day's grey light as Snake and a few other senior soldiers slipped into the room. Snake was clutching something small and silver in his hands. It glinted in the light.

Eagle immediately knew something was up. Or going down. Either way, events were going in a direction he would rather they didn't take. If it had been any other lecture, an audience would have been understandable. Not for a mandatory SAS basic knowledge lecture that every single one of them had attended in their time.

Unfortunately for him, Eagle was in the middle of speaking and couldn't go down to shake (or punch) the answers out of his friends. He continued onto the demonstration portion of the lecture.

"…some of the newer technology the military's been testing. Luckily for you all, I've been able to acquire some of it to show you. They just need a few lines of code," Eagle said, taping out a sequence with each word, "and these bad boys will start up beautifully."

Anticipation filled the room, the trainees all sitting up straighter in their folding chairs while the veterans in the back tensed. Eagle thought it was nice to see how excited the soldiers were. Electronics tended to be the kind of-

They tensed. The veterans in the back tensed.

That was not good.

"Dammit!" Lines of code blinked out from Eagle's computer screen, replaced with new ones scrolling across. Looking up from the computer, Eagle could see Snake pulling the metallic thing - a video camera? - from his pocket.

Eagle pounded on the keyboard desperately. It didn't respond.

Murmurs passed from trainee to trainee, adding to the mechanical whirr in the background. A couple of the smarter soldiers checked the older soldiers at the back, and voiced their surprise at seeing the camera in Snake's hand. The newbies grew antsy, unsure if they should stay in their seats or if they should get up and help or leave. All of the noise, the soldiers and the devices, grew louder and louder to feed Eagle's apprehension. Then there was that damn draft that had the worst timing and blew and rattled the door and did nothing to quell the sticky, humid heat in the room.

Abandoning the computer as a lost cause, Eagle scanned the room. Front door's blocked, destruction of property is a bad idea, no cover anywhere in the room besides the trainees and I am NOT using them. He pulled at the sweat-laced collar of his fatigues. I should probably get rid of them…

Eagle coughed for the trainees' attention in front of the podium, gadgets overloading to the side. "You are all dismissed. There will be a make-up lecture." The soldiers floundered in their seats. "Go!" They scrambled out the front door, chairs clanging to the floor in their wake in a mad dash.

Front door - ha, there's another one! Eagle twisted around to the back corner of the room. Sure enough, just as rickety as ever, there stood the side door. Eagle glanced back to survey the room. Snake saw his eyes dart to the corner door. The two stood there, calculating, eyes jumping from the other to the door and back again. Finally, they moved.

Eagle sprinted to the door, Snake-and-camera hot on his heels. Too late! Eagle thought gleefully. He turned the knob, opened the door wide and stepped out in one fluid motion.

It was a shame he hadn't seen the grin on Snake's face.

At the moment of Eagle's supreme triumph - his first and only success over the dastardly plans of one Alex Rider - buckets of honey spilled from their confines and poured down onto him. His eyes squinted shut from the onslaught of honey that ran over his face. It soaked down into his fatigues and dripped from the tips of his fingers to the grass around him. Eagle opened his mouth to speak and was instead assaulted with cloying sweetness. Dragging his hands across his eyes in a futile attempt to clear his sight, Eagle seethed.

"That," Snake said, letting the camera take a lingering body shot of Eagle's state, "is a great look for you." Eagle looked up, only to wince when he realised a small but steady stream of honey still dripped onto his head from the upturned bucket. He stepped to the side, trying to blink the drips from his eyes. Bloody hell, that stung.

"Not funny. This is going to take forever to wash out. My fatigues are drenched, I literally squelch in my boots, and just look at my hair!" he said, running a hand through the pools of honey forming on his head. "Cub. Is going. To die."

A soldier named Bear pulled up behind Snake and immediately doubled over laughing. "And to think," he choked out between the laughter, "that it'll get better." Eagle's eyes widened, but before he could run, Bear pulled open a bag and threw its contents at him. Eagle threw his hands up, trying to protect his face from the unknown menace. When he felt nothing, he cracked his eyes open and hesitantly lowered his arms. Feathers spun dizzily through the air. They drifted towards him, sticking onto his hair, his clothes, his face. Eagle lifted his arm and could see only spots of green, hidden beneath so many white feathers that he seemed to have skinny little wings.

He pulled a feather from his mouth and sneezed. "I'm leaving," Eagle declared, storming off towards his cabin.

"Fine, fine," said Snake. He turned to Bear. "I wish we'd got a beak to go with his outfit. That combined with Eagle's personality makes him the perfect mascot."

"You think we could have sold him to the Americans? We'd just have to shave his head to get him bald, first."

Eagle turned back around. "On second thought, I've just realised something." Snake and Bear glanced at each other, confused. "I love you guys. Really, I do." Eagle tottered forward, arms spread open wide. "Get over here and give me a big hug!"

Snake and Bear ran. Though there was no way Eagle could get back at Cub, they were smart enough to realise Eagle had no such restriction regarding them.

There was one thing still bothering Eagle, several clean and featherless hours later. The honey and the feathers - it was signature Cub, embarrassing without being harmful - but it didn't literally have his signature claiming credit for the entire fiasco. Cub always took direct credit. Snake loved to psychoanalyze Cub's actions, but Eagle didn't know or care why; all that mattered was that it happened. That prank on Wolf, the one on Fox, the other prank on Wolf, revenge on his friends Tom and James- they all ended with a little white card from Cub, mockery shining through the ink.

So where was his?

Eagle had been itching (only figuratively, regardless of the hoard of insects the honey attracted) for an answer since his epiphany in the middle of his second shower. To say he was jumpy was an understatement. All day, Eagle slipped quietly around corners, patted down anyone who wanted to talk to him, and thoroughly inspected any room he worked in. The experienced soldiers smothered their laughter around him and put up with his paranoia. The newbies, confused and intimidated, went along with it as well. The higher-ups were less than compliant; the sergeant gave Eagle a dirty look when he tried to search his office. (Speaking of which, how the hell did Cub get the serge to turn a blind eye to his prank?)

It was finally time for dinner. Eagle slipped through the open door to the mess hall, hugging the wall on his way to the line. The room was packed. Soldiers back for training were scattered everywhere while the trainees staked out their own corner of benches. Bear waved at him from across the room, turned to mutter something to his table, then turned back as the rest of them snickered, presumably at Eagle. Snake was nowhere to be seen.

At this point, Eagle just wanted to get his food and get out. It was exhausting being so paranoid, and he wondered how Cub managed it all the time. He reached the front of the line.

Seems like something's going right today. Record time to food! Eagle cheered, allowing a small smile on his face. He held out his tray. The man behind the counter shook his head.

"Sorry, I've got my orders."

Eagle peered over the shoulder of the soldier in front of him. "He got food."

"I can't help you," the man shrugged. "Just keep heading down the line."

Bloody hell, Cub.

"Shove off, get out of my way!" Eagle pushed through the soldiers in front of them, quelling the few outraged shouts with a glower. Finally, he shunted the last man aside to find three items arranged in a neat triangle on a blue tray, waiting for him.

The first item was a small white bowl filled with pink gummy worms. They looked real, spilling from the sides of the bowl and onto the tray below. (Eagle wondered what stopped Cub from using actual worms.) The second item was an apple with a hole thoughtfully bored into the side and filled with one of the gummy worms. And the third item, sitting unobtrusively in the centre of the tray was a little white card with his codename curled in ink on the front. The mess had gone silent, except for a few confused murmurings from the trainees.

He opened the card.

Dear, dear friend, it read, I hope you enjoyed your day. Actually, I don't hope, I know you did. It was full of all sorts of fun surprises, wasn't it? To top off your wonderful day, I thought I'd give you a little treat: worms for a bird! Isn't that positively witty? If you ever feel like you need a special day like today again, you know just what to do.

So very sincerely,

Cub

Eagle tossed the card back onto the tray. Ignoring the snickers that had yet again erupted, he picked up the apple, pulled out the worm, took a bite, and slunk past the rows of benches and into the drowsy night air. He heard faint voices inside the mess hall squabble over the leftover candy.

I really should have known better, he thought.

But that had been obvious in the first place.

Fin

No, this camp is not Brecon Beacons. So1said was right in chewing me out for trying to place it there in the first place. If you don't believe us, go hit up Google. Or Bing. I'm not picky.

I hope you enjoyed the story. I tried to catch my Americanisms, but I might have missed some. Review or PM to tell me my mistakes, my problems, what you liked and/or hated, what you wanted vs. what you got, anything and everything, even an emoticon or something about the gorgeous pair of shoes you bought the other day. Also, I always wonder about my summaries. What do you think about this one (or any of the ones from my other stories)?

Special thanks to everyone who asked for this story and immediately got shot down. I didn't really plan on writing this and still have no idea why I did. I'd mention you guys by name (I vaguely remember them, but not enough to be sure), but that would mean rooting around in the PM archives, something I have no time for (I'm skipping writing two speeches, creating my four-year college/university plan, and finishing calculus homework to post this because I KNOW this is as free as I'm going to get until winter break). Speaking of which, you'll probably see me around editing/reviewing things here and there, but no stories from me for a while. See above parenthetical aside. PM if you want the rant :P

Also, thanks to everyone who keeps reviewing and favoriting An Unexpected Return! It always makes me smile when I get one of those notifications. That smile gets extra big when someone favorites/reviews/story alerts one of my other stories. Thank you all so much for your readership :)

And as always, give me your ideas, comments, questions, concerns, criticisms, witticisms, and/or limericks!

Edit (9/19/11): Added a couple of sentences in Eagle and Snake's phone conversation. I didn't realize I started to change that part and just... well, forgot. Hopefully it flows and sounds a lot better now.