Answering Machine

Summary: "Hello, you've reached the Stinson-Scherbatsky household…"

Pairing(s): Robin x Barney (BrOTP)

Word Count: 617

A/n: Just a little something to pass the time until I get to finish my BrOTP AU.

-X-

"Hello, you've reached the Stinson-Scherbatsky household. We can't come to the phone right now—"

"Because we're most probably doing something extremely lewd and filthy, and prefer not to come to the phone when we can just come, what up. Please leave us a message so you don't have to hear us, or maybe if you're into that kind of stuff you can contact—"

"Barney! This is our answering machine, for gods' sake!"

"But Robin—"

click

-x-

"Hello, you've reached the Stinson-Scherbatsky household... god this is so boring..."

"Barney, you're never good at this whole mumbling thing. I can hear you."

"Well, maybe because it's true! Robin, this whole answering machine thing is lame. We could make better use of our time as married couple."

"Like what?"

"Glad you asked."

click

-x-

Sound of panting, before—"Ahem. Hello, you've reached the Stinson-Scherbatsky household!"

"…"

"Barney, say something! You should say something."

"Well I can say something. Or. Or…"

click

-x-

"Okay, so you'd better behave this time, Stinson. I'm not going to—Oh shit it's on! Barney, switch it off!"

"Why hello, you have been graced by the honor of hearing my voice—the awesome Barney Stinson. Apparently Scherbatsky here is trying to beat Ted in the Most Boring Person on the Planet Award, out of all things, and she really doesn't want the world to know the legendarythings we do every night—and sometimes day—on the bed—well sometimes not just the bed, but also the kitchen, and sofa, and—"

"BARNEY!"

click

-x-

"Hello, you've reached the Stinson-Scherbatsky household,"—the voice turns into an audible whisper—"If you make any disgusting, perverted comments, I will make certain you will never be able to do those things," —and then returns back to its normal volume—"We can't make it to the phone right now, so leave us a message—"

"—telling me the things I can do to spice up my sex life with Scherbatsky here! Yes? Oh, we've done that—I have a complete list of positions, actually, but you see, unfortunately I can't make anymore lewd sexual comments, or my wife will withhold sex. I definitely can't do that, you see—she's quite the wildcat in bed, and I would hate to miss out on the way she melts when I—"

click

-x-

"Hello, this is Stinson-Scherbatsky household, but it's going to be just Scherbatsky in a few minutes; just let me get my gun—"

"Robin? Robin, you know I was just joking, right, Robin—"

click

-x-

"Hello, this is the Stinson-Scherbatsky household. Robin isn't recording this thing with me because she's now really mad at me and has stormed out of the room. I think it's partly my fault—okay, it's entirely my fault, but I'm sorry, okay, sometimes I can't help to proclaim how sexy my mate is and she's flawless and perfect, so very perfect that I—

…I. Well. I don't like this situation you know. I don't want her to be mad at me—I don't want her to be mad because of me. I want her to be happy, you know, all the time, but I guess I'm just that bad at relationships. But I still have to try, because I can't lose her anymore, because I love her so much and I—god, this is an answering machine, what am I doing…"

"…Barney?"

"Robin? You're still there? I—"

click

-x-

"Hello, this is the Barnman and Robin's Lair. We are currently out—"

Sound of scuffling, before Robin picks up, breathing heavily, "—and we cannot reach the phone, so please leave us—" a moan, "a message and we'll—" a pause, "we'll call you back. Now can we"

"Stinson, out!"

click

-x-