This came out of nowhere. I know that there is a couple of chapters left to write in "Oh Castle" and if you haven't read it please do. Like my other stories this one will have an M rating. I like to believe that they live happily ever after, and for them that means an M rating. If you don't like adult themes or are underage, here is where you X out. The rest of you, thanks for reading and enjoy the ride. The first chapter will set up the rest of the story so don't despair. Written for Manuxinhace's challenge (.net/s/7382548/1/Challenge)

Disclaimer- I don't own any of the characters from the TV show Castle, just wish I did.

Chapter 1

Kate lay in bed. Her mind was restless as well as her body. It had been a long day, made longer by the empty space left by her shadow. Castle had been gone for two weeks on a book tour. Gina and Paula had ganged up on him had threatened him with bodily harm if he didn't start promoting his books again.

Surprisingly Kate felt the lack of life around her almost instantly. The precinct was so quiet, building theory alone felt wrong. She felt like there was something missing that no one could replace but him. Her coffee didn't even taste the same even though she got it at the same place. The day just didn't start without his smile. The boys were even worse. They were acting like someone had killed their puppy. No Booya's were heard; no feeding the birds, no Madden, or poker, life was quiet: empty.

After the third night, Kate called him on his cell. They talked for hours, about nothing and everything. She described the homicide of the day, and Castle would talk about the crazy fans.

Tonight Kate was missing him terribly. All day she had wanted to ask him about the case they were working. She kept staring at his empty chair and something in her felt empty. She had hated admitting it to herself, but she missed him.

The phone rang and she picked it up.

"Beckett." She answered, though she knew exactly who was on the phone.

"Hi, Kate," Castle had started calling her Kate on their nightly talks, and strangely enough it didn't bother her. It made her feel warm and happy.

"Hi Castle. How was your day?" she asks him as she settles into her bed.

"You wouldn't believe the things people do to get attention here. This rather well endowed woman, came up to the table, whipped off her top and asked me to sign both her breasts. " Castle sounded rather annoyed.

"Oh poor baby, scared of a woman's breasts?" Kate teased him mercilessly.

"Hers yes, but I know a pair I would love to see." He said quietly into the phone.

"Castle," she admonished him

"Just saying that if you wanted to go to a topless beach, I wouldn't mind escorting you." He laughs knowing he is pulling her chain. "Sorry, but when I came up to my room the couple next door were being quite amorous outside their door. Then for the last 20 minutes I have been listening to them entertaining themselves in there."

"Oh, have they calmed down?" Just then a loud scream could be heard, followed by loud banging. "Oh my God Castle is that them?"

"I am afraid so, and it has been going on for 20 minutes already."

"You can call the front desk, Castle." Though she knew he would never do that.

"What are they saying, Castle?" and suddenly both Kate and Castle were quiet listening to them.

Through the wall they could hear the woman, "Fuck me David! Faster, Harder! God you're hard."

Castle chuckled as he heard Kate giggle. He categorized that giggle in a secret place to be remembered later. Katherine Beckett does not giggle he reminded himself.

The man was moaning about how wet she was, and how she tasted so good, how he was going to fuck her brains out.

Beckett and Castle just listened.

"They are really going at it, aren't they?" Kate asks quietly. Something about listening with Castle made this very intimate, and a part of her was just slightly aroused by all this.

"Looks like they are taking a break or have petered out." Castle chuckled.

"Maybe they are done and cuddling?" she answered.

"Are you a cuddler, detective?" Delving into a gray area they usually avoided.

"I'll have you know Castle that I can cuddle with the best of them." She smiled waiting for his reaction to her words. "Nothing like nuzzling after a night of hot sweaty sex."

Castle was speechless; words escaped him at the moment.

"Aw…um…so….." he stumbles with his words.

"Castle? You ok there?" she giggles again, and he nearly comes undone with happiness.

"This is Katherine Beckett, NYPD detective of the 12th precinct?" he asks half jokingly.

"Come on Castle, it's not like I have never had sex before, you know? I have had boyfriends since I've known you. You think we watched TV and played monopoly every night?" If Castle could have seen her he would have had a melt down. She was lying in her bed, knees up to her chest; one arm curled around her knees the other twirling her hair unconsciously.

"LA LA LA fingers in ears. I don't want to hear about it, thank you." Castle answered all too quickly.

"Castle? " she barely whispered.

He was afraid of her question. He was afraid of overstepping, scaring her away. They had gotten closer with these phone calls in the last week. He didn't want to ruin it.

"Just forget it Kate, it isn't important. So tell me about your latest case. Any leads?" Castle tries to change the subject hoping she would just follow along.

"Castle, why don't you want to hear about my boyfriends? Why don't you ever stick around when one comes around? " She isn't letting it go.

"Kate, please not now. Please don't ask me to answer you." He is sitting on his bed. Head drooped forward, knowing that this conversation if not changed might make her run.

"Castle, I broke up with Josh last week. I haven't really told anyone, just wasn't right. I couldn't stay in a relationship that was never going to go any further."

"I am sorry, Kate." He truly is sorry. He wants her to be happy even if it means with someone else.

"Castle, you didn't answer me? Why?" Kate isn't stupid she knows why, or at least she thinks she does, and she needs to hear it from him.

"Kate." Her name on his lips said with such pain, affects her more than she is willing to admit.

"Castle, tell me."

"Because it hurts to see you with other men, Kate." The words left his mouth so quickly and quietly she almost missed them.

"Why, Castle?"

"Kate, why are you doing this? You don't want to hear this. You don't want to know." His voice pleads with her to let it go.

"I want to know Castle. I need to know."

"Because I want you all to myself. Not as a writer, but as a man Kate. I want to be the one holding you. The one, who you jump in with, the one who is there for you. If it can't be me, then I just want you to be happy." The silence is painful. There it was on the table, the line crossed and erased.

"Castle?" Still silence. "Castle are you still there?"

"Yes, Kate." He sounded defeated and her heart broke for him.

"Castle, I want that too." There it was. Three years and it was finally out there. She was laying it out for him. She was ready.

"You'll find him Kate, and you will be happy." Castle was giving her up again. Was willing be there anyway he could as long as she was happy. Why hadn't she seen this before?

"I already have." More silence, this time almost deafening.

"That's great Kate. Look I have to go, it's getting late." He needed to nurse his broken heart. He had to have time to get used to the thought of her with someone new again. He needed distance.

"Castle, please don't go. " Kate can't understand why he needed to suddenly to get of the phone after what she had just told him.

"Kate, what do you want? I need time. I bared my soul for you a few minutes ago, and you are already taken. I never even had a chance. I will never even a blip on your radar." There was anger in his voice she had not expected. Suddenly she understands that she had not been clear enough. He thought there was another man.

"Castle, don't go please? I need you to hear this. " She kept her voice calm and quiet. She needed him to hear this, to have no questions about what she was about to say.

"Castle, this man he is wonderful, you'd like him. He has the most incredible smile. He brings so much happiness and laughter to the lives of the people he loves. He is generous, and sweet. He gives so much more of himself, and expects so little in return. He is so entrenched in my life that it physically hurts not have him around. He is ruggedly handsome and brings me coffee and bear claws. Castle?" There is no way he could have any question in his mind that it was anyone but him.

Again there is silence on the other end of the phone.

"Castle, please say something here." Her voice trembles, snapping him back to reality.

"Kate, are you sure?" he can't believe he is still giving her an out. Kate has never heard Castle sound this unsure, scared, and vulnerable.

"Castle, remind me to show you Royce's letter when you get back, and that will explain what I am about to say, but I don't want to have any "If Only's" not with you. Yes, Castle, I am sure."

"Kate, what I wouldn't do to be there with you right now." He sounded so happy, so far from the defeated man of just a few minutes ago.

"Oh really Castle, and what would we be doing if you were here?" and there was that giggle again.

"Castle? When are you coming home?" Those words meant so much more for them now.

"Not soon enough, Kate." A smile crossed both their lips. "Not soon enough."