Cold Feet

By TheLostMaximoff

Disclaimer: I don't own these characters. I'm usually a Marvel guy but I've been having a lot of love for the Rogues lately. R/R.

He's going to kill his father. Leonard Snart always thought that. From an early age, he knew his parents were different from the ones his friends at school had. They had moms who didn't disappear for days at a time or dads who drank all the time. Len always knew his family was different. The older he got, the more he resented the other kids, the ones who had real parents. As time marched on, that anger grew inside of him but something else grew inside him too. The fear grew inside of him as well.

Len always wanted to hurt his father. He wanted to bash the man's skull in just like what his father tries to do to him or, even worse, his little sister on a daily basis. In the end though, Len was just too scared to do it as a kid. He's found a way now though. He's made some very difficult decisions about his life. His mother is dead but his father is still alive, almost as if the old bastard is too stubborn to die. So Len's decided he's going to run. It's not his best plan and maybe some people would call it cowardly but it works.

He throws the hood of his parka over his head and breathes in the chilly air. His bag is slung over his shoulder and he begins to stride resolutely towards his future. He knows people, the kind of people who can get him a lot of money for a few dirty deeds. It's not the best employment opportunity but he learned long ago not to expect the best out of life anymore. He looks back at the front door to his house and wonders if this is what his mother felt like every time she walked out and swore she wasn't coming back. He's not going to be weak or afraid like his mother. He's going to leave this nightmare and never come back just like he said he would in his note.

People think that running is easy. They call it the coward's way out but Len knows better. Being a coward means being afraid and his father's taught him so well that now he barely feels anything anymore. That's why he likes the cold and always has ever since he first rode in the back of his grandpa's ice truck. So now here he is, running into the cold, cruel world that's not nearly as cold and as cruel as the world he's used to inside that house.

"Lenny."

Len turns and sees his sister Lisa standing there in the doorway. He can tell she's trying not to cry but she didn't learn her lessons from Dad as well as he did. He doesn't feel any pride in that. The only thing he feels is a maddening frenzy, like an animal backed into a corner desperately seeking escape.

"Please don't go," she begs him.

"I'm not staying another damn minute," he tells her, "I oughta kill that stupid son of a . . ."

"I wish you would," she interrupts and he can definitely tell she's going to cry. "I wish it so bad. Don't leave me here with him."

He wants to take her with him. It's what any big brother would do for their little sister. She can't go where he's going though. The people he's going to see will eat someone like her alive and he's too afraid of watching that happen to his little sister. Yet in his heart, or whatever remains of it, Len knows that's the excuse he's concocted. The real truth is that maybe he's afraid not of leaving but rather of staying.

"I . . . I'm sorry, sis," he tells her, "I have to. I've got people waiting, people you shouldn't get involved with. Keep skating, kid. You've got talent. You'll be fine."

As he trudges through the snow, Len tells himself that he'll come back for her when he gets enough money. Despite all the misshapen lessons his father's tried to teach him, Len feels the painful twist in his guts as he knows he's just condemned his little sister to hell just to save his own sorry ass. He hates himself for that. As he trudges towards a bleak and desolate future, Leonard Snart makes himself a solemn vow. This is the last time he's ever going to run away from anything no matter what it might end up costing him. This is the last time he's not only going to feel afraid but feel anything at all.