A/N: SHUT UP! Okay, now I can talk. There's a few things I'd love to say. 1. I made you wait forever and you're probably mad... 2. This is not the story I planned to write. 3. Someone's writing "How I Met Your Father" now, so the idea of "How I Met Your Mother" story is not original anymore -.- 4. I saw a lot of 'similar' stories to the one I wrote before (off-topic much?). 5. There's no number five but it sounds better. Anyway, I'm here and I'm not even mad at you! So we're even, right?

IMPORTANT: This story will be... interesting. In Spencer's and general POV! How awesome is that? So the first part will be Spencer's POV and then there's something like "ten minutes/one hour/three days/whatever before" in general POV, just to make things clear. And if you didn't read that even though I wrote that this is IMPORTANT, I suppose that you're sooo smart that you will figure out.

Oh, and this is beta'd by OneDream 2Dream, applause for her, please. Other than the fact that our PMing started with yellow Skittles, she's totally normal (ya, try to believe that).

Disclaimer: Where did Dan get one of those? I want one of those! (If you didn't get it, I still don't own iCarly.)

Another beautiful day in Seattle, kiddos! I was at Socko's and he gave me those new awesome socks. They 're green with yellow, red, blue and orange stripes. I have to show them to Carly, she's never seen something more amazing than this! Except for that time when she was watching a movie with me and a purple glittered jello monster appeared and- that was a dream.
I survived the walk through the lobby without any harm. Lewbert was flirting with Mrs. Benson (EWW!), so he didn't notice me and didn't make me "get my lazy flat butt outta his precious clean floor". My butt isn't flat!
"I- I love you like a pudding baby, oh, I- I love you like a pudding baby!" I sing as I approach my apartment. This song by one of the Dingo stars is stuck in my head. It's so wonderful! It shows the world the real love. It makes you wanna get up and hug everyone! It's really powerful.
I pull out my keys, which is totally unnecessary since the door is always open. I hear weird sounds, it can mean only one thing. Sam is killing Freddie with an apple or my new Snappy sculpture. I love this little dog! He's so cute! He resembles me. We both have... eyes. Before I open the door, the sounds stop. Oh my gosh, Sam killed Freddie! I swing the door open to see-
"Holy cheese! WhyAreYouTwoHugging?" I spill out. Sam and Freddie are H-U-G-G-I-N-G in front of me. At least Freddie's alive and I won't have to help Sam hide his body. Not that it would be a huge problem, but I'm pretty tired and I'm sure that Freddie doesn't weigh just five pounds. Oh, and I guess I would miss that kid, by the way.
Sam and Freddie pull away and stare at me in shock. Freddie chews on his bottom lip and waits for Sam to say something. She takes the sign and hugs me. "Oh my god, Spencer! I'm so glad that you're here! What happened was horrible! HORRIBLE!" What happened here? I'm starting to be curious. Sam is trembling! Yeah, she enjoys scaring the pee out of other people just by looking at them, but she herself isn't scared of anything.
"W-what's going on?" I ask as I wrap my arms around her. Freddie still didn't stop to chewing on his lip. Something is suspicious about this, but I wouldn't put my finger on it.
"You need to sit down, Spence." We head for a couch and take a seat. Freddie keeps staring at us without a word. "Sit down, Fredhead!" He immediately stops biting his lip (man, just a few seconds more and he would be bleeding. Like if injuries caused by Sam weren't enough).
"Okay, tell me what's up."
"You see, we were hanging out with Carly here as usual. We were rehearsing for iCarly. Then she got a text from Gibby... I don't know what he did need, but she mumbled something about a project and Groovy Smoothie and left. Fredward was about to leave and I wanted to take a nap when it happened!" She pauses for a dramatic effect and I gasp. What? It sounds so terrifying! Did you ever see T-Bo's birthmark? It changes you. "Do you remember the panda from the party in LA?" I simply nod. "It appeared out of nowhere! It chased after me and this dipwad tried to rescue me. As if he could. We were fighting the panda together. It was almost dead-beat, but an orange alien came to help him and almost got Fredwiener, so I had to fight the two of them myself. The alien told us he comes in peace, however, he was lying! He pulled out a rainbow gun and started to shoot at us! Fredwardo showed him to the ground before he could hit me. I beat up the panda and threw it out of the window. Freddley did the same thing with the alien. We saw them board the flying wiener and fly away. Momma and nub showed them, they won't return ever again!" Wow. That's so- awesome! I'm sure they're not lying. It explains the weird sounds and primarily the hugging... Wait, how does it explain the hugging?
Freddie facepalms and Sam gives him a death glare. What does that mean? Is there anything they're not telling me? They will tell me eventually. Right? I can't come around from my shock. There was an alien in my apartment and I wasn't here to see him! Dang it!
"And why were you hugging then?"
"Spencer! We were scared! I was glad that we're both alive, so I hugged Fredward even though it was the most disgusting thing I ever did." I nod knowingly.
"More disgusting than the accident with chocolate and bikini?" Sam shudders and Freddie raises an eyebrow.
"What accident?" he speaks the first time since I arrived.
"I don't wanna talk about it," Sam snaps. Yeah, it was pretty disgusting. This monkey had really- "Okay, moving on!"
"Hugging me is not disgusting!" Freddie pouts. Sam smirks. I don't like when she's smirking. It usually means that something really BAD is coming.
"Yeah, you're right," she nods. What? Did she just let Freddie win? "Not JUST hugging you is disgusting. Everything about you is pretty much disgusting." Of course she would say that.
"Hey! You didn't seem to think so when you kissed me!" he grins. I wish I could stop the periodical twitches that my face does. Freddie brought up THE kiss they shared an eternity ago? I'm sure I don't want to see Sam scraping out Freddie's eyes and then eating them with beef jerky and fries. Even though it sounds delicious...
"I- I- think I'm gonna go- um- I- I'm gonna go to rearrange my socks!" I stutter and head for my bedroom quickly.
"What did you just say?" Sam says slowly. Her tone makes me want to build a bunker and never come out again. I'm glad I didn't see her facial expression when she said it 'cause I'm sure I would wet my panties. I mean underwear! Yeah, underwear. I wasn't out of clean boxers and didn't borrow Carly's panties. Pssh... Heh, why would I do that? And why girls wear so small panties anyway? It hurts in a ways girls can never understand. Not that I experienced it.
"You heard me!" Freddie's voice cracks. I slam the door and hide under my bed. That's the best thing I can do now. Believe me, everyone will be okay. Sam never caused a mortal injury to him.

Ten minutes ago:

Freddie was lying on a couch in Shay's apartment. She did it again. Sam destroyed his date with a super hot girl who asked him out. She was a cheerleader, nice long caramel brown hair, big green eyes and a Hollywood smile. Freddie really liked her, she was nice, polite and smart. Exactly what he wanted in a girl. And it seemed that she liked him too, since she asked him out. They went to Groovy Smoothie and everything was great. She laughed at his jokes, talked with him about things he liked and flirted with him. He knew something was missing, but he was overlooking it. Chelsea was cute and he was having fun with her. Until a certain blonde-headed demon came to make his life even more miserable than it already was.

"Hey hey hey!" she greeted with a huge grin plastered on her face. "I didn't expect to see you here!"
"Sam," the brunette boy sighed. "I told you, 'Oh, I can't rehearse tonight 'cause I have a date with Chelsea in Groovy Smoothie!' How is that not clear?" Sam ignored his comment and sat down next to Freddie. Closer than should be comfortable.
Chelsea just smiled genuinely and placed a hand on Sam's shoulder. "Nice to meet you! You're so hilarious in iCarly!" She was so nice that it made Sam sick. She looked at the hand resting on her shoulder and considered beating her up. But no, she didn't want to ruin Freddie's date like that, she had better plans. She didn't want to let Freddie know that this was intentional. Of course he knew it, but he was going to play innocent.
"Yep, I am. So are you weird or crazy?" she said and motioned to Freddie. He didn't move a muscle, he was sitting there with an angry expression and thought about options how to get rid of Sam.
"Don't think so," Chelsea giggled. "Why?" Sam rolled her eyes.
"You decided to date THAT voluntarily." She ordered a smoothie and didn't intend to leave anytime soon. Freddie was getting sick of her. It was HIS date with a girl who was interested in HIM.
Sam got her smoothie from T-Bo and thanked him. She actually thanked him! Do you- how she- oh my- No, he didn't know what she was up to do, but he was sure it wasn't going to be pretty. She did a quick motion and her smoothie landed on Chelsea. Pink liquid covered her hair, face and even clothes. Freddie didn't know what to do, his jaw fell and eyes widened. The only thing he was able to do was snap sarcastically, "Thank you, Sam!"
Chelsea didn't seem angry, Freddie was, though. Sam apologized, but he saw the evil look in her eyes. She was doing it on purpose. Why did she come? Why did she have to destroy every single date he went to? Maybe she was jealous. And maybe she just enjoyed seeing him nervous and angry. Yeah, probably the second option. Sam jealous would be like Spencer in a bikini. Wait, that actually happened! Chelsea came from bathroom, still a little sticky, but cute as always.
"When did you two met?" Chelsea asked genuinely curious. That was the reason why Freddie liked her. She was so caring and nice, she reminded him of Carly. Then he remembered why his crush on Carly faded away... He didn't want someone perfect. He wanted a girl who would love him for who he is, who would be funny, interesting and could make him go crazy. He immediately stopped thinking about it. If Sam could have heard his thoughts, she would call him a 'sappy dork' and kick him where the sun doesn't shine. And he didn't want to lose ANY part of his body. But she couldn't read his mind, right? She looked at him and raised an eyebrow. Does she really read his mind? Freddie tried not to think about her, but the more he tried, the more he actually thought about her. 'Did she ever notice how I gawked at her when she wore that blue bikini?' or 'Does she know that I think she's kind of hot?'
"I don't know, we were kids. I guess I punched him in the face and called him a momma's boy or something like that," Sam responded for him. He remembered exactly how they met. Who would forget? Sam saw him talking with Carly in their apartment, took a colorful dust cloth and hit him with it until he started bleeding. How she did it was still a mystery for him. Spencer wanted to put a plaster on it... Let's say that instead of putting a plaster, Spencer had more important things to do. Like calling firemen.
"You are really close, aren't you?" This question got him thinking. Were they close? Of course, they were practically best friends. Sam would never admit it, but they were.
"Yeah," he replied with a chuckle. "Do you know any other guy who drags his friend to a date?" He gave Sam a glare which was supposed to be scary. He failed. Nothing was scarier than Sam's death glares and she knew that very well.
They were having one of their staring contests until Chelsea broke the silence, "Um, you would be a cute couple." She whispered it so softly that Sam didn't hear it. Freddie unfortunately did. He spit out his smoothie all over Sam.
"WHAT?" he yelled. Before Chelsea could reply, he was lying on the ground with Sam on top of him.
"I have smoothie from your disgusting mouth on my face!"
"Why did you come to my date?"
"Why you so stoopid?"
"Leave me alone!"
"You wish."
"Saaaaam!"
"Fredwaaaaard!"
"Get off of me!"
"Make me!"
The fight continued for some time. It was probably a long time because when they stood up, Chelsea was already gone. Sam burst out laughing, called him a nub and noted in her PearPhone number sixteen. That's how many dates she already ruined.

Freddie tried to call Chelsea, but she ignored him. He understood, he and Sam were acting like complete jerks. She could give him another chance, though. Did he want another chance? He wasn't so sure anymore. Sam always did this to him. He was so sure that he liked some girl and then Sam showed her his baby naked photos. Poof! His crush was gone.
"Freddie?" Sam peeked at him through the door.
"What do you want?" he snapped angrily.
"I- I-" she sat down next to him. "I'm sorry, okay?" He sighed. He couldn't be mad at her. When she said she's sorry, she really meant it. She didn't say this often.
"Yeah, it's okay. I just wonder... why are you still doing this? I'd like to have a girlfriend before I'm an elderly, you know." She couldn't respond. She didn't know. It would be like asking her why she put a dead piranha in his backpack yesterday. Oh, well, she knew why she did that. If you would have seen his priceless face, you would understand, too. People, it was so amazing!
"Because I looove it."
"Admit it, you know you love ME," he chuckled as she punched him. Hard. He winced in pain. Not because it was so painful, just because that's what they do and it always makes her laugh. He loves her laugh. It always reminds him that she's a human.
"You wish," she grinned. He stood up and walked toward kitchen when she stopped him. She wrapped her arms around him and rested her head on his chest. He placed his hands on her waist hesitantly. This couldn't be good. Spontaneous hugs aren't Sam's thing.
Sam was going to give him a wedgie, however, the door swung open and revealed a very confused Spencer looking at them. Oh chiz...
"Holy cheese! WhyAreYouTwoHugging?"

A/N: I know! You probably don't get it at all! I think that the things will be more clear in the next chapter. And maybe not... c'mon, I can't promise anything! Just review and maybe I'll update in less than a week... And maybe not. (Did you notice how I cleverly used that sentence twice? That's the real awesomeness.)