Ranma 1/2 : March of the Pigs
Part 9 (final)
A Ranma 1/2 FanFic by Stefan "Twoflower" Gagne
(All characters copyright Rumiko-san, obviously. If I ever
even considered claiming that these were my own characters
I'd probably be thrown into a small cell where I'd be forced
to eat my own legs to live.)
-=-
And here I was thinking part eight would be the end. This
is it, though, folks. See the end of the story for series wrap-
up info and thanks. I could extend this to a ten parter and make
for a nice round number, but there are only nine halos, and I've
been keeping this silly nin pun going so far...
To recap; Charlotte banished Ryouga and Akane into a
dimension based on Ryouga's imagination so they could be alone
together forever. Ranma admits he loves Akane, and Charlotte
decides to give him one chance to see if Akane wants to return.
Ryouga accepts that Akane doesn't love him, but vows to destroy
Saotome to keep him from ending up with her. The two jump into a
hole in Ryouga's mind, which leads them somewhere... darker...
-=-
"This is partly why the family doesn't use the ban-nan
mirror anymore," Charlotte explained. "Sure, it makes for good
picnics and weekend escapes, but in the wrong hands... say,
Victor's... it can be extremely hazardous."
"Can Ryouga really kill Ranma here?" Akane asked. "I mean,
this is just a dream, right?"
Charlotte pinched Akane.
"OW!"
"There are dreams and then there are dreams," Charlotte
said. "I get the feeling that Ranma's really in for it this
time. I've seen what Ryouga can do when he's mad or depressed...
I hate to think how powerful he's going to be without the
restrictions of the physical world."
"We've got to do something!" Akane said. "I'm not just
going to stand by and let Ranma get killed!"
"Ditto. Ryouga could crush his own brain if he overexerts
himself. I figure if he tries a roaring lion whatsit in here,
it'll toast everything, including him and us."
"So what do we do?" Akane asked.
Charlotte thought. "Well..." she pointed to the hole.
"You mean... go in there?" Akane asked, looking at the
downwardly spiraling trench of Ryouga's hatred. Hideous, half
formed nightmares lurked there, the thoughts you tried to keep
hidden from everybody, including yourself...
(Soundtrack note : Mixes of various songs are needed here to
enhance the mood... remove the lyrics and take the hard
parts of Burn, Closer to God (coil remix) and Eraser for
instance. One particular song won't do it... yet.)
RANMA 1/2 :
MARCH OF THE PIGS
PART 9 (FINAL) : NOTHING CAN STOP ME NOW
Ranma tumbled down the abyss, mind reeling. Where was he?
Was he in hell? Distorted shapes reached out of the walls,
burning with malevolence, colored pus yellow and dark black.
"SAOTOME!" cried a voice above him. Ryouga was diving,
umbrella point first, directly at him. "YOU WILL DIE HERE!"
A thousand arms reached out for Ranma, grabbing him and
wrapping around like fresh tar. He was immobilized in the tube,
straining against the forces of Ryouga's depression, being pulled
apart at the seams...
Ryouga swooped down, hovering just above Ranma. His eyes
burned red with anger and sadness, tears of pain flowing freely.
He pulled out the umbrella, opening it with a SNAP.
"If she never has me, she'll never have YOU either," he
said, spinning the umbrella in one hand. He made a slicing
maneuver with it, but Ranma managed to wiggle away enough for the
whirling umbrella edge to only cut his shirt sleeve.
"Hold still and let me finish you!" Ryouga demanded,
swinging wildly. His umbrella span, silver edge slicing through
the rubber arms that held him in place, causing inhuman wails to
erupt from the walls. Ryouga covered his ears in pain, letting
the umbrella fall... cutting through the last of Ranma's bonds.
Ranma rubbed off the remaining tar and free-fell, praying
that the bottom wasn't covered in spikes or something like that.
The bottom was covered in spikes.
Ranma quickly examined the pattern, and twisted his body
into an awkward position... landing in such a way as to go around
the spikes, but damaging his body in the process.
"Arggh," he groaned, pulling himself back up to standing.
"RANMA!" Ryouga called, landing on the tip of one of the
spikes, standing on it as easily as standing on a pole.
"Ryouga, jeez, calm down!" Ranma yelled. "Look, I'm sorry
things didn't turn out the way you wanted! Hell, my life hasn't
been a bed of roses either!"
"SHUT UP! You have no idea the hell I've endured!"
"Join the club! I've got three fiancees, several blood
enemies, and a sex change problem. Don't even START to think
that I'm happy."
"At least YOU have Akane," Ryouga said, grabbing a few
bandannas from his pack.
"Who'd want an uncute tomboy like that?" Ranma reflexively
said.
The walls ignited on fire.
"You take that back about her!" Ryouga demanded, swinging
his bandannas in one hand while pointing an accusatory finger.
"You take that back NOW!"
The bandannas flew, tripling in size to become whirring
blades as the skimmed around Ranma.
One of them lopped off his ponytail.
Ranma blinked. He felt up near his hairline, at the broken
stub of hair, still with the string that bound it in place.
"You... cut... my... HAIR..." Ranma said, picking up the
severed ponytail in his hand. He clenched it in his fist.
Ranma charged.
"Boy... Ryouga must have been more depressed than I
thought..." Akane called out, as the two girls free-fell down the
pit.
"I've been with him for the last few days. He's really been
down. Poor guy. He really deserves someone like you."
"But I don't love him," Akane said. "He's nice, he's sweet,
but he's not Ranma."
"Eh?"
"Sorry. Slip of the tongue... I meant to say, he's not...
umm... what's an adjective that rhymes with 'Ranma'?"
"Save it, I get the picture," Charlotte smiled, blue bow
whipping behind her in the wind of gravity. "Sigh. I guess my
plans didn't work. I'm sorry to manipulate you like that, but
Ryouga really seemed to like you, and I wanted to make him
happy..."
"It's okay," Akane said. "I wonder what's at the bottom of
this pit, anyway?"
(Soundtrack note : Okay, the moment you've all been waiting
for. Take Halo Eight (the downward spiral) and go to March
of the Pigs. It's time. This is meant to be played
extended and without the piano parts, though, to keep with
the pace, but the original should catch some of the mood...)
"One of us isn't leaving here alive, Saotome!" Ryouga said.
"It comes down to this."
"Fine with me," he said, casting the useless fibers of his
hair aside. "You're so intent on crushing me, let's see how good
you are at backing up your own words."
"DIE!" Ryouga shouted, arcing the flames higher, over his
head and redirecting them at Ranma. Ranma gritted his teeth and
punched through the firewall, praying that they weren't real...
...and emerged on the other side, singed but safe. He
reared back and laid a punch on Ryouga, knocking Ryouga off his
feet.
Ryouga laughed, climbing back up to fighting stance. "You
don't stand a chance in here, Saotome! I control this world, and
can use it against you!"
"Big deal. It's just illusions. It doesn't hurt a bit," he
said, shaking some soot off of his shirt. "Come on! Give me
your best shot!"
Ryouga howled, as a thousand little black objects swarmed in
from around his feet, each with glaring white piggy eyes and
little bandannas around him. Ranma backed off, as the wave of P-
Chans rushed forward, nipping at him, biting, scratching.
"The pigs have won tonight, Saotome," Ryouga gloated, as
Ranma was buried in wave after wave of enraged black piglets.
"Admit defeat. Akane is mine!"
Ranma brushed off the pigs, trying to remember they weren't
real. "Just a second ago you were saying she was nobody's! Are
you losing it, Ryouga?"
"SHUT UP!" Ryouga screamed, as the pigs tripled in number.
Ranma was quickly trampled, trying to swim through a sea of
yellow and black. Illusion, dammit, it's just like that Toma
brat from last year...
Ranma stood up, ignoring the pigs. Let them flow THROUGH
me, he thought.
"Illusions can't hurt people, Ryouga," Ranma said.
"Perhaps..." Ryouga said. "But they can scare."
With a flick of the wrist, the waves of pigs were now cats.
Cats.
"Cc....cc..c... CCATS!!" Ranma freaked, spasming and trying
to avoid the black, meowing, pushing, crushing tidal waves of
felines. "AAAUUGUGIEIOEOEEEE!"
"S'matter? Cat got your tongue?" Ryouga joked, reveling in
his own bad pun.
Ranma sat in the cat-sea, unable to move, eyes bulging. His
muscles wouldn't respond.
"Now to finish it..." Ryouga said, a familiar taste of
copper filling his mouth as the yellow aura spread, first over
his back, then flooding towards the front and his outstretched
hands. "ROARING LION--"
"RYOUGA!" Akane yelled, plummeting down. Ryouga stopped,
yellow glow bulging and looking for an outlet. "HELP!"
"A...akane?" Ryouga said, watching her fall. At that speed,
and the ground...
"NO!!" he screamed, projecting safety in all directions.
The cavern of Ryouga's mind flashed, cats replaced with
mattresses, covering all surfaces. Akane and Charlotte bounced
several times before coming to a soft, fluffy halt.
"Akane? Are you alright?" Ryouga asked, extending a glowing
yellow hand towards her. She backed away instinctively.
"Ryouga, did you just try to do your lion blast
thingamajig?" Charlotte asked.
"Yeah... but... I'm much calmer now... I didn't mean to..."
"The power's looking for a way out!" Charlotte said,
pointing to the cooling fires that swept over Ryouga's body.
"You're gonna blow sky high and take Akane, Ranma and me with
you!"
"No! Quick! How did you get here?" Ryouga asked, trying to
pat out the growing sparks and electrical arcs on his skin.
"Magic mirror!"
"Use it again! Get Akane and Ranma out of here!" Ryouga
demanded. "I don't want them hurt!"
"Everybody bunch up where the mirror can see you. You too,
Ryouga, I'm not leaving you here," Charlotte said, trying to
stand on the mattress. Akane dragged Ranma's stunned form over,
and Ryouga stood as closely as he could without hurting the
others.
"Alright, here goes nothing," Charlotte said, tapping the
back of the mirror...
...and Ryouga's mind collapsed.
(Soundtrack note : stop the music, fading down quick)
Akane BAMFed onto the cafe sidewalk, holding Ranma tight.
Charlotte appeared next.
Silence filled the cafe, light pouring away to wherever
light went during the afternoon sunset.
"Where's Ryouga?" Charlotte asked.
"Ummm..." Akane said. "He was in front of the mirror..."
"I'm going back to find him," Charlotte said, flipping the
mirror open again.
"It won't work, sis," Victor said. "If the ban-nan space is
empty, it'll use your own mind. Unless he's still there, which
means you'll end up in his--"
The cafe exploded.
"--technique," Ryouga said faintly from the center of the
shockwave. The building stones were scattered over a one block
radius, leaving mysterious gaps where Buford, Charlotte, Akane
and Ranma stood. Victor groaned under a large rock.
"Sure, leave ME out of your protection," he grumbled, trying
to push the rock away. "Snotty little--"
"Ryouga!" Charlotte called, rushing over to his side. "How
did you..."
"..tried to mix the two... to reroute it and get away..."
Ryouga said, smiling weakly. "I guess it worked... you're safe.
Akane's safe. I'm... quite happy about that."
Ryouga's eyes shut, and his breathing slowed.
"RYOUGA!"
"Get him to Doctor Tofu's," Akane said. "He'll know what to
do."
"I hope so," Charlotte said, supporting Ryouga's head up.
It was bleeding.
Doctor Tofu examined Ryouga, lying peacefully on his bed
with a silly smile spread across his face. The doctor scratched
his chin and sat down on the other bed, taking care not to sit on
Ranma, who had passed out from shock.
"I don't get it," Tofu said. "He's fine... better than
fine, really. Quite healthy with normal EKG readings. He's just
not waking up."
"I'll wake him up," Victor sneered, trying to see under the
massive bandage wrapped around his head. "Hibiki-san, wake up so
I can strangle you--"
"Please?" Buford asked, pleading to Charlotte. Charlotte
nodded. Buford grinned evilly, and tapped Victor on the
shoulder.
"I've been wanting to this for awhile," Buford said, and
smashed Victor across the jaw. Victor span around, surprised,
and collapsed to the ground.
"Buford!" Akane said, annoyed.
"He had it coming," Buford said, massaging life back into
his fist. "Sorry, doc."
"I think I know what to do," Charlotte said, pulling the
disc out of her pocket.
"How do you know it'll work?" Akane asked. "He's really
here, he's not in his mind... is he?"
"One way to check," Charlotte shrugged, opening the mirror.
"Either I'll end up in my own brain or in his. Be right back.
Everybody stay away from the mirror."
Charlotte tapped the back of the mirror, and was gone in the
familiar blast of light.
"I wish she'd stop doing that," Buford said, rubbing his
eyes. "I'm gonna go blind if this keeps up."
Charlotte appeared on the beach, the very beach she had
left. Ryouga was there, basking in the sun and attempting to
read a very bad legal thriller.
"Ryouga!"
"Oh, hello," he said, waving gently to her. "How do you
do?"
"That's what I was going to ask. Come on, Ryouga, wake up
in reality. We're waiting."
"I dunno if I want to," he said. "It's nice here. It's
quiet. I don't turn into a pig in my own mind. I don't get
beaten. I don't have to worry about dating or revenge or even
sleeping. It's nice. Very nice."
"The OTHER problem of the ban-nan mirror," Charlotte said.
"My uncle once used it and never came back. Slipped into a coma
and died three years later."
Ryouga face-faulted. "Died?"
"Yeah, died. Once someone decides they want to stay, their
body is ejected but the mind remains. They have to want to leave
again, either that or kick the bucket later."
Ryouga considered this. "I don't know. It's lousy out
there. Nobody likes me, I get lost all the time, and I'm
unhappy."
"It is possible to be happy in reality, despite the proof to
the opposite you've seen," Charlotte said. "You just need to
know the right people, be with them. Like... me."
"Eh?"
"Get off it, Hibiki. You're always wailing 'My life sucks!
My life sucks!'. It's people like you that get our generation
labelled. You've had happiness right under your nose and have
ignored it. What about me, bub? You think I was helping you for
my health? I like you, Ryouga. You're a great guy. Come on,
let's get back outside. I'll buy us dinner."
"But in here, I don't need to worry about not having Akane."
"Ryouga, you two weren't meant to be together. Deal,"
Charlotte said. "You can't wallow in your own warm place here
forever when you've got people that care about you on the other
side. I want to stick with you, Ryouga. Let's go. The others
are getting worried."
Ryouga considered this. Sure, living in your own mind meant
never needing to feel pain, never needing to take risks... but
here, there wasn't anybody else. Nobody but him. Forever, until
he died.
"Okay," Ryouga said. He promptly vanished, secondary ban-
nan urges no longer supporting his need to be here. Charlotte
sighed in relief and mirrored out of there.
The island of Ryouga's mind vanished, never to be seen
again.
"He's gonna be okay," Charlotte said, mirroring back into
the room and pocketing the ban-nan for good. "Ryouga, wake up."
Ryouga lie there, still with the smile, still breathing
shallow.
"Come on, quit kidding around. Ryouga? Yoo hoo! Earth to
Hibiki!"
Ryouga didn't move.
"Is he..."
"Gotcha," Ryouga said, sticking out his tongue and laughing.
Charlotte reached out and strangled him.
"You jerk!" she yelled. "Making me think you had... GRRR!"
Ryouga wheezed, trying to pry her hands away. Charlotte let
go. "Well, you're my jerk at least. Welcome home."
"Thanks," Ryouga said, swinging his feet out of bed.
Tofu looked alarmed. "Ryouga, you're in no condition to be
walking around..."
Ryouga ignored him, and walked over to Ranma's bed. "Is
Ranma... okay?"
"He's going to be fine," Doctor Tofu said. "Just a bit of a
shock. Whatever he saw in your mind must have frightened the
living daylights out of him."
Ryouga nodded, and rested a hand on Ranma's arm. "Sorry,
Saotome. Go in peace. Akane?"
"Yes, Ryouga?"
"Take good care of him," Ryouga said. "If you'll excuse me,
I'm starving and need some food."
"Hey boss," Buford said, pulling the crumpled form of Victor
up to its feet. "What do we do with laughing boy here?"
"Send him back to France," Charlotte said. "Attach a note.
I'm not coming back. There's nothing for me there now. Come on,
Ryouga. I have a yen for some okonomiyaki for some reason."
"Where are we going?" Charlotte asked, stepping over a log
as Ryouga led the way.
"Well, I've always wanted to visit Tokyo Disneyland," Ryouga
said. "With this revenge deal and Akane, I've never really left
Nerima without returning. Now's a good opportunity."
"What makes you think we're gonna find it?" Buford asked,
hefting the trio's gear over one shoulder.
"Trust me," Ryouga smiled. "I know the way. It should be
right... over..."
Ryouga's pointing finger lowered, as he looked up. And up.
And up.
"Hey, who put this statue here?" he asked, pointing to the
green, copper state of a lady carrying a torch. Buford groaned.
"Silly," Charlotte said, smiling.
END
(Closing theme : Down In It)
-=-
(author's postscript)
PHEW. One week of slightly tipsy academic standings, and
March of the Pigs is finally done. It's got some problems, but
is pretty damn good for my first fanfic. Look for more. (evil
grin)
Okay, the greets and thanks.
Thanks go out to : Andodikion (who boosted my ranma
collection so I'd finally see P-Chan), Benjamin and Abigail
(faithful readers and good buds), Trent Reznor (for providing the
title pun and general scheme I chose to follow and for not
suing), Megazone (for providing r.a.a.s to us writers in the
first place), Josh (for providing Superior Ranma through his
kick-ass movie set), Julio (how's bowie treatin' ya?), Nick (I'll
return your call when I finish posting this), Rumiko-san (for
draining my money out of the bank by my new anime addiction),
Future Crew (just because they always get da greetz), John Biles
and all other fanfiction writers (rock on!), the folks over at
AnimeMUCK (I'm Tsubasa there, in case nobody knew), PaulS of
ETEXT (without whom my account would be vapor and this story
wouldn't be out), Ryouga (you kick ass, never give up), Buford
(quit whining and I'll make your part bigger), Mikado (maybe next
time), and of course the good folks at Frito Lay for nourishing
me throughout this writing experience.
Ack. Thanks done, now with the postscript. March of the
Pigs has every element I've found to be good and proper in
fanfiction. Random chaos, silliness, bad puns, character
development, someone for Ryouga and the occasionally twisted bit
of darkness. I originally set out NOT to end the Ranma series,
as most fanfictions do, but I just couldn't see leaving Ryouga
friendless and broken in the end... plus, Charlotte was made for
him. Originally she was going to be evil and plotting, like
Kodachi, but that character rubbed me the wrong way, as did
Buford's original cigarette-smoking 'Kill the Lawbreaker'
attitude and Victor's 'All people are mindless sheep and must be
punished' attitude. They were toned down to fit in the comedic
world of Ranma 1/2.
The series technically could have skipped the test date and
Azusa and other silliness, but that wouldn't have given me enough
of a lead in to the concluding battle between Ranma and Ryouga,
where the title track for the series is used.
As for the music... originally it was just going to be a
pun, but when I came up with the neat idea for P-Chan's Nightmare
in part1, I liked that header format with chosen score and kept
it throughout most of the series. I tried to picture what those
scenes would look like... Sasuke's mad dash through the trees to
the tune of March of the Fuckheads, P-Chan's spiral into pain
with Help Me I Am In Hell, and Ryouga's beach dream with A Warm
Place. Azusa's happy music and Pinion don't really fit, but
that's minor. The closing songs are mostly just for pun-
silliness, except latter parts where I felt that wacky fun didn't
fit the closing mood.
That's it. If I do another fanfiction series (very likely),
it probably won't be an extension of March of the Pigs, since
Ryouga would be left out. I'll probably center the next one on
Mousse, who also deserves a little justice done... until then,
love, luck and lollipops.
Doesn't it make you feel better?
The pigs have won tonight
They can all sleep soundly
And everything is alright.
Part 9 (final)
A Ranma 1/2 FanFic by Stefan "Twoflower" Gagne
(All characters copyright Rumiko-san, obviously. If I ever
even considered claiming that these were my own characters
I'd probably be thrown into a small cell where I'd be forced
to eat my own legs to live.)
-=-
And here I was thinking part eight would be the end. This
is it, though, folks. See the end of the story for series wrap-
up info and thanks. I could extend this to a ten parter and make
for a nice round number, but there are only nine halos, and I've
been keeping this silly nin pun going so far...
To recap; Charlotte banished Ryouga and Akane into a
dimension based on Ryouga's imagination so they could be alone
together forever. Ranma admits he loves Akane, and Charlotte
decides to give him one chance to see if Akane wants to return.
Ryouga accepts that Akane doesn't love him, but vows to destroy
Saotome to keep him from ending up with her. The two jump into a
hole in Ryouga's mind, which leads them somewhere... darker...
-=-
"This is partly why the family doesn't use the ban-nan
mirror anymore," Charlotte explained. "Sure, it makes for good
picnics and weekend escapes, but in the wrong hands... say,
Victor's... it can be extremely hazardous."
"Can Ryouga really kill Ranma here?" Akane asked. "I mean,
this is just a dream, right?"
Charlotte pinched Akane.
"OW!"
"There are dreams and then there are dreams," Charlotte
said. "I get the feeling that Ranma's really in for it this
time. I've seen what Ryouga can do when he's mad or depressed...
I hate to think how powerful he's going to be without the
restrictions of the physical world."
"We've got to do something!" Akane said. "I'm not just
going to stand by and let Ranma get killed!"
"Ditto. Ryouga could crush his own brain if he overexerts
himself. I figure if he tries a roaring lion whatsit in here,
it'll toast everything, including him and us."
"So what do we do?" Akane asked.
Charlotte thought. "Well..." she pointed to the hole.
"You mean... go in there?" Akane asked, looking at the
downwardly spiraling trench of Ryouga's hatred. Hideous, half
formed nightmares lurked there, the thoughts you tried to keep
hidden from everybody, including yourself...
(Soundtrack note : Mixes of various songs are needed here to
enhance the mood... remove the lyrics and take the hard
parts of Burn, Closer to God (coil remix) and Eraser for
instance. One particular song won't do it... yet.)
RANMA 1/2 :
MARCH OF THE PIGS
PART 9 (FINAL) : NOTHING CAN STOP ME NOW
Ranma tumbled down the abyss, mind reeling. Where was he?
Was he in hell? Distorted shapes reached out of the walls,
burning with malevolence, colored pus yellow and dark black.
"SAOTOME!" cried a voice above him. Ryouga was diving,
umbrella point first, directly at him. "YOU WILL DIE HERE!"
A thousand arms reached out for Ranma, grabbing him and
wrapping around like fresh tar. He was immobilized in the tube,
straining against the forces of Ryouga's depression, being pulled
apart at the seams...
Ryouga swooped down, hovering just above Ranma. His eyes
burned red with anger and sadness, tears of pain flowing freely.
He pulled out the umbrella, opening it with a SNAP.
"If she never has me, she'll never have YOU either," he
said, spinning the umbrella in one hand. He made a slicing
maneuver with it, but Ranma managed to wiggle away enough for the
whirling umbrella edge to only cut his shirt sleeve.
"Hold still and let me finish you!" Ryouga demanded,
swinging wildly. His umbrella span, silver edge slicing through
the rubber arms that held him in place, causing inhuman wails to
erupt from the walls. Ryouga covered his ears in pain, letting
the umbrella fall... cutting through the last of Ranma's bonds.
Ranma rubbed off the remaining tar and free-fell, praying
that the bottom wasn't covered in spikes or something like that.
The bottom was covered in spikes.
Ranma quickly examined the pattern, and twisted his body
into an awkward position... landing in such a way as to go around
the spikes, but damaging his body in the process.
"Arggh," he groaned, pulling himself back up to standing.
"RANMA!" Ryouga called, landing on the tip of one of the
spikes, standing on it as easily as standing on a pole.
"Ryouga, jeez, calm down!" Ranma yelled. "Look, I'm sorry
things didn't turn out the way you wanted! Hell, my life hasn't
been a bed of roses either!"
"SHUT UP! You have no idea the hell I've endured!"
"Join the club! I've got three fiancees, several blood
enemies, and a sex change problem. Don't even START to think
that I'm happy."
"At least YOU have Akane," Ryouga said, grabbing a few
bandannas from his pack.
"Who'd want an uncute tomboy like that?" Ranma reflexively
said.
The walls ignited on fire.
"You take that back about her!" Ryouga demanded, swinging
his bandannas in one hand while pointing an accusatory finger.
"You take that back NOW!"
The bandannas flew, tripling in size to become whirring
blades as the skimmed around Ranma.
One of them lopped off his ponytail.
Ranma blinked. He felt up near his hairline, at the broken
stub of hair, still with the string that bound it in place.
"You... cut... my... HAIR..." Ranma said, picking up the
severed ponytail in his hand. He clenched it in his fist.
Ranma charged.
"Boy... Ryouga must have been more depressed than I
thought..." Akane called out, as the two girls free-fell down the
pit.
"I've been with him for the last few days. He's really been
down. Poor guy. He really deserves someone like you."
"But I don't love him," Akane said. "He's nice, he's sweet,
but he's not Ranma."
"Eh?"
"Sorry. Slip of the tongue... I meant to say, he's not...
umm... what's an adjective that rhymes with 'Ranma'?"
"Save it, I get the picture," Charlotte smiled, blue bow
whipping behind her in the wind of gravity. "Sigh. I guess my
plans didn't work. I'm sorry to manipulate you like that, but
Ryouga really seemed to like you, and I wanted to make him
happy..."
"It's okay," Akane said. "I wonder what's at the bottom of
this pit, anyway?"
(Soundtrack note : Okay, the moment you've all been waiting
for. Take Halo Eight (the downward spiral) and go to March
of the Pigs. It's time. This is meant to be played
extended and without the piano parts, though, to keep with
the pace, but the original should catch some of the mood...)
"One of us isn't leaving here alive, Saotome!" Ryouga said.
"It comes down to this."
"Fine with me," he said, casting the useless fibers of his
hair aside. "You're so intent on crushing me, let's see how good
you are at backing up your own words."
"DIE!" Ryouga shouted, arcing the flames higher, over his
head and redirecting them at Ranma. Ranma gritted his teeth and
punched through the firewall, praying that they weren't real...
...and emerged on the other side, singed but safe. He
reared back and laid a punch on Ryouga, knocking Ryouga off his
feet.
Ryouga laughed, climbing back up to fighting stance. "You
don't stand a chance in here, Saotome! I control this world, and
can use it against you!"
"Big deal. It's just illusions. It doesn't hurt a bit," he
said, shaking some soot off of his shirt. "Come on! Give me
your best shot!"
Ryouga howled, as a thousand little black objects swarmed in
from around his feet, each with glaring white piggy eyes and
little bandannas around him. Ranma backed off, as the wave of P-
Chans rushed forward, nipping at him, biting, scratching.
"The pigs have won tonight, Saotome," Ryouga gloated, as
Ranma was buried in wave after wave of enraged black piglets.
"Admit defeat. Akane is mine!"
Ranma brushed off the pigs, trying to remember they weren't
real. "Just a second ago you were saying she was nobody's! Are
you losing it, Ryouga?"
"SHUT UP!" Ryouga screamed, as the pigs tripled in number.
Ranma was quickly trampled, trying to swim through a sea of
yellow and black. Illusion, dammit, it's just like that Toma
brat from last year...
Ranma stood up, ignoring the pigs. Let them flow THROUGH
me, he thought.
"Illusions can't hurt people, Ryouga," Ranma said.
"Perhaps..." Ryouga said. "But they can scare."
With a flick of the wrist, the waves of pigs were now cats.
Cats.
"Cc....cc..c... CCATS!!" Ranma freaked, spasming and trying
to avoid the black, meowing, pushing, crushing tidal waves of
felines. "AAAUUGUGIEIOEOEEEE!"
"S'matter? Cat got your tongue?" Ryouga joked, reveling in
his own bad pun.
Ranma sat in the cat-sea, unable to move, eyes bulging. His
muscles wouldn't respond.
"Now to finish it..." Ryouga said, a familiar taste of
copper filling his mouth as the yellow aura spread, first over
his back, then flooding towards the front and his outstretched
hands. "ROARING LION--"
"RYOUGA!" Akane yelled, plummeting down. Ryouga stopped,
yellow glow bulging and looking for an outlet. "HELP!"
"A...akane?" Ryouga said, watching her fall. At that speed,
and the ground...
"NO!!" he screamed, projecting safety in all directions.
The cavern of Ryouga's mind flashed, cats replaced with
mattresses, covering all surfaces. Akane and Charlotte bounced
several times before coming to a soft, fluffy halt.
"Akane? Are you alright?" Ryouga asked, extending a glowing
yellow hand towards her. She backed away instinctively.
"Ryouga, did you just try to do your lion blast
thingamajig?" Charlotte asked.
"Yeah... but... I'm much calmer now... I didn't mean to..."
"The power's looking for a way out!" Charlotte said,
pointing to the cooling fires that swept over Ryouga's body.
"You're gonna blow sky high and take Akane, Ranma and me with
you!"
"No! Quick! How did you get here?" Ryouga asked, trying to
pat out the growing sparks and electrical arcs on his skin.
"Magic mirror!"
"Use it again! Get Akane and Ranma out of here!" Ryouga
demanded. "I don't want them hurt!"
"Everybody bunch up where the mirror can see you. You too,
Ryouga, I'm not leaving you here," Charlotte said, trying to
stand on the mattress. Akane dragged Ranma's stunned form over,
and Ryouga stood as closely as he could without hurting the
others.
"Alright, here goes nothing," Charlotte said, tapping the
back of the mirror...
...and Ryouga's mind collapsed.
(Soundtrack note : stop the music, fading down quick)
Akane BAMFed onto the cafe sidewalk, holding Ranma tight.
Charlotte appeared next.
Silence filled the cafe, light pouring away to wherever
light went during the afternoon sunset.
"Where's Ryouga?" Charlotte asked.
"Ummm..." Akane said. "He was in front of the mirror..."
"I'm going back to find him," Charlotte said, flipping the
mirror open again.
"It won't work, sis," Victor said. "If the ban-nan space is
empty, it'll use your own mind. Unless he's still there, which
means you'll end up in his--"
The cafe exploded.
"--technique," Ryouga said faintly from the center of the
shockwave. The building stones were scattered over a one block
radius, leaving mysterious gaps where Buford, Charlotte, Akane
and Ranma stood. Victor groaned under a large rock.
"Sure, leave ME out of your protection," he grumbled, trying
to push the rock away. "Snotty little--"
"Ryouga!" Charlotte called, rushing over to his side. "How
did you..."
"..tried to mix the two... to reroute it and get away..."
Ryouga said, smiling weakly. "I guess it worked... you're safe.
Akane's safe. I'm... quite happy about that."
Ryouga's eyes shut, and his breathing slowed.
"RYOUGA!"
"Get him to Doctor Tofu's," Akane said. "He'll know what to
do."
"I hope so," Charlotte said, supporting Ryouga's head up.
It was bleeding.
Doctor Tofu examined Ryouga, lying peacefully on his bed
with a silly smile spread across his face. The doctor scratched
his chin and sat down on the other bed, taking care not to sit on
Ranma, who had passed out from shock.
"I don't get it," Tofu said. "He's fine... better than
fine, really. Quite healthy with normal EKG readings. He's just
not waking up."
"I'll wake him up," Victor sneered, trying to see under the
massive bandage wrapped around his head. "Hibiki-san, wake up so
I can strangle you--"
"Please?" Buford asked, pleading to Charlotte. Charlotte
nodded. Buford grinned evilly, and tapped Victor on the
shoulder.
"I've been wanting to this for awhile," Buford said, and
smashed Victor across the jaw. Victor span around, surprised,
and collapsed to the ground.
"Buford!" Akane said, annoyed.
"He had it coming," Buford said, massaging life back into
his fist. "Sorry, doc."
"I think I know what to do," Charlotte said, pulling the
disc out of her pocket.
"How do you know it'll work?" Akane asked. "He's really
here, he's not in his mind... is he?"
"One way to check," Charlotte shrugged, opening the mirror.
"Either I'll end up in my own brain or in his. Be right back.
Everybody stay away from the mirror."
Charlotte tapped the back of the mirror, and was gone in the
familiar blast of light.
"I wish she'd stop doing that," Buford said, rubbing his
eyes. "I'm gonna go blind if this keeps up."
Charlotte appeared on the beach, the very beach she had
left. Ryouga was there, basking in the sun and attempting to
read a very bad legal thriller.
"Ryouga!"
"Oh, hello," he said, waving gently to her. "How do you
do?"
"That's what I was going to ask. Come on, Ryouga, wake up
in reality. We're waiting."
"I dunno if I want to," he said. "It's nice here. It's
quiet. I don't turn into a pig in my own mind. I don't get
beaten. I don't have to worry about dating or revenge or even
sleeping. It's nice. Very nice."
"The OTHER problem of the ban-nan mirror," Charlotte said.
"My uncle once used it and never came back. Slipped into a coma
and died three years later."
Ryouga face-faulted. "Died?"
"Yeah, died. Once someone decides they want to stay, their
body is ejected but the mind remains. They have to want to leave
again, either that or kick the bucket later."
Ryouga considered this. "I don't know. It's lousy out
there. Nobody likes me, I get lost all the time, and I'm
unhappy."
"It is possible to be happy in reality, despite the proof to
the opposite you've seen," Charlotte said. "You just need to
know the right people, be with them. Like... me."
"Eh?"
"Get off it, Hibiki. You're always wailing 'My life sucks!
My life sucks!'. It's people like you that get our generation
labelled. You've had happiness right under your nose and have
ignored it. What about me, bub? You think I was helping you for
my health? I like you, Ryouga. You're a great guy. Come on,
let's get back outside. I'll buy us dinner."
"But in here, I don't need to worry about not having Akane."
"Ryouga, you two weren't meant to be together. Deal,"
Charlotte said. "You can't wallow in your own warm place here
forever when you've got people that care about you on the other
side. I want to stick with you, Ryouga. Let's go. The others
are getting worried."
Ryouga considered this. Sure, living in your own mind meant
never needing to feel pain, never needing to take risks... but
here, there wasn't anybody else. Nobody but him. Forever, until
he died.
"Okay," Ryouga said. He promptly vanished, secondary ban-
nan urges no longer supporting his need to be here. Charlotte
sighed in relief and mirrored out of there.
The island of Ryouga's mind vanished, never to be seen
again.
"He's gonna be okay," Charlotte said, mirroring back into
the room and pocketing the ban-nan for good. "Ryouga, wake up."
Ryouga lie there, still with the smile, still breathing
shallow.
"Come on, quit kidding around. Ryouga? Yoo hoo! Earth to
Hibiki!"
Ryouga didn't move.
"Is he..."
"Gotcha," Ryouga said, sticking out his tongue and laughing.
Charlotte reached out and strangled him.
"You jerk!" she yelled. "Making me think you had... GRRR!"
Ryouga wheezed, trying to pry her hands away. Charlotte let
go. "Well, you're my jerk at least. Welcome home."
"Thanks," Ryouga said, swinging his feet out of bed.
Tofu looked alarmed. "Ryouga, you're in no condition to be
walking around..."
Ryouga ignored him, and walked over to Ranma's bed. "Is
Ranma... okay?"
"He's going to be fine," Doctor Tofu said. "Just a bit of a
shock. Whatever he saw in your mind must have frightened the
living daylights out of him."
Ryouga nodded, and rested a hand on Ranma's arm. "Sorry,
Saotome. Go in peace. Akane?"
"Yes, Ryouga?"
"Take good care of him," Ryouga said. "If you'll excuse me,
I'm starving and need some food."
"Hey boss," Buford said, pulling the crumpled form of Victor
up to its feet. "What do we do with laughing boy here?"
"Send him back to France," Charlotte said. "Attach a note.
I'm not coming back. There's nothing for me there now. Come on,
Ryouga. I have a yen for some okonomiyaki for some reason."
"Where are we going?" Charlotte asked, stepping over a log
as Ryouga led the way.
"Well, I've always wanted to visit Tokyo Disneyland," Ryouga
said. "With this revenge deal and Akane, I've never really left
Nerima without returning. Now's a good opportunity."
"What makes you think we're gonna find it?" Buford asked,
hefting the trio's gear over one shoulder.
"Trust me," Ryouga smiled. "I know the way. It should be
right... over..."
Ryouga's pointing finger lowered, as he looked up. And up.
And up.
"Hey, who put this statue here?" he asked, pointing to the
green, copper state of a lady carrying a torch. Buford groaned.
"Silly," Charlotte said, smiling.
END
(Closing theme : Down In It)
-=-
(author's postscript)
PHEW. One week of slightly tipsy academic standings, and
March of the Pigs is finally done. It's got some problems, but
is pretty damn good for my first fanfic. Look for more. (evil
grin)
Okay, the greets and thanks.
Thanks go out to : Andodikion (who boosted my ranma
collection so I'd finally see P-Chan), Benjamin and Abigail
(faithful readers and good buds), Trent Reznor (for providing the
title pun and general scheme I chose to follow and for not
suing), Megazone (for providing r.a.a.s to us writers in the
first place), Josh (for providing Superior Ranma through his
kick-ass movie set), Julio (how's bowie treatin' ya?), Nick (I'll
return your call when I finish posting this), Rumiko-san (for
draining my money out of the bank by my new anime addiction),
Future Crew (just because they always get da greetz), John Biles
and all other fanfiction writers (rock on!), the folks over at
AnimeMUCK (I'm Tsubasa there, in case nobody knew), PaulS of
ETEXT (without whom my account would be vapor and this story
wouldn't be out), Ryouga (you kick ass, never give up), Buford
(quit whining and I'll make your part bigger), Mikado (maybe next
time), and of course the good folks at Frito Lay for nourishing
me throughout this writing experience.
Ack. Thanks done, now with the postscript. March of the
Pigs has every element I've found to be good and proper in
fanfiction. Random chaos, silliness, bad puns, character
development, someone for Ryouga and the occasionally twisted bit
of darkness. I originally set out NOT to end the Ranma series,
as most fanfictions do, but I just couldn't see leaving Ryouga
friendless and broken in the end... plus, Charlotte was made for
him. Originally she was going to be evil and plotting, like
Kodachi, but that character rubbed me the wrong way, as did
Buford's original cigarette-smoking 'Kill the Lawbreaker'
attitude and Victor's 'All people are mindless sheep and must be
punished' attitude. They were toned down to fit in the comedic
world of Ranma 1/2.
The series technically could have skipped the test date and
Azusa and other silliness, but that wouldn't have given me enough
of a lead in to the concluding battle between Ranma and Ryouga,
where the title track for the series is used.
As for the music... originally it was just going to be a
pun, but when I came up with the neat idea for P-Chan's Nightmare
in part1, I liked that header format with chosen score and kept
it throughout most of the series. I tried to picture what those
scenes would look like... Sasuke's mad dash through the trees to
the tune of March of the Fuckheads, P-Chan's spiral into pain
with Help Me I Am In Hell, and Ryouga's beach dream with A Warm
Place. Azusa's happy music and Pinion don't really fit, but
that's minor. The closing songs are mostly just for pun-
silliness, except latter parts where I felt that wacky fun didn't
fit the closing mood.
That's it. If I do another fanfiction series (very likely),
it probably won't be an extension of March of the Pigs, since
Ryouga would be left out. I'll probably center the next one on
Mousse, who also deserves a little justice done... until then,
love, luck and lollipops.
Doesn't it make you feel better?
The pigs have won tonight
They can all sleep soundly
And everything is alright.