AN at bottom to avoid spoilers

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Time To Panic

By SHADO Commander

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"Ron! Ron! Open the window!"

"Huh… wuzzaz?" Ron Stoppable mumbled as he turned and hit the snooze button on his clock radio. "Stupid DJszzzzz…"

"RON!" The shrill yell almost blasted the stupefied teen out of his incredibly comfy bed, but if that hadn't finally woken him, the sound of his window shattering a second later certainly would have done it.

Or maybe he wasn't awake, because there was no way that Kim Possible could really be coming in through his window wearing nothing but an almost sheer white nightie and a pair of black and green panties. She hadn't worn anything like that when they were dating and…

Great Galloping Gravy Ladles! There was nothing ALMOST sheer about Kim's nightie AT ALL!

"BOINNG!" Ronald ejaculated the first word that came into his addled adolescent mind.

"Oh, God, no Ron…" Kim flushed as she pulled the covers and blankets off Ron's startled and Snowman Hank pajama-clad form. "No um… time for that. We've got to get ready."

"Ready?" Ron started to pull himself to his feet as he watched his nearly naked best friend throw the covers over the broken glass sprinkled across the floor. "What for?"

"I'll explain in a minute," Kim scowled, pulling him the rest of the way out of bed and shoving him across the blankets towards the window, which she'd apparently opened from the inside after smashing. "Just get down to the yard! NOW! My folks, Wade and the Tweebs are already gone and we've only got a few seconds!"

"'Till Whaaaaaaughh Aaaaaa aaaaaa gguaaaaa OOOOF!" Ron screamed as Kim kicked him in the back, propelling him out the window, skidding across the small section of roof that ringed the first floor and bouncing off the huge holly bush below into a spectacular pratfall that ended in the fresh peat his father had laid down yesterday.

"At least it wasn't manure," Ron thought woozily as he saw Kim land beside him in a far more eloquent tiger crouch holding Rufus in her arms.

"But you SAID you were going to TELL him!" She was chastising the small pink creature, who held his tiny hands up in an embarrassed 'what were you expecting' gesture.

"Sawwwy" Rufus blushed. "Hawd."

"Now really Kim," Ron stammered. "Couldn't you… AAAAA!"

"MOVE MOVE MOVE MOOOVE!" the teen hero cut him off, Ron's fourth attempt at a question proving little more successful than his previous three as his oxygen supply was ALSO cut off as Kim slung him around like a rag doll, rolling him like a giant baby about to be diapered onto some of his mother's laundry that had somehow been left lying on the lawn.

"Ron," Kim didn't answer any of his questions as she lay down beside him and began frantically thumbing through the menus of her communicator, but she DID offer one of her own. "Have you ever heard of anyone else named Possible?"

"Uh…" Ron began, thrown by the non sequitur.

"Never mind," Kim shrugged furiously, looking more panicked than Ron had EVER seen her as she continued to thumb like a madwoman. "Thumbthumbthumbthumb… THUMB!"

"Thumb?"

"Yeah. Wouldn't have worked in your house," Kim replied waving her Kimmunicator wildly in every direction like the world's most addicted extreme sports addict gifted with an Elvis sized wall of televisions and a six hundred dollar universal remote.

"Wadient heet bawwier." Rufus clarified.

"Kim!" Ron finally gave in to freak out mode. "WHAT IS GOING ON?"

"We're putting the whole planet into cryofreeze before we shuffle it to an alternate dimension for safekeeping," the redhead replied between heavy pants, actually answering his next question before he could ask. "We being my family, Wade and a few others. But we've only got a few seconds to get out ourselves or we'll be…"

BEEP BEEP BEEP! Interrupted the Kimmunicator.

"YES!" Kim exulted. "Transporter lock!"

"That's good?" Ron asked weakly.

"Yes! God yes!" Kim laughed tears of joy for 1.25 seconds, then abruptly turned deadly serious as she stared into his soul with her swirling olive eyes. "But there's something you need to know first."

"Uh huh?" Ron smiled cautiously, willing himself to remain dead calm. He almost… but didn't quite manage it… as Kim uttered her next words.

"I'm not human Ron. I'm from a small planet in the vicinity of Betelgeuse."

"AAAAAAAAAAAAA!" Screamed Ron.

"WHOOSH!" Went the transportation beam that hit them as Ron, Kim, Rufus and the towels they were lying on were sucked from the face of the Earth.

Exactly six seconds before the entire planet froze solid.

Precisely four seconds before the now-frozen sphere slipped into hyperspace, only to be replaced by an almost identical (but completely hollow) duplicate that slid into its place.

And two seconds before the demolition beams of the Vogon Constructor fleet blew the entire faux planet to atoms.

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"AAAAAAAAAaaa…. Ulp!" Ron finished as he suddenly found himself lying face down on the same towel he'd been lying on on his family lawn only an instant before. With the boxers he normally wore under his pajamas now on the outside. And backwards.

"Well, I'll be damned, Princess," An all-too familiar and extremely snarky voice spoke above him. "You managed to get the buffoon after all!"

"Told you I could," Kim laughed, taking the pale green hand that offered to help her up. Ron rolled over just in time to see Kim… KISS? Shego on the cheek! "And try to keep the Princess thing under your hat for a change, okay?"

"Yes, your Excellency," Shego mocked in a low, eloquent bow, an effect that was entirely countered by the playful smack she gave the redhead's behind. It was at this point that Ron snapped to the fact that Shego was wearing a very similar nightie to Kim's, as well as a pair of pale blue panties with a pink heart over her pubic area. His examination of THAT discovery was immediately curtailed as the green woman's eyes snapped over to him. "I'll say this, he handled it better than Blue Einstein."

"Twld Ya!" Rufus replied, sitting up from the dishtowel he'd ridden through time and space on, quickly standing and scuttling across the room to hop into a….

"Www… wait a minute," Ron stuttered as the events of the last several minute finally caught up with him. Finally, he noticed that they were inside a circular room that seemed remarkably like the bridge of any one the various Starship Enterprisings from Galaxy Truckkin'. Every curved wall of the circular room he was in was covered from waist-high up with blinking lights and monitors of some strange kind that all looked like toaster ovens. Below waist-high, the walls were a flat white, accented with horizontal lines of orange and black that circumnavigated the room. There were a few chairs at apparent workstations at irregular intervals, such as the one that Rufus had taken for himself, but the single most imposing fixture of the room was the large reclining-style bed, located dead center and into which Kim was now neatly sliding. With the back folded up, it was ALMOST like a captain's chair, but the lack of a place to drop her legs required her to fold them up into as demure a cross-legged position as she could. Never mind the fact that her ta-tas were hanging out for all the world… okay, Ron, Rufus and Shego… to see.

Shego! His internal risk assessment chart told him that he should start with her first.

"YOU'RE an alien too?" He demanded.

"Who, me?" Shego laughed. "Nope, I'm just a mutt. A plain old mutant with more than the average Earth brain."

"Yeah," Kim confirmed as she fiddled with some panel that had risen out of the bed's memory foam-like material. "Shego made copies of some of the records from the Lowardian's ships and managed to decipher enough to peg me as a plant. A couple of months ago she cornered me with the evidence and, er…"

"Offered to align our interests." Shego grinned. "It didn't hurt that I already knew what the sexual customs of her people were like."

"I'm sorry Ron," Kim smiled at her best friend since pre-K, "I love you like a brother, but when I started to hit my second puberty, I realized that I'd probably kill any normal human with my… um…"

"TMI!" Ron screamed, clamping his hands over his ears. That lasted only an instant as a second horrible thought hit him. "Mom! Dad!"

"Fine, but frozen," Kim promised. "Everyone's frozen until we find a new star to orbit the planet around. We thought we'd have more time to find a system, but when the Vogon's showed up almost a year before they were supposed to, it caught us all off guard. Fortunately Rufus' people managed to get us warning with just enough time to pull the whole thing off."

"Rufus' people?" Ron blinked. "HE'S an alien too?"

"No, from the future," Shego corrected. "Or his people are. He's actually the progenitor of the entire race of Time Moles, so they weren't about to let anything happen to him, so THEY contacted Kim's people, they called her, she got me and the Doc, and then she went for the two of you."

"Ooookay," Ron boggled, trying to wrap his brain around all of this. "And is Drakken a…?"

"Basic human, just like you," Shego supplied. "But I kinda like the old spongehead and figured he might be better put to use helping our robot while we search for a new star system for earth, rather than just chilling out with the ultimate case of blue balls back on planet ice cube. Of course, he's sulking in the downstairs lavatory right now, stewing about the fact that Kim really has been all that all along and working off the effects of the transporter."

"It did kind of feel like I got mugged from the inside by a gang of miniature monkeys armed with those suction cup thingies plumbers use." Ron admitted.

"That's actually surprisingly close to how it works," Kim nodded. "Except the monkeys are from another dimension. And I hope you don't mind taking over the kitchen duties, but I'll need Shego up here and you've always had a gift in that area. It'll be fun to see what you can do with using all the new consumables you'll be able to experiment with."

"Speaking of which," Shego finished, looking at Kim meaningfully. "I'd better get you down to the crew quarters so Kimmie and I can get this ship moving before the Vogon's accidentally detect it amid the debris."

"Oh." Ron blinked, not liking the idea of being stuck downstairs by himself with Drakken. "Can't I just stay up here with you?"

"Er… no," Kim shook her head. "I'm sorry Ron, but this ship is kind of an unusual vehicle and the operation of the drive system isn't something I'm really comfortable with you, um… knowing too much about."

"Huh?" Ron blinked. "You don't trust me with the technology? It's not like I'd even understand it."

"It's… not that," Kim blushed. "But… haven't you noticed this bed in the middle of the bridge yet?"

"Uh, yeah, but…" Ron began to reply, and then his brain made the leap with a huge 'URK!' "No WAY!"

Kim just blushed an even deeper shade of red.

"NO WAY!" Ron repeated, his jaw hanging open on the last 'ay.'

"Yes way, Monkey Boy," Shego leered. "When we say the FEMSLASH is fucking fast, we're also describing what makes it go."

To Be Continued…

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AN: This one hit me while waiting for my wife to pick me up this evening. Someone mentioned the old Hitchhiker's guide shows and I thought "Hitchhikers' Guide to the Kimiverse." A few hours later and this is what you get. Hope you enjoy. ;) Legal Stuff: Kim Possible, Ron Stoppable, Rufus, Shego, Dr. Drakken, Wade Load, the Doctors Possible, The Tweebs ,Mr. and Mrs. Stoppable and all other characters borrowed from the wonderful KP Universe are the creations of Mark McCorkle and Bob Schooley, and those names are all trademarks of the Disney media organizations. The Vogons and other basic story premise elements are the creation of Douglas Adams and are the property of his estate. Although use in this context may be considered fair under parody law, just in case: this work was not created for profit, no money changed hands etc. Also, this story takes place at a time at which all characters shown should be considered to be over the legal age of 18… except, obviously Wade and the Tweebs.