BUZZ!
BUZZ!
BUZZ!
(new message(s) from BUTTFACE—!)
TO: Whitney
FROM: Flint
SUBJECT: BABYCAKKKKKKKKKKKES
YOU HERE YET BITCH.
—
TO: Flint
FROM: Whitney
SUBJECT: get out.
like usual, you're two days late. but thanks for asking.
sort of.
xoxo.
「 Flint Oba is bringing sexy back. TO SCHOOL YO. 」
「 Whitney Akane thinks Flint Oba SHOULD SHUT HIS BIG MOUTH BEFORE SHE DOES IT FOR HIM. 」
200 people like this.
「 Flint Oba DOES NOT HAVE A BIG MOUTH. (bb, i'd like to see you try) 」
Whitney Akane YOU LIE, ASS.
Volkner Denzi yes you do.
Candice Suzuna YES YOU DO~
Lucian Shikimi ...yes you do.
Morty Matsuba yes. you do.
Skyla Fuuro liar~
Wallace Stone yes you do.
Winona Nagi um, yes. i think you do.
Sabrina Natsugi I have to agree with them.
Elesa Kamitsure I do too.
Chili Pod IT'S COOL BRO, I'M HERE FOR YOU
Whitney Akane YOU DO TOO, IDIOT.
Candice Suzuna WHO ASKED YOU, POD?
Flint Oba CHILIIIIII MAN, YOU'RE THE BEST.
Volkner Denzi ...shut up.
Flint Oba JASMINE WHERE ARE YOU VOLKNER'S BEING MEAN AGAIN!
Whitney Akane wuss.
Jasmine Mikan ...don't be so mean to Flint.
Flint Oba SEE VOLKNER, JASMINE'S ON MY SIDE.
Volkner Denzi ...
Candice Suzuna STOP USING JASMINE'S NICENESS TO YOUR ADVANTAGE, BUTTFACE.
Flint Oba I'M NOT SHE JUST LIKES ME MORE. RIGHT JASMINE?
Jasmine Mikan ...u-um. I don't...
Volkner Denzi arceus. why am i friends with you people.
Whitney Akane YEA JAZ, HE'S NOT WORTH IT. TRUST ME. HE CAN'T PERFORM THAT WELL EITHER.
Flint Oba YES I AM! AND YOU DID NOT.
Chili Pod NO YOU'RE NOT.
Flint Oba I THOUGHT WE WERE FRIENDS.
Chili Pod WE ARE. I JUST LIKE JASMINE MORE
Flint Oba ...!
Cress Pod ...
Whitney Akane ...you're screwed~
Flint Oba YOU FUCKER STAY AWAY FROM HER
Chili Pod WAIT NO NOT LIKE THAT -
Jasmine Mikan wait guys it's okay...!
Candice Suzuna this is going to be the best school year eeeeeeever~!
—
「 Volkner Denzi will be right back. 」
「 Flint Oba IS GOING TO INFLICT SOME PAIN 」
「 Whitney Akane watch out, Chili~ they're coming! 」
「 Candice Suzuna will be right back. 」
—
Chili Pod is ow. 」
CANDICE IS ONLINE.
WHITNEY IS ONLINE.
Candice says,
ew.
Whitney says,
nice to talk to you too.
Candice says,
it's sunny hereeeeeee.
Whitney says,
…you're such a vampire. omg. did you see the curtains yet? they're so cute. and btw, i got rid of your nightlight. it doesn't match our bedspreads.
Candice says,
you expect too much out of me. B| i've been in the cafeteria since setting foot on campus.
Whitney says,
pfffft.
—Whitney has sent IMG 000 to Candice—
[ ACCEPT ] [ DECLINE ]
Candice says,
it's okay I guess?
Whitney says,
it's okay? that is the biggest load of b— ooooohhh! cynthia's calling. brb.
WHITNEY IS AWAY.
BUZZ!
BUZZ!
BUZZ!
(new message(s) from MORTY—!)
FROM: Morty
TO: Erika
SUBJECT: YOUR ASS AND LEG A HAVE A DATE, FUCKER.
STAY AWAY FROM HER. I SWEAR TO GOD, IF YOU'RE BUGSY I'M GONNA SMASH YOUR FACE IN. Yeah, I SAID THAT, BIATCH. KEEP TO YOUR BUGS OR SOMETHING.
SINCERELY,
THE PERSON WHO'LL KICK YOUR ASS.
—
FROM: Erika
TO: Morty
SUBJECT: …morty.
Um.
—
FROM: Morty
TO: Erika
SUBJECT: fw: hey c:
( start )
Erika will be a little busy with some stuff tonight so she really can't talk, jsyk. ;)
( end )
BUZZ!
BUZZ!
BUZZ!
(new message(s) from ERIKA—!)
FROM: Erika
TO: Winona
SUBJECT: fw: YOUR ASS AND LEG A HAVE A DATE, FUCKER.
( start )
STAY AWAY FROM HER. I SWEAR TO GOD, IF YOU'RE BUGSY I'M GONNA SMASH YOUR FACE IN. Yeah, I SAID THAT, BIATCH. KEEP TO YOUR BUGS OR SOMETHING.
SINCERELY,
THE PERSON WHO'LL KICK YOUR ASS.
( end )
...Thanks a lot Winona. Now I have to find him before he kills my flowers' only source of pollination. –ERIKA
BUZZ!
BUZZ!
BUZZ!
(new message(s) from GHOSTBUSTER NO. 1—!)
FROM: Morty
TO: Flint
SUBJECT: dude.
she broke up with me. because of you.
this is why volkner tells me never to listen to you. or let my phone out of my sight.
—
FROM: Flint
TO: Morty
SUBJECT: TROLOLOLO
IT'S NOT MY FAULT THAT GIRL IS SCARY.
not a big loss anyway. you didn't like her that much anyway.
—
FROM: Morty
TO: Flint
SUBJECT: this is so troublesome.
whatever.
THIS YEAR,
( is going to be great )
-;co-authored by calling superman and the sky's bouquet;-
FLASH.
FLASH.
FLASH.
"Who the hell is calling me this early." Volkner grimaces, patting the pillows by his head and nearly missing his roommate's yellow socked foot. Flicking the screen lazily, "I swear to god if that's you Grimsley—"
"Hey Volkner…"
"Jazzy?"
"Good morning."
He yawns, "Yeah."
"So…Volkner, you think…"
BEEP.
Running a hand through his hair, and glancing the wall clock, the boy speaks groggily into his phone again. "Candice's calling me. I'll call you back later."
CALL ENDED.
CALL ENDED.
if you would like to make another call, please hang up and try again!
The girl's face falls.
"That went well."
"Volkner!"
"What is it, Candice?" He pauses, glancing at the blinking green numbers again. "And why the hell are you up so early?"
"I'm always up this early, you lazy bum~!"
"So—"
"I was wondering what homeroom you're in! We just got the emails."
"You woke me up at five o' clock in the fucking morning—on a Saturday—to find out what class I'm in?"
"Well why not? You made me order pizza once so pffft."
"And I hung up on Jasmine for you—what the fuck, Candice?"
"…sorry? And hey, don't play favorites!"
"You're insane," Volkner says, opening up his email. "I'm in Clair's class—who the fuck is Clair?"
Through the other side of the line he can hear the girl's grin. "The sexy new teacher, of course." He groans. "Oh shut up, I know you boys all get boners for those high-and-mighty Blackthorn City girls. And guess what? I'm in your class too~"
"Great. Now let me sleep."
"Arceus, I'm going to remember this the next time you ask for homework!"
BEEP.
BUZZ!
BUZZ!
BUZZ!
(new message(s) from VOLKNER—!)
TO: Jasmine
FROM: Volkner
SUBJECT: …sorry.
hey. sorry I hung up on you earlier. it wasn't that important, but you know candice.
what were you going to say?
—
TO: Volkner
FROM: Jasmine
SUBJECT: no worries.
it's fine, volkner. I just wanted to say hi.
I shouldn't have called so early, I know how much you hate getting up in the mornings…that was kind of stupid of me.
—
TO: Jasmine
FROM: Volkner
SUBJECT: (no subject)
…yeah, well I was an asshole about it.
it's fine, whatever. candice probably would've woke me up anyway. or flint.
do you know what homeroom you're in?
—
TO: Volkner
FROM: Candice
SUBJECT: MORNING, MR. GROUCHY!
so now that you're up, wanna go to the cafeteria and get some crappy coffee?
—
TO: Volkner
FROM: Jasmine
SUBJECT: you're not an asshole!
…well, still. it was dumb.
clair's, I think. the new teacher.
um, why don't I bring you some coffee or something? I'm in the cafeteria anyway, and I can come over. it would be nice to go for a walk before Flint and Whitney are yelling at each other…
—
TO: Candice
FROM: Volkner
SUBJECT: (no subject)
it's too early for that. just go back to sleep.
or whatever you do in the morning. like stalk pretty boys with whitney. or yell at flint.
seriously. go yell at him.
and. well, sorry.
—
TO: Jasmine
FROM: Volkner
SUBJECT: (no subject)
…I don't know. it'd be a hassle for you.
—
TO: Volkner
FROM: Candice
SUBJECT: why are you so grouchyyyy?
it's not that early~
erika and morty right? whit's definitely going to chew him out for that. i'll take pictures!
jaz is up! COME ON, LAZY, GET YOUR ASS MOVING.
—
TO: Volkner
FROM: Jasmine
SUBJECT: …um.
it wouldn't be a hassle, but candice just called and asked if I wanted to hang out.
we could drop by with caffeine, anyway, though. she's excited to see you. she wouldn't stop talking about you yesterday when we were together.
—
TO: Jasmine
FROM: Volkner
SUBJECT: (no subject)
you were with her yesterday?
…it's fine. hang out with Princess.
Erika is in a relationship.
Morty Matsuba is in a relationship.
—
Erika is single.
Morty Matsuba is single.
—
Erika is in a relationship.
Morty Matsuba is forever alone.
Chili Pod TROLOLOLOLOL FOREVER ALONE
Morty Matsuba SHUT YOUR FUCKING TRAP.
Chili Pod …
KNOCK.
KNOCK.
KNOCKKNOCKKNOCKKNOCKKNO—
"WHAT THE FUCK!" Flint screams, falling onto the floor. "WHO THE FUCK IS IT?"
Volkner and Morty stare at him from the door.
"Oh, it's Morty!" the redhead blinks laughing nervously. "Sup, man? …Ahaha, sorry about the breakup with Erika."
"…fucker." Morty mumbles under his breath. "So Flint, do you know anything about the fact Erika's dating someone now?"
"Um…no?"
"Bitter about the breakup, huh?" Volkner asks nonchalantly, leaning against the doorframe with a smirk.
The other blond turns around. "Two words, Volkner. Elesa Kamitsure."
Flint dissolves into a fit of laughter. Volkner turns red and coughs.
"That's what I thought, Denzi."
"JAZZY!" Candice squeals, arms wide and her crushing smile even wider. If that was even humanly possible but.
"…um!" That's all the brunette manages to get out before the younger girl nearly tackles her in a hug. Lukewarm coffee sloshes to the ground, the custodian harrumphing slightly. She's always been so overwhelming, yet Jasmine can't find it in herself to ever feel irritated.
"!"
"I missed you too, Candice—" Jasmine manages, trying to pry her off helplessly, "—but um, I can't really breathe very well right now and—"
"Oh! Sorry!" Her friend exclaims, releasing her finally. A triumphant smirk is clear in Candice's expression, one hand absently fixing Jasmine's messed hair as she squeals loud enough for a group of students at another table to look over curiously. Jasmine blushes, Candice only waves brightly.
"—And I have to tell you about Mr. Grouchy, too."
The brunette smiles, a little, shaking her head in exasperation. "Sure thing, Candice. Tell me all about your summer adventures."
"YOU'RE SO CUTEEEE!"
"Candice—eep!"
"Where is she? WALLACE YOU HAVE TO HIDE ME." Frantically, he digs under the covers, whining obnoxiously as he does so. "Whitney's going to murder me!" If it wasn't for Flint's brilliant shade of hair, he might go unnoticed in the mess. His roommate frowns—or pouts. Depending on how you look at it.
"Did anyone say my name?" A curvy figure molds against Volkner's. A casual, sultry smile paints itself onto the girl's pretty features. Morty's bored air freezes, almost wincing. Elesa. If the blonde model is around…Erika is near.
Sure enough, the grass type specialist appears in the doorframe, warily. "Where's Candice? She said I should be here." She blinks. "Hey Morty…"
Awkward.
"Oh look~ The gang's gathered!" Candice giggles, her arm clenching firmly on Jasmine's, "See, Whitney's down the hall. She brought Lucian and Steven. You know how they're sweet on her. Most people are but that's beside the point. Everyone's coming sooner or later. First Flint-Whitney event of the year after all~" Squeezing through the wall that hovers against the doorframe, the brunette neatly plops on one of the dorm beds with uncontrolled anticipation.
Flint groans.
"KAY DUDES. WHERE'S THE WUSSY WHO BROKE UP THE CUTEST COUPLE EVER."
"Um—Whitney—don't kill hi—"
Candice cracks up next to Jasmine. "Jasmine, you know you want to see this~"
"Not...really."
Volkner—who seemed to finally unpeel himself from his ex—slouches against the wall next to the bed.
"You're obviously too nice, Jasmine."
"Yeah! You need to start being a little more forceful!" The dark-haired girl grins."Like Whitney!"
Jasmine—and Flint, being dragged into the middle of the room—shivers, and the pinkette in question flashes a peace sign. "That'd be me!"
Flint moans unhappily.
Flint Oba regrets breaking Morty and Erika up.
Whitney Akane is feeling LIKE A BOSS.
Volkner Denzi, Candice Suzuna, Morty Matsuba, Erika, Elesa Kamitsure, and 110 others like this.
Morty Matsuba is in loveee.
Morty Matsuba flint. stop hacking my account. ass.
Whitney Akane but is it trueee?
Candice Suzuna YEAH MORTY, TELL US.
Morty Matsuba no.
CYNTHIA IS ONLINE
STEVEN IS ONLINE
Steven says,
where were you for the Whitney-Flint showdown?
Cynthia says,
sleeping.
Steven says,
wtf? didn't you hear the shouting?
Cynthia says,
you try braving winona's sleep-talking.
Cynthia says,
i'm immune.
Cynthia says,
especially since most of it is "oh, wallace!" or "wallace you're so brave" or "wallace i love you!"
Steven says,
...wow.
Steven says,
Flint was pretty loud.
Cynthia says,
well. not loud enough.
Steven says,
...ok.
Cynthia says,
any new rocks this summer?
Steven says,
Dad and I went to the Desert Resort in Unova and you should've seen the rocks around there—
FLANNERY IS ONLINE
Flannery says,
CYNTHIA! WHERE ARE YOUUU?
Cynthia says,
in my room. duh.
Flannery says,
how was I supposed to know that? you, like, haven't existed in the last day.
Cynthia says,
i was sleeping.
Flannery says,
...what's wrong with you? you didn't even have a time change.
Cynthia says,
yes i did.
Cynthia says,
i was in undella town for the last two months.
Flannery says,
omg in your beach house? HOW WAS IT?
Cynthia says,
it was fine. sunny.
Flannery says,
you sound like Candice. that's hilar.
Cynthia says,
...shuddup.
Flannery says,
should I talk to Steven? he's online! I should talk to him right? I mean I haven't seen him in like, forever and.
Flannery says,
I should talk to him!
Cynthia says,
...you're obsessed. it's just steven.
Flannery says,
! he chatted me!
Cynthia says,
-_-
CYNTHIA IS AWAY
Steven says,
Cynth?
"Knock knock!" A cheerful voice comes from the other side of the door.
"Winona isn't here, Wallace."
"I know!" The blue-haired teen says, slamming open the door in his enthusiasm.
The blond lying on the bed groans into her pillow. "What?"
"I came to say hi. What's wrong~?"
Cynthia mumbles a string of words into her pillow, sounding vaguely like, "Steven... Whitney... Flannery!... Jerk...FLANNERY!...Steven."
"You, my dear, have a case of the lovebug." Wallace whispers in her ear, causing his oldest friend to sit up, punch the air near his head, and lets loose a few choice words. Poor legendary pokemon, getting slandered like that.
"De Nile~" he sings as he prances out the room.
"!"
「 Wallace Stone says Cynthia Shirona is in denial~ 」
Cynthia Shirona not true.
Cynthia Shirona and stop posting about my personal life online. jerkwad.
Steven Stone denial about what?
Wallace Stone lovvvvve!
Cynthia Shirona i'll kill you.
Steven Stone ...who?
Wallace Stone ;)
「 Steven Stone is grrr. 」
Wallace Stone likes this.
「 Cynthia Shirona is feeling murderous. 」
「 Winona Nagi Cynthia is scaring me. 」
Wallace Stone I'LL PROTECT YOU! 」
Winona Nagi ...yeah, you should worry more about yourself.
BUZZ!
BUZZ!
BUZZ!
(new message(s) from CYNTH—!)
TO: Wallace
FROM: Cynthia
SUBJECT: traitor.
get your ass down to the battlefield.
—
BUZZ!
BUZZ!
BUZZ!
TO: everyone
FROM: Cynthia
SUBJECT: (no subject)
wallace is about to get his butt whooped by yours truly.
the battleground. be there.
「 Whitney Akane is looking forward to the showdown. 」
Candice Suzuna, Flint Oba, Flannery Asuna, Grimsley Giima, Volkner Denzi and 50 others like this.
nel does not say anything here. becaus she's a loser~
well hi there guys. WE'RE DOING A COLLAB. which, also happens to be my first relatively successful humor fic. i hope you guys are okay with present tense because that's all i can do. ahahaha. hope you like it. cesia's said everything else, below. reviews are totally appreciated. also WHO CARES ABOUT AGES. LIKE REALLY WUT. AGES ARE IRRELEVANT. also WHAT FORMAT? HAHAHA haven't been on FB for like evar. and also neither of us have phones because we live under rocks. /PATRICK STARFISH TIME.
yes i made a spongebob joke. yes i'm totally lame.
cesia is ridiculously pleased rn.
OKAY. so. this is really going to be fun~ and we'd love it if you guys offer any critique, suggestions, pairings, whatever. especially gymleader personalities. bulbapedia can only provide so much help. IF ANYTHING IS OOC TELL US KTHNX. since all of this speculative and well. outside of canon. it's written in present tense, which is kind of awkward, but try to deal with it? if it's a bother just say so. we're really in the experimental phase with this.
ps. the sky's bouquet is the die-hard volkner/candice whore. calling superman is the die-hard volkner/jasmine whore. YES I AM. let's see if you guys can tell who writes which parts. ;)
REVIEWS ARE TOTALLY APPRECIATED.