A/N: This is going to be an interesting collage of a fanfiction. It will consist of many ficlets centered on different random prompts. These prompts will come from various 'random prompt generators' around the internet. :] These ficlets will, of course, star Starscream, Thundercracker, and Skywarp- though interaction with other cons and Autobots is likely. These chapters will vary in length, quality, and genre. :) Posting all of these little ficlets separately would be superfluous, so it will all be compiled here. A fanfiction made of brain-vomit.

Brain vomit everywhere.

I should also note that this story is slash free.

Disclaimer: Transformers are spiffy, but not my property.

Title: Perfection

Characters: Starscream, Thundercracker, & Skywarp

Genre: Humor

Summary: Starscream recruited his subordinates to fix his door, but if he expected perfection, he chose the wrong jets...

Perfection

"It's crooked."

Starscream's voice was scrutinizing, arms crossed and optics narrowed as he stared at the newly installed door. Thundercracker crossed his own arms, stepping back to examine the door from afar.

"No it's not." The blue Seeker concluded after a long moment.

"You are obviously not looking at the same door that I am looking at, Thundercracker, otherwise you would notice that it is leaning to the left and off center." Starscream sniffed, having only eyes for the supposedly crooked door that offended him so much. He looked repulsed. "Fix it."

The day had been very unkind to Starscream's door- at least, unkind to the door that had been there merely two hours before. Much to Starscream's dismay, his previous door had first been graciously given a hole in the shape of Ramjet's head after a Conehead-Free-For-All outside of his dwelling. The new hole was soon discovered by Rumble and Frenzy, who never passed up an opportunity to harass the Air Commander. After pressing their luck and calling Starscream a 'tubby cretinous spunkbubble'. He had no idea what it meant, but regardless, two new silhouettes decorated the door soon after. After another ten minutes, word had spread, a faction had united together under a common goal, and the room was filled with callous comments and a few brave hands reaching in to deliver obscene gestures. Starscream, who was always eager make friends, wasted no time ripping off two fingers, delivering several shots from his nullray, and chasing them en masse down the hallway with a vial of concentrated nitric acid.

After an ill-placed and sarcastic comment about Starscream's 'service with a smile', Thundercracker and Skywarp were immediately given the task of replacing the door. So with welder in hand and Skywarp's unrelenting complaints of not getting paid enough, they did as they were told.

Thundercracker uncrossed his arms in favor of placing his hands on his hips, looking thoroughly unimpressed.

"I measured the dimensions four times, Starscream. I used a laser and a leveler. Trust me- it's straight."

Starscream had a look of insufferable superiority on his face as he gave it another look over. "Then you apparently do not know how to work them because this installation job is mediocre at best. Redo it."

"You are delusional."

"And you are obviously incapable of doing anything right."

Thundercracker clenched his fists, optics narrowing. "I am not going to fix what is not broken."

"And I will not accept anything less than perfection! It reflects badly on me when your laziness affects your ability to properly follow orders!"

Thundercracker opened his mouth to retort further, but Skywarp's voice cut in before he could utter a sound.

"TC's right, Screamer. It looks like a door to me. A level, centered one." Skywarp stepped forward, examining the door from several angles. "That is one good looking door. Made of the finest alloy a mech can steal. Some fine Con' is going to be wondering where his door is pretty soon.'"

"If I wanted your input, I would have asked for it!" Starscream spouted. "Evidently your inferior optics are on the fritz, because my scans are showing that it is leaning point-five degrees to the left and is installed to the right of the midpoint."

Thundercracker and Skywarp shared a look.

"Maybe you're lopsided." Skywarp suggested.

"If you do not shut up right this instant, you will be lopsided."

"I like this door." Skywarp chose to ignore Starscream's comment and replace it with his own observation. "I like it better than all of the other doors in the base. It has character. Just look at this scuff mark—it looks like a banana."

Thundercracker frowned, ignoring Skywarp and ignoring the urge to ask what in Vector Sigma's name a banana was.

"I am not reinstalling the door. If you want it redone, you do it yourself, Starscream. We did our part."

Starscream drew himself up. "You will do as I tell you to do. Need I remind you that along with being your commander, that I am also the second in command? If anyone in this sad excuse of an army is going to follow my orders, it is going to be you two especially. If I tell you to fly in V formation-"

"We form a conga line." Skywarp smiled. Starscream glared.

"You fly in perfect V formation and do not break it until I say otherwise. If I tell you to fetch me energon-"

"We put a weasel in it."

"Shut your vocalizer, Skywarp!" Starscream snapped. "If I tell you to fetch me energon, you get me two cubes of energon of the best available quality! Likewise, if I tell you to fix my crooked, lopsided door-"

"We refuse and try to change the subject by telling you it has a scuffmark in the shape of a banana."

"You will FIX the door." Starscream said, ignoring Skywarp altogether. "I expect you to respect me, for one day I will be-"

"The leader of the Decepticons. Yeah. We know." Thundercracker grumble dryly. "Good to know that you will be spending your time so productively. Specifically, taking time out of your busy schedule to discipline us for 'that one time we refused to fix a perfectly functional and straight door.' You are going to be a fantastic leader, Starscream."

Starscream bristled at the sarcasm. Skywarp grinned.

"Brings up a good point. I'm really curious- do you really keep track of all of the times that you say you're going to 'make us pay'? You still haven't done anything about that time I clogged your thrusters with porridge. You threatened to bludgeon my head with a minibot. I must say, I have not been bludgeoned with any minibots lately."

"It's not too late, you insufferable wingnut! When the time comes, I will personally see to it that you two will never defy orders from me again!"

"Well now I really don't want to fix the door." Thundercracker cut in.

"Maybe if you said 'please' more often, we would be more willing to make your life easier." Skywarp said, shrugging a shoulder.

"I will do no such thing! I should never have to say 'please'. I should simply have to give the order and have it followed without question or hesitation!"

"'Please' helps." Skywarp nodded.

"You two listen to me. I WILL be the leader of the Decepticons, but as it is, I am the second in command!"

For the umpteenth time that day, Skywarp and Thundercracker shared a dry look before doing what they did best during one of Starscream's rants. Skywarp zoned out, and Thundercracker listened for key words.

"-A mere step below Megatron on the hierarchy. You know better than anyone that everything Megatron knows, I know. Everything Megatron plans, it goes through me. My opinions are of great value and superior to that of your own. I should not have to remind you that I am also the Aerial Commander—YOUR Aerial Commander. As your commander, I have the right to order you to self-destruct if I see fit!"

"I don't remember seeing that in my contract." Thundercracker mumbled, looking exasperated.

"Yeah, you're the 'Air Commander'". Skywarp said, pointing a single finger at the red Seeker. "You command us in the air." He pointed two fingers towards the ceiling. "We." He gestured to the three of them. "Are three miles below sea level. Kind of hard to 'air command' underwater."

"Do not get smart with me, you rusty muffler!" Starscream screeched. "You know what I am talking about!"

"Rusty muffler….?"

"Skywarp… Smart?"

Skywarp tapped his lip component with his finger, looking contemplatively at the door in question. "You know, Screamer… Maybe it would be better if we just took out the door and left it open. You know—so there's room for your fat head."

"You slagging-!" Starscream paused, a hand over his optics as he tried to regain his composure. "Are you truly incapable of following such simple orders?"

"We're not incapable. We just don't want to." Skywarp smiled sweetly.

"Not to mention you are being absolutely unreasonable. Don't you have anything better to do?" Thundercracker audibly let out a breath, suddenly looking drained.

"You should order us to do something useful. Like to go play X-box." Skywarp expressed. "That sounds more pleasant than blowing myself up. Or fixing your banana-door."

"No, you will fix this door." Starscream made a face, features darkening.

"After we play X-box?"

"Don't be stupid." Starscream sneered.

"Don't tell him to stop being stupid, Screamer. It's all he knows." Thundercracker scolded.

"Hey!"

"You two are only stalling!"

"Well yeah, because now I want to play videogames." Skywarp said shortly, as if it were obvious..

"Not to mention the door is perfectly fine as it is. It's not like anyone in their sane mind is going to go around measuring random doors to make sure they are level and centered. No one does that." Thundercracker stressed.

Starscream opened his mouth to retort.

"I said sane mind, you kuku clock. You don't count."

"You are teetering on a very thin line right now, you two." Starscream said with narrowed optics. "If you cannot even follow simple orders, how is it that you can retain your position in the Aerial Elite?"

"Um… I'd like to buy a vowel."

"Shut up, Skywarp! Primus, how aren't you dead yet?" Starscream threw out his arms in agitation.

"I'm an Aerial Elite."

Starscream looked as if he was on the verge of throttling his purple wingmate, hands clawed in front of him as if contemplating whether or not to wrap them around Skywarp's neck. "I… am going to hurt you."

"And I am going to go play X-box."

"You will do no such thing! You-" he gestured harshly "are going to stay here with Thundercracker and FIX. MY. DOOR. That is an order!"

Thundercracker scowled, wings twitching in irritation as he glanced at the perfectly straight door. Skywarp looked to be on the brink of throwing a tantrum.

"But it's your door!" Skywarp cried, hands . "Your door is not my responsibility!"

"No, but your obedience is!"

"You know, Screamer. Sometimes I think you would implode if you didn't have something to whine about." Skywarp huffed, leaning against the wall in defeat. "I question your state of mind. This is slave labor. I know my rights!"

Starscream's wings went rigid as his glare became dangerous.

Thundercracker shook his head. "Would you just measure the door again, Starscream? I swear it's not as bad as you think."

"Absolutely not. How can you expect me to live in a room that has a lopsided door! This is absolutely unacceptable—when I tell you to do something, I expect nothing less than what I deserve. That goes for the installation of my door!"

"Well, in that case, allow me to rip off the door and beat your senseless with it." Thundercracker said dryly.

Starscream snarled. "Cute."

"You know, there's a name for this. The humans call it Obsessive Compulsive Disorder."

Starscream recoiled. "You dare compare my aspiration for perfection to a human disorder! Do you have a death wish or is your cranial plating you denser than I even thought?"

Skywarp grinned. "Sheesh, don't lubricate yourself. TC's actually pretty spot-on."

Starscream clenched his fists, optics twitching in disgust. "You… you dare… I can't… you can't possibly…"

"I think you broke him, TC. Look at him twitch. I've never seen that before…"

"It was an observation. I already know you're a lost cause, Screamer." Thundercracker sighed, optics now on the new door. "Look. Even though there is nothing to fix, we'll reinstall your fragging door."

Skywarp pressed off against the wall, looking as if he just inhaled a goose. "We'll do what, now?"

Thundercracker held up a hand placidly, closing his optics. "It will be perfectly centered and perfectly straight. I will measure it eight times this time. But… If you ask us to do this again, I swear I will ram your head through it, melt it down, shape it like a stylus, and shove it up your skidplate."

Starscream looked insulted, but drew himself up to his full height. "I will be back in 45 terrestrial minutes."

"It will be done in 30."

"I expect it to be perfectly centered. Perfectly straight."

"I would rather have my wings chewed off by an Insecticon than give you anything but the perfection you deserve."

"Your sarcasm is unappreciated."

"Your existence is unappreciated."

Starscream's engines snarled, though he ignored the biting comment. He turned his back towards his wingmates, only taking a few steps before pausing.

"If you ever… ever compare me to an Earth-germ again, Thundercracker, I will personally see to it that you are remodeled into a refrigerator." And with that, Starscream began to stride away purposely.

Skywarp slumped, slack-jawed. Thundercracker glared at his commander's retreating form.

"Why can't he ever threaten to remodel us into the Batmobile?" Skywarp sulked.

Thundercracker exhaled slowly, turning his attention to the door. "If he wants straight and centered, we'll give him straight and centered. It will be a perfect fit for a fragging anal-retentive tyrant."

"I assume you mean Screamer."

"But of course."

They shared a look after a long moment of silence.

Starscream began his walk towards the lodging sector of the Nemesis, datapad in hand and his sense of self-importance high. It had been roughly 30 terrestrial minutes since he had left his defiant subordinates to tend to his door, though he knew that even if they were not finished reinstalling it, he would be perfectly content to sit back and harass them until they were finished.

To mess up something as simple and primitive as a door…

Starscream shook his head, contemplating how they had managed to make their way so far up in ranks without even a remotely functioning CPU. He blamed Megatron, really, for valuing brute force over cunning. Because of this, he was the one who had to suffer. He was the one who spent so much of his valuable time correcting stupid mistakes, tearing Skywarp from videogames, pranks, and squishie-kicking activities, and putting up with Thundercracker's brooding nature and moral dilemmas. They were flawed. They did their jobs well and he trusted them to perform impeccably in the heat of battle, but they were below him in every way. In addition, trying to communicate with them was like trying to communicate with a floor panel.

"Hmph." He vocalized out loud, taking a left towards his living quarters, doing a double take as he passed an irritated and slightly confused Astrotrain standing in front of his doorless quarters.

Regardless of their unintelligence, he had long since learned to put them in their place. He knew inferior beings and their simplistic nature. He knew how they yielded to power. As long as he stressed his authority over his wingmates, they would always bend to his will. Only he was intelligent, strong, and cunning enough to lead the Decepticons. Only he would be able to revive the true Decepticon cause. He would bring order and conquest.

He smirked, glancing over his datapad once more.

Yes. Even though his subordinates did not want to admit it, they knew that he was the greater one. They knew he held the power. Their pathetic attempts to hold on to their pitiable strands of dignity were futile.

He was superior.

He placed his datapad into subspace, rounding the corner to his quarters. He stopped dead in his tracks, smirk vanishing as he stared at his newly reinstalled door.

His door was perfectly straight and perfectly centered. Just as Thundercracker promised.

But it had been installed sideways.