"All right, Greil Mercenaries," Ike said soberly, "I'm going in. I won't die. I can't lose to the Black Knight."
Soren held out a hand. "Ike, let me come with you!"
Ike shook his head dramatically. "I'm sorry, but I can't let anyone else in. This is something I have to do… on my own." And so he proudly strode into the chamber.
Mist, ignoring her brother, as sisters are wont to do, rode in after him.
The Black Knight turned and faced Ike. "So you have finally come, Son of Gawain."
They exchanged words, and Ike moved to attack. Then he looked up at the stat screen. "Wait a minute, what do you mean I can only do one hit point of damage?"
The Black Knight shrugged.
"And you double me?" he cried incredulously. "And 19 hit points what? I have a god-like defense! I've been taking 1 or no damage from everything!"
"I'm the Black Knight," he reminded him.
"Okay, fine. Aether!"
"Not bad," said the Black Knight, taking approximately 20 points of damage. "And way lucky getting Aether on the first turn."
"Thanks."
"By the way, Sword Beam."
"Wait what-"
Mist reloaded the game.
After fighting their way through the stage again, Soren allowing Ike to kill all of their opponents so he'd gain a few levels:
"All right, I'm ready to take on the Black Knight," Ike said dramatically.
"Ike, take me with you," Soren said.
"No, Soren, this is-"
"You let Mist in, didn't you? I can heal you as well. And you're forgetting something very important. We have an A support."
Salivating at the idea of getting +30 to dodge if nothing else, Ike reluctantly replied, "Sorry, apparently this is a family-only thing."
Mist and Ike went inside.
The Black Knight sighed. "Hi again."
"I've got a bunch more levels, even tapping into our bonus experience!" Ike declared.
"Awww, that's great. You're forgetting one important fact."
"Huh?"
"Sword Beam."
Soren and Titania were both giving Ike dirty looks.
"You know, we don't need Nasir," Ike said awkwardly.
"So you're going to just run this time?" Titania asked in her stern "you'd better know the answer to that" voice.
Ike sheepishly nodded and ran in. The Black Knight was humming his own theme.
"Listen, if I had Nihil this fight would be easy," Ike declared, "but I only have room for Aether, so…" He turned and ran.
He made it exactly two spaces from the exit, in the last space of the Black Knight's range.
The Black Knight walked up to him. "Oh, by the way, Ike…"
"Uh oh…"
"Yeah. Sword Beam."
Finally Ike worked his way back to the room. Mist was downright bored at this point, as she hadn't gotten to do any healing in awhile.
"Oh, it's on now!" Ike said dramatically.
Like Mist, the Black Knight looked bored. "Listen kid, it's canon that I let you win, so no Sword Beams this time, I promise."
Ike's face fell. "But I just had 4 really great levels! I do five points of damage and you don't double me anymore!"
The Black Knight sighed. "I just don't feel like it."
"But you have to!" Ike complained. "I really worked hard! I could possibly beat you legitimately! How am I supposed to prove my equality with my father now?"
"It's okay, I'll be back next game," he replied with a shrug.
And so Ike defeated the Black Knight in epic combat that was suitably unepic. He was disappointed up until he re-encountered him in the next game and got an Eclipse to the face in their first round.
The End!
A/N: This actually happened my first time in hard mode. My second time, I don't know what happened but Ike won the first time easily. I was in pleasant shock.
As for the end bit, yes that's referring to the "Rivals Collide" stage in RD. I'm again playing in hard mode (I'm a masochist what can I say?) and yeah, poor Ike. Granted my one run in Easy mode got a level 20 Ike with mostly maxed stats also getting Eclipsed in the face, so there you go. But this time the Black Knight doubles him, has a 100% chance of hitting despite +30 dodge bonus due to his A-support with Soren and the +10 the reeds give him, and will inflict 62 points of damage... and Ike has 54 hitpoints. Sorry, "Secret Character," but you're not joining this time.