A/N: Here it is loyal fans! Welcome to B.H.M.F.: Transfusion! Few new things – 1 ; Everything about ages stays the same, and I'm adding a bit of other gadgets from the real world (cell-phones, iPods, Etc.) The Harem is out, and I'm going to be doing some major focusing on his development as a person as well as a hero, mainly because I feel that will make for a better story. Also, I've come to the decision that he should maybe fuck up a series of relationships (And in reality, writing a harem sort of made me feel sleazy- no offence to harem writers, of course.) I've O.O.C.'d a few characters basing them off of people I know to help me write in a better fashion. Happy reading!

Demon Speech/ 'Mental Link'

Regular text/ "Speech"/ thought

"Enraged Speech"

Chapter 1: The Dressing Room

And if you look,

Everybody here's trying on new faces.

And the ones that fit,

Are surprisingly contagious.

With a shiny new beginning we cordially invite you too,

Into the dressing room.

Breathe Carolina 'The Dressing Room'

I'm not exactly the most normal type of person you'll meet. Not in the , as I lay here behind these bars, a woman's arm draped over my chest, it strikes me that my story may be even more interesting than that of the average person.

We'll start at the beginning – which is to say, right here. At the beginning. The woman lying next to me is a five thousand year old demon. And really, we're only doing that. Lying next to each other. We're both lonely – She because she can't see her demon friends and me because of her. But, hey, whatever.

Yesterday I graduated from the Konoha ninja Academy – By way of subversively getting one of my teachers arrested. Fucker actually tried to get me executed. Told me I should steal The Forbidden Scroll of Sealing. That's like, grade A, end-your-life material in this country. He must have thought I was retarded. But yeah, thirty minutes later, I was having my headband handed to me, and he was being sent to prison. I hated Mizuki anyways. Always using me as an example when sparring. He just wanted an excuse to hit me.

Tomorrow begins my formal training, under one Mitarashi Anko. The woman has a reputation for being two things – Batshit insane, and a rampant, flagrant tease.

'Girls who tease are hard to work with – but she'll be a good teacher for you, I think.'

"Why's that, Kit?"

'After training with her, you should be able to tell if someone's speaking the truth, as well as if a girl likes you or not. Because let's face it, on that front, you're pretty oblivious.'

"Oh, thank you, so very much. It's nice to know that one of my only friends thinks so highly of me. So, tell me, almighty woman noticer, who have you picked out of the fray of K.N.A.?"

'Well, that Ino girl seems to have taken a liking to you, in a pull-the-pigtails sort of way. And Ten-Ten had a noticeable infatuation with you right up until she graduated. But other than that, I haven't seen much.'

"And you didn't let me know this because?"

'Because I assumed you knew…'

"So you're saying I could have had an actual relationship all of this time? That if you had told me, I might have even gotten laid?"

'Yes.'

"Goddamnit. It's nice to know that I at least have two girls who were attracted to me. Reassures me that not everyone wants to jump the asshole king's disco stick."

'You mean the Uchiha boy?'

"Yeah. Him."

"…" She opened her mouth to say something, and then closed it again.

"Kit, what are you not telling me?"

'Well, I have noticed through our mental link, that whenever he looks at you, his pheromone levels rise.'

'Phere-… Aw, crap. He really is an asshole king." Her chittering laughter filled the room.

My alarm began to blare.

My eyes opened, and I stumbled awkwardly into my master bathroom – Sarutobi Hiruzen had revealed my heritage a few weeks ago, and I inherited the Namikaze estate, as well as the scrolls containing the training the regimen for the yellow flash technique.

After waking up in the Shower, I turned off the water, wrapped myself in a towel, then looked at myself in the mirror. Blonde hair, straightened with water fell over my eyes, and six scars lined my cheeks, looking sort of like feline whiskers. Tramping back out to my closet, I rifled through until I had an outfit assembled – standard fare. Body length suit jacket, fingerless gloves, goggles, head band around my neck, t-shirt, pants, shinobi boots. I threw a few books into a messenger bag, and within fifteen minutes, I was standing outside of K.N.A., talking to my best friend Hinata Hyuuga.

"So, how are things going with that long distance girl in Suna, Hinata?" (Did I mention that my best friend's also a lesbian? Makes life a lot easier.)

"Alright? – You still haven't explained how you managed to make it here. Last I checked, you were failing."

"Do you believe in me that little?"

"Yes." And so the sarcasm begins!

"I'm hurt…" I cracked a smile then we both burst in to laughter.

"Naruto pretending he has feelings. Always good for a laugh."

"Eh. Mizuki tried to get me to steal the forbidden scroll. I reported him. As a reward, the old man offered to overlook my failure at the clone technique so long as I promised to learn the sealing arts – which I am looking forward to learning."

"That's cool. I graduated the right way."

"You're also a pedophile."

"Shut up."

Walking down the hall almost went well, but asshole arrived and began berating me in his usual fashion.

"Hey retard. You're not supposed to be here, you know that, right?" Black emo-queer hair with blue dyed in at random places, beady onyx eyes, and a face with the paleness of the loads of a thousand men looked at me.

"A wild faggot appears." His eyes widened for a fraction of a second.

"Oh, because I've dated more girls than you ever will, right?" Hinata watched the exchange as usual. She somehow is friends with this prick, but I refuse to tolerate his bullshit.

"Oh? How many of them have you fucked?"

"All of them."

"Uh-huh. And if I asked the one that you're currently dating?" She'll say no. Because vagina makes you cringe.

"It's none of your business anyways." He walked away flustered.

"You're walking weird Sasuke! Are you sore?" We followed him to room 215 – and stepped inside – to our left were ten rows of brown fiberglass desks seated among them were Ino Yamanaka, Sakura Haruno, King asshat, Kiba Inuzuka, Shikamaru Nara, Choji Akimichi, and some really pale kid I'd never met before. We filed to the back and sat down. Iruka spoke up, and called out the names of the various teachers. I heard Ino's scream of protest when she found out she'd been teamed with me instead of her psychotic obsession. It was like a nail to my ear canal. From a nail gun. If you're not getting what I'm saying, then I'll put it like this. INO IS A FUCKING BANCHEE. Hinata mumbled "Yes!" And my head stayed passively on the desk. Until Anko sauntered up and stopped directly in front of me. Sleep, your sweet embrace will have to wait.

"You know there are other team members for you to bother, right?"

"Yes, but the majority of my team happens to be sitting right here. So I thought I'd address you two first."

I cocked an unseen eyebrow. "Ino was closer – I may be over thinking things, but it wouldn't happen to have anything to do with me being male, would it?"

"We'll see. Meet me on the roof."

Damnit. I dragged ass to the roof, all the while listening to Ino incessantly bitch about my uselessness. I have never felt the urge to hit a woman more. Hinata was already there, an ear-bud in one ear sort of dancing along to a song by Weezer. Anko was there as well.

"Have a seat, boy and girls." We complied.

Anko sauntered over and sat next to the girls. On my lap.

"So, I believe introductions are in order – I already know your names. I believe my friend Kakashi would say 'a hobby, a dream, something you hate, and an interest.' We'll start with blondie over there."

"There's two of us." I grunted in protest.

"You're here. She's over there."

"I'm I-Ino Yamanaka" She was clearly surprised by Anko's antics. "My Hobbies include art," Stalking Sasuke "My dream is to run the family business," Also marry a gay man. "I hate Naruto," Fuck you too, bitch. "And I'm interested in a certain black haired someone."

Anko smiled and said "While I'm flattered, I don't think we can date Ino."

"I wasn't talking about you!"

"Well whatever," Anko waved Ino's speaking away. "Okay, boy of the team."

"I'm Naruto Uzumaki-Namikaze," She cocked an eyebrow. "My hobbies include reading and writing, my dream is to find someone whose standards are low enough to fuck me, I hate people who disrespect what they lack an understanding of," I took a break to glare at Ino "And I'm interested in WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING THIS?" she was working her hand around my inner thigh.

"Just because. It's fun to see how people react to this sort of thing." She grinned. "Okay, now you, music girl."

"I'm Hinata Hyuuga. My Hobbies include surrealist and comic art, my dream is to make a living off of said art, I don't even like using the word hate, but hipsters… ugh. I'm interested in learning my family's marshal art to its highest level.

Anko clapped her hands – tan jacket jiggling just enough in the chest area to reveal she was wearing no bra. 'And now they see where your mind is at Naruto. Well done.'

'Shut up, kit.'

"Alright kids, I'm Anko Mitarashi. And Men, men, men, … men. Yes. Meet me at the shopping district tomorrow. Naruto, I've been assigned as a live in teacher for your sealing arts instruction so," she leaned in just close enough to my face that I could feel her breath. "Your place, hon?"

Oh, great.

A/N: And that's the first chapter of B.M.F.H.: transfusion – Hope you all liked it! Drop a review by, and tell me what you thought! See you next time!