A/N: I have taken about half of the so called 'Rules of Hogwarts' and streamed a few of them together per chapter to create a collaboration of oneshots. The ratings will change per chapter / oneshot and so will the pairings.

A/N 2: Many, if not all of the oneshots / chapters will be AU, slightly OC for the different characters and mainly non-canon as far as the original story lines go.

A/N 3: All of the chapters / oneshots have either been co-authored by Aealke and/or at least creatively inspired by him as a muse and springboard.

Devious Scheming in the Divinitation Tower

K+

Harry x Hermione

"Excuse me Professor Trelawney?"

Hermione's lips twitched as she fought valiantly against the smirk that wanted to break out across her face. The semi-drunk woman had yet again decided that Harry was going to die in the next twenty-four hours from "…a great mythical beast whose size belies the fierce determination to take down the last of the Potter's…"

"I thought you might like to see a device the Muggles have developed to help them perform Divination."

"Muggles can't do Divination my dear."

"Pardon my saying so then as I concur with your theory professor but Muggles have overcome this slight obstacle with a device called a Magic Eight Ball."

Having already pulled the toy from her bag inconspicuously, Hermione rose from her chair, knelt and held up the popular muggle toy in her hands like it was a gift from Merlin himself. Going through with the whole spectacle Hermione exaggerated clearing her throat and made low, ominous noises from deep within her chest.

"Is Harry going to live until tomorrow?"

"Ms. Granger please restrain yourself as you have yet to develop the Sight-"

Professor Trelawney's surprisingly crisp, normal sounding tone of voice shocked many in the sweltering hot circular classroom but Hermione ignored the slight insult, turned the device over and showed the professor the answer.

"It is certain?! Let me ask a question, dear, what do I do with this answer?"

The slightly inebriated professor looked in wonderment at the small, black spherical device held outstretched in Hermione's hands and a frail, somewhat gnarly hand stretched out as if to take the sphere from Hermione's hands.

"It is rather simple really. Hold the ball so the number eight is facing you, ask your question, shake the device and then turn the ball over. Since Muggles have a hard time using magic they choose to go for simplicity in their own conventional way."

Hermione watched through slightly narrowed eyes as Professor Trelawney took the muggle device as if it was a rare, powerful artifact instead of the cheap plastic it was and turn the toy over in her hands repeatedly as she inspected every inch of it. Hermione, still in character, lowered her hands and waited on her knees as if for further instruction. She didn't have long to wait as Professor Trelawney coughed softly and spun her body in the crazy rituals she was known for. All of sudden the batty professor came to a stop and thrust the toy high in the air with both hands.

"Why will Mr. Potter…er…ahem ahem. I mean, how will Mr. Potter die?"

At Hermione's slight cough Professor Trelawney looked down her nose at the younger girl but still held the muggle toy high in the air. Hermione made the motion for the professor to turn the device over and Professor Trelawney did with a faint blush pushing through the many layers of makeup adorning her face.

"Concentrate and ask again? What devilry of future sight or fortune seeing magic is this girl?"

When Trelawney glared down at Hermione and stepped forward Hermione stood up as fast as she could and placed her hands over Trelawney's. She adopted a silly little grin on her face and tilted her head to the side.

"Silly me. I am so forgetful at times you know? Professor, you need to ask your question so the Magic Eight Ball can answer it in a yes or no format."

"How clever. I must write the Divination Counsel about this..."

Hermione breathed a sigh of relief as Professor Trelawney was once again enraptured with the muggle device and Harry's and her plan could still be pulled off. Hermione pretended to take a dutiful step back and lowered her head slightly.

"May I professor?"

Hermione spared a glance over her shoulder at Harry's question and saw that Harry had a grin stretching from ear to ear. He too found the whole ordeal amusing to see his professor so bemused by the toy that he had dropped a five-pound note for at Herods a few weeks ago.

"No! I mean, ahem, no Mr. Potter. I shall write the letter."

"Can Hermione and I pass this class since we provided you with the Magic Eight Ball?"

Hermione jumped as well as Professor Trelawney and many other student's in the class when Harry suddenly appeared beside the slightly drunk older woman. He gently pried the muggle toy from her grasp and shook the ball. Hermione knew something good had floated up to the screen when Harry smirked before adopting a shocked expression on his face.

"It is decidedly so."

Hermione didn't know who was the bigger sucker in the situation. Professor Trelawney for foolishly believing in this outlandish farce or the rest of the students' collective gasp when Harry showed them all the words floating in the display screen on the muggle toy.

"Oh dear oh me. The both of you will need to go see the Headmaster about this. Here is a note to give him."

Harry and Hermione managed to contain their laughter until they had left the tower and got around one corner halfway down the staircase. The young couple and best friends clutched each other and laughed until they had tears streaming down their faces.

"So Mione, what do you want to do with your sudden free period?"

"Well we can't go to the library as Madame Prince is still in a tizzy about the prank you pulled on Malfoy the other day and all my other school work is up in my dorm. For once I don't know what to do as I didn't plan on your far-fetched plan actually working."

Hermione rolled her eyes and tapped her foot with her arms crossed underneath her breasts when Harry clutched a hand to his heart and gasped in a horrified manner.

"Mione! I'm hurt! Crushed! My self-esteem is at an all time low. Kiss me quick before I float away…"

Hermione grinned and stood on tiptoe to kiss Harry. The two of them separated after a few minutes and Hermione noticed that particular twinkle in Harry's emerald eyes. She was concerned when Harry pretended to trip but he righted himself and grinned devilishly at her as he hummed a famous tune.

"If I only had a brain..."

Hermione grinned and rolled her eyes. She took Harry's offered elbow in between her hands and she giggled as Harry danced down the steps still singing the famous song from the Wizard of Oz.

"We need to go see the Headmaster before someone tells Trelawney the truth Harry."

"Oh yes. The most powerful...and wise Headmaster. Maybe we can get him to show us the pointy hat trick while we're at it?"

Hermione laughed when Harry waggled his eyebrows and modified another line from the Wizard of Oz along with the ridiculous mental image of the Headmaster giving a class on how his hats were always perfectly pointed. Harry's emerald eyes were positively twinkling with mischief and good humour. Hermione gave an impish grin and raised a perfectly manicured eyebrow.

"Who happens to be a wizard?"

Harry's grin widened and he stopped dramatically while pointing to the floor of the corridor they were walking down.

"If you squint, these floor tiles have a yellow tint to them..."

Harry and Hermione shared a glance before linking arms and skipped down the corridor.

"Oh we're off to see the Wizard..."

It was most unfortunate that Peeves was attracted to the sound the two of them were making and rather than tormenting the young couple he decided to adopt the catchy tune. He tormented the rest of the castle by singing that song for fifteen days straight but it could have been worse if Harry and Hermione had decided to sing

"It's a small world after all..."