Aloha guys! Kowalistair Fanatic here with a new fan fic! So this is a story that I've been meaning to write for a long time but had absolutely no idea who to make as the main characters. But thanks to Iris's Pairings contest, (where I got the pairing Dan and Sinead.) I finally wrote it!
WARNING: THE DR. HORRIBLE SONG "A Man's Gotta Do" CONTAINS SOME BAD LANGUAGE!
(This piece of literature does not apply or even SUGGEST that Sinead and Dan are a couple.)
So without further ado...THE SHOWSTOPPER!
Act I:
In exactly five minutes the community center play was about to begin.
Dan adjusted the goggles on his forehead nervously. How did he let Amy and Nellie talk him into this? A few weeks ago he had been complaining that he had nothing to do. So of course, Amy had this brilliant idea of him auditioning for a role in the community center's drama class. Luckily it wasn't too bad. Playing the part if an evil scientist made helped him keep his mental sanity.
Then again, having a romance scene with Sinead was NOT something that he was looking forward to.
"Places everyone! It's show time!" yelled the producer.
"Good luck Sin!" Dan called to Sinead, who was also taking part in the stage production as well. He took a deep breath and walked onstage.
Amy played a dark tune on a piano as Dan entered the stage in total darkness. He seated himself in a chair by a desk with a computer and laughed evilly.
A spotlight shone on him as his laughter resounded around the auditorium. "Ah hahahaha! Ah ha haaaa! Ah haaaa!" he stopped and shrugged simply as he looked into the laptop's camera which projected his face on the screens above. "So that's, you know...coming along. I'm working with a vocal coach. Strengthening the 'ahhaa'."
Dan punched his chest then sighed. "A lot of guys ignore the laugh and that's about standards. I mean, if you're going to get into the Evil League of Evil you HAVE to have a memorable laugh. I mean do you think Bad Horse didn't work on his whinny?" his voice faltered as he stared wistfully out in the distance. "His terrible... death... whinny." He looked back at the camera. "No response, BTW from the League yet but my application is strong this year. A letter of condemnation from the deputy mayor, that's got to have some weight. So, fingers crossed." he crossed his white gloved fingers with difficultly.
"EMAILS!" he suddenly exclaimed, taking a stack of papers from under the desk. The audience jumped. "2sly4you writes: 'Hey genius.' Wow, sarcasm. That's ORIGINAL." Dan said sarcastically. "'Where are the gold bars you were supposed to pull out of that bank vault with your Trans-matter ray? Obviously it failed or it would be in the papers.'" he rolled his eyes. "Well no, they're not going to say anything in the press. But BEHOLD. Transported from there, to here." he dramatically presented a Ziploc bag with a thick golden looking liquid. He chuckled nervously and poked the bag. "The molecules tend to shift in the Trans-matter...um... event. But they were transported IN BAR FORM! And they clearly were... and by the way it's not about making money." he said defensively. "It's about TAKING money. Destroying the status-quo because the 'status' is NOT 'quo'." he paused for a long time contemplatively. "The world is a mess and I just need to RULE it. I'm gonna..." he sniffed the golden liquid. "That smells like cumin." he remarked, going off on a tangent again.
He clapped his hands together in a business-like manner. "So, Trans-matter is 75% AND more importantly the Freeze-Ray is almost up. This is the one. Stops time. Freeze-ray. Tell your friends." Dan winked. He shuffled through more if his emails. "We have... OH! Here's one from our good friend Johnny Snow. 'Dr. Horrible I see you are once again afraid to do battle with your nemesis. I waited at Dooley Park for 45 minutes.'" he slammed the paper down and rolled his eyes in major annoyance. "Okay, DUDE you're not my nemesis. My nemesis is Captain Hammer. Captain Hammer, Corporate TOOL. He dislocated my shoulder... again... last week." he revolved his shoulder uncomfortably. "LOOK! I'm just trying to change the world, okay? I don't have time for a grudge match with every poser in a parka." he went back to the emails but looked up last minute. "Besides, there's kids in that park, so..." he added.
"Hmm...here's one from DeadNotSleeping. 'Long time watcher, first time writing.' Blah blah blah blah... 'You always say on your blog that you will show her the way. Show her you are a true villain. Who is "her" and does she even know that you're...' his voice faltered as he read the paper.
The lights dimmed and a new set that looked like a Laundromat rolled onstage. Dan quickly threw off his lab coat, goggles, and gloves and walked over to Sinead wearing a normal outfit of jeans and a sweater while carrying a basket full of laundry. "Laundry day, see you there, under things, tumbling." Dan sang, looking nervously at Sinead who was folding a stack of clothes. "Wanna say, 'love your hair'. Here I go,"
He walked up to her. "Umm hi there..." he started to mumble and looked away in embarrassment. "Mumbling. With my freeze ray I will stop, the world. With my freeze ray I will find the time to find the words to...tell you how you make, make me feel." He opened a dryer. "What's the phrase? Like a fool, kind of sick, special needs? Anyways, with my freeze ray I will stop, the pain. It's not a death ray or an ice beam that's all Johnny Snow. I just think you need time to know that I'm the guy to make it real, the feelings you don't dare to feel. I'll bend the works to our will, and we'll make time stand still!"
He then began to dance a waltz with Sinead romantically. They stared into each other's eyes dreamily as he dipped her.
"That's the plan, rule the world. You and me, any day." he winked slyly and smiled at her.
"Love your hair." he piped up.
She looked up at him in confusion. "What?"
He suddenly looked embarrassed. "No...I-I-I love the air..." he stuttered. "With my freeze ray I will stop—"
The door began to knock loudly behind him and he quickly threw on his scientist costume in a panic. "One moment!" he called. "Stupid fantasy." he muttered.
Ted popped his head into the doorway. "Hey doc."
"Moist!" Dan exclaimed. "My evil, moisture buddy. What's going on?"
Ted shrugged. "Life of crime. Got your mail."
"Hey, didn't you—ahh." Dan held up a soggy letter in his hand in disgust. "Didn't you go on a date last night? Conflict Diamond told me you were doubling with Bait'N'Switch."
Moist rubbed his neck. "Yeah, ahhh..."
Dan looked excited. "Yeah?"
"It was all right. I kinda thought I was supposed to end up with Bait, but..." Ted stopped there.
Dan gave him an understanding look as he sorted through the soaking mail. "I hear you. I saw Penny today."
"You talk to her?" Ted asked.
Dan pinched his finger close together. "So close. I'm just a few weeks away from a real, audible connection. I'm gonna ask... Oh my gosh!" he gasped, holding up a single letter.
"Is that from the League?" Ted asked, scrambling to see it.
Dan jumped up in excitement. "It's from him! That's his seal isn't it?"
Ted gasped. "The leader? The... Oh my gosh!"
"I got a letter from Bad Horse!" Dan squealed.
"That's so hard core. Bad Horse is legend. He rules the league with an iron hoof. Are you sure you want to...?" Ted asked nervously. But before he could finish Dan ripped the letter open.
Three cowboys popped out of nowhere and began to sing. "Bad Horse, Bad Horse, Bad Horse, Bad Horse. He rides across the nation the thoroughbred of sin. He got the application that you just sent in! It needs evaluation so let the games begin! A heinous crime, a show of force, a murder would be nice of course. Bad Horse, Bad Horse, Bad Horse, he's bad! The Evil League of Evil is watching so beware. The grade that you receive will be the last we swear. So make the Bad Horse gleeful or he'll make you his mare. You're saddled up, there's no recourse, it's 'Hi ho Silver!' signed Bad Horse!"
They suddenly disappeared just as quickly as they had appeared.
Ted stared at Dan incredulously. "It's not a no..."
"Are you kidding? This is great! I'm about to pull a major heist. You know the Wonderflonium that I need for the Freeze-Ray? It's being transported tomorrow!" Dan exclaimed excitedly.
"Armored car?" Ted asked quizzically.
"Courier van. Candy from a baby." Dan remarked.
Ted looked down at his own hands. "You need anything dampened or made soggy or...?"
Dan smiled. "Thanks, but... the League is watching. I have to do this alone."
The set changed into a busy street full of bustling people, milling about their usual business. Sinead was at the corner desperately trying to hand people a clipboard. "Will you lend a caring, to shelter those who need it?" she sang. "Only have to sign your name, don't even have to read it."
She extended the clipboard to a nearby passerby. "Would you help?" He ignored her and walked away. "No? How about you?" She asked another person.
Meanwhile Dan, (who was now disguised with a hoodie jacket with the hood off.) was in the process of hijacking the courier van in a nearby street. He threw a metallic device on the roof of the van and activated the controls on his iPhone.
Sinead strode over to him. "Would you lend a caring hand?" she sang loudly.
"AHHHHH!" he cried in surprise, looking slightly disturbed. "ARGH! Ah! Hah!...What?"
"Oh I'm sorry, I was wondering if I could just... hey, I know you." she said with a sweet smile.
"Hello. You know me? Cool. I mean. Yeah, you do...do you?" he asked, extremely flustered.
"From the laundry mat." she said.
Dan grinned. "Wednesdays and Saturdays except twice last month, you skipped the weekend...or, if that was you. It could of been someone else, I mean, I've SEEN you...Billy is my name." he said awkwardly.
Sinead extended her hand. I'm Penny." she frowned at his constant typing. "What are you doing?"
Dan didn't look up. "I'm texting. It's very important or I would stop. What are you doing?"
"Actually I'm out here volunteering for the Caring Hands Homeless Shelter. Can you spare a minute?" she asked nicely.
"Umm..." he looked over his shoulder at the van which was still unoccupied. "Ok, go."
"Ok, we're hoping to open up a new location soon, expand our efforts. There's this great building nearby that the city is just going to demolish and turn into a parking lot, but if we get enough signatures..."
Dan rolled his eyes at the seemingly pathetic notion. "Signatures? Pfft." he went back to typing.
"Yeah." said Sinead, obviously hurt.
He looked up at her. "I'm sorry, go on."
"I was saying um, maybe we could get the city to donate the building to our cause." Sinead continued. "We would be able to provide 250 new beds, get people off the streets and into job training so they could..." Dan kept typing and didn't pay her any attention. "Buy rocket packs and go to the moon and become... florists..." she crossed her arms. "You're not really interested in the homeless are you?"
Dan looked up again. "No, I am. But they're a symptom. You're treating a symptom and the disease rages on, consumes the human race. The fish rots from the head as they say. So my thinking is why not cut off the head!"
Sinead looked confused. "Of the human race?"
"Umm...it's not a perfect metaphor. But I'm talking about an overhaul of the system. Putting the power in...DIFFERENT... hands." he explained.
Sinead shrugged. "I'm all for that...this petition is about the building..."
Dan smiled. "I'd love to sign it." he took the pen and scribbled his signature on the sheet.
"Thank you." Sinead said, taking the clipboard back.
"Sorry I...I come on strong." he apologized.
Sinead smiled. "But you signed." she said optimistically.
"Wouldn't want to turn my back on a fellow laundry person..." he said, going back to programming on his iPhone.
"Well if WE can't stick together I don't... I'll probably see you there." she said, then leaving.
Dan turned around. "No, I will. I'll…" his voice faltered when he realized that she wasn't there anymore. He stared up at the sky. "She talked to me. Why did she talk to me now? Maybe I should..." he hesitated and closed his eyes in concentration.
"A man's gotta do what a man's gotta do. Don't plan the plan if you can't follow through." Dan sang. He sank behind a wall and quick changed back into his lab coat outfit. A nifty trick that the Madrigals had taught him a while ago. "All that matters is taking matters into your own hands. Soon I'll control everything, my wish is your comma—"
Suddenly, Hamilton jumped onto the roof of the remote controlled van. "Stand back everyone, nothing here to see, just imminent danger and in the middle of it me. Yes Captain Hammer's here, hair blowing in the breeze. The day needs my saving expertise!" he sang boldly. "A man's gotta do what a man's gotta do!"
He smashed the electronic device with his fist and jumped off of the moving van next to a woman. "Seems destiny ends with me saving you! The only doom that's looming is you loving me to death!"
The out of control van zoomed toward Sinead who gasped in horror. Dan furiously pushed the brake button on his iPhone to make it stop. Hamilton shoved Sinead out if the way into a pile of trash just in time for the remote controlled brake to activate. Dan sighed with relief.
"So I'll give you a sec to catch your breath." Hamilton sang.
Dan stomped over to him red faced. "You idiot!"
Hamilton looked over at him. "Dr. Horrible. I should have known you were behind this."
"You almost killed her!" Dan said furiously.
"I remember it differently." Hamilton said smugly.
"Is she-?" Dan choked as Hamilton squeezed his throat.
"It's curtains for you Dr. Horrible. Lacy, gently wafting curtains." Hamilton announced.
Dan tilted his head confusedly with a total 'What?' expression.
Sinead stumbled out of the trash. "Thank you Hammer man, I don't think I can," Hamilton smiled at her charmingly and slammed Dan's head against the hood of the car with a lots thump. "Explain how important it was that you stopped the van."
Slam!
"I would be splattered; I'd be crushed under debris." she sang, gesturing toward the garbage bags.
Slam.
"Thank you sir for saving me!"
"Don't worry about it. A man's gotta do what a man's gotta do!" Hamilton released Dan who gasped for air.
Sinead fluttered her eyelashes. "You came from above."
"Are you kidding?" Dan sang in outrage.
Hamilton flexed his muscular arm. "Seems destiny ends with me saving you."
"What heist where you watching?" Dan sang in irritation.
"I wonder what you're captain of." Sinead sang dreamily.
"Stop looking at her like that!" Dan groaned.
"When you're the best you can't rest, what's the use?" Hamilton sang.
Dan headed for the back of the van for the Wonderflonium. "Did you notice that he threw you in the garbage?"
Sinead clutched her heart. "My heart is beating like a drum!"
"There's butt that needs kicking. Some ticking bomb to diffuse." Hamilton sang to himself.
"Must...must be in shock." Sinead stammered.
"I stopped the van. The remote control was in my hand!" Dan yelled.
"The only doom that's looming is you loving me to death." Hamilton sang. He turned around and looked at Sinead with wide eyes, as if just realizing that she's hot.
"Assuming I'm not loving you to death." Sinead sang, totally transfixed with Hamilton.
Dan opened the courier van's door and rolled his eyes. "Whatever!"
Hamilton and Sinead held each other's hands lovingly and sang in harmony. "So please give me a sec to catch my breath."
"Darn it!" Dan cursed, running away with the case of Wonderflonium.
Love it? Hate it? REVIEW IT! Oh, and if you would like to hear Amy's dark piano music look up "Dr. Horribe Theme" it's short but radiates pure awesomeness!
Act II coming soon! (But I need your reviews!)