A/N: Thank you so much for the reviews, it means a lot to me that I have readers enjoying my story and telling me what they think of how it is progressing. I'm trying hard to capture how it must really feel to be confused and alienated because of your sexuality. I'm telling you now that this fanfiction will most likely not end up how I see most other fan fictions end up. I'm aiming for it to be different because I was sick of reading fics where the main character suddenly realizes he's gay and then he tells whoever he is in love with and they fall in love and it's a happy ending. I'm trying to make this as realistic as possible and I hope that you guys understand. Read and enjoy!

Kendall was still sitting high up in a tree in the Palmwoods Park when the sun started to set. After his encounter with Logan he had no desire to be around any of the guys. Not even the pains of hunger made him want to face anyone in the apartment. Kendall really hoped that Logan didn't tell any of the other guys; he would rather do it himself.

Maybe Kendall had overreacted. Kendall didn't even stay long enough for Logan to apologize. Maybe Kendall should be the one apologizing. He just couldn't believe that Logan had thought that he was the one Kendall had fallen for. It almost embarrassed Kendall to think that his best friends could be thinking that behind his back. It was why he was scared of coming out but Kendall knew that he had to face his fear because it wasn't fair to anyone to keep it in anymore. The band needed their leader back.

Even though his temper had cooled and he was starving, he still didn't want to go back to the apartment. Sitting in the tree watching the stars was too peaceful for him to even think about going inside. The night sky brought him back to a memory of camping in Minnesota. Kendall, Carlos, James and Logan had all snuck out of their tents late at night when Carlos' parents had fallen asleep. They had taken a hike to the lake for a midnight swim, but realizing it was too cold to swim they had instead laid on a giant boulder near the lake and looked at the sky where a million brilliant stars glittered.

Kendall suddenly wished for nothing more than that serenity. He wanted to be out in the wilderness, not sitting in a tree outside of the Palmwoods in the middle of LA where the lights blocked out the majority of the stars. He wanted to smell the fresh air of the mountains and watch the sunrise with Carlos. The thought popped into his mind and instead of pushing it out, he let himself daydream. He let his mind wander, thinking about laying next to Carlos as the sun rose above their heads.

He couldn't let this happen though. He couldn't let himself fall anymore for Carlos because despite what his heart felt, his brain told him that Carlos was his best friend and best friends don't fall in love with their best friends. Kendall sighed and climbed down from the trees. It was getting late and everyone would worry if he didn't come back soon.

Kendall made his way to the apartment. When he walked in everyone was eating dinner. They all stopped to look at him. His mother smiled at him but didn't question where he had been. Katie gave him a soft, knowing smile and he smiled back at her. Logan looked at him worriedly before Kendall gave him a little nod to acknowledge that he wasn't mad about earlier. As far as Kendall could tell, James and Carlos still had no clue.

"Dude, where have you been?" Carlos asked. Kendall guessed he was probably still confused after Kendall had left him alone in the park earlier that day.

"Just sitting around relaxing is all." Kendall said simply, taking a seat next to James at the table. His stomach growled as he grabbed a slice of pizza from the box that was open in the center of the table. He hadn't eaten anything all day.

Dinner was actually fun that night. For the first time in a while he wasn't thinking about coming out, he was just hanging out with his family and his best friends and that was all that he needed to put him in a good mood.

When dinner was over James and Carlos went off to play video games and Kendall retreated back into his and Logan's room, hoping to catch Logan by himself so that he could speak to him about his dilemma with Carlos. It wasn't long until Logan entered the room too and sat down on his bed, facing towards Kendall.

"We need to talk." He said seriously.

"I know we do," Kendall said sitting up. "I'm sorry that I flipped out earlier, I've just been feeling really insecure about this whole coming out thing and I've been terrified that you would think of me differently."

"You don't have to worry about that Kendall. I'll always be here for you and I'm really sorry about earlier too. I don't think of you any differently, I just thought that for a moment you were about to tell me you were in love with me and I didn't know how I would help you with that because I've never been in love myself."

"It's alright Logan. I understand and I really want to thank you for being so understanding of this all because things have just gotten so much more complicated recently and I need your help with something," Kendall said. "I told you earlier about how I have feelings for someone, someone who won't ever share those feelings with me."

Logan nodded.

"Well it's someone we both know, and this whole thing with me falling for him could really ruin things."

Logan looked at Kendall and groaned. "It's Carlos isn't it?" he asked.

"Uh, well, yes. But how did you know?" Kendall asked. It was starting to weird him out, how much Logan had guessed about him already.

"Well it was between him and James and I've never seen any type of chemistry between you and James."

"So you've seen chemistry between me and Carlos?" Kendall asked, his heart beating hard in his chest.

"Yeah. You guys have gotten so much closer recently; now that I know you're gay it totally makes sense for you to fall for Carlos." Logan answered. "I just worry about the band. I don't think that it's a good idea for you to be falling in love with Carlos. I know that you can't help it, but I don't see this ending up good for either you or Carlos."

"I know. It's just how things have been between us lately. All during this little depression I've gone through, Carlos was the only one who could brighten my day. I know that you and James tried but Carlos was the one that really did change my mood. I don't know what I'm supposed to do now though. I can't fall for Carlos."

They sat in silence for a while before Kendall fell back onto his bed, looking at the ceiling.

"I'm going to read a bit if that's alright with you." Logan said before getting up to retrieve a book off of his bookshelf in the corner. Kendall murmured an "okay" as he watched Logan carefully look at the books on the shelf, before he picked up Of Mice and Men. Kendall knew it was one of Logan's favorite books.

Kendall sighed and rolled on his side, pulling the covers up over his body he closed his eyes and fell asleep, the events of the day replaying in his head. Carlos was only his friend. Why did he have to feel like something more?

Thanks so much for reading! Sorry I haven't updated in a while, I've been busy with school work. Hope that you guys enjoyed it. I'll try updating it more often from now on.