Hey guys, quick one shot, enjoy!

Disclaimer: I don't own Doctor Who. Yet.

:)

The thing with the Doctor, he's always running away. He never forgets and he never moves on. He just runs. That's why he can't look back. If he looks back, just for one second, if he even pauses for one moment he will see it all. He will remember everything and everyone. All that pain. The Time Lord carries the weight of a thousand years in his memories, he carries a thousand lives on his shoulders, and the weight of a thousand loves in his heart.

Every time he closes his eyes he sees a blonde girl, a man who can never die, a young woman who called him dad, an auburn haired woman who had to forget, a woman with spring pin curls, a strong willed ginger, a man with an awkward nose, a woman who loved him more than he did her, a tiny baby.

He sees a burning planet- his own, he sees a father lying in a road dying, he sees the remains of a woman- strapped to the chair that fried her brains, he sees a whole Dalek empire disintegrating, he sees a woman standing alone on a beach surrounded by her family and friends, he sees faceless people caged like sardines, he sees the woman with memories of the year that never was, he sees a whole race of angels ripped from existence, he sees men with broken necks, he sees shadows, he sees the dark.

It's easiest to pretend that he's forgotten them, to not mention them, to pretend he's moved on. To keep running. To laugh and wear bow-ties and to be his best friends imaginary friend. To run from the danger and save the day; be the hero.

But when someone dies, when he loses, he's reminded. Reminded that while he is still standing, covered in soot and scars, the people he has just met aren't; reminded that there should be people in different places all over the universe living their lives but they're not... because of him. Reminded that everybody dies.

But it's okay, he's okay. Of course he's okay, he's always okay; he's the king of okay.

Except for one small thing,

He's really not okay.

The Doctor lies.

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