David Hatter and the Power of Yoga

Author's Note: Thank you everybody so much who has reviewed, alerted, and favorited this silly little story. I'm so glad that it's making you laugh! Well, here is the last chapter. It's shorter than the others, but I hope still humorous here and there. A big thank you goes out to Lady Irish Rose who really helped me with this story throughout. Keep an eye out for her sequel to A Slayer in Wonderland, believe me, it's gonna be good. Enjoy, and let me know what you think!

Chapter Four: Deep Seated Meditation

He struck the match on the box, and bent down to light the last candle on the coffee table. Hatter sighed, and wiped the excess ash off his fingers.

The living room was dark, minus the light from the dozens of flickering candles placed randomly around the space. He walked over to the mat, shaking his long limbs out before he plopped down.

He crossed his legs, and gripped his knees. "Okay, lets do this," he muttered. Hatter rolled his neck around, cracking the kinks out before he closed his eyes. "Serenity, now."

Hatter inhaled, releasing it all out in a deep breath. His nose twitched. He scratched it. Hatter relaxed his shoulders, and cleared his throat. "Right. Back to business."

The tingle started on his shoulder. Hatter adjusted his back, and snorted. "Right. Push pass it."

The itch remained; taunting him under his tank top. Flaming. Scratch me, scratch me. Hatter growled, and ripped the shirt off, sighing out in pleasure as his fingers found the lone spot under his shoulder.

"Okay, whoo." He sat back down, and assumed the meditation pose. "Focus, mate, yeah?" Hatter sniffed. He opened one eye, and gasped. "Fuck!" The edge of the shirt that he had thrown to the floor had caught the fire of one of the candles and was now a small flaming ball. "Oh, bollocks! Fuck!" Hatter grabbed the blanket off the couch, and furiously began to hit at the rising flame.

"Seriously, meditating with candles should come with a warning label." He shook his head, and went back to the mat. "Okay, let's go." Hatter steeled his eyes. "Lets fucking meditate."

La la la la la la. Hatter pursed his lips. I wonder if I have enough eggs to make something for breakfast tomorrow. Alice likes eggs. But…what if Alice won't sleep over tonight? Hmmm, what kind of knickers does she have on today? Ooooh…tea.

Hatter's eyes flashed open. "I'm going mad." He ran his fingers through his hair, and crawled over to where he had a cd player set up. "Okay, Jack. I'll try it your way."

He depressed the play button, rolling his eyes as he got back into place. The room filled with the music of whales singing. "Oh, bloody hell."

"I want you to close your eyes. Imagine yourself in your happy spot," Jack's voice cut in. "Feel the sun pour her love all over your body."

Hatter chuckled. "My happy spot does not involve the sun pouring her love on my body."

Alice rest against the tree trunk; one bare leg behind her. She curled her finger up, and loosened the thin strap of her bra. "I've been waiting for you," she murmured. "Do you want to see what I have under here?"

Hatter grinned. "This is my happy spot."

Jack pushed his body up against hers. "I think you have nothing under there. Much like I am wearing nothing," he moved her hand down to cup his groin, "under here." "Oooooh," Alice moaned. "I can already tell your cock is bigger than Hatter's. But then again, you're a man." She looked up. "He was a boy."

"Oi!" Hatter's eyes burst open.

"Feel the peace, the love, soar through your blood," Jack's voice continued.

"Shut up!" Hatter barked. The whale song got louder, and he nodded in satisfaction. "Much better."

Jack swam frantically; his arms flailing. "Help! Oh, god! Oh, dear god, help!" he sobbed. The whale loomed behind him, its mouth open to reveal its long rows of sharp teeth. It bellowed, inching closer to Jack. "Oh, no! No! Help me, no!" Jack shouted. The whale snapped its mouth down; swallowing Jack whole.

Hatter chuckled. "That's right. Bye bye, Jack."

The whale winked at Hatter.

"Stretch your arms up to the sky, your fingertips playing with the clouds," Jack said.

"Bloody annoying," Hatter gritted out. "Okay, whales singing, happy spot, happy spot."

Hatter walked up the hill in Wonderland. He was sweating, and hot, and his silk shirt was sticking to his skin. "I've been waiting for you," Alice said. She was nude. She was positioned in down dog, her leg lifted up in the air. "Oh, fuck," he muttered.
"Do you like what you see?" she asked.
"I've thought of nothing since I first saw you," he croaked out.
Alice turned around, and lifted her body up into baby bridge. "Then why don't you do something about it?"

"Ohhhhh," Hatter moaned, and reached into his shorts to rub at his growing erection. "Happy place, here I come!"

"That's it! My, Hatter, now I know why you were so cocky in the Tea Shop," Alice moaned as he thrust inside of her. "Who knew you were hiding that in those purple trousers?"
"And, who knew that under such a demure dress was a smoking hot body?" Hatter arched his back before he went deeper in. "Oh, wait, I did." He smiled at her, cockily. "What smells like smoke? Is something burning?"
"What?"
"Hatter? Hatter? Is your shirt on fire? Hatter? Hatter!"

"Oh, gods! Oh, Alice, you feel so good!" He energetically jerked in cock in his hand, pausing momentarily to massage the tip.

"Hatter! Hatter! What are you doing?"

He opened his eyes. Alice was standing in front of him; a cloth basket filled with food dangled limply in her arms. "Um…Alice."

"I…I decided to stop by the farmers market, and…I…well, I…I smelled smoke," she blathered, looking around the room. "What are…what are you doing?"

"Um…" His eyes darted around, looking everywhere but directly at her. "Meditating."

"Uh huh." Alice glanced down to where Hatter's now softened cock rest in his hand. "Is this a new form of meditating?"

"Um…"

She placed the basket on the floor. "Was your shirt on fire? I thought I smelled it!" Alice exclaimed, grabbing the singed garment.

"Oh. Right." Hatter slipped himself back into his shorts. "That. Yeah, I had an itch."

Alice pursed her lips. "Uh huh."

He stood up. "Too many candles, yeah?"

"Um…" She turned around. "You know, I…I came over to surprise you with dinner."

"Dinner? Oh, dinner. Right." He picked up the basket. "Dinner's good."

She scrunched her face up, and started to follow him. "But…why were you jerking off?"

"Ooooh, tomatoes!" Hatter exclaimed. "I love tomatoes!"

"Yeah, I thought we could make a salad…" Alice paused. "Wait, is that…is that, Jack speaking on the cd?"

He lifted his head up. "Um, yeah. And whales. Whales singing."

"No. I can tell those are whales."

"Right." Hatter started chopping up the tomatoes. "So, um, Alice…would whales ever feel the urge to commit murder?"

"What?"

"Yeah, you know," He reached up to the open cabinet to grab a bowl to throw the tomatoes in., "would a whale ever get hungry, for say, a male yoga instructor? You know, out of general curiosity."

Alice stared at him, her mouth agape for a moment before she clamped it shut. "You know, I don't think you should meditate…ever again."

A/N: And that marks the end of Hatter exploring the world of yoga! As always, thank you everybody so much for supporting this little story. I have a couple of requests that some people asked me to write relating to Hatter and Alice so hopefully will start on those soon, and again, thank you. Your words always make me happy.