A/N: Just a short idea I had in my head, decided to write, and wanted to post. Personally I think it's pretty obvious who's who, but you're welcome to leave a review with your guesses if you want. Hope you enjoy :)

1.

Alright, alright, so it's like this:

I'm walking down the hall on our first day back at McKinley, just enjoying my time back on the top where I belong, right? I mean, football season's finally starting back up, and I'm a senior now. Plus I've got a hot chick by my side who totally kicks ass, so it's all good. My life can't get any better.

And then, out of nowhere, I see Brittany and Santana over at their lockers, and they're making out. Hot. At first I think it's one of my dreams again or I'm just too into a fantasy and I'm actually at home taking care of business instead of at school, but then my girl notices them too, so I know it has to be real.

It gets boring fast though when they stop kissing and start holding hands and doing all that lame shit my girl and I never do, like smiling and staring at each other, but then Santana totally smirks and grabs Brittany's ass and that makes up for it a little bit. They walk off together and I check out Brittany's twins before my smoking hot girlfriend decks me on the back of the head.

I wonder if they're up for foursomes.

2.

Okay, can I just say, I totally knew something was going on between the two of them. Normal friends don't point at their boobs and then shake their fingers at each other. Plus, Artie's a cool guy, but really, Brittany? She would never give him the time of day unless she had an ulterior motive. Even if she doesn't know what "ulterior" means.

And Santana. Come on, girl. Kurt and I noticed those jackets months ago. You can't stay in the closet if you wear stuff like that. Own it.

And stop being such a bitch because I've seen you around today and "happy" looks good on you.

3.

Dear Brittany,

I'm putting this in your locker even though I'm not sure you visit it a lot, but hopefully you will find it. I know we haven't talked much (neither have Santana and I) since Matt moved away, and I don't talk too much anyway, but I wanted you to know that I think you and Santana are awesome together even though Artie is my friend and I want him to be happy too. We both love to dance but now things will probably change for you as far as dance partners go, so I wanted to help you out in case you need it.

Slow dancing with a girl:

1. Her feet are smaller but more sensitive than guys' feet so you have to be extra careful not to step on them. I stepped on Tina's once by accident and she cried.

2. There might be some confusion as to who takes the male part when you guys dance, so you could always do it if you want, since you're taller and would probably lead better as the more experienced dancer. Unless Santana wants to do it; that's cool too.

3. If you want to know how to spin a girl I am here and could definitely teach you.

4. Be really gentle.

5. Look into her eyes a lot. Girls like that, I think.

Anyway, I hope you guys have fun together. I can tell Santana really loves you.

Sincerely,

Your dance buddy

4.

Whatever. I really don't care. She can date whoever she wants now.

And I'm not bitter. I can definitely get another hot cheerleader with abs of steel if I want.

So there.

5.

Well, judging by the way they've been even more attached at the hip than lately today and can't stop touching each other, Brittany and Santana are together now. This is strangely unexpected. They were horrible at hiding the fact that something was going on, especially from me.

First, there were the sleepovers. When my parents would tell us it was time to go to bed, Brittany and Santana would insist on sharing the guest bed together while I slept alone in my room. Every sleepover. For three years.

Then there's the fact that they were always the last two out of the showers after practice. I may be conservative, but I'm not stupid. I know what they were doing in there. They're just lucky they can't get pregnant by each other, a perk I can obviously say I don't get to enjoy.

Life is so much easier for lesbians. Too bad I'm not that into that.

And if Berry sings a song about this today in glee club, I'm going to kill her.

6.

Brittany and Santana: A Story of True Love. It's absolutely inspiring. A tale of secret passions and hidden desires, of only being able to be together when no one's watching, of unconditional love and burning jealousy, of a choice between sparing the feelings of another or being with one's soul mate. The only love story more complex and emotional than this would obviously be Finn and I's, but I truly commend Brittany and Santana for trying. And their coming out make out by the lockers was a very nice touch. My two gay dads would be so proud!

You know what? To reward them for their efforts, I'll sing them a song today in the choir room. Between hearing my beautiful voice and listening to the lyrics that will so perfectly describe their relationship and struggles, they'll be in an aural euphoria, a perpetual musical bliss, if you will. I'll have to start thinking of songs right now. Perhaps Melissa Etheridge's "Come to My Window"?

Oh, Brittany and Santana are going to love it.

7.

I guess I never gave too much thought to lesbians before.

I mean, the ones in pornos and stuff, yeah. But not real ones, the ones who actually date other girls. I just figured I'd know one if I saw one, like the ones in that musical Rachel likes who end up singing about it. I always wondered why Rachel and Mercedes decided to cover that song, actually. Mercedes has never had a boyfriend but I'm pretty sure she's not gay.

Anyway, so lesbians. I think Brittany and Santana seem kinda happy together based on the way they can't stop smiling today, but I don't think Brittany's a lesbian, because she dated Artie and made out with everyone in school. And I don't think Santana's one because I would've figured it out last year when she took my virginity. Right?

I mean, there's no way I'm gonna end up being known as the guy who lost his virginity to a lesbian.

8.

I'm slightly sad for Artie now that there's pretty much no way he and Brittany will be getting back together, but it didn't surprise me when Mike told me he saw Brittany and Santana holding hands in the hallway. It was about time. Unfortunately for Artie, he picked a girl who had already been taken for a while. I'm happy for Brittany and Santana and maybe when Artie learns how to date girls without putting them down, taking advantage of them, or calling them stupid, he'll finally get one who won't want to cheat on him with someone else. But for now, the righteous blade of equality has officially cut him down in the form of hot cheerleading lesbians.

For once, I bet Puck is enjoying feminism.

9.

Words cannot describe how I felt when Santana and Brittany showed up to glee practice holding hands.

Yes, I noticed Santana's obviously gay jackets, and yes, Brittany has openly hooked up with both guys and girls before, but this validated it. This made it official. This made them both out and proud.

This made me not alone anymore.