It's not based off the show The Big C- I just borrowed the title. I've never seen the show actually, so any similarities are purely coincidental. Hopefully this won't be like all the other BAWW JD GETS CANCER stories.

Letsaaa go.

(xxx)

So you find out you have cancer, and it's a really big deal. Serious faced doctor, that dreaded "I have some bad news" line. And you find out that you have this serious disease, and you hear your options (get treatment and maybe live or refuse treatment and die die die.) And you go home, and somehow you don't have it in you to pick up your phone and call someone- anyone- and tell them.

And that's basically how it went down for me.

I'm John Dorian. I'm 32 years old. I have Leukemia.

(xxx)

When I went to the doctors, I though it was the flu. I was overworked, and riding my scooter around on chilly nights couldn't have been doing wonders to my health. I had flu-like symptoms- fevers, feeling weak, tired all the time, joint pain, weight loss.

They ran some blood tests, said they'd have the results in twenty-four to forty-eight hours, the typical doctor spiel. That night I went home was the night my gums started bleeding. Of course, I assumed gingivitis or something. Wasn't thinking too hard. It's funny; if anyone else had these symptoms I could have called Leukemia in a heartbeat. But when it's yourself, it's different. You never want to admit something is as bad as it really is.

To say was I shocked when I received the news would be an understatement. My jaw literally dropped. I'm surprised I didn't faint in the hospital right then and there. It would be convenient place to take a fall, that's for sure.

So they gave me the news, and we discussed the options (radiation seemed like the best one) and I went on my merry way home. I didn't really know what I do when I got back to my empty apartment, which was freezing by the way. Call my friends? Call Dr. Cox? Call mom? Call Dan? In the end I couldn't bring myself to pick up that phone. And the C word never came up in conversation. So I just didn't tell anyone, and kept going on with life even though radiation therapy has be doubled up over the toilet seat puking my face off.

Why did I keep silent?

Well, I guess I'm still trying to find that out.