The Blondmailer

Summary: Naruto learns from a mysterious man how to blackmail people and to to use it effectively. Eventually, he makes a name for himself in the shinobi world.

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. If I did, Sasuke and Sakura would be dead and Gai would get a better haircut.

Chapter 1: Learning the Art

Naruto skipped outside of a store, happily carrying his eyesore orange jumpsuit. 'This is my first time buying something! And it was so much more cheaper!' Naruto thought happily.

As he skipped home, he was wonderfully oblivious to all the glares sent his way, of hatred, resentment, and of disgust. However, being oblivious to this, he didn't notice a hooded figure watching him move, then follow him.

When Naruto got to his apartment, passing by the usual graffiti on his walls ('Tch. I could do way better than them,') the previously mentioned hooded figure materialized in front of him. "Naruto," the figure intoned.

Naruto jumped. "Hey! Don't scare me like that! Who are you, anyway, dattebayo?"

The figure twitched for a second, then said, "Uh… My name is… Nezuri H… Yeah."

Naruto's eyes narrowed for a moment. "Isn't that Hokage-jiji's first name backwards?"

"Nezuri H." smoothly dismissed it with a flick of his hand. "Coincidence."

"Hm... I guess I'll believe you..." Suddenly, Naruto began jumping in excitement. "Oh, is this like in the movies where this super awesome mysterious guy trains the destined child to do something or whatever? I'm so excited, dattebayo!"

Nezuri chuckled. "No, not train, but I'm going to gift you with a skillset that will come in useful in many ways. It is… the art of blackmail!"

Naruto visibly deflated. "Blackmailing? Sounds like painting."

Nezuri grinned. "Kukuku (Damn, I'm sounding like Orochimaru.)… No… It's an important ninja tactic, although few can use it to its full potential. For example, those shopkeepers? They've been overcharging you for your clothes."

Naruto frowned at that. "But the orange jumpsuit was so cheap compared to others!"

"That's because it's an eyesore. If you want to become a successful blackmailer…" Nezuri tossed a hooded cloak similar to his, only smaller, to Naruto. "You can use this for stealth when watching them. You'll need this, too…" Nezuri gave a camera to Naruto. "Take pictures of them. The next time the shopkeepers overcharge you for something, blackmail them with it. Make sure you have some blackmail on everybody, you never know when you'll need it." Nezuri, out of a scroll, pulled out a printer/copy machine. "Plus, you'll need a copy machine and a printer. You'll need to print your photos, and the victims might try to destroy the copies you have. Never bring all your copies, and make sure you hide all your negatives in different places so they won't find it."

Naruto remained doubtful. "I guess I'll give it a try..."

In the so-called "Nezuri H.'s" thoughts, the Third Hokage thought, "Let's hope he doesn't take this overboard...'

After that meeting, Naruto donned his cloak, took his camera, and ran through alleys and backstreets as he made his way to the Hokage Tower. 'Let's do this,' Naruto mentally murmured.

Author's Note: This is my first fanfic, give me some feedback, what blackmail targets you want after the Third, etc. Make sure, if you can, give me some dirt on those people that you choose. Those who have things Naruto can blackmail them with will have a higher priority in my story than those who just suggest people. I'll give you credit for the idea, too.