Strong Sad flipped through his magazine, the volume on the television low. The usually cheery basement's colors were drab and dark- the corners of the room were filled with faux cobwebs along with spiders and bats. A life-size, plastic skeleton was 'playing' the Trogdor machine, the high scores of which were filled with names like VMPYR and MUMMY.

He glanced up at the clock. As it ticked, it pulled gently at a cotton cobweb.

He smiled softly and went back to his magazine. Halloween was great. There was candy in the house, dark, eerie music playing from the boombox upstairs and gorey, gothic things everywhere. Halloween was his kind of holiday.

Not to mention the films that were on television took a turn for the spooky in October. The Nightmare Before Christmas, Nightmare of Elm Street, Friday the Thirteenth, Donnie Darko. Classic B-movies abounded the stupider channels, which was fine. Strong Sad loved the black and white, not-at-all scary movies.

His peaceful viewing experience was interrupted when the door slammed upstairs and footsteps pattered, padded, and thumped across the floor- Strong Bad, The Cheat, and Strong Mad had respecively returned from their late night tricking. All the treating had been taken care of earlier, though the evidence of their spoils was slim. They'd all eaten their candy in between toilet papering and egging houses.

The haul had been good this year; a little too good for someone of small stature like The Cheat. He scrambled straight to the bathroom upstairs. Strong Mad, on the other hand, wasn't affected much by all the candy. He tiredly retreated to his room judging by the thumping footsteps going up the stairs further behind his sugar-sick companion.

Which left Strong Bad. He was definitely not tired thanks to all that chocolate, but he hadn't had quite enough to call it quits for the night either. So he did what any reasonable guy would do with extra time and a slight sugar high. He grabbed the bowl of leftover handout candy and headed to the basement for some serious movie watching.

He grunted with disapproval at the sight of his brother sitting on the couch, flopping down on the opposite end. "What the heck is this crap you're watching?" Naturally, if Strong Sad was watching it, it had to be crap in his opinion. He was already reaching for the channel changer.

He raised an annoyed eyebrow. "Right now it's one of the cheesy sequels to Halloween. Next is Labyrinth."

He paused. "Labyrinth? Oh man! I haven't seen that movie in years-" He cleared his throat and removed his hand from the remote, unwrapping another mini candy bar. "Uh... I mean there's probably nothing else on anyway."

"I'm going to bed if you wanna oogle Jennifer Connelly... or David Bowie."

"Oh, ha ha," Strong Bad laughed flatly. "Though now that you mention it, Connelly's not bad. I mean, I can identify with with that girl's problem, man. Annoying little brothers should definitely be wished off to a bunch of goblins."

"She regrets that like ... two seconds later," Strong Sad pointed out. "She was a spoiled brat. Very loud, self-centered, goofed off..." He smirked. "Hmm. You know, maybe you are like her."

"Uh, no. Because if goblins managed to carry your fatness out of the house somehow, I wouldn't be going after you," he snorted. "She had a good idea and then ruined it by wussing out."

He rolled his eyes. "Good thing there are no such thing as goblins then. I still think you'd miss me."

"Pfft, you keep on telling yourself that." He unwrapped another mini candybar and popped it in his mouth.

He watched him. "If you keep eating all that junk food, you're going to get sick," he pointed out.

"What are you, my mother? I can regulate my own sugar intake." He ate another piece out of spite and flicked the wrapper at him. "Besides chocolate's good for you and lowers blood pressure or something. I read it on the internet."

Strong Sad sighed and rolled his eyes. He got up and rolled up his magazine. "You're going to have nightmares. You used to get them all the time when we were little. Whatever. Enjoy your movie." He snagged a single piece of candy from the bowl on his way up the steps.

"That was a phase! I grew outta it when I was nine," Strong Bad shouted after him. He stretched his legs out on the couch and settled back. He dug around for more bite sized Milky Ways, but it appeared there weren't any more. Strong Sad had grabbed the last one. Well, that sucked. He was getting down to the gross stuff now. Things like popcorn balls and those weird little peanut-shaped chewy things. Once he'd picked out all the moderately edible leftovers, he stuck the bowl on the floor and focused his full attention on the movie. Sarah was ranting about her baby brother, threatening to banish him.

Strong Bad yawned. "Just do it," he muttered. "As soon as he's old enough he'll be clogging up your mailbox with his dorky magazines and eating all the last Milky Ways."

Sarah, of course, did wish for her brother to be taken away, but instantly regretted it. She ignored Strong Bad's lecture about what a bad idea that was and started her way into the Labyrinth.

But before she even got there, her audience was asleep, head leaned back and snoring softly. Strong Bad was a bit sleepier than he let on, it seemed, and not even the hotness of Sarah Connelley could keep him awake.

He didn't stay asleep for very long, though. Lighting struck outside, causing the lights to snap off and the television to short out. It made a loud popping sound before fizzing out with a wimpy explosion.

Strong Bad jerked awake, kicking over the bowl of rejected candy as he scrambled to his feet. He caught sight of the wispy cloud of smoke dissipating from his TV and groaned. "Ah man... you gotta be kidding me." There was one person in the house who could probably fix it, though. A certain fat little brother currently sleeping upstairs.

Not for long, Strong Bad decided. Trogdor machines breaking he could live with, but TV's? Those were an emergency that needed to be dealt with, ASAP. Rain and wind rattled the windows as he acended the stairs, heading for his brother's room. It was odd considering the forecast for that night had been clear skies.

Along the way, he tried to flip the hallway light switch but the power was out. He shrugged and went ahead to knock loudly on the door. "Hey, blubber boy, get up! There's a television in critical condition downstairs."

When there was no response he simply let himself in. He frowned and grabbed Strong Sad's duct tape sword that had been leaning against the bookshelf, prodding the fat pile of blankets before him. "Hey, I said g-" He blinked when a pillow fell out of the pile. The next lightning flash revealed the bed to be empty. The wadded up blankets and pillows had almost looked large enough to be his brother in the gloom. "...what the crap?"

There was a snicker from beneath the bed, but when he went to check there was nothing there that could have made the sound. There was a similar chortle from the closet, but nope. Nothing there either.

"You said you wouldn't mind if we took him away, so we did," a voice said from the window. It was wide open, the rain and lightning gone now. The curtains whipped around with the breeze, and the owner of the voice smirked. "It's what you wanted."

"You... what-?" Strong Bad narrowed his eyes at the intruder, then instantly eased up. For all the dramatic wind-whipping, as soon as he recognized the figure it pretty much lost all of its sinister impact. He threw the sword aside and folded his arms over his chest. "Homestar, how many freakin' times have I told you to stop sneaking into my house. Especially at night, man. Did you seriously just climb through that window in a cloak?"

'Homestar' seemed unphased. "It's going to be hard to get him back. Maybe you should just go to your room. Play with your toys. Draw a Teen Girl Squad. Forget about the fat kid."

Strong Bad snorted. "Uh, I would but the TV's broken. I kinda need him to fix it, so how about you cut the David Bowie impression and just tell me where fatso really ran off to. Unless you can fix my TV, in which case you can keep him."

He sighed and held out his hand, a clear, crystal ball forming in his hand. "My David Bowie impression is pretty fricken awesome but that's not the point. Your brother's in the center of the labyrinth." He used his free hand to motion out the window- instead of the usual green color of Free Country, however, it was a barren, desolate desert, devoid of life. In the distance was a castle, and surrounding the castle was an intricate maze. "But if you forget about the dork I'll give you this."

He passed the crystal from one hand to the other effortlessly. "Can't watch tv with it, but sometimes if it's like ... a really clear day, you can pick up AM radio onnit. Pretty cool, I think. Oh. And uh it'll show you your dreams. You want it?"

Strong Bad watched him pass it around, slightly impressed by the level of dexterity he never knew Homestar posessed. He half expected him to drop it. "No. I want my TV. I could get most of that on my clock radio if I really felt the need to listen to overplayed songs by the Beatles or baseball games."

"Then you'll need to get your brother," he sighed, seeming disappointed. He motioned for him to follow out the window. Instead of plunging down he stayed level, the ground apparently at the base of the second story window. "Well, come on. Haven't got all day."

Strong Bad hesitated, looking around the room one last time before climbing out the window after him. It wasn't like he had anything better to do until he woke up, anyway. His brother had been right- this was definitely some kind of candy induced nightmare. He made a mental note not to mix high amounts of sugar and overly imaginative movies before bed in the future.

"So if you're supposed to be some kinda magic guy, can't you just make me a new TV so I don't have to save anybody?" He asked once they'd come to a stop by a scraggly tree.

"Where's the fun in that?" Homestar snorted, turning around. He crossed his arms over his chest and smirked. "If you don't go through the labyrinth, then I can't meet you at various points during your journey so we can have super awkward conversations riddled with innuendo and sexual tension. And that would be dull."

"...what." Strong Bad gaped at him. Okay, up until this point the nightmare had been somewhat tolerable, but he was drawing the line. "No. That is not how this works. Do I look like Jennifer Connelly, man? There is no sexual tension. Eugh!"

"That's exactly how it works. Man, get in character," Homestar huffed. "If you don't start cooperating I'm gonna have to up the anti, yanno? I can be Jareth. I can be mean and manipulative. I can. I'm giving you a chance to get through this pretty friggen smoothly. So stand there, look pretty and let me hit on you."

"Yeeeeaa-no. Not happening. So uh, you can have my brother. Maybe I can fix my TV on... my..." he had started to walk away but stopped and looked around. Then snapped back to face Homestar, glaring. "Where is my house?"

He whistled innocently. "I gave you a choice," he said in sing-song. He cleared his throat and closed his eyes. "Don't say I didn't warn ya." When he opened them they seemed narrower, almost smarter. His smiled turned into a vicious smirk. "You have 13 hours to finish the labyrinth. There's no turning back now." He laughed and snapped his cape shut, vanishing into thin air.

Strong Bad stared for a while at the vacant spot where he'd been standing. "Thirteen hours," he muttered. "More like eight. I don't sleep that long. Fine, I'll just wait it out." He folded his arms and plopped down at the base of the tree stubbornly. The action brought the fact that he was now wearing character-appropriate attire to his attention.

Somewhere along the line, that patterned vest and baggy shirt Sarah wore in the movie had manifested itself. He wished his imagination would stop being so friggen pushy.

Five minutes passed. Then ten. Then fifteen. But the hand on the clock stopped at fifteen.
"You're stubborn, aren't you?" the now malicious sounding voice of Homestar asked. He appeared behind him, eyes narrowed.

Strong Bad shrugged, still unimpressed. "You said I couldn't turn back so I'm waiting it out. You haven't given me any good reason to go in there."

He seemed to consider that. "Hmm. True, you don't have much in terms of motives, do you?" He tapped his chin in thought. "What to do what to do ..." He smirked and sat down beside him, draping an arm over his shoulder. "Thirteen hours is a long time."

Strong Bad slipped away from him and got to his feet rather quickly. "N-no, now none of that. This is my stakeout. I don't need company. Don't you have a kingdom to run?" He shoo'd at him. "Go away. I'm not playing your game."

"Who's playing?" he mused. "If you won't go along with the part your assigned, I can think of a few other things we can do." He grabbed his wrist and pulled him forward. With his free hand he trailed a finger up his collarbone. "I could start by kissing you here~ ..." Along his jaw. "...then here until finally ..." He tapped his lips with his finger and chuckled. "But that'll take up five minutes, tops. Hmm, there's much more fun things I could do with thirteen hours..." He smirked.

Strong Bad pulled away, laughing weakly and stammering as he backed off. "Y-you know, on second thought, I have nothing to lose going in there," he pointed to the gigantic maze in the distance. "So I think I'm just g-gonna go in... there. And you can stay here. In fact, why don't you just wait for me at your castle." He of course had no intentions of actually attempting to reach said castle, but if he made it look like he was doing something maybe this disturbing incarnation of Homestar would leave him alone.

"Good boy," Homestar snickered, patting him on the head. He grabbed his shoulders and pushed him towards the labyrinth's entrance. "Good luck. I'll be keeping an eye on you." As soon as his hands left Strong Bad's shoulders, he disappeared again.

"No, seriously, don't bother! I do not need anybody checking up on me!" He shouted, but he doubted even if Homestar could have heard him, he'd listen. Well, at least he wouldn't be hanging all over him constantly now. With a disgruntled sigh he trudged onward, bringing his sour mood along with him. He could feel his face still burning from the encounter. Thank goodness there wasn't anyone around to see how red he was sure it was right now. "I am never eating candy again."

"That's a good idea," an annoyed voice muttered. There was a loud smacking sound as a fly swatter hit what looked to be a fairy. A pointy-eared man was wandering around, killing them with a bit of a skip in his step. "52~!"

He clutched at his chest briefly. He could've sworn he'd been alone. So much for that. "Jeez, give a guy a heart attack- where'd you come from, anyway?" Strong Bad squinted at him, but his back was turned as he carefully aimed for another fairy. The man seemed awfully familiar.

Strong Bad walked over to one of the fallen fairies and nudged it with his foot. The thing grabbed on to his shoe and dug its fingers into the canvas, so he kicked in an attempt to get it off. Finally he just grabbed the little impish winged humanoid and pulled it free. He ended up dropping it with a yelp. "Ow! It bit me-" he froze and snorted. Movie deja vu... weird.

"Well, duh," he snorted, ignoring him. "S'why I'm killing them. Fairies are like evil little bumblebees with teeth." He swatted another one and laughed. "Fun to kill, though!" He whipped around and grinned at him, revealing himself to be Homestar ... again. "Sup."

"I just got rid of you!" Strong Bad declared angrily once he'd regained the ability to speak. "This isn't fair! You can't slap on some pointy ears just to come back and bug me some more!"

He raised a confused eyebrow and glanced over his shoulder. "Uh. What?"

"I'm so not buying this. You know what." He folded his arms and glared at him.

"Ooooh, you mean how I'm both Jareth and Hoggle? There's a simple explanation. See, there's only like ... 11 people in your neighborhood, and a hell of a lot more characters in this movie. So, there's gonna be some repeats," he grinned. "Don't worry. This me isn't trying to get in your pants. Well, not as obviously anyway. Hoggle's waaaaaay more subtle."

Strong Bad pulled at his hair. "Why. Me." He groaned and let his arms fall to his sides. "I'm not even in the friggen maze yet, so couldn't you switch out with, I don't know, anyone but you? You're too tall to be Hoggle anyway!" He knew he couldn't take that much Homestar in one nightmare. It was bad enough with just the Jareth one. If only brains came with self destruct mechanisms he'd give throwing the switch some hard consideration right about now.

"Hey, it's not my decision," he shrugged. "You imagined me, not ... me. I didn't imagine me." He tapped his foot, thinking for a moment. A rogue fairy flew by and swatted it. "53~!"

"Good point," Strong Bad muttered. "I am definitely getting a CAT scan when this is over." He sighed, disgruntled but accepting the situation for now. He'd wake up sooner or later, so he might as well go along with it. "So, you know where the door is to that thing, right?" He motioned to the stone wall nearby.

"Mmhmm," he replied distractedly.

Strong Bad folded his arms over his chest, watching him track down and snuff out another fairy. "Are you gonna stop killing your next of kin long enough to show me where it is then, or what?"

"Where what is?" he asked innocently.

Strong Bad rolled his eyes. "The entrance, dork."

"The entrance to what~?" he sang, swatting some more fairies.

"The labyrinth! Come on, even you're not that stupid."

"Dude, do you NOT REMEMBER this scene?" he said, raising an eyebrow. "You need to ask the right questions."

Strong Bad slapped his forehead and growled. "Well gee, it's only been five years since I last saw this movie. I might be a little fuzzy on the details, you know." He paused, attempting to recharge his patience. "Okay then, how do I get into the labyrinth?"

"Muuuch better!" he giggled, grabbed his hand. He dragged him along. "It's how you ask, not whatcha ask. THis place is out to trick you, you know!" They stopped in front of what appeared to be a wall. Homestar dash forward and knocked, cause two huge doors to open. He motioned towards inside it. "There ya go."

"Thanks," Strong Bad muttered unenthusiastically, stepping through the gateway into the damp corridors beyond. He glanced up either direction, trying to remember which way Sarah had gone in the movie. He should try to go the opposite way- maybe that would make it take longer and stall off any further disturbing confrontations until his time was up. There were a few scenes that had already come to mind that he was not looking forward to re-enacting.

Homestar waved. "Good luck getting to the castle. Hope nothing eats you!" The gates closed as he continued waving enthusiastically. As helpful as he may be, he was doing a very poor job as the perpetually sour Hoggle.

Not that Strong Bad minded. He decided he'd take an uncharacteristically cheerful Hoggle over an extra intrusive Jareth any day. But now that he had gotten rid of both, this dream had become tolerable again.

As for the corridor, he'd made his choice at random and was now making his way along the perfectly straight, narrow path. Weren't there supposed to be secret doors around here somewhere? He reached out and ran his hand along the wall, but it seemed solid. Maybe he just hadn't gone far enough. Sarah had run for quite a while, after all.

He wasn't running, though. He took his sweet time walking- at least until he tripped over a log and fell over. "Stupid girl shoes," he growled, getting back to his feet and kicking the branch angrily. "And why are there even branches and crap laying around? I haven't seen a single tree big enough to drop this stuff. Just walls. Tons of freakin' walls. Way to keep your maze clean!" He shouted, just in case Jareth-Homestar happened to be spying on him- which he probably was at all times, since he was clearly some kind of creepy stalker in this dream. Well, more than usual. He frowned and dusted off his shirt.

"Herlo," a voice chirped from the wall. A teeny tiny green caterpillar sat there, wearing a purple baseball cap upon it's round, white head.

Strong Bad glanced down at it for a second. "Y-you mean ...hello?" he repeated incredulously, trying very hard not to laugh once recognition set in.

"Nope. I meant harlo," he replied indignantly. The Coach Z caterpillar snorted, annoyed. "Kids these days."

"Uh huh," Strong Bad chuckled. "So, Z-Worm you got any advice for finding secret passageways in this place? I'd keep walking in a straight line, but to be honest it gets boring after the first hour or so. I could use a change of scenery."

"Hmm. Well, tharr's the entrance across tha way there. Lorft leads to tha castle, but I don't suggest ya go that way," he mused. "...'nless you're that Strorng Bad kid I hord about? Jareth wants ya at tha castle. You Strong Bard?"

'Jareth' wanted him at the castle? To hell with that. "Nope. Not me, man, sorry. I guess I'll go right."

"Kay. Gord luck," the little coach waved. He watched him disappear into the wall.
The little caterpillar had been right, of course- the castle had obviously been in the other direction. Strong Bad was now in a barren maze, with high, dust colored walls. And 'Jareth' was watching.

"Phoo. Doesn't seem like he wants to play with me yet," he mused, staring into his crystal ball boredly. "Hmm. He'd look better without that silly mask. I should remove it next time I meet up with him."

"An excellent idea, sir!" One of the king's minion's piped up.

"Only if you want him to punch you in the face," their captive remarked nearby, the odd one out in a room full of yellow and black spotted 'goblins'. "Somebody wanna remind me why I'm here again? I'd really just like to go back to bed now..."

"Can it, fat one!" One of the creatures whacked him in the knee with a club and he yelped, sitting down again.

Another one beside it snickered. "You were the bait but now you could be lunch."

"For everyone," another goblin chirped.

"With plenty of leftovers!" another laughed. Thier king sent them a volatile glare. "No! Seducing Strong Bad would be a million times harder if I killed his brother. He might not like him but they're still family."

"Strong Bad likes me," Strong Sad huffed. "...well, sort of. Even if he has a weird way of showing it- but the point is, you'll never get away with this! And even if you do, do you think you could just let me go since you aren't gonna kill me? I don't wanna be around if you're planning all this just to hit on my brother. That's just awkward."

"No. You're Toby. You stay put," he huffed, pointing at him. "You're a major plot point and you must stay here. If he comes all this way and finds out I just let you catch a bus home or something he'll never let me in his pants."

"But..." Strong Sad frowned. "I didn't know buses came out this far-"

"Of course they do. You think stylish rags like these grow on trees?" One of the goblins snapped. "This helmet was 20% off at the mall."

"Yeah, at Sears in the kitchenware section," another laughed.

"You're just jealous of how shiny it is!"

The two creatures started fighting, and Strong Sad sighed, folding his arms. "Either way, my brother would... probably never sleep with you. So as soon as he shows up, you better let me go." He hesitated, then raised a finger pointedly. "Or else."

"Or else what?" the goblin king asked, grinning wickedly. "In case you haven't noticed, this world is mine. I control everything. If I wanted a meteor to come down and smash your pretty little skull in, it can be done." He looked back at the crystal ball and placed a hand on it, looking a bit ... sad. "The only thing I have no control over is him. But that's temporary."

Strong Sad gave up the argument at that and fell silent, gaze drifting to the glassy orb inside which the image of his brother was doing his best to avoid heading towards the castle.

Try as he might, it wasn't working out very well. The slick walls made it too hard to climb them to try to see what direction the place was. He had hoped he was managing to avoid making progress by taking random twists and turns at every opportunity.

Logically, he should be totally lost. But the labyrinth was not logical. He took a turn he recognized as having been a dead end earlier just to kill some extra time only to discover it had opened up. "Okay, now this- this right here stopped being fair like two hours ago!" He declared, frustrated.

"Fairless maze, Saria," a familiar, tired sounding voice announced. It was quickly followed by another familiar voice.

"DaaaAAAAaaaahh, wandering around the corn patch," Homsar announced. He was peaking out from behind a red shield, while Senor Cardage was leaning over a similar blue one.

Strong Bad knew this unfortunately meant he was at another crucial waypoint in his quest; therefore, he needed to make sure this next turn was a wrong one. He couldn't turn back now- the walls had already closed off behind him. "Okay, I remember this part. One of you guys tells the truth and one of you lies, right?"

"Right-o, capitain," Homsar warbled.

"Sounds fanatical," Senor Cardgage... apparently agreed.

"Hmm," he tapped his chin and glanced between them. This would be a lot easier if he'd have just remembered which way Sarah went in the movie. He cleared his throat. "Well then, Senor Cardgage, does your door lead to the castle?" he inquired of who he decided was the most trustworthy of the two barely intelligible guardians.

"Well, Sarelina, it don not go to the catacombs," he responded in his usual way.

"Uh..." Strong Bad hesitantly glanced at Homsar. "So if by catacombs you mean castle, then this door doesn't go to the castle. But if you're lying, then... the midget's door is the right one because it's wrong." He scratched his head. "Unless you mean actual catacombs. So the the door wouldn't not go to the castle-" He shook his head. "Okay, wait..."

"My expiration date just hit first queue," Homsar remarked, earning a glare from Strong Bad as his ponderings were interrupted.

He sighed, rubbing his temple. "All right, I'm just gonna go with your way, Senor. You'd totally never steer me wrong, man. You're way too cool for that." He stepped up and opened the door.

And promptly fell down a chute. It appeared that no matter which door he picked he'd be sent plummeting down into the oubliette. Hands reach through the wall and snagged him, most forming a bushy mustached face.

"Got any food?" one voiced quipped. Another hand dug into his pocket, turning up empty.

"No? Goshdarn it all, none of kids never have any food," the familiar voice of the King of Town grumbled. The hands in front of his face looked familiar- the Poopsmith. First he pointed up, then down.

"Which way you wanna go?" the King asked.

Strong Bad squirmed. "I don't care, just let go of me! This is extremely uncomfortable... and unsettling."

"Down is easier," the King's voice mused. Strong Bad was immediately let go, sent crashing to the floor. The King of Town could be heard whining about food before the opening closed above him.

"Right on schedule," Homestar's voice piped up. He lit a candle and grinned at him. "Man you are breezing through this movie."

"That wasn't the plan," Strong Bad muttered, getting painfully to his feet. He brushed himself off and glanced around. "Crap, I knew I should have gone left."

"Either way you woulda wound up here," he shrugged. "They're both liars. They lied about telling the truth ... it fools everyone. It's just best to avoid those guys."

"I'm not even sure Homsar was lying. That usually requires someone understanding what the other is saying," Strong Bad snorted. "But I can't believe Cardgage let me down like that. I feel so betrayed." He frowned and folded his arms over his chest. After a second he glared in Homestar's direction. "Well, are you dragging me to the next waypoint?"

"Huh?" He blinked. "Oh! Right, yes. Duh." He rolled his eyes, amused. "Almost forgot. Sooo I guess we'll just ... leave." He placed the candle on the lone table in the room and went to pick up the door. He was humming to himself- it sounded a bit like 'Magic Dance' from the film, but he was obviously getting the tune wrong in places. After a few minutes of fiddling with the door and causing a huge mess, he finally managed to get them an exit.

"You sure are grumpy for someone doing so well," he observed.

"I don't want to do well," Strong Bad ranted as they walked. "Why would I want to get to the castle any faster when there's an even more psycho version of you with the hots for me waiting for me to get there? If you really wanted to help guide me someplace, you should tack on some extra mileage so maybe my time will run out and I won't have to keep wandering around."

He glanced over his shoulder. "You really don't remember this movie do ya?"

"I remember enough," Strong Bad replied quickly. "I just fell asleep before all this stuff happened on TV..."

"Well, if you really remembered it..." He trailed off, amused. It wasn't worth mentioning- not yet, anyway. They made it to the sewers where a bird faced old man held out a cup. A glass ball rolled gracefully past Strong Bad's feet and into the cup.

He blinked and stopped in front of the figure. "Hey, isn't that the goblin king's magic paperweight?" Clearly, Strong Bad's memory of the movie was a little spotty.

"Uh oh." His companion fidgeted nervously and backed away a bit.

The Goblin King chuckled, ripping off his disguise. "So observant," he commented, smirking. He stood up and circled him, leaning in much too close for comfort. "And how are you enjoying my labyrinth? Has it been fun?"

Strong Bad's gaze kept flicking between the two versions of Homestar, his brain struggling to process the double vision. At least the Hoggle version wasn't wearing tights- holy crap, was that ever distracting. In fact, now would be an opportune time to be flipping that self destruct switch on his brain if he had one.

"No. And it's not much of a labyrinth if I can't even get myself lost in it," he retorted.

The king smirked, pulling back ever-so-slightly. "Are you saying it's too easy?"

"Don't say it," the milder Homestar double hummed in warning.

Naturally he was ignored. "That's exactly what I'm saying. Seems like I run into a shortcut every ten feet. Would it kill you to make it a little more of a challenge? At least pretend you don't want me to find you at your dumb castle."

"You want it to be more challenging?" he repeated, amused. "Well ... I can do that." He pulled the crystal orb out of his hat and twirled it around, amused. "We'll make a bit of a deal. If you don't reach my castle before the thirteen hours are up, I'll ensure that you never wake up from this dream. And just to make it a bit more interesting..." He held up a hand and on a nearby clock the hours zoomed forward until it showed that Strong Bad had a precious six hours left. "How is that for challenging?"

"Y-you can't do that!" Strong Bad protested. "This is my dream, man. I wake up when I say so."

"Oh?" He raised an eyebrow. "Boy, if this was your dream, you'd have control, right? If this was your dream, you wouldn't be here. You'd be lounging on the beach, sucking down cold ones and being fawned over by bikini clad bimbos." He grabbed his shirt and jerked him forward, meeting his at eye level. "Here's a little secret. This all may be in your head, but this is my world. I run this place. If I want it to rain, it can be done. If I want the earth to open up, it will be done. There's only one thing in this world that I don't control and that's you."

He smirked. "But if you give up now, I'll let you wake up. All I want is your endless devotion every night. Is that so much to ask?"

Strong Bad stammered for a second before collecting himself enough to respond. He narrowed his eyes, stepping back. "Trade in my beach babes for you? No freakin' way. I want no part of it." He snorted and prodded him in the chest briefly. "I'll solve your maze. I've seen the movie so I know what I'm doing. And I got him if I forget anything, since amazingly enough he seems to know what's going on." He thumbed over his shoulder at the other Homestar. "So yeah, no. I'm not gonna wuss out and be the slave to a figment of my own imagination."

"Spunky. I like it," the king purred, patting him on the head. He turned to glare at the other, more amiable Homestar. "As for you, what are you doing down here? You're not helping him, are you?

He fidgeted. "No, of course not! I'm just doing my... um, job." He grinned weakly. "Taking him back to the beginning and all that- oh hey, by the way..." he leaned in a bit closer and inquired quietly, "Which way is the entrance from here?"

The king raised an unimpressed eyebrow. "How, exactly, are you leading him back to the beginning if you don't know the way?"

His face reddened up to his pointed ears and he opened his mouth to blurt out an excuse. "W-well I had an idea, but-"

Strong Bad interrupted him. "I'm not following you back to the beginning! I have to get to the castle- what is this, some kinda conspiracy between the Homestar clones to get me stuck here? Forget that, I'm finding my own way out."

He snorted and turned around to leave, but the tunnel they'd come in through was gone. "...oh, of course. I hate this freakin' place."

The king chuckled, flicking the crystal ball back into his hand and passing it back and forth. "Well, I wish you good luck. You'll need it," he snickered, glancing down the other end of the tunnel. "I must bid you two farewell, but I'll leave you with a little parting gift." He tossed the orb down the hall and disappeared through the wall of the tunnel.

The Homestar that was left went pale and grabbed Strong Bad's wrist. "C-come on, we gotta go."

"I'm not going anywhere with any version of you. Let go." He yanked his hand away and kept feeling along the wall for some sign of where the old passage had gone.

"There's gotta be a seam someplace..." He paused as the wall started rumbling. He backed away, but could feel it in the floor as well. He looked around, spotting the source of the disturbance. A whirling mass of spinning blades was coming up the tunnel fast from where the goblin king had thrown the orb.

"Oh... crap."

This was one of those scenes that had looked a lot cooler in the actual movie when he wasn't a part of it. Leaving no longer seemed like a bad idea.

"You idiot," Homestar hissed. "You've seen this movie forty times and you don't remember what happens? Come on," he huffed, dragging him along. He kept his eyes peeled for the weak wall that they could knock down. It had to be close by... aha.

He stopped abruptly and started kicking at the decrepit wooden wall, the whirs of the cleaners rapidly approaching.

"I really hate whoever wrote this scene," Strong Bad remarked over the noise. He threw his shoulder against the wall a few times. The wall wobbled, teetering on the verge of caving in. He timed his next shove to match Homestar's and it fell, just as the large machine squeaked and rattled past them. Strong Bad blinked through the dust and sat up, peering around the edge of the hole they'd created at the yellow 'goblins' who were pedaling their way up the corridor.

"The Cheat...?" Man, this dream just kept getting stranger by the minute.

"Goblins," Homestar corrected, panting. He sighed, visibly relieved. "Holy crap, what a way to die, huh?"

"I wouldn't have died... probably." He was actually a little uncertain about that point. He hadn't been able to wake up thus far. If he died here, would he stay in a coma forever? Or would he wake up? The high risk factor didn't make testing either theory very appealing. It was probably best if he avoided dying in this dream for now.

He dusted himself off and got to his feet with a wince, rubbing his shoulder. That would hurt in the morning. Assuming he got a morning.

"You okay to make it up the ladder?" Homestar asked, motioning up. "You don't have much time left, so we should get a move on."

"I'm fine..." He paused to glare at Homestar. "We? There's no 'we'. I don't need you. I remember enough stuff to get to the next... wherever."

"Of course there's a 'we'. Without me, you'll never get to that castle," he snorted, starting up the ladder. "So unless you wanna be Jareth's little plaything for the rest of your miserable life, you better start climbing buster."

"Your plaything, his plaything- is there really a difference?" He muttered, nonetheless climbing the ladder behind him.

"Of course," he said, rolling his eyes. "I have no desire to screw you senseless. He, on the other hand ... does. I just wanna be your friend."

"Right." Strong Bad snorted. "Well just so you know, I've got absolutely no interest in either of those things. I just want to get through this stupid dream and be able to wake up again."

He frowned, a little disappointed. "Well, I hope you do wake up. Being stuck here sucks," he replied after a moment. "That Jareth's a real jerk."

Strong Bad rolled his eyes. "How mean can he be to you, man. You're the same person. Almost."

He snorted, obviously disgruntled. "Are you kidding? He's awful. He's cruel to anyone who isn't a goblin ... i.e., me. The only exception is you- he adores you. Doesn't make any sense."

"You got that right. If this is all in my head, there's no reason my brain should be making him have the hots for me." He huffed and crawled out of the hole to the surface before continuing his rant. "I don't know what I was thinking- clearly I should have been Jareth. I am way more qualified to run a kingdom than even... some weird, smarter, eviler clone of you."

He shrugged. "There's gotta be a reason he's Jareth. Maybe you just have a crush on David Bowie. And me."

"NO." He gagged loudly. "That's disgusting. I mean, I might admire Bowie, but that's not the same thing at all. And anyway, he's one of those British rock star guys, so... you know, they don't count against you."

Homestar rolled his eyes, amused. "Whatever the case is, your brain did it. There's gotta be a reason."

"Too much candy's the reason," he insisted. "That's all the reason there needs to be." He folded his arms and glanced around. "Okay, so... which way gets us out of these hedges and walls?"

"Mmm. I dunno. I wasn't joking when I asked which way was the way out," he shrugged, also taking a look around. "But you're not really my problem, so I'm gonna go home. Peace."

"What?" Strong Bad spun around to face him. "What happened to 'you'll never get to the castle without me'? You can't argue to stay and then just leave."

"I'm starving, and all you want to do is argue with me. When you're that ungrateful, do you really expect people to stay?" he snorted, rolling his eyes.

"Well, yes," Strong Bad replied. "This is my dream. You're supposed to show me which way to go. I have every right to complain about it, but you still have to get me there because you're the one that got stuck with that job."

"Too bad," he huffed, walking off. "Good luck getting to the castle~."

"Oh no you don't," Strong Bad growled, starting after him. His gaze went to Homestar's belt as he reached out to stop him, and he suddenly recalled a useful tactic from his movie viewing experiences. He grabbed the bag loosely fastened there and yanked it off.

Homestar yelped and whipped around to glare at him. "Those are mine!" his hissed, visibly annoyed. "Give 'em back!"

Strong Bad just grinned, holding the little pouch up and shaking it. "No way. You'll have to take me to the castle if you want them back."

He growled lowly. "I already told you I don't know the way. Even if I did, it's changed like forty times since the last time I went there. There's no rhyme or reason to this place. You know that!"

"Well then I'll just keep whatever's in here. Maybe I can use it to bribe someone else into showing me the way out," Strong Bad shrugged.

"You can't do that," he flared. "I spent a really long time collecting those!"

"Already am, and I couldn't care less." He started to walk away.

He huffed and followed after him. "You are such a punk," he muttered, looking around. "We should try and get to the jungle. That's the most straightforward path to the castle. Nobody takes it because it looks confusing. Also you can be eaten."

"Hey if some girl could make it through that place, I can make it through," Strong Bad stated. He was still swinging Homestar's treasure pouch around boredly as they walked.

Homestar eyed him nervously. "B-be careful with that," he muttered quietly.

"Why, what's in it?" He held it up to his ear and shook it.

He winced. "Stars," he said simply. "Well, not ... real ones. Necklaces, bracelets... some of those are glass so be careful." He frowned.

He shook his head, amused. "Relax man, I'm not g-" Suddenly there was a loud roar. Strong Bad jumped, the bag slipping out of his grasp- and catching on his wrist by its string. "What was that?"

Homestar whimpered. "I... I dunno," he said nervously, backing up. "I'm not sticking around to find out. You're on your own."

"You can't run off, I still have your stars," he reminded, holding up the bag.

There was another roar and Homestar jumped, letting out a frightened yelp. "Keep 'em," he shouted, dashing off in the other direction.

Strong Bad groaned. It hadn't worked for Sarah, and it apparently wasn't going to work for him either. Oh well, at least he knew he was on the right track. He tied the little pouch of stars to his belt and headed off to find what he assumed would be Ludo. "Of course, right after I go to all that trouble to get the dork to come along we get to the chickening-out scene," he muttered, threading his way through the neatly trimmed hedge maze.

When he found at the end of his journey was 'Ludo', tied by his feet and hung upside down. He was definitely fluffy enough, but his broad, square shoulders meant he could be none other than Strong Mad.

"IT HURTS!" he roared again, thrashing about.

While the ropes suspending him probably did hurt, he was most likely referring to the group of goblins standing around, poking sticks topped with snapping, toothy monsters at him.

Strong Bad's staring was interrupted by something hitting the side of his foot. He looked down to see a rock sitting there. "Hang on, buddy, I'll get you down." He grabbed the rock and threw it at one of the goblins.

It missed. The goblin turned and Strong Bad grinned weakly. "Heh. That wasn't supposed to happen." Man, apparently Sarah had good aim.

The yellow, spotted goblin snarled and shrieked in gibberish. The others snapped to attention and charged after him, snapping and biting at him with their monstrous sticks.

Their new quarry took off, backtracking through the hedges until he came across a large stone vase. He jumped inside just as the goblins came rushing around the corner. A minute later, he deemed it safe enough to climb out. The goblins had run right by as planned, but he wanted to be sure. He glanced in the direction of their fading shrieks, dusting his hands and smirking to himself.

"Morons," he snickered. Then he straightened and snapped his fingers. "Ah crap, almost forgot about Strong Mad."

He jogged back to the clearing. Thankfully, he was able to find his way back easy enough. The hedges didn't seem to move as often as the walls. Kneeling at the base of the tree, he began untying the massive rope that held 'Ludo' aloft.

Strong Mad squirmed, whimpering and groaning. "ROPES HURT," he announced, straining to get a good look at his savior. "WHO ARE YOU?"

"What do you mean wh- oh, right." Strong Bad cleared his throat. This wasn't really his brother, after all. Just like Jareth wasn't really Homestar. At least, he hoped that was how it worked. "I'm Strong Bad. For all purposes of this quest thing, I'm the guy who's getting you down from this tree. Or would, if you'd hold still for five seconds."

"IT HURTS," Strong Mad whined. He frowned, but stayed still like he was told. After a minute of waiting, the ropes finally came loose and he hit the ground with a loud 'thump'.
"LUDO DOWN," he announced, pushing himself to his feet. He looked down at Strong Bad, blinking curiously. "STRONG BAD FRIEND?"

"Sure. Friend." He flashed him a brief thumbs up before sticking his hands in his pockets. "Your vocabulary has not improved any since you were my real brother," he noted. "But anyway- do you happen to know the way to the jungle from here, big guy?"

He furrowed his brow, visibly in thought. "UUUUH." He looked left, then right and then shook his head sadly. "...NO."

"Damn. Looks like we're gonna have to wing this, then," Strong Bad frowned. "At least until Captain Courageous gets his skinny butt back with the group. Let's go. I got a good feeling about... uh, this direction over here." He pointed to a passage at random and started forward.

Strong Mad followed his obediently, not entirely sure why anyone would want to go to the scary jungle. Afterall, there were monsters, and lions and traps ... who would want to be there?

Meanwhile, 'Captain Courageous' was having his own issues. He'd gotten halfway out of the labyrinth before he took a rest.

It didn't last long. "Enjoying your break?" a voice sneered. The goblin king stepped out from behind a rock and leaned casually beside him.

Homestar jumped to his feet and whipped around. He grinned nervously. "J-jareth! What uh. What brings you out here?"

"Just checking up on my favorite goblin, Hogarth." He smirked unpleasantly. "I could ask the same of you. I thought the plan was to mislead Strong Bad for me- which is kind of hard to do from all the way out here."

"Hoggle," he corrected quietly. He cleared his throat. "But, you know, I tried. I don't think uh he'll be getting to the castle. He's a little slow. In fact, maybe you should just leave him alone. He's not that interesting anyways."

The king raised an eyebrow and flipped a crystal sphere into his hand. Strong Bad and Ludo appeared faintly within. "He's entering the jungle as we speak. A full three minutes ahead of schedule, I might add. If anyone is slow here, it's you for thinking you could try to cover for him." He flicked his wrist and the orb disappeared. "I should drop you into the bog of eternal stench right now for your treachery," he remarked calmly.

Homestar's ears flicked back and he shook his head. "N-no, not that. That's... no. Not that," he whimpered quietly.

"We'll see," his cruel counterpart mused. "I've got another mission for you. A simple one that even you can't screw up. Consider this your second chance." He slipped a candy bar into Homestar's hand. "Deliver this to Strong Bad for me, will you? I'm sure he's famished from wandering around my labyrinth by now."

He looked it over nervously. "It's not gonna hurt him, is it?"

"Does it really matter?" Jareth countered. "Deliver it for me and I'll forgive your previous transgressions. Or, you and I can take a little trip to the bog. It's your choice."

He bit his lip. "F-fine. But I don't want to hurt him," he insisted, slipping the candy bar into his pocket. He sighed sadly, eyes flicked up at him. "Guess I'll be going to the jungle then."

"Relax, Haggar, I'm not trying to kill him. It's just... a gift," the king snickered. "I think you're letting yourself get too attached to him." He started to walk away, then paused and glanced over his shoulder. "It would be dangerously stupid of you to allow that to continue, by the way."

He winced and looked over at him. "Of course. I know that. H... he's yours."

"Good. Try not to forget it," Jareth warned sharply. "Oh, and Hoggle? If he ever kisses you-" 'Hoggle' went pink at very idea. "I'll turn you into a prince."

He blinked, confused. "P-prince of the land of stench?"

"Smart boy," Jareth sneered, turning his back to him. He stepped around a boulder and was gone.

Hoggle watched him go, ears lowered and a pitiful frown on his face. He glanced down at the candy bar before slipping it into his pocket. He sighed and went off to find Strong Bad.