Hello. This is Ratt9, but I have changed my username to "ratt." because "Ratt9" never seemed to flow quite right to me. What do you think?

I'm sorry I haven't posted anything in a while, or replied to very many reviews lately. I haven't had much of a chance to complete anything, due to school, OS writing contests, family tragedy, work, and my rather old laptop, which seems to be feeling more and more unwell by the day. –pats laptop on the…head?- .-.

In any case, I wrote this fic as writing practice with techniques and styles I don't usually use. That being said, this is written in present tense, and it is more of romance (kinda sorta?) than humour. I probably didn't do a very good job.

~Address yellowrose87's fic~ Story Advertisement:Title: A Different Shade of Pitch, By yellowrose87. Rated: M, under the Genres drama and romance. About: This fic needs more readers! It contains LxAiber, and is quite well-written. I'm terrible at describing things like this, so it would probably just be best to look it up and see for yourselves. =]

In any case. I believe I should stop talking now. Hope you enjoy.

"A break? You mean it, Ryuzaki?" Matsuda prompts eagerly.

"Yes. Only because Higuchi was so recently caught, partially thanks to Amane-san. She has been requesting a date with Light-kun very strongly as of late, now that he and I are no longer handcuffed together. It will only be for one day, in any case."

"This sounds exciting!" exclaims Matsuda, and a large, goofy grin is plastered to his face. "Where are we going to go?"

"I believe that those such details have been left up to Amane-san," comes L's patient response.

Matsuda feels confused for a moment. "Wait, you mean…Misa and Light aren't going off to do their own thing?"

"I don't suppose so, by the looks of things. Sixty-four percent chance that she will choose a location large enough for all of us to wander around without ever crossing paths. With this in mind, I'd imagine that Amane-san plans on sending us all to the same place, but she and Light will, as you say, 'go off to do their own thing.' Alas, I am fairly certain that this rules out us going to that little candy shop down the street…" L's voice trails off a little at the end, as if lamenting over (what was to him) such a wasted opportunity.

…Of course, knowing L, that probably is what he's doing.

Matsuda considers this. He is thrilled about all of the potential places they could go to, as well as things to see and do. Being the ever-present and ever-punctual employee, Matsuda can't even remember the last time he took a day off of work, regardless of his health. He always does his best to make a good impression.

"Maybe Misa will decide to take us to a water park!" Matsuda suggests. "I love swimming! And I hear they have awesome water slides. Or maybe we'll all go to a lake!" He grinned.

L eyes him. "Matsuda-san, I hardly see that as a probable outcome. Surely you aren't forgetting that it is currently the middle of winter?" The detective quirks an eyebrow and stares at the man under his scrutinizing gaze.

Uneasy laughter.

"O-of course I didn't forget that!" Matsuda protests.

(He had.)

"I just figured the pools would be heated, you know?"

(He doesn't have any idea, actually.)

"There are several feet of snow on the ground, and the lake is frozen over," L points out.

"…Ohh, yeah…"

Finally, after what seems like an eternity, L breaks his stare. Matsuda exhales deeply.

Those dark eyes of his. Judging. They always seem to be judging. Judging everything and everyone.

Judging…me?

Matsuda doesn't want people to judge him. So many people judge him. His insecurities about himself are some of the main reasons for his clumsiness. He always fidgets about when he is nervous.

And, as usual, he's given the genius detective yet another reason to view him as far inferior. All he wants is to somehow prove to L that he's not a screw-up, and that he can be useful, if given the chance. Sometimes, though, Matsuda doubts even that.

Misa ends up picking the zoo, of all places. Of course, no one is complaining, because a break is a break regardless of how it is spent. So they all bundle up in warm clothes and head on over to the zoo.

L walks begrudgingly a few steps behind everyone else. He dislikes wearing shoes, but he detests wearing socks exactly 16.27% more than he dislikes shoes. They do not put him in a good mood. Neither do zoos.

Once they are inside, L flags down one of the vendors patrolling the zoo wielding a mobile sweet cart. He proceeds to purchase a stick of cotton candy, and as a result feels slightly more content.

The task force splits up into pairs of two for convenience purposes. Misa, obviously, goes with Light. Watari is paired with Soichiro and Aizawa with Mogi. Each of them caught up in their own conversations, they all walk away in different directions, leaving L to be alone with Matsuda.

"This is going to be so much fun!" Matsuda declares. The other man is not quite so enthusiastic.

"Yes. Well. Lead the way." L takes a bite of cotton candy and shoves his free hand into his pocket. The weather is colder than initially anticipated, and he can scarcely feel his fingertips.

"Okay!" Matsuda exclaims happily. "Is there anywhere you'd like to go first?"

"I have no preference on the matter."

"Awesome! Let's go to the petting zoo, then!" Matsuda cries. "The petting zoo is my favourite area of the zoo." He grins, almost sheepishly. "Have you ever been there before, Ryuzaki?"

L teases his lower lip with his thumb. "No," he admits, "I can't say that I have."

Matsuda's face seems to light up a bit. "Ooh! Then this will be a cool first experience for you, then!" Without even thinking, Matsuda grabs L's hand—the one not currently being occupied with his cotton candy stick, of course—and all but drags the detective along with him.

L, too startled by the sudden contact to protest, simply follows.

Besides, Matsuda's hand is nice and warm—a welcome contrast to the bitter November air.

The petting zoo, L quickly decides, is not his favourite place to be. The enclosure is indoors (most likely just for the winter months), smelly, crowded with countless little kids wanting to touch the animals, and noisy. Still, L decides to go along with it for now.

Following Matsuda's lead, L calmly steps through the entrance gate of the previously mentioned enclosure. The fence surrounding the petting zoo contains many types of farm animals, from goats to pigs to roosters to cows. They are actually kinda creepy, L concludes.

Matsuda is enjoying himself. Stalking little pigs around is fun. He has always thought so. Pigs are adorable. He wonders which animals Ryuzaki finds adorable.

Where is he, anyway?

Out of the corner of his eye, Matsuda sees that L is surrounded by goats, hens, and pigs. He is backed up against a wall.

Matsuda blinks. Does Ryuzaki look…scared? Matsuda shakes his head at the thought. It is ridiculous to think that the greatest detective in the world is afraid of a few farm animals.

L's eyes are wider than usual, if that is even possible.

Well…maybe he is…?

Matsuda decides that it couldn't hurt too much to ask. "Do…the animals make you uncomfortable, Ryuzaki?" He assumes a tone of minor curiosity.

"Of course not," L replies, though his voice wavers slightly. "They are hardly worthy of any concern. Why do you as—Wha? !"

L twists around, startled, as a peacock snatches his cotton candy away from him with its large beak. He appears to shrink away from it.

Now it is more apparent that the detective is finding the situation altogether disagreeable. Well, being surrounded by a mob of farm animals couldn't be a very relaxing experience, Matsuda decides.

L keeps his cool until a goat takes a giant bite out of his shirt, at which point he exclaims, "The goat is trying to eat me!"

The man attempts to stumble away, but the goat refuses to release the white fabric. In a panicked motion, L reaches with his spider-like fingers and clings to Matsuda's arm, using it to steady himself.

Unsure of how to react, Matsuda says awkwardly, "Erm…uh…don't worry, Ryuzaki. It's just a goat. It's fairly harmless." Matsuda pushes the goat away. "P-perhaps we should leave the petting zoo…?"

L nods quickly, still not loosening his grip on Matsuda's arm. Matsuda is glad that, although he is not as intelligent as Light, he can still be useful to L.

…And then they ate pie.

Good freaking god, that was a disaster to write and a disaster to read. I tried for fluff. I really did. Instead, I got a weird crack thing about a goat and everyone being completely OOC. Total fail. x.x

Nevertheless, I'd really like some constructive criticism on this. As I said earlier, I wrote this as practice writing in present tense (which, I've now decided, is a very unpleasant tense to write with [despite how cool it can sound when it is read in a story that doesn't fail as this one does]), so (disregarding the terrible plot) how did I do? Suggestions for improvements?

That last sentence is a bit of an inside joke. I couldn't resist putting it there.

I'd love to thank 'Asking Me Where My Love Grows' for being awesome and saying the randomly great things that gave me the idea for this.

Thank you for reading. Please review! :D

~Ratt Kazamata

8/17/2011