AN: So this is a little two shot I wrote for the "Shameless Fluff" prompt on LJ. Hope you enjoy!

Disclaimer: Unless DW is willing to sign me over as their Supreme Evil Overlord, I own nothing.

Woman of Kleenex, Man of Chicken Noodle

She shouldn't be surprised. It had been building for days. A little groggy here, a sniffle there, a cough and a headache soon to follow were the tell-tale signs. Roxanne knew where she must have caught the bug too.

Dang Protestors!

They had been picketing the recent budget cuts down at city hall, and Roxanne didn't really favor either side of the issue. What she did object to was that they just had to protest in the rain, and in February no less! What was supposed to be snow fell as frigid rain and Roxanne had been in the middle of it all, reporting on one of the few stories on her desk that wasn't spandex related. Though at the time she would have welcomed a nice warm cape, her jacket hadn't been waterproof.

Now there was no denying it. She had a cold.

'No.' Roxanne thought stubbornly. 'I can tough it out. At least for one night. I'll rest tomorrow.' She promised herself.

Sitting on her bed Roxanne was sorting through her collection of dresses. Most of them were for work, and that made it harder to find one that was suitable for the holiday. On top of that she knew that Megamind was planning something special for the evening. It was their first Valentine's Day as a couple after all.

"Ugh…" She bit back a moan as a wave of pain washed over her skull.

'Take a Tylenol and a hot shower,' she planned, 'that'll take care of your sinuses.'

Something warm and salty tickled down her upper lip and she quickly wiped her runny nose on the sleeve of her oversized sweatshirt.

'You're gonna need extra makeup too.' She thought looking at her sleeve with disgust and thinking about how red and puffy she must be.

Insisting on her task Roxanne looked back at her dresses. She shelved the ones without sleeves. Her shivers reminding her again and again that she was sick. For one reason or another most of the others join the first few until she was left with only two. The vibrant colors contrasted greatly against her grey sweatpants where the gowns were laid across her knees.

Again, her headache demanded attention and hammered away at her forehead. This time she couldn't suppress the groan. Auburn hair poked out between her sprayed fingers as she leaned heavily into her palms.

'Deep breaths Roxie.'

She knew it was bad when she started thinking in terms of Wayne's old nickname.

'Come on girl!' Her stubborn side rallied, 'You've had periods worse that this!' But her body wouldn't hear of it. Another round of shivers washed through, and she felt so cold despite the fact that the brow in her hands felt warm. She was already starting to curl into a ball and the headache teamed up with nausea. Her pillow caught her eye.

'I still have a few hours.' A small tired voice reasoned sweetly in the back of her mind, 'A quick nap would probably do a lot of good.'

Unable to resist its siren's song, Roxanne curled up on top of her covers – just to prove that it would be a quick snooze – but she was sound asleep before her head hit the pillow.

"Feel like using the front door tonight, Mr. Mind?" Carlos teased with a friendly smile.

"Oh I suppose." The blue man shrugged, "I've been hearing complaints from Roxanne's neighbors. Who would've thought that people on the fifteenth floor would get grumpy about a few car-bore-ator noises?"

"Who would've thought?" Carlos chuckled, "Have a nice night."

"You too." Megamind nodded and headed for the elevators. The doorman hadn't always been so welcoming to the alien (especially right after he'd been rehydrated) but a box of cigars and an apology note had worked wonders on the man. If only the conspiracy groups were as easy to soothe…

The elevator dinged and opened up on Roxanne's floor. Megamind practically bounced down the hall, but paused outside her door. He brushed the non-existent dust from his leather jacket and straightened his dress shirt. With one last look at the bouquet of long stem roses in his hand, he knocked.

Even after six months he could hardly believe it. The city was safe and he was its hero. His inventions were now made for good of the people and were actually good at it. Tonight was Valentine's Day and he had a date with Roxanne Ritchi.

The Roxanne Ritchi…

That stunned him the most of all. After all these years, and that night in the rain… They were together now, and Megamind couldn't be happier.

He used to hate the Day of Valentine's with a vengeance. A twenty four hour reminder of all the squishy, gushy, emotions he'd thought he'd never have or be able to receive. Any evil plot on the holiday had been even more despicable – if that was even possible – and any poor lovers caught in his grasp rued the day. Their well laid plans dashed by his maniacal laugh, but not tonight. Oh no, definitely not tonight. Megamind had taken extra precautions for this particular evening, and they were already paying off. The brainbots had notified him of two arrests they had already made. Wannabe party crashers trying to end the night before he could even drive over. Pfft! Amateurs. Some days it seemed like the city's underground had slowed down since his switch. It certainly wasn't producing the same quality villains since he left. Not that he was complaining… much.

Speaking of slow, what was taking her so long?

"Roxanne?" He called loud enough that she would be able to hear him.

Nothing.

"Roxanne." He asked again but concern leaked into his voice.

'Calm down. Maybe she's in the shower, or listening to her ip-od.' He thought. 'But then again… That doesn't make sense. I'd hear the pipes humming if she was talking a shower, and since when has she ever deviated from her pre-date rituals?'

"Roxanne."

'What if she's hurt? Maybe she fell or… What if somebody is in there? A Valentine's day kidnapping is extremely eeeeeevil!'

His hand found the hide-a-key without even thinking about it and the door unlocked with a soft click. Unlike human instinct to go barging in, Megamind moved with slow, precise moves. His brain was already whirling through possibilities as he replaced the key and upholstered the De-gun.

"Roxanne." He called one more time, but with a low tone. Nudging the door open with the tip of the De-gun, it moved until the chain caught. A quick zap removed the obstacle and a glittery blue cube made a light thump as it landed on the floor. Unimpeded the door swung open, and Megamind scanned the room with a cold calculating glare.

The loft was empty, but Megamind walked cautiously into it anyway. He deposited the roses on the kitchen countertop, and checked the balcony lock. It was still in place and nothing seemed to have been disturbed.

"Anyone home?" He asked loudly.

'She could have been delayed at the station, or maybe traffic is bad. I would have heard something by now if someone had be gutsy enough to grab her. Maybe if I-'

The sound of rough coughing stopped his racing thoughts as if they'd hit a brick wall. This time he did race up the stairs of Roxanne's split level apartment. He followed the noise to her bedroom and barged in.

"Roxanne!" Megamind shouted spotting her curled up on her bed. Now he was afraid; the fetal position is never a good sign. Two quick strides and he was at her bedside. A quick glance confirmed that no one else was there. The window was closed and locked.

A second later he was on his knees checking her over for injuries. His right hand still gripped the De-gun tightly but the other glided over her sides, her back, her skull.

"Roxanne! Are you ok? What happened? Did someone do this? Is he still around, because if he is I SWEAR I'll-"

Roxanne's shaky hand shot out and clamped down on his mouth.

"Too… loud…" Her voice was weak and raspy. She had lifted her head up in the process and Megamind stared dumbly at her red puffy eyes and nose.

When she moved he had froze and his hand rested lightly on top of her head. The tips of his fingers trailed across her forehead and without his gloves on he could feel the heat radiating from her.

Roxanne collapsed back into her pillow. Her grip loosened and her hand fell limply back onto the mattress. Her fingers dangled over the edge.

"You're… You're sick." Megamind stated rather than asked.

"I'm sorry." Roxanne groaned into her pillow. The nap hadn't helped at all. In fact, her whole body felt heavier and merely talking seemed to sap the energy out of her.

"No, no. It's alright. You can't help it." Megamind replied softly if not a little awkwardly. Even sick Roxanne could see that he was a little disappointed but at least he was trying to cover it up. He put the De-gun away and the hand on her forehead smoothed her bangs from her eyes.

"I-Is there anything I can do to help?" He fidgeted..

"N-" She began to deny but another round of coughing and shivering cut her off. The coughing brought back her headache and her eyes squeezed shut against the pain. When the wave passed Roxanne opened her eyes to find the other end of her comforter wrapped around her like a cocoon. The water pitcher was missing from her nightstand and Megamind was gone too. If she strained her ears she could just hear a faucet running in the bathroom.

What felt like minutes to her was probably seconds, and Megamind was back with a full pitcher. It was a gift from her mother, made from frosted pink glass in a teardrop shape. The matching cup could be overturned and used as a cap when the pitcher wasn't being used. Being careful not to spill Megamind filled the cup and set the pitcher down.

"Miss Ritchi, I think you could use a drink." The joke was weak but Roxanne laughed anyway. Though it was raspy and quiet, and probably more that the joke deserved. With one hand Megamind propped up her head. His long fingers laced through her hair and bare since he had left the gloves back at the lair. While the other brought the glass to her lips and tried not to flood her with water.

It was only slightly colder than room temperature and had a slight metallic tang like tap water usually does. However to Roxanne at that moment, it was the best thing on the planet and she guzzled it down greedily. That is until he took the glass away. Roxanne let out a frustrated growl, but Megamind just shook his giant blue head.

"I don't think it is a good idea for you to chug it like that." He explained. He looked uncertain about it and Roxanne's little shoulder devil was tempted to mislead him. Her throat felt weird and she really wanted the water…. But then there was that damn look on his face. Big green eyes soft and concerned, but tentative because Minion probably had more experience with this sort of thing then the blue genius did. Plus it had taken forever to build up his confidence behind his stage front bravado.

So instead Roxanne just sighed and sank back into her pillow. She grumbled something along the lines of being too damn nice and asked Megamind to get her some Tylenol. Happy to have a job he quickly searched the bathroom and came back with two pill bottles in his hands.

"Um, Roxanne you have two types of TyLeanohl here." Megamind said as he scrutinized each bottle. Roxanne didn't even bother with the horribly mangled mispronunciation. It could wait till the jackhammer inside her skull decided to stop trying to play Mozart on her frontal lobe.

"Give me the nighttime." She moaned, "It'll knock me out till the worst of it is over."

Two pills and one more glorious sip of water later and Roxanne was fading into a chemically induced slumber. Her comforter was warm as it stayed wrapped around her, but not nearly as soft as the one blue hand holding her own. Its owner sitting quietly by her bedside as the darkness closed in.

P.S. Yes I did parody the essay "Man of Steel, Woman of Kleenex" by Larry Niven (I think...), but this is the only way I see Roxanne ever being a woman of tissues. =P