Jar of Hearts, a doctor who fanfic

Ok, so first song-fic. Like ever, so please be nice.

I listened to this song and I just came upwith this idea and it kinda' wouldn't leave me alone.

I own nothing !

Christina Perri - Jar Of Hearts

First day on the job, and I'm already late, I look at myself in the mirror of the hallway. I think I look very mature for a 25 year old. I smile at myself and walk out the front door. Trying to control the nerves in my stomach. Of course i'm nervous. Who wouldn't be.

I close my front door behind me and lift the handle, I groan as I rumage through my handbag for the keys to lock it.

"Miss me, Pond ?" A voice behind me whispers.

I freeze, mainly because I know exactly who that voice belongs to.

I slowly turn around to see his face, grinning at me.

I know I can't take one more step towards you.

'Cause all that's waiting is regret

I stand infront of him, with my keys in my hand, not exactly sure what to say or what to do.

I haven't seen him in three years, and after everything he decides to return when I finally find my way back to a normal life. Aren't I the lucky one.

"What are you doing here ?" I say to him, the venom in my voice so clear.

"I missed you" He tells me

And don't you know i'm not your ghost anymore ?

"You left me" I tell him sharply

You lost the one I loved the most

I learned to live, half-alive

And now you want me one more time.

"I missed you " he repeats

"Shame, I didn't miss you" I tell him avoiding eye contact, because I know.. I know that's a complete lie.

And who do you think you are?

Runnin' 'round leaving scars

Collecting your jar of hearts

C'mon Pond." He smiles, completely unaware the hatred I hold over him

"Where's Mr. Pond ?"

I move my hair behind my ears "I don't know."

He smiles, "So he's run off to the shops then." He asks me, still oblivious.

"Yeah, something like that. Yeah. He went to the shop two years ago, and you know what it must be a hellova long que considering he hasn't come back." I yell the last part at him, and watch as his smile disappears.

And tearing love apart

"Why ?" He asks me with a sympathtic voice.

Pftt, Like I need his sympathy.

"He realised that I loved you more, and he just couldn't be second best."

"Do you ?" He whispers to me

"Do I what.. ?. Love you ?. " I ask him, he doesn't answer just simply nods.

"I did."

You're gonna' catch a cold

From the ice inside your soul

So don't come back for me

He stays quiet. "So, why are you really here, crash land did ya' ?" I ask him

"No, I wanted to see you." He replys with a small smile on his lips

Who do you think you are ?

"Well that's nice. Now i've gotta' go" I tell him and take a step around him and walk down the path towards the garden gate.

I hear you're asking all around

If i'm anywhere to be found

I stop mid-step to look back at him, he's still stood facing my red front door. "How did you find me ?"

He slowly turns around "It took a while, you moved far away from your old house. But I got a few tricks up my sleeve."

I have grown so strong

To ever fall back in your arms

"You do know, that just because you showed up and acted like it was a few hours since we last saw each other. I'm not gonna' pretend to have missed you, and i'm most certainly not coming back with you !"

I've learned to live, half-alive

"It was hard ya' know at first. Pretending to have hated that life just to make Rory happy. But I did, I missed it, all the running and the all the missions."

"They weren't exactly missions as such, more..." He looks at me as he tries to explain, I send him a small death glare.

"We'll just call them missions"

Now you want me one more time

Who do you think you are

Runnin' 'round leaving scars

"Do you do it to everyone ?" I ask him, curiosity taking over me.

"Do what ?" He asks genually confused.

"Allow your friends to fall in love with you and then just.. ditch them ?"

"I didn't 'Ditch' you." He tells me jiggaling his fingers as he says 'ditch'.

"I thought it would best if you left to have a normal life with your husband." He tells me. I could tell that he regretted using the word husband as soon as it left his mouth.

"Well.. Look how that turned out." I tell him as I continue walking down the path to the gate.

"Amelia, please.. Just wait."

I extend my hand out to the gate just as he tells me to wait. I pull my hand back.

"You still didn't answer my question." I tell him as I turn around, If he wants me to stay here while he explains himself or whatever the hell he's got planned. I'm gonna' be in control. I'll ask the questions.

Collecting your jar of hearts

And tearing love apart

"Rose, she fell in love with you, didn't she ?. So did Martha, Sarah-Jane did and Jo too. I bet Donna had a soft spot for you. So what the hell was I then ?" I ask him taking a few steps closer to him.

He looks startled as I name a few of his companions

"Oh, I've done my research. I'm not the first one that had their heart broken, there's a nice long list."

"You were my best friend."

"No, no. Bestfriends don't leave each other."

"Where are they now ?" I ask him, slightly angry that he's avoiding my questions

He tries to beging to answer the question and I watch him as he looks to the floor not knowing what to tell me.

And then it hits me. I honeslty don't think he knows what happens when he leaves them, or us, or me, or whoever the hell he travelled with.. He has to care though, he seems like he would care.

I try to tell him as nicely as I can. "Sarah-Jane. Did you know she died ?"

His head shoots up from the ground and a few tears form in his eyes. Nope.. He didn't know.

"She died a few months ago, she had cancer. I went to see her, felt like we had some sort of connection" I can feel the tears escaping just thinking about seeing the sick women in a hospital room.

You're gonna' catch a cold

From the ice inside your soul

So don't come back for me

Who do you think you are ?

"You know why you feel so alone, that dull aching pain that you feel in your heart, right now."

He looks shocked that I know him so well after all the years that have passed.

"That's there because you constantly push everyone away, you don't let anyone in and soon enough somebody'll just give up on you...Just like I did."

Dear, it took so long

Just to feel alright

"The truth is, I missed you like hell. I thought if I stuck around long enough you might actually come back for me, realise what a terrible mistake you made, maybe even realise that you loved me. But nope. Stupid Amelia Pond doesn't get her fairytale ending."

Remember how to put back

The light in my eyes

"I always loved you. and I probably always will, and I don't want you to ruin my life. I don't want to be hung up on you. I want to live a normal life. We've had so many good memories that i'll always remember. And you'll probably be the same with who-ever you pick up next and the next one after that. "

I realised through all my rambaling ons he had hardly said anything to me, he must have known that I needed to get it all out of my system, but in my entire life, I've never known him to sit back and take it all in without some snidy remark to the enemy. Or a look on his face that says 'When I get out of this, me and you are gonna' have a little chat'

I wish I had missed

The first time we kissed

"You remember when I kissed you. Did you know how much I loved you, since I was seven and you crashed into my garden shed and ate all of my Aunts food."

He smiles at the memory. "You remember all that ?"

"I could even tell you what you ate." I yell at him.

"I loved you so much and you pushed me away. And that's why I forced myself on you. probably not my best moment"

'Cause you broke all your promises

"You told me, you'd look after me. That you'd never leave me. Look where we are now, if that wasn't a lie then i'm the bloody queen or Norway."

"Why Norway ?, Why not the world ?. You'd be good at that " He smiles as he says it.

"Stop !" I yell throwing my hands in the air.

And now you're back, you don't get to get me back

He stares at me, almost pleading with me to stop this assault on him. He looks sorry for leaving me. He should be.

"What did you think. You'd turn up and I'd go all weak in the knees and you'd take me on another amazing mission ?" I ask, tears in my eyes. I groan and wipe them away with the back of my hand. I don't want him to see me cry, he doesn't deserve that.

He opens his mouth to speak

"This is not the time to correct me" I yell at him and he closes his mouth.

I don't want to yell at him, but he makes it so hard.

Who do you think are ?

Runnin' 'round leaving scars

Collecting your jar of hearts

And tearing love apart

You're gonna' catch a cold

From the ice inside your soul

So don't come back for me

Don't come back at all

He stands still in his green trench coat, he just looks so out of place. I know I have every right to be angry with him. And deep down somewhere inbetween his two hearts he knows it too.

I miss the time we had with the tweed jacket. God I hated that thing, but when he'd swapped it for the green jacket, he looked wrong, he just didn't feel right. hugging him and the itchy fabric not... well just not itching my bare skin

He doesn't look any older, his hair isn't shorter or longer. He looks the exact same I can't help but wonder how long it's been for him. a day. a week. A month. It can't have been long, he wouldn't have stayed the same in three years.

I can't help but wonder what he thinks when he looks at me, my hair's shorter, I recently got it cut to me shoulders. My entire wardrobe's changed. No more mini-skirts and tights for me. I'm a mature young adult with her first real job. I look down at my body as I watch his green orbs travel down my body. He's probably wondering where all the mini-skirts, shorts, converses, cowboy boots.. And whatever the hell I wore back then have gone. Instead i'm wearing a pair of black pants and a white top. That's not revealing at all. A cream leather jacket to keep me warm.

We both look up at the same time and our eyes meet for the first time in three years.

I bring out my phone form my bag and check the time. "Well it's been... " I can't finish the sentance, i'm not sure what word to use. Fun ?

Yeah that's fun, me yelling at him

Interesting ?

"Interesting, but i'm late for work. So.." Once again, i'm stuck for words.

When the hell was I. Amelia Jessica Pond, stuck for words.

"Goodbye Doctor" I smile at him, but this time it's not a happy smile, it's not a teary smile it's more than that. It's more of a You-broke-my-heart-so-I-don't-really-know-what-to-say smile.

And who do you think you are ?

Runnin' 'round leaving scars

Collecting your jar of hearts

Teraing love apart

You're gonna' catch a cold

From the ice inside your soul

Don't come back for me

Don't come back at all

"Amy, please. I don't want to lose you too !"

It kills me to hear him beg me not to leave him.

"There's just one small problem with that. You never wanted me " I tell him softly because I know that's the last words I'll ever say to him, I don't want them to be horrible words that i'll regret forever, I don't want them to be me pouring my heart out.

I want them to be the truth.

He doesn't reply and I take that as my cue to leave the garden.

I have my answer.

I sigh and open the gate, closing it behind me. As I walk off into my new life leaving him stood behind me.

Who do you think you are ?

On the outside. I may be Amy Pond the happy, the smiley, loveable women.

But on the inside i'm dying.

Ok... So what do you think people, please tell me.