Kink meme prompt: Soren and Reyson, discussing their relationships sex lives. For whatever reason, those two getting along all too well, much to Ike and Tibarn's horror. Ike/Soren, Tibarn/Reyson

It originally started on an unrelated topic.

"You are the wind sage, correct?" Reyson asked Soren, who was reading a book at the time. Reyson had always avoided Soren as if the slight young man was encased in a bubble – something about the wind sage simply Ibothered/i him, and Soren was hardly social - but desperate times called for desperate measures. "I require your services and am willing to compensate you."

Soren looked up, squinting in the sunlight. His eyes were vaguely draconic and he made a note to ask Kurthnaga about it sometime. "I'm listening." The voice was not welcoming; it was matter-of-fact. Exactly why Reyson was asking him and not the other option, that long-winded (pun not intended) court jester of a beorc.

"I have forgiven Naesala for selling me, as completely insane as that sounds," Reyson continued, "but this I cannot stand for. I would deal with him myself but I am fully aware that my physical and battle prowess leave something to be desired. That… crow… is pursuing my sister. Courting her."

Soren blinked. "Naesala is courting Leanne? Well, it could be worse. It could be Tibarn."

Reyson's eye twitched at the idea. "Yes. That would be worse."

"I imagine he'd break her half."

"The bruises alone-" He cut himself off. He'd said too much.

Soren actually smirked, albeit it was nothing compared to the smirks Reyson usually saw. "Thought so. Just wanted to confirm."

Reyson's ears reddened. "You could have asked."

"And would you have been honest with a beorc?"

He shook his head. "You're right. Just like if I asked, you would deny a similar relationship with Ike."

Soren finally closed his book. "Not to you, given heron mind-reading. There would be no point in lying."

Reyson gruffly sat down, feathers ruffled. There was something he wanted to know now, no matter how embarrassing it was. "Is he good?"

Soren turned bright red.

Reyson realized he'd have to elaborate. "Your and my situations are very similar," he explained, his own face heating up. "Given the statures of ourselves versus our respective mates."

Soren found the cover of his book to be the most fascinating thing he'd ever seen. "It's a work in progress."

Reyson was getting fed up with the awkwardness, so he just said it. "Tibarn is so graceful in the air it's impossible to truly comprehend what a boor he is in bed."

Soren let out a sigh, giving up as well. "Ike is the exact opposite, and I don't mean that entirely positively. He seems to believe I'm made of glass."

"Tibarn only believes that of me on the battlefield. If I could get half that consideration in the bedroom…"

"I wish that Ike would realize that having sex and fucking, as opposed to making love, do not mean he loves me less. Yes our encounters are pleasing and meaningful, but sometimes a quick fuck before a meeting would be rather nice."

"My hips are covered in handprint-shaped bruises. I have half a mind to tie him up and never let him top again."

Soren winced in sympathy. "I wouldn't blame you. Unfortunately I bruise no matter how gentle Ike is, which prompts him to be more gentle, so basically he might as well not even be touching me."

Reyson sighed, wings drooping. "Perhaps we should talk to each other's counterpart?"

"Or make them talk to each other," Soren suggested, finding it hard (pun not intended) to imagine himself giving Tibarn sex advice.

"A double date," Reyson said curtly.

"You're insane."

"And desperate."

"Fair enough. Agreed."

Ike was beaming in pride that Soren was consenting to a double date with two laguz. That's why he agreed to go, why he paid for everyone to eat (although Soren and Reyson were cheap, thankfully, because he and Tibarn were decidedly not) and why his smile didn't fade until midway through the meal when Soren and Reyson began to talk while he and Tibarn continued to stuff their faces.

"You're bruised and sitting uncomfortably. Would you like a vulnerary?"

"Oh, no thank you, these aren't battle wounds, there are 'overeager oaf in bed' wounds."

Tibarn choked.

"Oh? Perhaps Tibarn would consent to giving out some advice?"

"Mrph?" asked Ike.

"Ike is a perfectly acceptable lover but needs to learn a bit about being forceful," Soren continued airily, "While it sounds like Tibarn needs to learn gentleness."

"Essentially Ike needs to learn to fuck while Tibarn needs to learn proper lovemaking."

Ike died on the inside. From the expression on his face, so did Tibarn. In fact he was still choking so it wasn't out of the question that he was dying on the outside too.

"Oh," said Ike finally. "Uh. Sorry."

"It's nothing to be sorry about," Reyson informed him, "At least you're somewhat considerate. If you wouldn't mind telling Tibarn about the merits of consideration, I would appreciate it."

Ike hazarded a look at the choking hawk king, worried about getting his face ripped off. "Is he going to be okay?" he asked, referring to the fact that Tibarn was turning an interesting shade of blue.

"Not if he doesn't shape up, he's not," Reyson replied darkly.

Tibarn finally beat on his own chest and the piece of meat flew back out onto the place. He swore, taking deep breaths. "I'm great in bed, Reyson, you don't know what you're talking about, and you two-" he gestured to Ike and Soren, "you're rutting?"

"Yes we are, and no you're not," Soren replied curtly. "Ike, tell him."

Ike stared at the table. "When you take it slow and make him feel special it makes you feel special too and it's special and can I go home now?"

Reyson glared at Tibarn. "Now you, give him advice and promise you're going to listen to him."

"But-"

"Do it or you will never mate again. With anyone."

Tibarn paled and cleared his throat gruffly before muttering, "Rutting for rutting's sake is more fun, and manly. And I second going home. Goddess, you two should never be allowed to associate with each other again!"

Reyson and Soren looked at each other. "Nonsense," Soren said, dabbing at his lips with a napkin. "We still have to deal with Naesala."

"The crow king? He's with Reyson's sister. What's wrong with that?"

"Aww, that's kind of cute," Ike said quietly before noticing the Look on Reyson's face.

"What do you mean they're together? I thought he was merely making his intentions known!" Reyson stood up, very clearly pissed off.

"Right, he did, and she made hers known too." Tibarn did not seem to be too upset. "I'd rather he be with her than hit on you, really. Or me."

"He dies." Reyson stormed off.

Soren merely sighed, standing up himself. "Thank you for dinner, Ike, and you two have a nice chat. Unfortunately I've been contracted by Prince Reyson and as such need to leave too." The sage swiftly followed him out of the restaurant.

Ike and Tibarn looked at each other.

"Let's never speak of this again."

"Agreed."