Alternate title could be "Wherein Michael and Lucifer refuse to cooperate with each other and the prompt of Lucifer/Michael non-con no matter how hard I tried but I might as well post it anyway because someone else said they were going to fill it appropriately so it's not so bad, and anyway it exists and hopefully someone out there will smile if not the OP."

Heaven issued its first smart phone to Michael, because he was the Angelic Leader of Heaven among a more expansive list of titles and as such always got to try out new inventions first. He was supposed to use it to help manage his busy schedule of training the Host while still dealing with the diplomatic and bureaucratic demands of his position.

Which means that when he was at a meeting with Satan concerning the failed Armageddon, he was raptly playing Angry Birds.

Satan had once led a rebellion against God in a desperate plea for attention and was not fond of being ignored. "Put that away," he hissed. He had pulled out all of his best clothes for this meeting, to remind Michael of who he had been – his boss - but the oaf wasn't even looking at him! How dare he!

"Hang on," Michael replied, thumbs busy. A moment later he bit off a swear. "I hate these toucans," he muttered, restarting the level.

Satan's scowl deepened as he looked around the room for something, anything, to hit him with. Millennia of absolute power had made him forget how it felt to be openly defied. "We are here to discuss the Principality Aziraphael and the Knight Crawly," he said as imperiously as possible. "Their fates are in our hands now after they dared to defy our glorious plans for the end times!"

"Yep," said Michael. "Duuuude, there's a sumo bird, how awesome is that?"

Fists clenched, Satan continued, "I propose that we flay the skin off them and feed their wings to the hellhounds before wiping their memories and reprogramming them as faithful servants of Hell."

"I propose you shove it and these pigs up your arse."

"… What pigs?"

Michael beamed as his phone let out a joyful little ditty. "Finally! Three stars! I am so awesome it hurts sometimes."

Satan had had enough. "It is going to hurt," he growled before pouncing.

Caught off guard, Michael was knocked from his seat and his phone slid across the floor before colliding with the wall and breaking in half. "You'll pay for that!" the General snarled, punching his older brother in the jaw.

Their fisticuffs ended when Michael got the door open and slammed Satan's head in it until the latter lost consciousness. Bruised himself but not noticing it, Michael got up and walked over to his poor cell phone.

After it was Officially Decreed that Michael and Satan should never be in the same room and Michael got a replacement cell phone, Gabriel took it from him. So, although Satan may have been the one left unconscious in the meeting room, he got the last laugh.