OMG I'm so sorry! When I first uploaded it, it like... took out half the story. I in my dumbness did not fix it up. I'm sorry. I fail. *begs for forgiveness*

Frankly, Austria was enthused about this. "So in a way, it's like you were in love with your mother, and threatened by your father," he said brightly – well, as brightly as he was capable of managing.

America blanched. "What's that supposed to mean?"

Austria pressed on. "Assigning them stereotypical gender roles, France was as a father to you while England was as a mother. You're in love with England – oh don't start the protests, we can all see right through it – and you were always resentful of France for having a relationship with England that you never could. And factor in poor Canada as yet another competitor, one whom you decided to discount and ignore..."

America's face was frozen in a "do not want" expression.

"So you need to convince yourself that France will never emasculate you," Austria finished helpfully. "Also, acting on your feelings for your mother – we call this an Oedipal complex – will do you wonders."

"Er... I was here to talk about the fact that I'm overeating..."

Austria was beaming. "I think family therapy is the best course of action!" He pulled out a very cheap cell phone that had been painted to look more expensive.

None of the family looked comfortable. Canada was hiding in the couch cushions, England was holding a cup of tea with a death grip, America looked embarrassed to be alive and France had an eyebrow raised to the roots of his immaculate hair.

Austria had the same superior smirk on his face. "So America has something he wants to say to you two," he began, looking directly at America.

"I don't have a clue," America admitted.

Austria sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. "He is suffering from an Oedipal complex."

England and France looked at each other before gaping in understanding. "Excuse me!" England demanded. "He doesn't have a mother!"

Everyone else looked embarrassed.

"Don't you dare even imply...!" England was so enraged that he couldn't finish speaking. The teacup cracked.

No one was looking at him. "So, if I recall my complexes of amour, that means that Amerique is secretly in love with England, and he resents my relationship with him," France purred.

"It's a lust complex, not a love complex, and I am not nor ever was his MOTHER!"

"I saw you as Dad," Canada voiced awkwardly. "Well, more so than France,who was, um, more lax, andabetterchef, eh."

Austria looked like a kid on Christmas morning. "So you're saying you harbor deep love for France and fear England's wrath!" This was the first time he'd been able to really use the teachings of Freud and have it make perfect sense.

Canada looked like he was caught in the path of a speeding truck. America looked relieved that the focus was off him. France was completely in shock.

England looked smug. "I knew he was more maternal than me."

"So in order to fix your family, we need to establish that you two," Austria pointed at England and France with a pen, "are not in a relationship."

"Oh hell no," they both said in unison.

"And so now," the very proud Austrian said, "we pair you two off, and you two off, and all your problems will be fixed! At least until one of you develops a crippling sexual disorder, which is inevitable."

"This helps my eating habits how?" America asked hopelessly.

"Your total comes to 1000 euros."