I'm... not very sure where this came from. Just playing Dirge of Cerberus for the thousandth time and it hit me how ridiculous their shields are...

"Alright men," an Underground commander gained the attention of his ever attentive squad, "I'm giving some of you shields because you will be closer to the enemies. The rest of you, congratulations, you're snipers." He held up two fingers and snapped and four men came running out from behind him (why were they always running?) and began to pass out shields to men off of a sheet of paper they each held which had names on it. Unfortanately, the papers were useless due to the fact that every single one of them looked exactly the same. Well, except Amy, but that was because she was the only female but she doesn't count because she was a sniper.

"Uh, boss?"

"Yes, loyal Underground warrior?" he laced his fingers together behind his back and turned towards his men he had given the shields to.

"How do you tell any of these people apart?" The commander rolled his eyes (not that anyone could see it) and took all the papers and began handing out shields, not really knowing who he was handing shields to, but oh well.

"Okay, now that that's done, let's move on." The commander took out his own shield, not that he'd ever use it because, hey, he was a commander which meant he was practically invincible, right? Anyway, he took out his own shield and activated the blue see through guard. "Let's get some facts straight; one: these shields will protect you from bullets, two: they will not protect you from missels, any sort of materia powered attack, or beatings you take from WRO, and three: you see Vincent Valentine, you call your mommies and tell her you love her, then you fight and die a noble man. Are we clear?" His men were silent, which was odd considering about this time they all saluted and yes sir'ed him in unison.

He scanned his crowd and saw a hand raise slowly and tentavely into the air.

"Yes, soldier?"

"Yeah, um, can I just run to my mommy now?" He seemed to be shaking in fear, along with a few others. "'Cause, y'know, Vincent Valentine doesn't take prisoners. He kills... then takes whatever items we have if he has room for them. I mean, he would probably take everything if he was allowed more than just two mega potions and hi-potions." A chorus of agreements surrounded throughout the room.

The commander sighed and pretended to rub his temples.

"No, now let's move out."

In less than five minutes, an entire squad was wiped out due to Vincent Valentine's destructive power and the carelessness of the squad commander. Why did they have to die? Why couldn't they just run for their mommies?