Part 1

Emerging from the total darkness was like resurfacing in the ocean. Just when I thought I had made it, another wave would just pull me under again. When I finally clawed my to the surface, my senses returned with indecent sluggishness. Scents came first. A sharp, clean smell assaulted my nostrils and burned the inside of my nose. I tried to wrinkle my nose at how weird it smelled to me. It was almost like… antiseptic? A little like the morgue at the precinct but without the formaldehyde and smell of death. But suddenly, somewhere in the strange smell came one that was comfortingly familiar. It made me feel warm. Safe. It was an odd feeling for me.

Touch came second. The first feeling was heat. My hands were burning up. They were clamped in two larger, warmer, soft things. Hands? Who was holding my hands? Not that I was all together unhappy about it though. The contact made me feel substantiated in thinking that I was some what out of the darkness. In contrast, the rest of my body felt like it had been shoved in an ice box and since I'd almost died in one, I felt validated in making that slightly hyperbolic comparison. Farther up from my hands, a rough cloth scratched the underside of my arms. Its light weight spread from just above my waist to below my feet. A blanket? If it was, it wasn't very thick. I was freezing.

In my chest there was a certain tightness that was all together new to me. Almost like my skin was being pulled and held together. What was going on? I was so confused. My muddles brain was trying to put two and two together and was ending up with fifty nine.

Sounds came third and the first and most obvious one was rhythmic beep off to my right. There was about half a second between each chime. It bored into my ears, making it even harder to think in my muddled, confused state. When I finally got past it, more subtle, relaxed noises presented themselves to my open ears. A far off murmur of voices, the squeak of shoes on a floor, a ringing phone. But under all of the others, softest of all, was the steady sigh of breaths, to my left and right, slightly above me.

Curiosity was shooting fire across my eyelids. I had to open them, know where I was. Everything before the blackness was hazy. I remembered Roy's funeral and that sent another ache through my chest. Remembering his betrayal, didn't make his death any less painful. Not that I'd seen the actual act. I'd been pressed against a car, my face burried in Castle's neck when… Castle! Where was Castle? I was sure he'd been with me at the funeral and now? The beeps to my right sped up as my worry mounted. Calm down, Beckett. I told myself, freaking out isn't going to help anyone. Mentally I shook myself. Control the emotions. Compartmentalize. And the memory of Roy's death went into the little box with my mother's murder.

It took ages but finally, slowly, my eyelids cracked open. Everything was white. The walls, the ceiling, the… bed I was laying on? Off to the right, there was a huge machine, jumping green lines, beeps. A heart monitor. I followed the wire and found its other end sticking to my chest. I was making it beep like that. Another tube ran from a drip bag to my arm. An IV? I was in the hospital. Why the hell was I in the hospital?

My head lolled to the side and my eyes trailed down my arm from the IV in my arm to my hand. It was clutched in someone's larger, more wrinkled hand. The hand that belonged to my father. The silver band from his marriage to my mother still shone on his ring finger.

I glanced up at his face. His eyes were open and full of tears. Why was he

crying? I opened my mouth to speak but my tongue felt deadened and dry, almost too heavy to lift.

"Hey Katie." My father leaned forward and kissed my forehead before picking up a cup and placing the straw before my lips. I tried to reach up to take the cup but my arms would cooperate.

"It's fine, sweetie, I got it. Just drink." I didn't like having to have my father hold a cup while I drank from it but my arms would NOT move, so I clamped my lips around the straw and wet my tongue enough to talk.

"Dad," I rasped after I had had my fill to drink and he'd moved the cup away, "Why are you crying? What's wrong?"

My father reached up his free hand and caught the tear that was making its way down his wan, tired face.

"You've been unconscious for three days, Katie. After surgery-"

"Wait," I cut him off, thoroughly confused, "What surgery? Why am I in the hospital?"

"You don't remember?" I shook my head. I had been giving the eulogy at Roy's funeral and then… What?

"Katie, you've been shot." My mind went reeling. Shot? When? How?

"What?" I whispered.

"At the funeral. A sniper. One of the men that killed your mother. He shot you. Ryan and Esposito were after him as soon as you were in the ambulance but he was in the wind."

"I was shot? Where?"

"Your liver. It cracked two of your ribs and punctured your liver. They went in surgically and fixed it up but… It was dicey for a while. You lost so much blood." My father's voice shook and he looked away from me to hide the tears that were now streaking down his cheeks. Well that explained the tightness in my chest. It must have been the stitches.

I squeezed his fingers lightly, "But I'm fine now, Dad. I'm alive, see? I'm okay." He didn't say anything for a long time, just holding my hand again.

When he spoke again his voice was quiet, measured, but firm, "You have to stop this, Katherine."

"Stop what?"

"This case. Being a cop. You… it's going to get you killed, get your partners killed. I've already lost your mother to this. I can't burry you too."

"Dad. I can't stop. I've done so much good. And I'm so close. I can end this. For Mom, I can end this." He didn't understand, and my brain wouldn't dredge up the words to explain it to him. My heart started to race at the thought of it. I could not give up this case now. I was so close.

My father saw the affect it was having on me and instantly tried for another tactic, "Okay, sweet pea, calm down. We'll talk about this later, when you're well again."

No I didn't want to talk about it later. I had to make him understand now, "No, Dad, I-"

"Later Kate." He admonished and I fell silent, nodding. We relapsed into silence, just gazing at each other. I had almost died. I could see the effect it had had on him. His eyes were sunken, cheeks hollow, colorless. He looked like he hadn't eaten or slept in ages. How could I have put my father through so much? He'd already lost a wife to this. It was all my fault that he was hurting and miserable.

My dad looked away first, glancing around the room before settling on something to my left. He smiled at whatever it was before turning to me again.

"He hasn't left your side, you know? He has a bag here. He refuses to leave, even when the doctors try to force him." Confused, I rolled my head on the pillow, trying to see who my dad was talking about. It couldn't be Josh. Josh and I had been over for a while. Since before I left for LA. I had been planning to tell Castle about it in LA but things with us… they were so complicated and … I didn't want to make it worse. My feelings weren't important then anyway. Catching Royce's killer had been all that mattered. When we'd come back from LA I'd tried to tell him but a little voice in the back of my head kept telling me that it was a bad time, that it would just complicate things, that if I told him, I might lose one of my best friends. I couldn't fathom that. So I kept my mouth shut.

I turned to my left and sure enough, it wasn't Josh, keeping vigil at my side, hand curled around mine. It was none other than my tag along writer, Mr. Richard Castle. His fingers were clamped tightly around mine, head lolled to the side, clearly asleep. There was stubble along his jaw and it looked like the first sleep he'd had in years. I felt a sudden surge of affection for the overly excitable writer and wanted nothing more than to run my hands through his hair wake him, thank him for being there. But I didn't. Instead I turned back to my father.

"Didn't someone try to get him to go home? He looks like hell."

"Everyone tried. Esposito, Ryan, Lanie, all the doctors, his mother, me. But he refused. His daughter was on his side. She wanted to stay too, but he made her go home with his mother. Everyone's been in and out a lot, but he never left."

I tried to fight the smile that tugged at the corner of my lips but it fought through my control and it was all I could do not to beam.

"He cares about you, Katie. Don't keep him waiting too long."

"What! Dad!" I groaned, feeling a flush creep into my cheeks.

"I'm just saying. He's good for you."

I rolled my eyes at him and he dropped my hand gently, "I'm going to wake him up then go tell the nurses that you're awake."

"Wait, Dad, no, he's-" but my father was already shaking Castle's shoulders.

"Rick. Wake up, Rick," Castle jolted under my father's hand and then sat straight up, looking around wildly.

"Wah, huh? I'm up, I'm up. What's wrong? Is everything okay? Is she okay?"

"Everything's fine. Great even. Look who's up." My dad moved to the side and Castle stared at me.

"Kate." He breathed, blue eyes devouring mine, like I had… I don't know… it wasn't a look I was used to but I stared back and suddenly memories filled my head.

A gunshot. Someone screamed my name. Pain in my chest. Falling. Falling for ages, it felt like. Flump on the grass. My hat. Where did my hat go? Dew was soaking the back of my uniform. Why was I on the ground? Who was on top of me, crushing me? Why was everyone screaming? I hurt, My chest hurt so much. And then Castle was above me, his eyes the exact color of the sky, trying to find mine.

I'm Fine! I wanted to say. I wanted to sit up and hit him for knocking me down but I couldn't move. My whole body hurt. I heard someone say something about Lanie and my pulse quickened. What had happened to her? Was Lanie okay? I wanted to ask Castle but my tongue wouldn't cooperate. He was still hovering above me. One of his hands cradled the back of my head, the other stabilized against my side.

"Kate," he was whispering and he sounded terrified. His eyes were clouded over as he leaned closer. The movement caused my hand to flop off my stomach. The white gloves I'd been wearing were now streaked red. Blood. Who's blood? My blood? I'd been shot? "Shh. Kate please. Stay with me, Kate." The use of my first name startled me. It was usually "Detective," or "Beckett," but Kate? His voice shook and the pain was perceptible in each syllable. Had I caused him that much pain? His face was a mask of worry, fear, things I wasn't used to seeing on Richard Castle's face. Usually a cocky smile, the mischievous glint in his eyes when he had some crack pot, half cooked scheme, a smirk when he knew I was going to hit him for what he'd said. But this? It was completely terrifying, uncharted territory. I wanted to hug him, take away the pain I had caused.

"Don't leave me, please. Stay with me, okay?" Yes, Castle, I won't leave you. I tried to say it, I really did but I could barely breathe. Darkness was creeping into my vision and I tried to focus. Castle. Castle needed me. This … whatever it was, couldn't win. Castle needed my help.

"Kate." He stared into my eyes and I tried to focus on the blue orbs but everything was sliding away, "I love you. I love you, Kate." On his last four words the darkness closed over my eyes but I wanted to smile. Castle loves me, I thought. I slipped under before over analysis could kick in. Before I could freak out.

But, boy, now that I remembered, my heart was jumping. He'd told me he loved me. What the hell was that about? Maybe I'd talk about it later. Instead, I distracted myself with worrying about something from my new/old memories.

"Lanie. Is she okay? I remember hearing someone say something to her or about her... Is she shot too?"

"She's fine, Kate. I think it was Esposito trying to keep her down. I'm not sure. I was a little distracted by you," His hand cupped my cheek. I glanced around and saw that my dad had quietly slipped away. Damn him.

"Are you okay? Do you want some more water? Another blanket?" He was being so attentive. Any other day I would have slapped him silly for babying me. And I considered it today.

"I'm fine, Castle." I started to sit up further but it felt like a mallet slammed into my chest. Everything hurt and I suddenly remembered my dad saying something about cracked ribs.

I gasped for breath and shut my eyes, trying not to show Castle how bad I was hurting but it was hard.

"Kate. Don't move. The nurse is on her way, she'll give you more pain meds." His hand had moved from my cheek to the back of my head, easing me back against the pillows.

"No, Castle," I tried to shove his arm away but he didn't budge. I realized that our other hands were still wound together, "I don't want more pain meds. I'm cold I want another blanket. And I want my water."

"I'll get your water," he jumped up and tried to pick it up but I waved him away.

"No, I can get it."

Castle snorted, not derisively, "No, you can't. I'll get it. It's fine. You're allowed to ask for help," he sat back down, cup in hand, "I mean you were just shot," he murmured and held the straw to my lips.

"Three days ago. And that doesn't make me an invalid," I groused, but I sipped from the straw all the same. When I pulled away, Castle replaced the cup on the tray next to him. He reached back to his zip up hoodie that was thrown over his chair and placed it over me.

"No, Castle, I'm fine. I'll just ask the nurse for a blanket when she comes." But I really didn't want him to take it away. It smelled of the musty, warm cologne that he always wore and residual body heat clung to it, thawing me out.

"No take it. Your lips are turning blue. I don't want you to survive a bullet only to perish before me in hypothermic shock."

I snorted but had to turn away to hide my smile. How did he manage to get to me so quickly? As sneakily as I could, I hooked my arm under the hem of his jacket and snuggled a little further into it.

Castle resumed his seat. His hand hadn't left mine but now he gripped it tighter as

if afraid I'd slip away.

"I'm sitting in a hospital bed, Castle, I'm not going anywhere." I squeezed his fingers reassuringly. In any other circumstance I would have pulled away. Our relationship was so tentative and complex that I was sure neither of us would know how to react to it but given that he had almost taken a bullet for me (and not for lack of trying) I let it slide. It was actually comforting.

Castle laughed shakily and ran a hand through his hair, "So…" he looked around as if hoping a topic for conversation would pop out of one of the walls or be spelled out in my heart rate monitor, "What do you remember?"

For starters, I do not own Castle or any of the characters from Castle. I'm just writing for fun, clean and simple.

Alsoo this is all so far. I've never done anything of this sort before. Writing, yes, but FanFic... not so much. I've been really bored this summer and this kind of popped into my head. I'm DYING for season 4 and so... yeah. Anyway. Any advice for a new comer? Thanks. Hope you enjoy. I'll try to update soon if anyone likes it.

Thank :)

M