This is one of a few Paul and Bella ideas I had for a short story. It picks up from when Jacob phases and stops talking to Bella. Only she doesn't go confront him and I take the story away from canon from there to something new. I hope you enjoy. Please review.

I felt my heart rend into another jagged hole. I thought that they had obliterated my heart. I was wrong. I loved Jacob. Maybe not the way he wanted me to love him, but still as truly and deeply, as it is possible to love. They had torn a hole in me, the jagged edges cutting deeper all the time. Now there was a new hole, the one my best friend had punched through me. How many holes could a person live with? It felt like I was physically holding myself together at times and now it hurt just to breathe. I ran into Quil one day, he was alone now to. Both Jacob and Embry had gone to Sam. We became friends of a sort. He had a thing for Angela who was still dating Ben Chaney. I never wanted to date again. Never wanted to care about anyone, or hear the false promises of always and forever. It was all lies. Love was a lie. I was broken. There were only two people I spent any time with now, Angela and Quil, and I was as prepared as I could be for the day when they both left me to.

Charlie rarely spoke to me. He had been on my case about Jacob for a while until one day I couldn't take it and I screamed at him, how his precious Jacob was the one who didn't want anything to do with me. How he had lied and broken me. When Charlie brought up my mother, I told him if he didn't want me then he could send me to live with Renee but the moment he put me on the plane I would never be back. He never brought up Jacksonville or my mother again. I cooked our meals and did all the same things I had before but Charlie ate in the living room and that was the only time we interacted at all. The rest of the time I saw him only in passing.

Then one Saturday I had plans with Quil, I went to First Beach but he never showed. As I walked back to my truck, I saw him walking across the street with Sam and his boys. I closed my eyes and swallowed back the tears.

"Goodbye Quil." I whispered the only thing I could say. He was lost to me now. A small hole split open in my chest one that would grow a couple weeks later when I saw Quil pick Angela up from school. Sam had taken her too. She broke up with Ben and Quil would pick her up everyday. She still tried to talk to me once or twice but I knew I had lost her. I spoke to no one now, going from school to home, studying, doing housework or sitting, staring out the window into the woods. I didn't bother to pretend and Charlie could do nothing. I was eighteen.

I skipped graduation and drove out to the La Push cliffs. I sat cross-legged at the edge and looked out across the water. I don't know how I knew I wasn't alone, or how I knew it was her but I did so I spoke.

"I'm sorry." I kept my eyes on the ocean but I could almost feel her listening, "I was never worth your suffering." I sighed biting back tears, "I don't know why they protected me, a game perhaps, but if this is what you feel, if it's even close to how you feel, then I'll even be grateful to die." I swallowed the lump in my throat, "I hope you make Edward pay to. Whatever your sins are, no one deserves to feel this, to be broken like this. James should never have been taken from you." I could feel the hot trail of the tears that slipped past my eyes. "My time came and passed but you'll correct that now. You'll correct the mistake. End my suffering." I closed my eyes and waited for the pain but it never came. In the distance, I heard a howl and then I felt a wave of cold air, when I opened my eyes I could see the red of her hair moving out in the open ocean.

I wiped my tears and went home. The next morning a bouquet of white tulips was delivered for me. The note was not signed. It didn't need to be; I knew they were from. Victoria.

There is no end to suffering. Life is hard; it is my gift and my curse to you. White tulips for forgiveness, because you know my pain. So will he. I promise this to us both. Live Bella. Take the pain inside of yourself and use it to make you stronger.

I carried the flowers up to my room and put the vase on the windowsill. I sat in the rocking chair and gently rocked, staring at the flowers and the woods beyond my window. The words of her note repeated themselves in my mind. As the morning drizzle stopped and the clouds parted for an afternoon of weak sunlight. I took a deep calming breath and got up.

I packed a small duffel and took one last look around my room. I went back to the window and took one of the white flowers. In the kitchen, I grabbed a pen and the message pad.

Dad – I'm sorry for how it all turned out. Thanks for everything. I'll see you again one day. I love you – Bella.

I left the note on the table and went out to my truck. My first stop was the bank, I emptied my account, the amount was paltry but it was enough until I found a place to stop. I climbed into my truck and drove South and East. I made it all the way to Kansas before my truck gave out.

I spent three months in a town smaller than Forks, working at a cheap diner off the highway before catching a ride with a girl who worked at the one and only bar in town to New Orleans.

We found a cheap place in the French Quarter. It was a third floor walkup with two bedrooms and one bathroom with utilities included for $600 each. We found jobs together, part-time in a local bar and in a coffee shop to pay the rent. We split groceries and neither of us watched TV or particularly needed a phone so we didn't bother with cable or a landline. We just went out and got pre-paid cell phones together. We made minimum wage, which just barely covered rent and groceries each month. We lived off the tips we made at the bar and both of us worked more than fifty hours a week including doing some under the table tutoring work. Sunday was the only day and night that neither of us worked. We both slept in, Saturday was a good night at the bar, then we'd do our house cleaning, with barely 1000 square feet this took less than an hour, we'd get the weeks groceries and go for brunch before spending the afternoon wandering the markets, listening to music at a local watering hole or reading at a cheap café.

Lisa didn't ask about my life before I turned up in Kansas and I didn't ask about hers. Here in New Orleans, I was Bell Marie and she was Lisa Anne, no last names, no past, no families, we lived together and were each other's only friend. We looked out for each other but left anything below the surface well enough alone.

It was three years before anyone from my old life tracked me down. Charlie was getting remarried. I stared at the invitation for hours.

"You figuring on heading back?" Lisa sat down next to me, handing over a fresh bottle of beer.

I shrugged, "I'm not sure why he bothered tracking me down after three years."

"You're his kid."

"Your parents track you down?"

"My dad's dead and my mom remarried and got herself a new family. Left me when I was sixteen."

"Well he's getting a new family now to. Wife and two kids."

"He still sent the invite." She shrugged, "Up to you but I'll cover you at the café and you know August will let you off no problem at the bar."

"Yeah." I nodded and took another drink. She didn't ask any more questions and I didn't ask her any. We drank in silence; the heat of the Louisiana summer abating slightly as the night rose, signaling us to get our butts to work.

It was a busy night. Friday's always are. I was tired when we got back but the invitation was still sitting on our coffee table when we got back, staring at me.

Fuck it. Charlie didn't ever do anything to deserve to be ignored. He tracked me down and sent the invitation I could at least show up.

Five days later and I was on a plane to Seattle. Lisa and I had taken a bus to New Orleans and never bothered to get a car. We walked where we needed to go, so I was a little nervous getting behind the wheel of the rental car the next day. Not driving for three years will leave you a little rusty.

I stayed in Seattle the night and found my dad a wedding gift before leaving. I didn't have a whole lot of capital, I lived in second hand and vintage stores and I had no idea what they would need or want so I got them a beautiful silver engraved picture frame for their wedding photo.

I was on the road by noon. I put on a CD of old New Orleans Jazz and tried to calm my nerves. I was definitely not the same girl that had left Forks. I had no reason to be afraid. The weak and broken Bella was gone. I was Bell. Bell Marie.

Instead of an awkward, somewhat shy girl in converse and figure hiding clothes, I was a confident bitch in four inch black stilettos and black eyeliner. My clothes were a mix, some days I went with a modern twist on twenties prohibition era dresses, other times 50's pinup girl with high wasted tight pencil skirts or sweetheart dresses but deep down I was still a jeans girl. The ones I wore now were just trendier than three years ago and tighter; I stuck to skinny jeans now with a black leather jacket, multi layer necklaces and an oversized slouched bag. Each look was very different but they all seemed to work for me, it just depended on my mood. Today I was more the rock bitch and settled on my tightest dark wash jeans, a loose dark gray racer back tank and my staple stilettos and black fedora. I loved that hat.

It took just over three hours to reach my old house. It looked so empty and dark. I wondered if Charlie hadn't sold it. The note he sent with the invitation was short and indicated he had moved, so why wouldn't some new family be living in our old house? Maybe they were just out right now or out of town for the summer. Still it looked the same as when I left, just, lonely.

I shook away the thoughts and pulled out the note. Bella – If this reaches you. Please come. At least call. Let me know you are alive and ok. I live with Sue in La Push now. 1256 Eagleside Way. Phone number is the same. I had it moved out here in case you called home.

I could only imagine how hard it had been for Charlie to write that short message. He wasn't good with emotions but his pain and worry and love flooded me with each word.

I drove the still familiar route to La Push. I drove to the address; it was only a block from the Black house. It looked empty. I forced myself out of the truck and walked up to the door. No one answered so I sat on the front stoop and pulled my iPod out of my purse and sang softly to the music. It wasn't long before I felt eyes on me and looked up.

Fuck. I hadn't been here ten minutes and already I was faced with Sam and his boys. I knew I should have stayed home and just sent money.

"Bella." I saw Sam's mouth move. I didn't bother to turn down the music or stand up. I just stared at him.

The guy with him was one I didn't recognize. "I'm Seth. Sue's son." He introduced himself, stepping forward. Time to play nice I guess.

I stopped the music and stood up, pulling the ear buds off. "Bell, Charlie's daughter. He at work?"

Seth nodded, "He'll head over to Billy's after, my mom is already there. We're having a cookout for their night before the wedding dinner thing."

I snorted and corrected him, "Rehearsal dinner." Ok, so nice wasn't really my thing anymore. "Fine. Tell him I'm here. I'll be by in the morning before the wedding."

"You are welcome to join us for dinner." Sam spoke up again.

I rolled my eyes, great, I had the assholes permission; I shall jump for joy and kneel at his feet in submission like the rest of his lackey asshole followers. Fuck you very much. I ignored him and walked over to my rental, "Tell Charlie I'll see him in the morning."

"Please, he'll be so excited you're here and mom will want to get to know you. There will be plenty of food." Seth continued. He seemed like a sweet guy.

I was not sweet. "No." I climbed in and slammed the car door. They both watched me as I reversed and drove out of La Push. I had no desire to stay in Forks either, so I drove out to Port Angeles and got a room. I dumped my small bag in the room and headed out to find a bar. I needed a fucking drink. I was angrier than I had been in a long time. Just being in the area made me seethe with hatred and anger, for the Cullen's, for Jacob, for Quil and Angela and especially for Sam. The fucker should have just let me die in the woods. Victoria should have fucking killed me. I didn't want to die or anything so melodramatic, I just knew my time had come and gone more than once but I was still here kicking it. Living the curse and gift of existence. Victoria was right, suffering doesn't end, it just becomes part of us, makes us stronger.