Title: The Life of Vala Mal Doran

Summary: An autobiography of sorts ranging from Vala's childhood to Unending and beyond. DV eventually.

Rating: T (for the most part)

Disclaimer: I don't own Stargate.

Chapter 31: Heartbreak (Episode Tag to Unending)

Days went by, and Daniel and I began to discuss names for our baby. If it was a girl, I wanted to name her Mera, after my mother. Daniel was okay with that, but we couldn't quite agree on a boy name.

I was both excited and nervous about becoming a mother (for real this time). I kept imagining a little boy or girl with my Daniel's brilliant blue eyes and my dark hair. I imagined holding the baby and caring for it, and it made me intensely happy.

However, happiness doesn't seem to like to hang around me for very long. One night, I awoke in bed feeling a warm, wet sensation under me. Thinking that my over-active bladder had failed me, I swiftly got up and switched on the lamp.

"Vala! What are you doing?" Daniel woke up and immediately threw himself back under our warm blanket.

I ignored him and wrenched the covers back. I expected to see a large stain, and I did, but I didn't expect for the stain to be dark red.

I gasped loudly and looked down at my legs. Crimson red blood had seeped down my thighs and stained my nightgown. I instantly felt weak with dread and sank to the floor.

"Daniel!"

He was up and by my side in an instant. "Vala! What happened? Are you okay?"

By that time, I was crying loudly. I had a feeling that my baby, our baby was gone. "The baby..."

Daniel's eyes flickered down to my nightgown. "We need to get you to the infirmary right away."

He carried me there and then went to get Sam, who later confirmed my greatest fear. Daniel and I had lost our baby. The sense of loss that I felt was so intense that I couldn't handle it. I slept in the infirmary for two days straight, only awakening to use the bathroom or when I was forced to eat.

I had wanted to have that little piece of me and Daniel so much. A child that showed the universe that Daniel and I loved each other. But then it was gone, ripped from me like so many other joys in my life.

Eventually, Daniel forced me to go back to living my life. I still cried often, and he would always hold me and comfort me. He would tell me that we could try again once we were off of the Odyssey and back home.

I knew that he was trying his best, but it wasn't working.

"I just can't have anything good in my life can I?"

Daniel stared at me with hard eyes. "Am I not a good thing?"

I glared back at him. "Do you know how hard it is for me to even look at you right now? To look at the man that I love and feel as if I failed him?"

He took me into his arms and held me against him as tears flowed from my eyes and dampened his shirt.

"You haven't failed me, it wasn't your fault."

I choked back a sob and pulled away from him. "Yes it is! My body obviously couldn't handle carrying a child! I should have taken more precautions..."

Daniel went to embrace me again, but I turned away from him. "Don't...don't touch me, I don't want your pity."

"My pity? You act as if I didn't lose a child as well! Like the baby was yours and yours alone!"

I inhaled sharply. He was right, I was acting like I was the only one who was hurting. My shoulders slumped and I fell to the floor. "I'm sorry Daniel. I am used to being so strong, so invincible, that I can't handle it when something threatens to undo me."

Daniel joined me on the floor and held me to him. I inhaled his scent and buried my face into his chest.

I don't know how long we sat there, embracing each other, but I do know that with Daniel by my side, that I would eventually be okay again.

Day by day went by, and I began to lift myself out of my sorrow. It was difficult, but I went back to my life on board the Odyssey, trying to help Sam figure out a way to get us out of our mess.

I figured that the sooner we got home, the sooner Daniel and I could be married and start a real life together. Maybe someday we could try for another baby, but I didn't think I would be ready for that for a long time.

I kept myself busy, but the days on the ship seemed to drag on forever. I just wanted to go home, my home on Earth.

Years and years went by, and Sam was no closer to finding a solution that would safely bring us back home.

Everyone was becoming weary and angry. Mitchell started destroying his quarters and going a bit insane, Muscles was rarely seen outside of the sparring room, Landry was becoming old and feeble, Sam was starting to give up, Daniel spent most of the day in the Asgard knowledge base, and I tried not to follow Mitchell into insanity.

I think the only good thing in my life at that point was my Daniel. Amazingly enough, we were still together. We still held each other at night and loved each other with as much passion as possible. He made me feel like life was worth living, even at our darkest moments.

End of Chapter 31. Sorry for the angsty sadness! If you want to read a happier fic, head over to my account on AO3 to read my newest fic, Kansas is for Lovers. (I can't post it on here because it is too mature.)

Go to archiveofourown . org / works / 303542