It's so easy to get lost in constantly having to present
whatever face you believe a person wants to see (rather than your own)

Yet we hesitate to surrender all of our insecurities

-A Letter from Janelle Acoustic - Chiodos

Chapter eight

Gil yawned loudly, carrying a pillow under his arm

"Where do you want me to sleep, birdie?"

Matt looked over at him from the sink where he was cleaning their dinner dishes, realization spreading over his face.

"O-oh...oh, maple!" he exclaimed, tearing off yellow rubber gloves and dashing past a slowly reacting German.

Today, broken seventeen year old Gilbert Beilschmidt came to stay with broken seventeen year old Matthew Williams after an inexplicable meeting on a particularly traumatic evening. The two had come by a miserable series of events to the stiff cotton sheets of hospital beds. From the gloom hope feebly shone, sparks from their paths crossing directly feeding the glow. Even though neither of their minds reflected perfect "normality", Matt felt more normal around Gil than he often did alone.

Once they had entered the house earlier that night, the Canadian didn't really know what to do or say. He was being made even more tongue-tied by Gilbert, who every time he looked, was smiling at him like an idiot. It was curious that the albino had such an air of cheerfulness and endless energy considering the truth. That energy was impossible to ignore. Matthew felt it was kind of like when you drink cocoa too soon after you make it – it hurt a little bit, but the warmth was reward enough.

Matt mentally face-palmed at himself for making such a cheesy comparison. To be less vague, he meant that it was painful to watch his friend cling to a facade while finding himself unable to even pretend, but the company was worth small sacrifices.

Clothes were flung this way and that as the Canadian desperately attempted to make the guest room at least somewhat liveable. The reason for its state of disorder was because of a certain blonde, blue eyed, natural disaster named Alfred. The guest room was actually his brother's old bedroom which Matthew hadn't yet gotten around to converting. He supposed that once he cleared the floor, made the bed, dusted, vacuumed, and washed the windows it would be alright for Gilbert to claim it as his own. Actually, that sounded like a lot of work...

"Damn it Al, why couldn't you have just taken all your stuff?" He whined, pulling a face as he tossed a pair of boxers into a hamper.

"Need any help?"

Matt turned to see Gilbert leaning against the door frame, hands buried in his pockets.

"Eh? N-no, that's alright, I've got it!" He said hurriedly. It wasn't that he didn't want any assistance, he was just nervous that the albino might find something embarrassing of Al's. God knows that could be any number of things...he had certainly seen some pretty bad stuff in there before. Gil took a few steps inside the room, looking around as he went.

"Jeez, bomb go off in here?" He laughed loudly. "Don't worry, the awesome me will get it cleaned up in no time!" he boasted as he held up an old sweater (Though he dangled it between his forefinger and thumb at arm's length).

Matt tugged at the hem of his flannel shirt anxiously.
Gilbert tossed the clothing aside, where it landed on a dresser (He was quite the help) and began striding around the room, past Matthew, taking in his surroundings.

"Pleasedon'tfindanythingweird, pleasedon'tfindanythingweird, pleasedon'tfindanythingweird" Chanted the voice in his head.

Right on cue, a low whistle sounded a few feet away.

Matt spun round. The Prussian held a sketchy looking magazine in his hand, appearing thoroughly amused as he flipped through.

"Quite the collection you've got here," he grinned, holding up the magazine, revealing a cover bearing multiple half naked men, some wearing things like handcuffs and blindfolds. "My bruder would be proud!"

Matt made a weird sort of squeaking noise and blushed before lunging for it.

"Th-that's not mine, I swear!"

"Oh?" Gil dodged Matthew effortlessly "Then whose is it?"

The boy sounded far too entertained.

"It's my b-brother's, honestly!" He cried as he chased Gilbert and the book.

Why, Alfred- Why couldn't he have just taken that crap with him rather than leaving a nice little surprise for poor Matthew? Gil danced around, waving it above his head.

"Kesesese, did you know he was into this type of stuff?"

Matt felt like his cheeks would burn off, he was so embarrassed. Why was he? It wasn't his dirty magazine!

"Please Gilbert, give it back!"

The albino's back hit the wall and Matthew cornered him, gripping the front of his sweater. His friend's laughter faded as he gazed down at the shorter boy. He was flushed red, his expression pitiful.

Gil bopped him on the head with the magazine, then removed Matt's fingers from his sweater before closing them over the pages.

"Just don't let me catch you reading that." He winked.

The Canadian grumbled a bit. It was only once he felt the other's warm breath on his forehead that he realized how close they were. He wasn't used to this kind of contact. At all. Never had he been the one who was showered with affection and attention; that was Al. Alfred's mere presence demanded that all eyes remain on him, and he relished in it. Matt was the complete opposite. He was practically transparent, he grew anxious under people's stares, though he rarely got any. If the world was a play, Alfred would be in the spotlights, and Matthew would be backstage.

Suddenly his feet were off the ground as Gilbert lifted him by the waist, spinning him around so he could get past. He smiled brightly at him and gave a little Eskimo kiss before putting him back down. No reaction came from Matt – he didn't really know what had just happened. So when the teen marched out of the room, calling "See ya later, birdie!" over his shoulder, he just waved meekly.

-MW-

Hours later, Matthew wiped the sweat off his brow. Finally, the space was spotless. No thanks to Gilbert, of course, but he didn't really mind. It was dark out by now, and as he recalled, the German had been tired even before he started cleaning. Hopefully he had just crashed on the couch. His stomach felt like it was tumbling around inside of him. He felt slightly uneasy, like this was all a mistake. Soon he would stop second-guessing his choices, but right now he was just a bundle of anxiety. When he was a kid and woke up in the darkest of the night, his papa would heat up some milk and lie with him until he calmed and drifted off once again. Even if papa wasn't there to recreate most of that, he decided to head to the kitchen for something warm. Matt gave a final glance around the room, then gently closed the door behind him.

Much to his annoyance, the floorboards loudly creaked as he trod upon them. Everything here was creaky and old (not surprisingly though, since the estate came to be way back in 1867). The interior was still very reminiscent of the Victorian era, with dark, rich woods and heavy red velvet furnishings.
As he drew nearer, Matthew noticed a light on at the end of the hall. So, Gilbert was still up, huh? And eating, too.
Just like Alfred. He chuckled, but his heart felt weighted. Matt thought those two were a lot alike.

Peering into the room, he saw no movement. Slowly he crept in, and then opened the fried door. The cooling unit shut off, ending the soft whirring noise.

"Nn – Birdie?"

Matt spun around, nearly dropping the pitcher of milk to the ground.

"Sh-sheesh, you startled me." He sighed, body relaxing.

Gil sat hunched over at the table, rubbing his eyes sleepily, apparently just having woken up.

"What were you doing, Gilbert?"

The boy buried his head in his makeshift arm-pillow as he must have been doing before, judging by the eyelids that fluttered, fighting to stay closed, the hoarse voice, and every other obvious clue.

"I was waiting for you - hoping t'say goodnight." He said, words muffled.

Matt blinked. He had been waiting all that time in the cold kitchen just for him?

"You could have just come upstairs and told me, you know."

"Didn't wan' to interrupt you."

A gentle smiled graced the Canadian's face before he set the milk down on the counter, no longer caring about it.

"Come on," he reached out a hand. "I finished cleaning."

A groan came from the exhausted boy, who took Matthew's support and slowly stood up, body drooping. Gil leaned heavily against him, eyes closed. The smaller boy awkwardly went about where to touch him, making small advances and retracting them. Hesitantly, he slipped an arm around his waist and the other teen automatically placed his own over Matt's shoulders.

They silently made their way to the floor above. At the top of the stairwell was a large square space, with two doors on each side, save for the one the top stair didn't face. That wall held a large window seat with elegant pillows and cushions, deep crimson curtains hung beautifully above. Matthew and Gilbert's room's were side by side – Matt's farther from the window

The two stopped in front of their respective doors. Gil was the first to turn to the other, hand on the doorknob, leaning slightly out for a clearer view.

"Gute nacht, Birdie" He smiled.

Matt stared for a moment before it occurred to him Gilbert had just spoken some very simple German.

"O-Oh! Good night!"

He continued watching until he heard the squeak of the doors hinges and his friend slipped inside. He did the same on his own side, stepping into a warm, mildly cluttered space. Most would expect perfect tidiness from Matthew, but that wasn't really the case.

Proof of this was how he discarded his clothes on the carpet before redressing into pair of navy blue pajamas he picked up off of it. He smoothed out any wrinkles before padding over to his bed. Yawning, he crawled under the covers. Every day he waited for this moment. In that moment he became safe, surrounded in warmth. It was like no one could touch him. With that feeling of seclusion, not loneliness, he drifted off.

~~~MW~~~

Matthew woke to noises from beyond the wall. Shaking breaths and strangled whines so faint he could barely hear them. His awakening mind slowly connected his body with his surroundings, putting all pieces together.

Piece one- He was lying in his bed.
Piece two- It was still dark.
Piece three- Something was happening next door.
Piece four- Gilbert.

Matt sat up, rubbing his eyes. He wondered if going over there was the right thing to do. The lines between the best and worst actions are always blurry, especially since no two people are alike, meaning no matter what you do, not everyone will be happy. Going with his gut feeling, he slid out of the bed, feet touching the cold hardwood floor. He walked cautiously, only placing weight on his toes. The door whined as it opened- he shushed it and continued on. The noise he heard earlier was louder now, by the entrance of the room. He rapped on the door softly twice, then gently opened it, peering inside.
Gilbert sat hunched up with his back against the bed, face hidden behind his knees. His fingers were laced through his hair, and in all honesty, he looked a complete mess. His whole body racked with sobs and those horrid gasps you get only when you cry a great deal. Matt was taken aback, and stood unmoving in surprise for a moment before taking a few tentative steps forward. He kneeled next to the Prussian, reaching out diffidently to touch his shoulder.

"Gil?"

He gave a start at the call of his name and the sudden contact. Promptly, he looked up and dragged his shirt sleeves across his cheeks, trying to dry away any tears.

"Oh, birdie – what's up?" he beamed, though his face was splotchy and Matthew had seen enough not to be fooled.

When he received only a knowing gaze instead of a response, he broke down again, like he had given up. Despite having complete awareness of Gilbert's instability, Matt couldn't help feeling a little shocked. Everything had been so well hidden that seeing him like this was like looking through a keyhole. Just a small glimpse in, but it reveals all.

Matthew crawled over in front of Gil, hugging his knees and resting his chin on them, a very similar position to the paler teen. He waited, not wanting to rush him into talking. It would be better not to ask too many questions, and just let everything unfold. There they remained - in that silence as a wall clocked ticked in the corner, but only for a minute or two, then Gilbert spoke.

"What's wrong with me, Mattie?" He asked wistfully.

"There's nothing wrong with you-I think that you're great."

"...Then why have I been treated like dirt?" Gilbert's eyes were fixated on ground in front of him. You could tell by looking at them that a million thoughts were running through his mind. Matt waited a few seconds to see if he would elaborate, but he didn't, prompting Matthew to ask more questions.

"What do you mean? By who?"

Gil glanced up at him, then back down at the rug.

"My family...my peers...everyone, I guess." He sighed. "I spent my whole childhood being abused. At first it wasn't so bad –only a few insults here and there- but it just got worse. No matter what I did my parents were always angry. By the time I was eleven or twelve I could barely go a day without getting hit... I couldn't escape at school, either. Kids are evil little bastards; they can sense weakness, I swear." He chuckled despite himself. "They hated me there too. Eventually I just learned to distance myself from them, but it's not like I could do anything at home. My little brother was safe though, at least. Our parents really adore him. Maybe it's because I ruined their young lives or something that they only want me dead."

It was out. His story was darker than he had expected, but it fell into place.

"I'm sure they don't want you dead...I don't..."

"I do." Gilbert burst out.

Matt paused, then gave him a warm, albeit awkward hug. He wasn't good with words. He wasn't good at comforting people in general, actually.

"Um...you can just wake me up if this happens again, ok?" He said, pulling away. Gil nodded solemnly.

"...I had nightmares. I'm really weak, aren't I birdie?" You could tell by his tone that his mind was already made up on the answer, and Matthew needn't really reply. But he didn't agree.

"Not at all. If anything, you're the strong one and I'm the weak one. For what you've been through..." He trailed off, not entirely sure how to finish the thought. Sure, there were, sadly, millions of kids on earth going through similar situations and just as many who had already gotten through them, but it was still amazing to him that anyone could stand that. True, Gilbert had eventually snapped, but in his place, Matthew wasn't sure he would have lasted so long.

After a moment he put on a friendly expression and stood up, brushing himself off. He had just turned to leave when Gil grabbed his wrist.

"No, wait," He pleaded. Matthew returned his gaze to the other. "Please stay here- just a little bit longer, alright?"

Now he couldn't help but smile.

"Of course." He said, sitting back down against the bed next to the other.

Gilbert rested his head on the violet-eyed blonde's shoulder, soft silver hair tickling his neck.

"Thanks."

Gilbert rested his head on the violet-eyed blonde's shoulder, soft silver hair tickling his neck. Again the quiet, rhythmic "click" of the second hand moving through the minutes was left to keep them company as Gil's breathing grew slower and he drifted off to sleep.

Hetalia & it's characters belong to Hidekaz Himaruya

Yes, I'm a horrible person. :C It's been a long time since my last update, but I WILL get this fic done. I'm not going to abandon it. I hope the length of this chapter makes up for it, since it's double what I normally write. There was supposed to be a whole other day in it, but that could easily be another 1,500 words, and then it would be out it fucking June or something.
The delay for this chapter was partly because: RP, Reddit, Skyrim, and the fact that I think I have a "willingness to write" gauge that is depleting.
At first my goal was Dec 19, the day before my birthday (I was going to persuade you guys to review as a present), then Dec. 20 (same), then Christmas (as a gift to you guys), then new year's eve (to start off 2012 on a good note), new year's (ditto), yesterday (because so many of you started school) and finally I got it done today.

Please review. It makes me want to write more, really.
Also, if anyone has any ideas,requests, suggestions, etc. for the story, I would love to hear them!