I was sitting up on my bed, snuggling with my cats, when this random fic inserted itself into my brain. It was brilliant and I knew I had to write it. So here it is in all it's glory! And believe me, there is lots of glory.

Terror Comes in Small Packages

Summary: Something horrible and feathered "attacks" Sideswipe and Jade comes up with a not-so-witty plan to save him.

DISCLAIMER: I don't own Transformers; Hasbro does. However, Jade's mine. No touchy.

The hill that overlooked the peaceful town of Tranquility was alight with midday sun that was unobstructed by clouds. The cooling autumn air was freshened by the crisp scent of green leaves and day-old rain that formed droplets on the grass.

"Thanks, Mom," commented a blue-eyed brunette as she removed herself from her mom's red Ford Focus and shut the door.

"Next time, have Sides come pick you up. You know I like to relax after work and not have to worry about driving you anywhere," Ms. Bryant said through the opened passenger window.

Jade rolled her eyes so her mother couldn't see. "I told you I'd drive up here myself. You didn't have to come."

"The last time you borrowed my car, you left it at the grocery store parking lot and forgot about it after Sam picked you up with Bumblebee. Or did that little incident slip your mind?" Ms. Bryant was smiling now.

Lifting her dark brows, Jadeance attempted to justify the situation. "I remembered it later that night!"

Her mother laughed. "Whatever. I'm not letting it happen again."

Jade sighed. "Fine. I'll see you tonight, Mom. Love ya."

"Love you, too. Tell him I said hi," she added hesitantly, nodding towards the rather still-looking Autobot on the hill. She drove off then and disappeared down the unpaved road, kicking up a plume of dirt and dust in the Focus's wake.

Shaking her head, Jade hurried over to Sideswipe, who appeared to be on edge. His shoulders were tense and Jade could tell something was wrong. "Swipe?" she asked as she circled the silver 'bot. "Hey, what's wrong?"

The transformed Corvette had the look of horror and nervousness written all over his metal face.

"Whoa, what happened? Swipe?"

Cerulean eyes gazed down at the human slowly. Barely moving a single gear, Sideswipe responded in a whisper, "It's on my battery block."

Jade frowned. "Battery block? What's on it?" What the hell was a battery block? She wondered.

"It came from the sky." Another quiet, terrified mutter.

"I don't know what you're-" The teen went silent when a muffled fluttering sound entered her ears. She listened hard as she slowly approached the giant mech. "Is that what I think it is?" Jade asked with a confused expression.

"If you're thinking that it's a feathered terror, then yes. Yes it is."

Suddenly, Jade burst into laughter. She couldn't stop and it took her over like some hilarious humor virus. Sadly, it wasn't contagious because Sideswipe wasn't joining in. After a few uncontrolled moments, Jade regained her composure. "There's a bird on your battery block, whatever that is?" A giggled escaped her lips at the sound of her ridiculous question, but she silenced it before it could grow into more hysterical laughter.

Sideswipe just nodded.

"Well, get it out. How hard could that be?"

"I've already tried to. It simply flew around and landed on something more critical."

"Your battery block?"

Another nod.

"What's a battery block?" It wasn't only a question of curiosity, but it would also give her insight on how dangerous the situation could actually be.

"It's an internal unit that supplies energy to all of my electrical components and circuitry. If it gets damaged, then I may loose valuable functions."

Jade wondered what kinds of parts could be harmed and suddenly, the situation really was dangerous. She heard another fluttering coming from near Sideswipe's chassis and began brainstorming and spewing out ideas. "Did you tap really loud by where it is?"

"Yes."

"Did you try shaking it out."

"Uh-huh."

"What about just grabbing it?"

"Yep, tried it, but my hands won't fit inside that compartment." The Autobot's voice was losing his anxiety now that he was talking to his human companion, but he was still nervous. "I'd probably crush the winged beast anyway."

It was Jade's turn to nod. "That's true. Maybe we should call Ratchet, you know, before it tries getting to your Spark."

"No!" yelled Sideswipe, trying his damndest not to move and scare the bird into more sensitive areas, like his Sparkchamber. "I'd never hear the end of it from the old doc."

With a slight giggle, Jade continued to think, but her ideas were few. How could a bird be so difficult?

As if to prove that the bird could, in fact, be even more difficult than it already was, it fluttered its way over to Sideswipe's Sparkchamber.

He shuttered suddenly and clutched at his chest, scratching at it savagely.

Jade's eyes widened. "Shit," she said helplessly, especially once Swipe began to make several high-pitched noises. After panicking for several seconds, Jade realized that her friend wasn't crying out in pain. Rather, he was laughing hysterically.

"It tickles!" he cried through the laughter. "Primus, get the slaggin' thing out!"

Now conflicted, Jade didn't know what to do. It was obvious the bird should not be in the Sparkchamber since that was the most important place on a Transformer. But at the same time, she'd never seen Sideswipe laugh so loudly. Besides, there were so few ways for her to actually help.

Then an idea hit her and before she could think of the consequences, she shouted above Swipe's giggling, "Heat up your Spark!"

Sideswipe chuckled and asked, "What?"

Damn it, he needed to just control himself for a second. "Burn the sucker!" Jade screamed. Oh shit, she thought suddenly, but had no time to take back the suggestion.

Brilliant blue light poured out from between Sideswipe's chest plates, causing Jade to squint and turn away. But just as quickly as it appeared, the light vanished and the Autobot fell to his knees, exhausted from laughing so hard.

Jade turned to him and asked, "Is it out?" She was afraid of what her friend's answer might be. After all, she was a fan of birds.

Swipe's optics met Jade's blue eyes and he sighed gratefully. "I think so, thank Primus." A guilty frown then erased his pleasant expression as he looked out directly in front of him.

"What now?" questioned Jade, following his gaze. Her stomach churned sickeningly and her jaw went slack.

A puff of brown and white feathers was making its graceful decent toward the cool ground. The bird was nowhere in sight.

Awkwardly, Swipe said, "Yes, the bird is definitely out."

Jade glared at her guardian.

"What?" he shrugged. "It was your idea to blow it up."

"I didn't think that would actually happen!"

"Well, it was good idea anyway."

With a sigh, Jade knew he was right. After all, Sideswipe was safe and unharmed. Still, she shook her head at him. "I can't believe you blew up a sparrow."

Just a fun little one-shot that I hope that you all enjoyed reading! Now go forth and subscribe and comment because I would so very much love that!