BUT A BRIEF AND GLORIOUS ILLUSION

"Now he has departed from this strange world a little ahead of me. That signifies nothing. For us believing physicists the distinction between past, present, and future is only a stubbornly persistent illusion." – Albert Einstein

Theme 1: First Time (98 words)

The first time he sees her, he doesn't think much. Not of her red hair, not of her beautiful green eyes, not of her laugh and her smile. Just that he's happy he's found another like him, another person to confide in.

Someone who makes him feel normal.

He walks up, with his strange coat and odd hairstyle, and he tries to act like he knows what he's doing, but they both know he's clueless. They'll laugh about it later, in the future.

They have lots of first times together. First friend, first tears, first kiss, first love.

Theme 2: Similarity (84 words)

"We're the same, you and I," the boy says.

"Really?"

He says solemnly, "You've never met a wizard before, have you?" It wasn't a question.

The girl shyly looked down, avoiding his gaze. "No," she admits. "I'm scared."

The boy says, "There's nothing to be scared of, Lily! You and me, we'll be in the same House. Good friends don't get split up." He's grinning now.

The girl meets his gaze, finally. "Good friends?"

He looks back at her, into her eyes. "The greatest."

Theme 3: Difference (193 words)

"Evans, Lily!"

The red-haired girl with the green eyes walks up to the stool. Those who don't know her might interpret her walk as confident, but the boy knows better. He knows she's scared, she's nervous.

You better be in Slytherin.

God, he hopes she's in Slytherin.

The hat sits for a few seconds, and he has a horrible feeling in his belly, and then it shouts, "Gryffindor!"

The girl gives him an excited look, and he can't help but smile a miserable smile back. And in what seems like seconds, it's "Snape, Severus," and he's walking up to the stool. He sits down.

Gryffindor, Gryffindor, please, say Gryffindor.

Gryffindor? A mind like yours? You will do great things in Slytherin, my boy.

Dread washes over him, and before he knows it, "SLYTHERIN!" has been called, and he's stumbled down the steps to the table in green.

Green eyes follow him, and he looks over at the girl. She breaks the gaze and begins talking to new friends. Friends that would replace Severus.

They were too different, he realized bitterly. She was perfect, the epitome of everything that was good, courageous and beautiful and brave. And he was . . . well, he was just a boy. They were too different to be in the same House. Too different to be friends.

Theme 4: Health (157 words)

"Severus, what are you doing here? It's freezing!"

His breath is ragged, coming out in white puffs in the winter air. "I had to see you." He holds out a quill. "Here," he says quickly. "I bought you this."

She continues to stare at him. "I thought your mum wouldn't let you go to Hogsmeade."

The boy's grin fades a little. He says, "It's more like, she couldn't sign it. Too . . . oh, you know." His voice is a little hopeless.

The girl looks at him sympathetically. She does know, and she tactfully changes the subject. "And why on Earth are you here without a coat? And you do realize you could easily be caught by Professor Flitwick, don't you?"

God, he loves how she emphasizes her words. He says again, "I had to see you."

The girl is blushing now, and her beautiful smile is there again. "Well," she says slowly, "I'm glad you came."

Theme 5: Blind (95 words)

"Sev, you can't blame yourself for what happened. Things like this happen, and sometimes there's nothing you can do about it."

"If I had only been there, Lily, maybe I could have helped her. She died—my mum is dead, and I knew she was dying." He sucks in a breath of air. "It's all my fault."

She pauses, and then takes his large hand in hers. Her green eyes are troubled and empathetic. She says, "You are blind, Severus Snape. Blind a bat." Her words are teasing.

His heart is calm now, as she holds his hand, and he says, "And you, Lily Evans, are the greatest friend I could ever have."

Theme 6: The Future (93 words)

As he waits outside Gryffindor Tower, his future is bleak. His head is buried in his hands, and he refuses to acknowledge the tears spilling from his eyes.

"I don't need help from filthy little Mudbloods like you!"

Goddammit.

The portrait hole opens, and she walks out, in her ethereal beauty. He pleads with her, thoughts of the future running through his mind, the future where they grow old together and have beautiful red-haired babies together. But as she turns away sadly, and returns to the tower, he realizes that future is gone.

Theme 7: Eyes (116 words)

"Severus, my boy," says the pale, bald man. "Come join your brethren. Those who understand you."

And at the moment, the boy wants nothing more than to just be understood.

The pale man presses a finger to the boy's left forearm. And the boy is screaming, writhing around on the hard dirt, his eyes rolling into the back of his head. The pain splits his head in two, and, to keep himself sane, he latches onto the first image that comes to his mind.

Two beautiful green eyes, almond-shaped, squinting in that way she does when she's smiling.

And even as the terrible skull glows above in the sky, all he can see is her green eyes.

Theme 8: The Present (129 words)

It's their wedding day, and the man's heart is breaking. He stands in the back of the church, unseen. She's walking down the aisle, now, so beautiful in her white dress. He should be standing there, waiting for her. He should be waiting to kiss her, to marry her. To grow old together, and have red-haired babies together. That filth shouldn't be waiting. She deserves better than filth.

And suddenly, his forearm burns. He clutches it with a hiss, and slides out of the church. He Disapparates, relishing the burn of air on his skin and the way his lungs are constricted. It makes it easier for him to remain stoic.

He's in a graveyard now, staring at the pale bald man. "Severus," he says, with arms wide open. "Welcome home."

And it takes all he has not to cry.

Theme 9: Something/Someone Missing (181 words)

Something was missing.

On Halloween Eve, Severus knew part of himself was missing, and he knew exactly what that part was. He was walking down Godric's Hallow, in the crisp October air, dread washing over him.

He stops dead. It's a smoldering wreck. The house is burning, and the rubble has been blown out to the street. A giant of a man—no doubt Hagrid—is standing in the middle of the house, cradling something that looked like a bundle of blankets. No doubt it's the demon spawn of that filth.

And then, the magnitude of what is happening hits the man, and he crumples onto the street. He pulls himself to the wreckage, bile rising in his throat. A man is laying there—the filth. He's small in death.

But if the filth is dead . . . that must mean . . .

He looks over and sees the red hair, the almond shaped eyes, the beautiful mouth, and the green eyes opened wide in shock. Cold, and stiff.

NO!

Tears pour down his face, and in a loud crack, he's gone.

Theme 10: Memory (229 words)

"Good friends don't get split up."

"Good friends?"

"The greatest."

Memories are rushing through his head at the speed of light as he cries, "You promised to keep her safe!"

"I had to see you."

"Well, I'm glad you came."

His voice is choked, and his head is going to split in two, because the woman he loves is gone from the world, and he's all alone, all alone to face the future alone. No more growing old together, no more red-haired babies. No more love, no more hope. No more future.

"You, Severus Snape, are as blind as a bat."

"And you, Lily Evans, are the greatest friend I could ever have."

"You do know what you can do, don't you, Severus?"

Her eyes, green and almond-shaped. Stretched wide in surprise, or squinted in concentration. Full of love, and caring.

"What good can I do now?" He's sobbing now, his vision fading. "She's gone, and it's all because of me. All because of me."

Sev, you can't blame yourself for what happened. Things like this happen, and sometimes there's nothing you can do about it.

The man with the twinkling eyes and the half-moon spectacles looks at him severely and says, "So don't do her memory a disservice. Fight back against the Dark, Severus! Conquer it within yourself, and she would be proud of you!"

Good friends don't get split up.

Theme 11: Unexpected (168 words)

It's unexpected when he sees a little boy standing in line, waiting to be Sorted, with a head of messy black hair and round glasses.

But it's even more unexpected when the man looks at the boy and sees two pairs of almond-shaped, green eyes staring back at him.

It's also unexpected when he comes across the werewolf and the dog with the demon spawn, in the Shrieking Shack.

But it's even more unexpected that the boy believes them, those who betrayed his parents to the Dark Lord, those who took his mother away from him. And the man thought he and the demon spawn could see eye-to-eye on something, because those two sons of bitches had taken the woman they both loved away from them.

It's also unexpected when the demon spawn has his head stuck in his Pensieve, looking at his worst memory.

But it's even more unexpected when the Potions Master, as he looks into the demon spawn's mind, realizes that the boy is ashamed.

Theme 12: The Past (203 words)

He sits in the Headmaster's office, staring into his Pensieve. His thoughts are swirling around in the basin, silvery. He can't bear to dip his head in, can't bear to think of her anymore, so he pulls his memories away and relinquishes his past into the Darkness.

Are the past and the future really that different? He had once believed that his future held growing old with a red-haired woman and having red-haired babies with her, where she walks down the aisle in a white dress and he waits for her at the end of the aisle, but that was his past now, a past that never happened. And the present stretches forever in front of him.

Of all the deaths he's responsible for, Dumbledore, his mother, countless Muggles . . . nothing hurts more than that red-haired woman. The one he loved—no, loves. He will never stop loving her, not even on the day he dies, for she'll be waiting for him. And the horrible past, his mistakes, maybe they won't matter to her.

He looks to the future now, a future of bringing down the Dark Lord and living long, teaching Potions—alone. And the past seems awfully far away.

Theme 13: Dreams/Nightmares (192 words)

Is this a dream, or a nightmare?

The boy with the same almond-shaped green eyes is holding him as he dies, scooping up the memories that seep from him like tears. He looks like the filth, he is his demon spawn—but oh, those eyes. If he could just see those eyes once more . . .

He reaches up and grabs the demon spawn's collar. "Look . . . at me," he gurgles. The green eyes lock onto his black ones, just like so many of his dreams.

The pain in his stomach is too much to bear now, and he's remembering his words (Good friends don't get split up), and he knows that they won't be apart, not for much longer. And his memories converge and he can't tell the difference between the past, the present, and the future. Time is but a brief and glorious illusion, he realizes, as he succumbs to the pain and the green, green eyes.

And he slides into the dream of the Darkness within, floating behind the Veil, sinking into the arms of the girl with the red hair and the almond-shaped green eyes, his greatest friend.

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