If Only He Knew

This is meant to be a little bit sad.

SS19

If Only He Knew

Poppy Pomfrey sees a side of Severus Snape that no one else would ever see.

Albus will not remember in the morning, and Poppy Pomfrey thinks that is the saddest thought of all. She stands in the doorway to the private room, a silent observer of the scene before her. Two men, their destinies and futures entwined by fate and the shadows of their past, one conscious, the other not. She knows she is intruding, but the watcher has not sent her away just yet, and she cannot tear herself from the scene either. It is so very tender and intimate - and out of character for he who remains conscious.

She watches as Severus Snape continues to sit by the unconscious Albus, monitoring him as the older wizard sleeps. Every five minutes, rigid to that very interval, he checks the wound on Albus' side, ensuring the dressing is still clean, pressing his cold fingers to the exposed skin to feel its temperature and to check that the fever is dying down. He is hunched in the armchair, and she imagines his neck and shoulders must be aching, yet he does not move from Albus' side. He stays where he feels safest - and she understands that. After all, he could not lose Albus - not for any reason - especially not what he has deemed dark magic. He leans over Albus and carefully replaces part of the grey hair back behind his ear, stopping it irritating the older wizard's eyes as he dreams. Severus is sure he is dreaming - Poppy wonders if it is just a deep sleep, a healing sleep, verging on true unconsciousness - but maybe it help Severus to think the older man is simply that. Sleeping.

She knows she should not be here. She should leave them.

"Albus. I'm still here. The sleep is good. It will help." His voice is soft, softer than she has ever imagined it could be - any harshness has disappeared, the way he whispers the Headmaster's name, the gentle affection that underlies every syllable. She sees the way he shifts position in the chair, leaning closer, and she wonders if he is listening to Albus' breathing. He has clearly noticed something amiss, because his movements become less fluid - he draws his wand, conjures a bowl and a small towel, and places it on the table next to him. Soaking the material in the water, he dabs it across a warm forehead, careful and considerate. Poppy sees Albus shift position slightly, reacting to Severus - but he will never know who has sat beside him, because he will not remember in the morning. It is sad. It is.

When he has finished, he interlinks their hands together. Fingers entwined, just like their fates, and that seems to reassure Severus. Poppy does not know if he is aware of her presence - a part of her hopes so, so he knows that his loyalties and his affections have been noticed, but at the same time she hopes not, so he does not feel compromised, his own private story exposed for her to see. One hand is tracing an absent-minded pattern on Albus' hand as Severus half smiles, "You'll be fine, Headmaster. I know it. You will recover."

He murmurs three words, and she is startled to feel tears suddenly fill her eyes at that quiet confession, and she knows she has stayed too long. Feeling as though she has corrupted the moment, she turns away and slips out of sight, leaving Severus and Albus alone.

"Severus. Severus, wake up." She shakes Severus' shoulder and he springs to life within a moment, "What is it?"

She reassures him with a smile, "Nothing. Just - it's half past two - perhaps you could think about going to your office to sleep? Albus will be fine to return to breakfast tomorrow - but I think, perhaps, you need the sleep." She is referring to the two weeks he has stayed in the Hospital Wing beside Albus, helping with potions, producing cures and tests and supporting Poppy, and never leaving the Headmaster's side, even when the nights were long. "Go to bed, Severus, you are no good to him here."

He looks at her. "I saw you, earlier." His tone is not accusing, it is simply stating a fact. "You were watching."

She pauses, and then nods, admitting that he is correct. "Someone needed to see. I will not tell a soul, you know that. But someone needed to see."

He stands, and heads for the door, one last glance back at the Headmaster. His words, his final words, are to her - "I am glad it was you."

Breakfast time. Poppy seats herself three chairs from Albus, because it is the closest she can manage. One chair is empty, but she cannot sit there, because that is for the member of staff who has yet to arrive. Albus likes him to be sat there, after all. She is keeping an eye on him - but the Headmaster seems sprightly enough, and his sleep has done him good. He is slower when walking, and she can hear that his breathing is not quite right - but that does not matter. It is a vast improvement on a week before, when he was screaming and suffering. He smiles brightly at the staff, some of whom know the truth, some of whom believe he has been away on business, and tucks into the boiled egg that has appeared before him with vigour.

Another figure, a shadow, slips into the chair two seats away from Albus. Severus replies to some of the pleasantries with a nod, looking at the dry toast and pumpkin juice, contemplating it.

"Severus, my boy!" Albus has noticed Severus' presence, and Severus' head shoots up at the sound of his name. He looks toward the Headmaster, and Poppy sees a flicker of something - is it longing, a longing for last night to be remembered? - but there is nothing from Albus besides, "How did your project turn out?"

Severus had been working on something important two weeks before. Since he has been ensconced in the Hospital Wing at Albus' side, his potion is ruined and he has not been able to work on it since, despite how much it means to him. He pauses before answering. "I miscalculated, unfortunately - one of the ingredients - I shall be starting again today."

Albus nods, only half listening, "That's a shame. Well, one has to make mistakes, to learn from them, do they not?" He refocuses his attention somewhere else.

Poppy's eyes linger on Severus. He has not yet touched his toast. He raises his eyes and meets her gaze, and she can see the pain veiled in those black irises. But he half smiles, shakes his head, and she understands. So she simply reaches across to him, pats his hand once, and he finally starts to eat his toast.

"Albus, you have made a very good recovery, I am very pleased." Poppy says softly, looking at her parchment, nodding and smiling at Albus.

The Headmaster, sat upon the bed, looks pleased with this result, "Thank you, Poppy. I assume I have you to thank - you have been invaluable, as always. I should not have been so careless." He glances toward the end of the Hospital Wing, where Severus is stacking potions into a cupboard. "Perhaps you can prescribe something for Severus - he has been particularly overprotective, these past few days."

Poppy simply shrugs, "He was worried about you - all the faculty were. I am sure they are taking it in turns to keep an incredibly careful eye on you, Albus." She turns away, busying herself. It is not her place to reveal Severus' secrets, after all.

"He also looks like he has not seen sleep for two weeks. The boy, he'll run himself ragged - him and his potions." He stands, "Thank you, Poppy. I shall go back to my office, now." He passes Severus on the way, and Severus holds out his arm for the older man to hold in case he needs it. Albus ignores it with a goodnatured comment, and the two leave the Hospital Wing.

Once again, Poppy's eyes are sparkling.

If only Albus knew.