Title: Conduct Unbecoming
Rating: Teen
Characters/Pairing: Sam/Jack
Season/Episode: Sometime after season 8
Word Count: ~500
Summary: "Okay, Carter. That's it. I'm drawing the line."
Genre:Fluff. Humor. Silliness. Also, dialogue-only fic.

A/N: Thanks to a. loquita for beta duty!

"Okay, Carter. That's it. I'm drawing the line."

"You're drawing the line?"

"Yes."

"And what line is that, exactly?"

"This line. This line right here. This line that you are not ever going to – ow, stop that – cross."

"That line, you say? That line right there?"

"Yes. That line. OW."

"How's that line thing working out for you?"

"Get back, Carter. Back. Over. The. Line."

"Wait, let me think about it for just a few – nope."

"Nope?"

"Nope."

"All those brains you've got in that brilliant head of yours, and that's what you're bringing? Nope?"

"Exactly."

"Ah. I see."

"Yes. You see."

"All right. I've figured it out."

"Have you now?"

"Yes."

"Figured out what?"

"This. This is why it never worked out for us."

"This whole line thing?"

"YES."

"Huh. And here I thought it was the 'conduct unbecoming' thing."

"Ah. Well, sure, there's that. But you're a genius, Carter. I think you could've worked out a way around that if you'd really wanted to."

"Not one that didn't end with you getting yourself killed off-world without me there to watch your back."

"Is that how it would've ended?"

"I'm very good at projecting probabilities."

"See, I always thought it was because you were worried about Teal'c. I mean, I'd've been fine without you to keep me out of trouble; Teal'c, though, that's a whole other story."

"Do you really want to be talking about Teal'c? Right now?"

"Um. Nope?"

"Nope. Because I think that any conversation about teammates, current or former, requires me to be wearing more clothes."

"No, ma'am. I draw the line at clothes."

"Wait a minute. I thought you drew the line at – oof."

"I draw the line at clothes."

"Do you really think that's going to keep me here? In case you've forgotten, you've been stuck behind a desk for over a year, General. The only thing you've been wrestling is paperwork."

"I'm still bigger than you. Hey, quit laughing, Carter."

"No. Hey, quit – Jack! Quit tickling."

"To answer your question, no. I do not think a couple of pinned hands are going to keep the inestimable and entirely too competent Colonel Carter where I want her. But I do think –"

"Oh."

"—that this –"

"God."

"—just might do the trick."

"You – oh, right, like that. Exactly like that."

"Mmm."

"You cheat."

"I do."

"Cheat all you – ah – all you want. The answer's still no."

"Hmm."

"Hey, don't stop – oh, damn. Well, that was stupid."

"You think?"

"Should have waited till you were done with the cheating before I gave the answer."

"Good to know even Colonel Carter makes mistakes."

"Argh."

"Care to rethink that answer now?"

"Jack. You can't sleep here."

"But it's my side of the bed."

"Not anymore."

"I'm telling you, this is why it never worked out for us."

"Jack."

"Sam?"

"If you want anything to work out for you ever again, get your elbow out of my stomach."

"Oh, all right."

"And scoot over. One of us has to work tomorrow. I need a decent night's sleep."

"On my side of the bed?"

"No, on my side of the bed."

"Hmm. Will you make it worth my while?"

"Don't I always?"

"Yes, ma'am."