Chapter 11
Ciel's POV:
I woke to candlelight and an almost deafening silence. I was warm, comfortable, and prone in bed. As always, upon waking, it took me a moment to remember where I was and how I'd ended up there. Ah, yes. I was in the chapel.
I was ashamed of my past behavior, but I wasn't about to admit it to anyone. I'd behaved like a spoiled child when I was told that I would not see Sebastian again. I didn't know what made me behave that way, but rage was a large part of it, I think. That, and wishing to make my captors as unhappy as I could. All of them called me 'child,' so why not act the part?
I think I shocked more than one person by suddenly going off the handle like I did. More than one person wondered if I'd been struck mad, but that elemental knew better. Before he got to me and made me lose consciousness, I'd managed to hit him with a mantel clock, a Dresden figurine, and clobber him with a cast iron frying pan. (Doing so had been enormously satisfying, I must say.)
The first time I woke in the chapel, I was surprised at my surroundings and then began to feel nervous. I remembered some of the other children talking about it and deciding that the chapel was a place I wanted to avoid, yet, here I was. Wonderful.
My bed, a large four-poster affair, was behind the rood screen and tucked into the left transept. The altar and chancel were behind me. Despite the candelabra and the host of lighted candles, the light was dim. The quiet was overwhelming. Without thinking, I jumped from bed and ran down the nave, heading for the door, but something stopped me before I'd gone halfway.
A whisper.
"Who's there?" I demanded, whirling around. "Show yourself!"
Silence.
I turned and kept running, but more whispers stopped me in my tracks. "Where are you?!" I shouted, feeling angry. I could hear them, but why on earth couldn't I see them? My mind suddenly turned to ghost stories that I'd heard and I fought down a shudder. No. No, no, no! I was not going to start believing in children's nonsense like ghosts!
I couldn't help thinking of them, though, as the whispering grew louder. The sounds of voices began to dart all over the room as I forced myself down the nave and yanked on the door. A second later I was pounding on it with my fists.
"Let me out of here!" I shouted, beating at the door. "Let me out!"
A sudden brush against my face made me jump back. Another brush made me jump back even more. I couldn't see what was touching me, but I could feel it. It felt like cobwebs…or gauze…It wasn't long before the stuff was brushing against me all up and down my body. My skin was crawling and I'd begun to shiver before I managed to get my feet turned around and running back the way I'd come. I launched myself back into the bed and, although it shames me to admit it, I hid under the covers.
I needn't have bothered with hiding, though. Once I was in bed, the whispering stopped and the creepy-crawly feeling was gone. I was relieved, and more than a little frightened. What had that been? Why couldn't I see it? Was that going to happen to me every time I got out of bed?
For the next few hours, the only times I got out of bed was when I had to use the chamber pot that I'd found tucked on the far side of the rood screen. Fortunately, those unseen presences did not bother me on what I thought of as "my" side of the rood screen. Whenever I left the bed, I tried to learn as much about my prison as I could, but it was difficult. I looked everywhere I could, but the light was dim and I was unable to see much. What I could see, though, was furniture. The area behind the rood screen had been set up as a bedroom, and there was the bed, the chamber pot, a table, and a chair. That was all. In the main part of the chapel there was a large open space where the congregation would stand. The rest of the chapel was largely covered in ancient murals and triptychs showing scenes from the Bible.
The quiet in that place was enough in itself to drive you insane. Every sound was muffled, even the ones I made, and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't speak for very long. I tried calling for someone, shouting and screaming, but after a while, the quiet got to me. The echoes of my own voice were frightening, so I stayed quiet. The dim light was just as bad as the quiet. Every time I thought I saw a shadow move, my eyes would snap to it, but there was never anything there. I took to watching the candelabra and candles to orient myself as to time and place, but each time I looked at an arrangement of candles or one of the candelabra they looked different. The candles were different lengths from what they seemed the time I observed them before, the clusters of candles differed in number, and so on.
I prayed that I was not going mad.
Several eternities later, I heard footsteps. That frightened me even more than the whispers, the changing candles, and the quiet. Did I now have a ghost here with me? Was such nonsense true after all?
"Ciel?"
Hearing a real, true voice startled me more than anything else in this place did. Even the fact that it was one I loathed didn't bother me. It was someone I knew. "Mr. Caldwell?"
He stepped to my side of the rood screen. "Hello, Ciel. How are you?"
Inexplicably, I was shaking. "I don't like this place."
"The chapel? Isn't it peaceful?" he wanted to know.
I shook my head. "I can hear things here. Plus, things move. It's too dark."
"Nothing here would hurt you."
I shuddered. So there was something in there with me! "What's here?"
"Servants of mine," Augustus answered. "Souls who have yet to find their way to where they belong. They obey me whenever I ask them to do something, and in return, they have protection against those who would consume them."
"Souls?" My voice shook. "You mean…ghosts?" I couldn't believe it. I fought not to dissolve into hysterics. They'd been there, watching me the whole time…
Mr. Caldwell sat down on the side of my bed. "Let me see your arm," he said, holding out his hands. "They tell me you were yanking at the door and banging on it. I want to be sure you didn't damage your arm."
I let him look at my arm and the whole time I was fighting to keep calm. I was in a place infested with ghosts, dead people, who had been whispering and touching me and…
"Ciel, it's all right," Mr. Caldwell said, shifting me to his lap.
"I'm not a child," I said, clutching the lapels of his coat once my arm was free.
He shook his head. "But you are. You are only a few years over a decade old. For most demons or elementals, that's hardly older than a baby. All children need to be protected. I will do all I can to protect you."
A brush against my shoulder nearly drove me through his chest. "Send them away!" He could spout all the reassurances he wanted, but I had no time for them. Not when there were dead people floating around us and listening to every word…Why on earth did I find these things so frightening when I had a demon for a butler?
"There's nothing to be afraid of," he reassured me. "I regard them as friends by now. They'll do anything I ask, you know. How would you like to see the candles dance?"
Before I could tell him that no, that wasn't necessary, the flames suddenly lifted from their candles and rose into the air, dancing around each other and weaving in and out. I had once seen an illusion by a magician who had called out the "fairies" and made them dance. Seeing those multicolored lights bobbing about on stage had enchanted me as a child, and now, I was seeing something very similar and just as enchanting. They grew, shrunk, changed their shapes, and danced about, darting between the columns of the chapel, in and out of the rood screen, and around the transept. One shot under my bed and came up the other side, stopping in front of my face to allow me to see its shape: a tiny butterfly. It wasn't long before most of them were around me, dancing where I could see them best. I saw birds, butterflies, dragonflies, bumblebees, and even pixies flying around the transept. "They're beautiful," I breathed, thoroughly enchanted by this point.
"Listen," Mr. Caldwell whispered.
I could hear them then, tiny voices singing in unison, singing the same words over and over again. I couldn't understand them or begin to try saying such words myself, but I found the song comforting.
"You see?" Mr. Caldwell whispered. "Nothing bad will happen to you here. I promise you, Ciel. I will protect you. I will keep you safe. You've had the responsibilities of an adult for a long time, Ciel. It's time for you to be yourself, and not an adult. Do you understand?"
Suddenly, I was too tired to think about what he was saying. I simply leaned against him and nodded.
"Good," Mr. Caldwell said, placing me back into bed. "It's time for you to go back to sleep, Ciel. When you wake up, you'll feel much better. I'll stay until you're asleep."
I was more than happy to lay back and let the pillows cradle me. He covered me with the comforter and sat on the side of the bed, stroking my hair. While he was doing that, the candle flames continued dancing about the chapel and the spirits…souls…or whatever they were kept singing. When my eyes finally closed I dreamed about those lights and that song. I dreamed about dancing fairies made of flame who sang about peace and tranquility and being happy. Then, I slipped into a place beyond dreams and for some reason, I didn't mind going.
I didn't know how long I spent in the chapel, going to sleep, waking up, and then going back to sleep. Occasionally I would wake up and Mr. Caldwell would be there, usually with something for me to eat or drink. It got so that I enjoyed sleeping more than being awake, since sleeping felt so nice and was so peaceful. I didn't have to worry about anything when I was asleep. There was no Queen, no Queen's Guard Dog, no memories that wouldn't stop hurting. No, there was just me and peace all around me. I'd forgotten what it felt like to feel so safe.
One night, though, things changed. I fell asleep soon after having some soup and instead of peace waiting for me in sleep, there was a sense of urgency. It was as if my subconscious mind had something to show me, and it would not take no for an answer. I fell deeper and deeper into my own mind until I was in a place that was no place. Thinking back on it later, I could say that it was most likely someplace in memory. I could see my parents and Aunt Ann, Lizzie, Tanaka, my dog Sebastian…and then, later, I could see Bard, Finny, and Mey-Rin, and last of all, my butler Sebastian. I'd been seeing them all at the Phantomhive manor, but the scene shifted, and I could see nothing but Sebastian…Sebastian, who was somewhere dark and lonely. Sebastian, who never showed emotions, was crying.
Sebastian's POV:
I'd known that seeing nothing but my underground prison would depress me, but I wasn't prepared for how fast it was happening. Over however long it was, my feelings grew bleaker. It couldn't have been more than a week before I was so depressed that I couldn't stand it. I tried to rally myself, reminding myself that the situation I was in now would not last forever, but it was scant comfort and did little to lift my mood.
It wasn't so bad when Augustus came to see me. He would arrive with something for me to eat, usually specially-prepared human foods that would nourish a demon, or he would feed me from his arm. Despite the fact that I didn't want to be troubled with eating, meals did pass the time. Augustus was also talkative, which distracted me more than eating did. He chattered when he was with me, telling me about what the children and his daughter were up to, what the other adults up above were doing, and what the weather was like. If I'd been up above, such conversation would have been inane in the extreme, but down in that cave, it was enthralling. I was thirsty for every detail he could give me. Whenever I could, I asked questions about everything I could think of. I wasn't satisfied with answers like "fine" or "doing well." No, I needed details. I kept him talking as much as possible and more than once I could tell that he lost track of time when we talked.
When Augustus went back up above, things quickly became bleak again. I was used to living within my own mind quite a bit since demons rarely shared their thoughts with others. That was how we were. It bothered me that my own mind was not enough anymore. I could feel despair setting in and pressing around me and I knew that unless things changed soon, I would soon be unable to do anything but give in to my dark moods. A demon trapped in his darker thoughts became something little better than an animal, and that would not do for a Phantomhive butler at all. To distract myself from my darker moods and to save my own mind, I tried focusing on my pleasanter memories. I reminded myself of beautiful places I'd been, people both demon and human I'd known, and things I'd enjoyed. I told myself stories, repeated poems, and sang songs. I didn't sing often since the sound of my voice echoed in the cave and made me aware just how alone I was down there.
I did not like the fact that I was lonely. For centuries, I'd spent the majority of my time alone and it hadn't bothered me, but now, I wanted to be with others. It was incredible. Why did such a thing matter now?
When I could not distract myself from my loneliness and depression, I slept. Augustus actually helped me with this since usually after I ate, he insisted that I go to sleep. In sleep, I could dream. Few humans ever learned that, at times, demons could control what they dreamed. I chose the pleasantest thing I could think of to dream about. Once for an entire week I dreamed about nothing but cooking. I prepared feasts in the familiar manor kitchen, with Bard, Finny, and Mey-Rin watching me. (If ego had mattered to me, I might admit that having them watch me cook could boost my ego.) I went through countless dishes: roast chicken, duck a l'orange, roast beef with Yorkshire pudding, pork pot au feu, mushroom risotto…there was nothing I did not make in my dreams. And the sweets! I couldn't forget my master's beloved sweets…mille-feuille, summer pudding, peach and cream parfait, petit fours, crème brulee, and of course, his favorite chocolate cake.
Another week, no matter how silly it was, I dreamed about housework. I dreamed about dusting, sweeping, washing, scrubbing, doing laundry, making beds, beating carpets, mending clothes, polishing silver and countless other chores. One night, I dreamed about nothing but tending the gardens and arranging flowers. In my dream, I was busy with a vase of flowers for the master's study and I was absorbed in arranging the blooms just right…
"They're exquisite, Sebastian."
I whirled and saw the last person I'd ever expected to see in my dreams. "Marcellus?"
He smiled. "Hello, grandson."
The smile and kind, loving voice did it. In a flash, I was across the room and in his arms, sobbing like a child.
"Now, now, it will be all right," he said, his hand massaging the back of my neck. "I promise."
"How are you in my dream?" I cried, holding onto him the same way a drowning man would grasp a rope.
"A trick that we older demons can do sometimes. What happened, Sebastian? Why are you in such a state?"
I told him everything that had happened since he'd left. He listened patiently and did not hurry me at any point. A few times he stopped me to ask a question, but mostly, he listened. By the time I was done talking I felt like an old, wrung-out rag.
"The situation is not hopeless, grandson," he told me, holding me much the same way Augustus did. It was odd, but I didn't mind Marcellus holding me. "You may be alone during much of your waking hours, but in your dreams, I can give you company."
"You can come into my dreams more than once?" I guessed.
He smiled. "Yes. I can come as often as you like, every night if you wish. I can even make it possible for you to talk to your master again."
I stared at him. "You can?"
He smiled. "Yes."
Suddenly, that was all I wanted. "When? How?"
"Tonight," he told me. "As for how, you'll see."
Ciel's POV:
I left the chapel after spending a week there. At least, that was what Mr. Caldwell told me. For some reason I couldn't name, it felt a great deal longer, but I wasn't going to argue about it. I left the chapel and went back to the room I had shared with the other boys. During the day I attended classes with the other children, saw to the chores I was assigned, and played outside or in the nursery during playtime. I spent time with Cecilia and more than once I got to have tea with her and Mr. Caldwell. Whenever I found myself worrying about Sebastian, the thoughts somehow just slipped away from me. I knew that I had to do something about Sebastian, but my mind could never remember what it was.
My sleep at night was restful if I didn't dream about my life before. If I dreamed about Sebastian, well, then it wasn't a good night. I couldn't say why, but dreams about him bothered me more than anything else. One night, I dreamed that I was in the Phantomhive manor, and I could hear footsteps coming toward me. I looked up, fully expecting to see Sebastian, but instead, I got a bit of a shock.
"Hello, Ciel," Marcellus said, standing next to my chair.
"M-M-Marcellus?" I stammered, vastly confused. "What are you doing here? Aren't I dreaming?"
He smiled. "You are dreaming. However, I came to see you."
Oddly, I found myself smiling. "It's good to see you. Where have you been?"
"Out hunting, but I decided to check on you and Sebastian after I sensed a few disquieting things happening to him. He wants to talk with you. Would you like to see him?"
I was out of my chair and looking around for him. "Where is he?"
Marcellus pointed. "There."
Slowly, like watching a picture form on rippling water, Sebastian appeared. I threw myself at him. "Sebastian!"
His arms enfolded me and held me close. "Young master. It is so good to see you."
"It's good to see you, too," I said, my voice muffled by his waistcoat.
"I won't be able to hold the three of us here long, so be quick," Marcellus said.
Sebastian glanced up at Marcellus. "Any chance of Augustus finding us out?"
"I've never heard of an elemental breaching a demon's dreams before, but then again, there's a first time for everything."
"Sebastian, where are you? I would feel better about everything if I knew where you were," I said, still holding onto him.
"There's a cave under the house," he explained. "The entrance is through the wine cellar. I doubt anyone but Augustus knows it's there."
"Is it safe for me to come see you?"
He shivered. "No, young master. You must not."
I nodded. "We have to get out of here, Sebastian."
"I know."
"We'll have to continue this another night," Marcellus said, breaking in on us. "My energy is going faster than I realized. Say goodnight for now."
Neither of us had to say anything. Sebastian hugged me, I hugged him back, and then they both faded. I didn't see or hear anything else until I woke, but for the first time in a long while, I felt hope.