J.K. Rowling owns all the appearing characters, your soul, and all your base.

Umbridge is possessed by a Dark Witch who was sealed 5000 years ago, and Dumbledore must rally five teenagers (and more) with attitude to defeat said Dark Witch.

Roles:

Harry Potter: Black Phoenix Ranger

Neville Longbottom: Red Lion Ranger

Leanne (Hufflepuff roommate of Susan Bones and Hannah Abbott)(last name unknown but I'm giving her one): Yellow Badger Ranger

Lune Lovegood: Blue Eagle Ranger

Tracey Davis (One of Pansy Parkinson's Slytherin girls): Green Serpent Ranger

Magi Sentai Runeranger

The year is 1995.

"The Abomination has been released!" exclaimed the wise old wizard, albeit in an uncharacteristically panicked yelp. "Quick, Minerva, to fight this terror, I need you to get me five teenagers with attitude!"

The much younger-but-still-quite-old-but-still-in-her-prime-thank-you-very-much Deputy Headmistress of Hogwarts just looked at him with her left eyebrow raised. She thought that this was due to the new 'telivision' that Dumbledore recently obtained and just sighed, knowing that she had to humor him if she wanted to keep her job. "Albus, what do you mean?"

"The Abomination! With a Capital A! A! B! O…"

"I know how to spell abomination, thank you, Albus, but whoever is…"

"Not 'abomination', Minerva, but 'Abomination! The Dark Witch that was sealed on the moon 5000 years ago!" Dumbledore corrected her. Minerva was rightly confused; there were barely any records on this so called newly resurrected threa-

"There are no records on her to prevent some blithering idiot from foolishly trying to resurrect her!" Dumbledore interrupted her train of thought, clearly knowing what was on her mind. Then he proceeded to open a drawer out of his massive desk, shoved his head into it, muttered something, and everything behind him vanished to reveal a long, empty, stone passage with a light shining at the end.

"Thankfully, I am always prepared. Not as prepared as I am for Tom's antics, mind you, but it never hurts to be on the safe side of things," Dumbledore said. He looked at Minerva and his eyes gestured towards the passage. "Well, come on, then," he instructed. Minerva just had her mouth open the entire time.

"Albus, if she's such a high level threat, why would you want to get teen…"

"They are the most resistant to her evil, due to being in their own head most of the time," Dumbledore explained. "What with body image issues, relationship drama, and trying to find one's place in life and the like."

Minerva thought that was unlikely but felt that Dumbledore actually had no clue and just told her that so she wouldn't question him further, so she perished the thought. She recently gave up trying to figure the old wizard out and just went along with his plans, always expecting the worst to happen, to lessen the effect of the eventual stress his antics would give her.

They walked through the corridor and came out in a massive, brightly lit room, which was strange because the only lights she saw in the room are torches flying around the ceiling. Each of the pentagonal room's four walls are colored with the main house colors: red, blue, green, and yellow. As soon as they entered the room, a black painted wall appeared behind them. On each wall there are several tables lined up with a stack of on top. Each table was also covered with parchment containing glowing dots on them that blinked. The middle of the room was wood-floored and looked quite smooth, although there are several scorch marks and several obvious repair marks. Right in front of the duo, there was a large podium that was the width of two people.

"This place is very nice and all Albus, but what about…"

"So, Minerva, who do you think would be a good candidate in the fight against pure evil?" Dumbledore asked her with a smile. She was getting kind of peeved at Dumbledore knowing what she's thinking all the time.

Minerva had a list of people in mind, but before she could say anything, Dumbledore said to her, "And make sure that they fit the colors of the uniforms they'll be wearing!" A series of tubes appeared in the middle of the room with what appears to be sleek, rubbery, tights, each with a helmet and cape. And they were colourful. Minerva thought no one would be caught dead wearing that get-up, but then remembered who she was talking to, slapped her forehead, and began to recite the list of names.

Red Lion Ranger – Longbottom house

A tall and slightly chubby brunette hid between the large coniferous trees in his family's massive greenhouse. It was the only place he can find solace at home from his, although he loves her very much, the lord bless her soul, BATSHIT grandmother. Why is he hiding, you may ask?

Well, he was helping his house elf Yuri wash dishes. After having spent a few hours being lectured by Hermione on the importance of abolishing slave trade, he could never look at the poor little elf the same way again. Yuri, however, was an understanding house elf, and he understood that his masters may not give him gifts should they want to keep his services. So Neville was instructed by Hermione to 'absentmindedly' leave things and mention that no one is going to need them. Yuri is now accustomed to wearing a butler uniform he saw Muggle servants wear once, which he saw during an errand. However, as much as Yuri and Neville liked each other, neither of the two would ever dare cross Neville's grandma.

Which leads to our Griffyndor's predicament. See, Neville is a well known klutz. He apparently forgot that one of the dishes he was washing was a prized family heirloom (it was on top of the fireplace for some reason, and looked quite runty and looked like it had pieces of food on it, not knowing those 'pieces of food' are actually part of its design), and as soon as his grandma saw how roughly he was treating it, she screamed in anger. Neville dropped the plate in shock, which made his grandma scream even louder. Then she started yelling at him. Then she let him go. Then she became angry again, apparently forgetting that she already yelled at Neville earlier, and chased after him again. Neville just ran to the greenhouse, hoping that she'd go away, calm down, and be able to talk like a civilized human being again. Unfortunately, a letter dropped from the top of the greenhouse ceiling, breaking the glass on the top of the structure. No owls, no nothing, just a letter. It homed in on Neville's location, and opened itself.

"Hello there, Neville, I hope this isn't a bad time," a moving picture of Dumbledore said to him. Neville can tell his face is losing color as he can hear his grandma moving towards his location. Dumbledore continued anyways, "but I'd like you to come to Hogwarts as possible, as there's something I require your assistance with. Hello there, Madame Longbottom, I hope you don't mind me taking Neville a few weeks earlier than usual."

Yellow Badger Ranger – the Badger and Snake Cafe

At an establishment run by a married Hufflepuff and Slytherin couple who are all lovey dovey with each other, the atmosphere can feel a bit awkward when the customers from the two houses dine there. Despite their animosity, there has never been a fight at this restaurant and it somehow has stayed in business for years, even having a few branches around the wizarding world, as well as a Muggle world branch that is commonly referred to 'that place where you eat stuff that people don't normally eat.'

Susan Bones, a slightly chubby but still within acceptable realms of being attractive girl, (who totally does NOT have body image issues, oh who am I kidding, she secretly dumps some of the food she eats to her dog who is probably going to have a stroke soon, and secretly casts a quieting charm at night so people wouldn't hear her cry or gag) is sitting down with her roommates at this restaurant. She has a small plate of fried sweet and sour batter spider, worriedly thinking about how many more calories this will add to her daily intake and oh god she should have gone jogging earlier today instead of eating that super delicious chocolate cake. Those extra pounds she gained during summer break where she should have been outside playing sports didn't help either.

Hannah Abbott, a skinny blonde with a GIANT SHINING FOREHEAD, sat happily with her friends, chomping down on deep fried chicken legs. Although lacking confidence in her studies, the one thing she is proud of is how she somehow never gains any weight no matter how much she eats. Susan would longingly look at Hannah, envying her friend's eating habits, but Hannah would often be too busy wolfing food down to notice. Hannah is in an EXTREMELY good mood, and is very quickly jotting letter after letter with her right hand while holding a chicken thigh in her left. She recently earned herself Earnie Macmillan as a boyfriend, as the two bonded together over the summer break. They have been writing each other non-stop recently.

And watching all this (and knowing what her friends are thinking because she's used to listening to them complain to her) is one of their other roommates, Leanne, who has a fireox brisket curry in front of her, and who is always sorely PISSED that no one can ever remember her last name. Seriously, Moonchovkonovaansky isn't such a hard name to pronounce. The quiet, slightly tanned, black haired teen just came back from quidditch practice with her friend Katie Bell, who kept on saying that she should get a haircut like Hannah because those bangs really get in the way and you can never see those Bludgers coming and Leanne mentally smacked herself for never listening to Katie about this one advice because BLOODY HELL THOSE BLUDGERS HURT. Seriously, they're 15 year old girls, not knights in training. She doesn't like to tie her bangs up either because it shows her slightly receding hairline, which she blames on the stress caused by her friends' antics. She drank her chilled sweet coffee quietly while smiling. Although they sometimes frustrate her, watching her friends is always good entertainment. She was thinking about a frustrating letter she got earlier which came perilously close to chopping her ear off. It was from the headmaster of Hogwarts.

"Hello Miss Moonchok…Moonechoke…Moonchocolate…Leanne," Dumbledore stuttered, "There is an urgent matter I require your assistance with, and I will send someone to pick you up to Hogwarts by sunset this Friday. I hope you will have finished packing by then." Sheesh, if he wanted her help, he should at least be able to say her last name.

Blue Eagle Ranger – Lovegood residence

"So Luna," Xenophillius began questioning his daughter, "you say Dumbledore sent you a letter, with absolutely no details whatsoever, demanding that you get ready to go to Hogwarts as soon as possible and that someone will come pick you up on Friday."

The blank-faced blonde nodded. She's in one of her unusually sleepy moods today, and isn't much of a conversationalist. For a Ravenclaw, she's an exceptional case in that she's almost always thinking about something very deeply, to the point that she can do routine functions such as eating, going to the toilet, and even studying while not paying attention to what she's doing, all while retaining good grades. One wonders how a stray Thestral has not run her over yet.

"Ok, you can go! I like Dumbledore, and that's good enough reason to trust him," Mr. Lovegood said uncharacteristically, hoping to get his daughter's attention. Luna just nodded again and told him she's going to get packing. Xenophillius facepalmed. He's actually extremely worried about the letter. What if it's a trap, what if someone's trying to blackmail him, what if Luna gets into an 'accident' on the way…you know, typical paranoid conspiracy theorist thoughts.

Green Serpent Ranger – Davis Residence

Being a Pureblood has its perks, such as being filthy rich, having the unconditional respect of your (Slytherin) peers, and sexy good looks. On the other hand, Tracey's not allowed to: 1) associate herself with Muggles no matter how hot they are, 2) not allowed to act weak or 'uncool', 3) must stick with other purebloods and act as if condemning those purebloods who sympathize with muggle-borns, and 4) have nothing Muggle associated be in her possession. Tracey has broken unspoken Slytherin girl rules 1,2, and 4 as soon as she saw a poster of Brad Pitt.

The beautiful brunette is hiding in a secret hammerspace compartment of her expensive clothing wardrobe, hidden in the back, behind all the mink coats. In the room was an electrical generator, various CD's, a CD player, a TV, and several posters of famous Muggle stars as well as Gilderoy Lockhart and other wizarding world heartthrobs. If only her parents could see her now, Tracey thought mischievously. Obsessing over boys was a BIG no-no; if you wanted to be on the top of the social ladder, you want the boys to be obsessing over YOU. Tracey mused, sod that thought, as she looked dreamily into an obviously faked picture of Lockhart flexing his pectoral muscles. Her bliss, however, was interrupted by a letter whizzing past her right ear and into the wall above her TV.

She slowly looked outside to find that no one was there. Scared that someone found her secret compartment, she opened the letter, and to her surprise, the face of the headmaster of Hogwarts. "Hello Miss Davis. I hope I am not interrupting anything," he said to her. Tracey rolled her eyes. "However, before you discard this message (how did he know I was going to do that? Tracey thought) I need you to listen to me. There's an urgent matter at Hogwarts and I require your assistance. Someone will pick you up on Friday to bring you to school and I trust you'll have your things packed by then. In return, no one will know about the secret compartment full of Muggle goods hidden in your wardrobe, and I will even provide you a secret room for such activities at Hogwarts."

Tracey just looked at the later with her mouth agape before finally realizing that while she didn't know what was going on, she had no choice in the matter.

"What," she said flatly. "I've just been blackmailed by the Headmaster of Hogwarts."

Black Phoenix Ranger - The Burrow

"OH. MY. GAAAAAAAWD!" Ron screamed.

He was just going to get Ginny and Harry for dinner, but he couldn't find Ginny in her room. He just shrugged his shoulders, then went to get Harry, who was rooming with him for the night before they go the headquarters of the Order of the Phoenix. Guess what he found in his room?

Short version, Harry got a black eye, Ginny is PISSED at Ron, Ron's bed is in the backyard and on fire, and Ron cried a lot.

Long version, Ron walked into his room to find Harry and Ginny playing with strange 'eelectronic' Muggle toys called 'Game Boys.' Only it turns out they weren't playing anymore, the Game Boys aren't supposed to be on fire, and that was because of a magic item they used to restore power to the batteries. Ginny and Harry were panicking, and Ron, trying to be a good big brother, tried a water emitting item of Fred and George's to reduce the fire. However, he didn't know what the item actually did, see, because Ron is not good at paying attention to those kinds of things. The item burst forth with water, but the magical water caused the GameBoys to start emitting sparks. Realizing that was not a good sign, Harry and Ginny dropped the toys onto Ron's Bed, and dived the hell away from it. Harry wasn't so lucky as his face dived into a spherical knob on the top of Ron's chair. Ginny dragged Ron down to the floor as the Game Boys exploded and shrapnel flew everywhere, striking the teens. The remains dropped onto Ron's bed and set it on fire. As soon as they recovered, Harry and Ginny wordlessly nodded at each other, grabbed Ron's mattress, and threw it out the window. Ron, visibly surprised, sat on his butt with his mouth agape and started looking panicked. Ginny then looked down and saw Ron's stash of Muggle… 'books'. Disgusted, she picked up the stash, and threw them onto the burning remains of Ron's bed outside. Ron, panicking, tried to grab his stash as it flew out the window and he accidentally kicked Ginny in the jaw as he leaped out the window, only being stopped by Harry holding him at the waist.

"Ginny, did I ever mention you could be quite scary?" Ron complained. Ginny just shot him a look that said shut-up-if-you-don't-want-mom-to-find-out-you-pervert. The Boy Who Lived just smiled at them on the side.

Suddenly, a letter came in through the window and embedded itself onto the wall beside Harry. It was so sudden Harry spat out the butterbeer he was drinking…which landed in Ron's face. Well, a letter came in. Just a letter. No owl, no magical animal, just a letter, embedded into the wall beside Harry's face like a ninja throwing star. Understandably surprised and scared, Harry gingerly picked it out of the wall (it was quite difficult, the letter was stuck quite hard in the cement somehow), and opened it. The letter revealed a moving photo of Albus Dumbledore.

"Harry, I apologize for the manner in which this letter was delivered to you (Ron nodded while he wiped spit off his face) but there is an urgent matter I need you to attend to. As soon as you get acquainted with the Order of the Phoenix, you will be taken to Hogwarts immediately after."

Then the letter disappeared. Ron and Ginny just had blank looks on their faces. Then Ron asked the other two, "So…what about us?"

Next chapter:

Tracey: Hey Moonchov…Mooncho…Yellow, how bout a little help here?

Leanne: Oh, so we're using our colors now just because NO ONE CAN PRONOUNCE MY NAME?

Harry: Oh no, Leanne, we're doing it to protect our identities. Right guys? RIGHT?

Neville: Uh yeah, totally, Har…Black.

Luna: Don't worry if they're not admitting it, Yellow, at least those fans who fantasize about us wearing skintight suits won't be undressing you with their minds because they won't know it's you.

Everyone else: (grimace)

Luna: What?

Please review, kind ladies and gentlemen.